Freshly Cut Jokes
14 freshly cut jokes and hilarious freshly cut puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about freshly cut that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Freshly Cut Short Jokes
Short freshly cut jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The freshly cut humour may include short new fresh jokes also.
- A son and dad are waiting in a busy, popular barber shop. Dad says, This place is a cookout... First there's a barber queue, then you get a fresh, tasty cut.
- I recently learned that the smell of fresh cut grass is the smell plants give if when under duress, and I like that smell... I guess this makes me a sado-*manicurist*
- Where can you buy freshly cut meats and cheeses while a British woman sings to you Adele-i
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Freshly Cut One Liners
Which freshly cut one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with freshly cut? I can suggest the ones about fresh and newly.
- What does your body's government do to a fresh cut? It boyclotts it
- How do check if a vegetable is fresh? It starts making noises when you try to cut it.
Silly Freshly Cut Jokes for a Good Time with Friends
What funny jokes about freshly cut you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean fresh prints jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make freshly cut pranks.
Recently a new supermarket opened nearby
It has an automatic water mist generator to keep the produce fresh.
Just before it starts the mist, you hear the sound of distant thunder and the smell of fresh rain.
When you pass the milk section, you hear cows mooing and you get the scent of freshly cut hay.
In the meat department there is the aroma of charcoal grilled steaks with onions.
When you approach the egg counter, you hear hens cluck and cackle, and the air is filled with the pleasing aroma of eggs frying.
The bread department features the tantalizing smell of fresh baked bread and cookies.
I don't buy toilet paper there any more…
Today marks 5 weeks of isolation...
I'm walking 2 miles a day, no meat, dairy or flour. Eating fresh vegetables and home cooked meals every day. The change has been fantastic! I feel great!
Zero alcohol, a healthy diet, gluten free, caffeine free, sugar free and a 1 hour home workout each day! Lost 20 lbs and gained muscle mass. I've even cut my screen time in half and am reading a book a week.
I have no idea who wrote this, but I am really proud of them so I decided to copy and paste.
A drunk is passed out in a local park, face down in the freshly cut grass. He finally comes to, staggers to the bar accross the street and goes in.
The bartender looks up and says, "Why the lawn face?"
My brother and I were stopped at a red light
My brother and I were stopped at a red light when a landscaping truck drove past, its entire back laden with fresh green sod.
"Wow," he deadpanned. "I wish I had enough money to send my lawn out to get cut."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Little Johnny's Father
Little Johnny was in class and the teacher announced that they were going to try something different to help everyone get to know each other a little better, and to help with their spelling.
She explained, "I want you to stand up and give us the occupation of your father, spell it, and say one thing he would give us all if he was here today."
The first student raised her hand to volunteer.
"Marcy," the teacher said. "You may go first."
Marcy replied, "My father is a banker. B-A-N-K-E-R and if he was here today, he would give us all a shiny new penny."
The teacher said, "Very nice, Marcy, who wants to go next?"
Kevin stood up and announced, "My father is a baker. B-A-K-E-R and if he was here today, he would give us all a freshly-baked cookie."
"Very good," the teacher told Kevin.
Jeff was next, and he said, "My father is an accountant. A-K, no wait, A-C-K, no..."
Before he could attempt to spell it once more, the teacher cut him off and told him to sit back down and to think about it for a while. When he thought he knew how to spell it, he could stand back up and try again.
Little Johnny raised his hand in excitement hoping to be acknowledged by the teacher. The teacher called on little Johnny to go next.
Johnny said, "My father is a b**.... B-O-O-K-I-E and if he was here today, he would give us all 20:1 odds Jeff will never be able to spell "accountant."
Horrible Accident
A blonde had just totaled her car in a horrific accident. Miraculously, she managed to pry herself from the wreckage without a scratch and was applying fresh lipstick when the state trooper arrived.
"My God!" the trooper gasped. "Your car looks like an accordion that was stomped on by an elephant. Are you OK ma'am?"
"Yes, officer, I'm just fine" the blonde chirped.
"Well, how in the world did this happen?" the officer asked as he surveyed the wrecked car.
"Officer, it was the strangest thing!" the blonde began. I was driving along this road when from out of nowhere this TREE pops up in front of me. So I swerved to the right, and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was ANOTHER tree! I served to the right and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was ...."
"Uh, ma'am", the officer said, cutting her off, "There isn't a tree on this road for 30 miles. That was your air freshener swinging back and forth."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Little Johnny was in class and the teacher announced that they were going to try something different to help everyone get to know each other a little better, and to help with their spelling.
She explained, "I want you to stand up and give us the occupation of your father, spell it, and say one thing he would give us all if he was here today."
The first student raised her hand to volunteer.
"Marcy," the teacher said. "You may go first."
Marcy replied, "My father is a banker. B-A-N-K-E-R and if he was here today, he would give us all a shiny new penny."
The teacher said, "Very nice, Marcy, who wants to go next?"
Kevin stood up and announced, "My father is a baker. B-A-K-E-R and if he was here today, he would give us all a freshly-baked cookie."
"Very good," the teacher told Kevin.
Jeff was next, and he said, "My father is an accountant. A-K, no wait, A-C-K, no..."
Before he could attempt to spell it once more, the teacher cut him off and told him to sit back down and to think about it for a while. When he thought he knew how to spell it, he could stand back up and try again.
Little Johnny raised his hand in excitement hoping to be acknowledged by the teacher.
The teacher called on little Johnny to go next.
Johnny said, "My father is a b**.... B-O-O-K-I-E and if he was here today, he would give us all 20:1 odds Jeff will never be able to spell "accountant."