Fresh Water Jokes
24 fresh water jokes and hilarious fresh water puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about fresh water that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Fresh Water Short Jokes
Short fresh water jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The fresh water humour may include short fresh air jokes also.
- I have an idea for a sitcom about a salt water fish and fresh water fish that start a family. It's called Brackish .
- My friend heard about an African village trying to raise enough money to sink a well for fresh water. He sent them a cheque for $100... ...I sent them a "Get well soon" card
- A rabbi and a German walk into a bar but the rabbi doesn't drink alcohol, what does he order? A water for the rabbi and juice fresh off the oven for the German.
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Fresh Water One Liners
Which fresh water one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with fresh water? I can suggest the ones about new fresh and fresh.
- YO momma so n**...... She pours salt water down her pants to keep the c**... fresh.
- s**... is like the ocean. And I'm a fresh water fish.
Cheeky Fresh Water Jokes to Experience Good Cheer & Frivolity
What funny jokes about fresh water you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean drinking water jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make fresh water pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Gordon Ramsay walks into a bar...
... and asks for a glass of water with ice. Once his drink is served, he looks at the bartender and asks: "What did you use to make the ice cubes?"
Bartender: "Water."
Ramsay: "Fresh?"
Bartender: "No, frozen."
Ramsay: "Oh for f**...'s sake."
Recently a new supermarket opened nearby
It has an automatic water mist generator to keep the produce fresh.
Just before it starts the mist, you hear the sound of distant thunder and the smell of fresh rain.
When you pass the milk section, you hear cows mooing and you get the scent of freshly cut hay.
In the meat department there is the aroma of charcoal grilled steaks with onions.
When you approach the egg counter, you hear hens cluck and cackle, and the air is filled with the pleasing aroma of eggs frying.
The bread department features the tantalizing smell of fresh baked bread and cookies.
I don't buy toilet paper there any more…
A British vampire walks inside a bar...
The bartender offers him a glass of fresh blood but he refused. Instead, the vampire just asked for a cup of warm water. The bartender asked him why to which the vampire replied, "Well, I found some used tampons earlier. I'm just going to make some tea."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Vampires at the bar
Rich Vampire: I want a fresh blood from a healthy human!
Ordinary Vampire: Ordinary blood please!
Poor Vampire: Excuse me! Can you give me a hot water? I'll make tea instead. (pulls out t**...)
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Sweetheart, you remind me the sea.
>Why? is it because of my beautiful blue eyes reminding you the ocean's water?
No
>I know, it's because of my curly hair, reminds you the waves.
Not really.
>So it's my perfume? reminds you that fresh air near the beach?
Nope.
>So what is it then?
You make me sick.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Here's a Gaelic joke translated...
3 vampires are in a restaurant: rich, middle class, and poor. They asked for a menu, and later on told the waiter that they're ready to order.
Waiter: What can I get for you?
Rich Vampire: Fresh blood please.
Middle Class Vampire: Blood pudding please.
Poor Vampire: Erm.. just give me cup of hot water. I found a t**... on the way here...
I'll just have tea.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A frog is arrested for m**......
Mr. Frog was arrested and sentenced to 30 years for m**.... For 30 years he was stuck in a small cell. His interaction with the outside world was the guards and all these flies that would swarm through his cell window.
Every day the guards would check on Mr. Frog and bring him fresh water. The guards were always amazed that the frogs only activity was gulpng these flies but he always had a huge frog grin throughout the decades.
Finally, it was time for Mr. Frog to be released. He hopped back to his old pond and encountered an old acquaintance.
"You're out! Was your time locked up hard and boring?"
"No," replied Mr. Frog, "time is fun when you're having flies."
Automatic Water Mister
The new neighborhood supermarket has an automatic water mister to Keep the produce fresh. Just before it goes on, you hear the sound of distant thunder and the smell of fresh rain.
When you approach the milk cases, you hear cows mooing and witness the scent of fresh hay.
When you approach the egg case, you hear hens cluck and cackle and the air is filled with the pleasing aroma of bacon and eggs frying.
The veggie department features the smell of fresh buttered corn.
I don't buy toilet paper there anymore!
A new Supermarket opened near me.....
A new supermarket opened near my house.
It has an automatic water mister to keep the produce fresh.
And, just before the mister turns on, you hear the sound of distant thunder and the smell of fresh rain.
When you approach the milk cases, you hear cows mooing and experience the scent of fresh hay.
When you approach the egg case, you hear hens cluck and cackle, and the air is filled with the pleasing aroma of bacon and eggs frying on the stove.
The veggie department features the smell of freshly buttered corn.
I don't buy toilet paper there anymore
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man goes to the doctor, worried about his wife's temper.
The doctor asks, What's the problem?
The man says, Doctor, I don't know what to do. Every day my wife seems to lose her temper for no reason. It scares me.
The doctor says, I have a cure for that. When it seems that your wife is getting angry, just take a glass of water and start swishing it in your mouth. Just swish and swish but don't s**... it until she either leaves the room or calms down.
Two weeks later, the man comes back to the doctor looking fresh and reborn.
The man says, Doctor, that was a brilliant idea! Every time my wife started losing it, I swished with water. I swished and swished, and she calmed right down! How does a glass of water do that?
The doctor says, The water itself does nothing. It's keeping your mouth shut that does the trick.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Temper cure...
A woman goes to the Doctor, worried about her husband 's temper.
The Doctor asks: "What's the problem?
The woman says: "Doctor, I don't know what to do. Every day my husband seems to lose his temper for no reason. It scares me."
The Doctor says: "I have a cure for that. When it seems that your husband is getting angry, just take a glass of water and start swishing it in your mouth. Just swish and swish but don't s**... it until he either leaves the room or calms down.
Two weeks later the woman comes back to the doctor looking fresh and reborn.
The woman says: "Doctor that was a brilliant idea! Every time my husband started losing it, I swished with water. I swished and swished, and he
calmed right down! How does a glass of water do that?"
The Doctor says: "The water itself does nothing. It's keeping your mouth shut that does the trick".
A man named Nate
So, once upon a time in a poor country there was an earthquake. A rock slid down a hill and crushed a town's well. Now the town could not get fresh water and wasn't going to be able to live long. So they tried to move the rock. They got the biggest tree they could find and tried to pry it up, but it didn't budge. Finally, on the second day with no water a man named Nate went to move the rock. He lifted it up with relative ease and moved it. Then the town had fresh water again.
Morale: Better Nate than Lever.
The monkey and the lizard
Lizard is walking through the woods when he sees Monkey up in the branches of a tree.
"Hello there, Monkey! What are you up to today?"
"Hey Lizard. I was just about to smoke this joint."
"I'll be right up."
After he tokes, Lizard says, "Monkey, I have cotton mouth, real bad. I'm going down to the river for a drink of fresh water."
When Lizard reaches the river, he leans over and drinks and drinks. Alligator swims up and says, "Slow down, Lizard! Why are you drinking so much water?"
"Well I was smoking a joint with Monkey up in a tree and I got cotton mouth real bad."
"Wait a minute. Monkey has a joint? In a tree? This I've got to see."
Alligator gets out of the river and goes waddling up to the tree.
"Say, Monkey..."
"Jesus Lizard! How much water did you drink, man?"
A long time ago, a father, visiting America from Europe for...
...the very first time, went up and down the aisles with his son-in-law at the local store.
He constantly asked questions about products he saw: "Vas diss? Powdered orange juice?"
"Yeh, Dad. You just add a little water, and you have fresh 'orange juice.'"
A few minutes later, in a different aisle: "Und vas dis? Powdered milk?"
"Yeh, Dad. You just add a little water, and you have fresh milk!"
A few minutes later, in a different aisle: "Und give a look here! Baby Powder! Vat a country, vat a country!"
The new supermarket
A new supermarket just opened up nearby.
It has an automatic water mister to keep the produce fresh.
Just before it goes on, you hear the sound of distant thunder and
smell fresh rain.
When you pass the milk cases, you hear cows mooing and there is
the scent of freshly mowed hay.
In the meat department there is the aroma of charcoal grilled
steaks with onions.
When you approach the egg case, you hear hens clucking and
cackling, and the air is filled with the pleasing aroma of bacon
and eggs frying.
The bread department features the tantalizing smell of fresh baked
bread and cookies.
I don't buy toilet paper there anymore, though.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Husband's Temper
A woman goes to the Doctor, worried about her husband's temper.
The Doctor asks: "What's the problem?
The woman says: "Doctor, I don't know what to do. Every day my husband seems to lose his temper for no reason. It scares me."
The Doctor says: "I have a cure for that. When it seems that your husband is getting angry, just take a glass of water and start swishing it in your mouth. Just swish and swish but don't s**... it until he either leaves the room or calms down."
Two weeks later the woman comes back to the doctor looking fresh and reborn.
The woman says: "Doctor that was a brilliant idea! Every time my husband started losing it, I swished with water. I swished and swished, and he calmed right down! How does a glass of water do that?"
The Doctor says: "The water itself does nothing. It's keeping your mouth shut that does the trick..."
3 brewery presidents walk into a bar...
3 brewery presidents walk into a bar. One from Corona, Coors and Guinness.
The president from Corona says to the bartender, "Give me a Corona, the best Mexico has to offer" and the bartender hands him one.
Next, the Coors president orders a Coors saying "Hand me the only beer in the world made with water fresh from the Colorado Rockies."
Then the Guinness president walks up to the bar and orders a Coca Cola. The bartender, a bit taken aback, hands him what he orders.
The other brewery presidents turn to him and say, "Why didn't you order a Guinness?" He replies, "Well, i figured if you guys weren't ordering beers, why should I?"