Fresh Produce Jokes
10 fresh produce jokes and hilarious fresh produce puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about fresh produce that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Fresh Produce Funny Jokes to Tell Your Friends and Kids.
What is a good fresh produce joke to make people laugh? Check out this list of funny stories that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth.
Recently a new supermarket opened nearby
It has an automatic water mist generator to keep the produce fresh.
Just before it starts the mist, you hear the sound of distant thunder and the smell of fresh rain.
When you pass the milk section, you hear cows mooing and you get the scent of freshly cut hay.
In the meat department there is the aroma of charcoal grilled steaks with onions.
When you approach the egg counter, you hear hens cluck and cackle, and the air is filled with the pleasing aroma of eggs frying.
The bread department features the tantalizing smell of fresh baked bread and cookies.
I don't buy toilet paper there any more…
Two nuns are out for a stroll...
... they happen by a produce stand with lots fresh-from-the-farm offerings.
The first nun says "Oh my, look at those cucumbers. They look great and they're huge!"
The second nun nods her head excitedly and asks: "How much are those cucumbers young man?"
"They're three for two dollars," he replies.
The nuns smile at the vendor, then at each other.
The first nun says "Well, I guess we'll have to *eat* one!"
A produce farmer walks into a bar carrying a box of some of his freshly harvested vegetables and orders a beer.
"Keep an eye on that farmer," the bartender tells a waitress. "You won't want to miss it when he starts dancing. He's incredible." "How will I know when he's going to dance?" the waitress asks, watching the farmer just sitting on the bar stool, nursing his beer. "Just keep an eye on him," the bartender advises. "You'll know it's coming when he stands up and drops a beet."
Girl, I want to store my freshly grown produce inside of you for the winter
because you are uh mason.
Automatic Water Mister
The new neighborhood supermarket has an automatic water mister to Keep the produce fresh. Just before it goes on, you hear the sound of distant thunder and the smell of fresh rain.
When you approach the milk cases, you hear cows mooing and witness the scent of fresh hay.
When you approach the egg case, you hear hens cluck and cackle and the air is filled with the pleasing aroma of bacon and eggs frying.
The veggie department features the smell of fresh buttered corn.
I don't buy toilet paper there anymore!
A new Supermarket opened near me.....
A new supermarket opened near my house.
It has an automatic water mister to keep the produce fresh.
And, just before the mister turns on, you hear the sound of distant thunder and the smell of fresh rain.
When you approach the milk cases, you hear cows mooing and experience the scent of fresh hay.
When you approach the egg case, you hear hens cluck and cackle, and the air is filled with the pleasing aroma of bacon and eggs frying on the stove.
The veggie department features the smell of freshly buttered corn.
I don't buy toilet paper there anymore
I'm so fresh...
...I get put in the produce section.
The new supermarket
A new supermarket just opened up nearby.
It has an automatic water mister to keep the produce fresh.
Just before it goes on, you hear the sound of distant thunder and
smell fresh rain.
When you pass the milk cases, you hear cows mooing and there is
the scent of freshly mowed hay.
In the meat department there is the aroma of charcoal grilled
steaks with onions.
When you approach the egg case, you hear hens clucking and
cackling, and the air is filled with the pleasing aroma of bacon
and eggs frying.
The bread department features the tantalizing smell of fresh baked
bread and cookies.
I don't buy toilet paper there anymore, though.
Three man in a sinking ship. .
One was an Arab, Another one was a Mexican and the last one was American.
They were exporting goods from all around the world but the ship needs to unload some of the goods.
The Arab threw out drums of oil, he said: "No worries, we're rich in oil, we have lots in our country."
Next, the Mexican threw away fresh produce of different kinds of peppers, he said: "No problem, I'll get more, we have a lot of that in our country."
Lastly, the American. Confused, he grabbed the arm and leg of the Mexican and threw him out of the ship.
Go figure.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Broccoli.
An employee in a grocery store was stocking produce when a fairly old woman approached him. "Excuse me, young man?", she asked, "Can you tell me where I can find the broccoli?" The employee explained that they were fresh out but they will be in stock with more produce the following morning. The woman thanked him and walked off.
A few minutes later the employee heard the voice again, "Excuse me, sir? Where is the broccoli, I can't find the broccoli." It was the same woman, slightly more agitated. The employee responded, "Ma'am, I believe I told you already, we are out of broccoli right now, we'll have more in stock tomorrow." The woman gave him a dirty look and walked off.
Minutes later, the employee finished stocking the produce and turned to go back to the front of the store. He suddenly was confronted again by the same woman, now furious. "WHERE IS THE BROCCOLI? I CAN'T FIND IT!", She shouted. The employee took a deep breath and said,
"Ma'am. Humor me. Spell 'cat'...like in 'catastrophe'."
"C-A-T", she replied.
"Correct, now can you spell the 'dog', like in 'dogmatic'?"
"D-O-G", she said, exasperated.
"Perfect. Now spell the f**...', like in 'broccoli'."
The woman paused and shouted, "THERE IS NO f**...' IN 'BROCCOLI'!"
"*THAT'S WHAT I'VE BEEN TRYING TO TELL YOU, LADY!*"
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