Fresh Jokes
139 fresh jokes and hilarious fresh puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about fresh that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Looking to freshen up your humor? Check out these Fresh Jokes that are sure to make you smile! We've got jokes for friends, family, whatsapp batches, and even knock-knock jokes. Get your mood, mind and your chatroom refreshes with our sparkling selection of Fresh Jokes!
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Funniest Fresh Short Jokes
Short fresh jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The fresh humour may include short clean jokes also.
- My mom wrote this joke: What's the difference between a sweet potato fresh out of the oven and a pig thrown off a balcony? One is a heated yam and the other is a yeeted ham
- I love putting on warm underwear fresh out of the dryer... Plus it's super fun to look around the laundromat and guess who they belong to.
- I've spent so long trying to think of a synonym for 'ambitious' that I've given myself a headache. Aspiring?
No thanks, I'll just get some fresh air, that'll clear it up. - My wife just tripped and dropped a basket full of freshly ironed clothes. I just sat back and watched it all unfold.
- I found a recipe from Morocco for homemade dinner rolls. It called for fresh thyme but mine was outdated. I used it anyways. You know, as I reminisce, I really like that old thyme moroccan roll.
- Valentines Day is on Monday Funerals usually take place on Saturday and Sunday. After the burial the flowers will still be fresh. What you do with this information is up to you.
- A cannibal finishes baking a cake for the first time and says to himself: Hmm, I don't know, might need some fresh eyes on this .
- Two slice of bread are competing to see who would stay fresh the longest. It ended in a stalemate.
- Told the waitress my coffee tasted like mud. "It should, it was fresh ground this morning. "
- Fresh and Funny! Hey Sue, what do you say to a nice walk?
Oh Harry, that would be lovely!
Wonderful. Could you bring me some beer and cigarettes on your way back?
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Fresh One Liners
Which fresh one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with fresh? I can suggest the ones about alive and ripe.
- How do you follow Will Smith in a snow storm? You follow the fresh prints.
- What does Chris Rock have on his face right now? Fresh prints!
- Why did the rapper go to Whole Foods? He heard they had fresh beets.
- What's expensive and dirt cheap at the same time? Fresh grad
- What's the best thing about being a cannibal in a coma ward? Fresh vegetables.
- Why did the man smoke a cigarette in Beijing? To get some fresh air
- How do scientists keep their breath fresh? Experamints
- Why are hospitals allways so cold? To keep the vegetables fresh.
- What is it called when the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air tells a lie? Will's myth.
- The cost of forgetting fresh, hot tea... ...is steep.
- What's the best way to hunt Will Smith? Look for the fresh prints
- I've finally finished my fresh herb cookbook It's about thyme
- If fresh noodles are noodles, what are expired noodles called? Oldles.
- Why do people in China smoke so much? They need fresh air
- How do Hogwarts students keep their breathe fresh? enchant mints
Fresh Air Jokes
Here is a list of funny fresh air jokes and even better fresh air puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I have a new recipe that's gluten free, sugar free, no-fat, non-GMO, pesticide free, low-calorie, vegan, kosher and paleo-friendly. It's a real breath of fresh air.
- Did you hear about the HVAC technicians who got into an argument? At first it was heated, but they got some fresh air then things cooled off
- Smoking is actually a good thing for me Look how often I have to go outside into the fresh air
- Why did JFK get some fresh air? Because he wanted to clear his head.
- I love video games with a female protagonist. It's a breath of fresh air when you're married to a female antagonist.
- What should you do if you see the Fresh Prince of Bel Air on the opposite team in 'Titanfall'? Fire at Will.
- How do you get fresh air into an Eastern Orthodox church? You tap on an icon and a window opens up.
- The Fresh Prince "Alright, that will be $157,382", said the taxi driver,
after taking Will Smith from West Philadelphia to Bel Air. - Everyone likes to have a breath of fresh air every now and then. It's just common scents.
- I'm watching the horrific pictures of the US Wild Fires in Bel-Air. They believe it was started by an Arsonist.
They are dusting for fresh prints.
.
.
.
.
Too soon???????
New Fresh Jokes
Here is a list of funny new fresh jokes and even better new fresh puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- the barista at my coffee shop talked me into trying a funky new coffee. I took a drink and told her it tasted like dirt and she said, "well that's cuz it's fresh ground."
- What do you call the new guy in heaven? The Fresh Prince
- what do PETAs call new recruits? fresh meat
- Where can you get the fresh egg? In New Yolk
- What was Poppin Fresh's new name after he was put into the witness protection program? John Dough
- Why do Indians never run out of fresh food? Because there's always a New Delhi.
- I heard about a brand new Indian restaurant They serve fresh, authentic bread, but they always run out. I stopped by after work. Turns out they had Na'an.
- I buy a new type of Saran Wrap every time I go to Walmart... It keeps things fresh.
- I'm starting the new year on a fresh slate My bank is empty
- Jared gives a new meaning to "Eat Fresh!" How "Fresh" we talkin?
Fresh Prints Jokes
Here is a list of funny fresh prints jokes and even better fresh prints puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- How do you figure out if Will Smith committed a crime? Dust for Fresh Prints!
(i this version better than any snowstorm b.s.) - How do you track Will Smith in the woods? You use fresh prints.
- What is the first thing Will Smith looks for at a crime scene? Fresh Prints
- How do you find Will Smith in a blizzard? You just track the fresh prints.
Sorry if its a repost I just heard it. - Will Smith got lost in the snow They found him by following the Fresh Prints
- When Will Smith was burglarized, what did detectives find at the scene of the crime? Fresh prints.
- How do you track down DJ Jazzy Jeff in the snow? Follow the fresh prints
Fresh Water Jokes
Here is a list of funny fresh water jokes and even better fresh water puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I have an idea for a sitcom about a salt water fish and fresh water fish that start a family. It's called Brackish .
- My friend heard about an African village trying to raise enough money to sink a well for fresh water. He sent them a cheque for $100... ...I sent them a "Get well soon" card
- A rabbi and a German walk into a bar but the rabbi doesn't drink alcohol, what does he order? A water for the rabbi and juice fresh off the oven for the German.
Happy Fresh Jokes for a Lighthearted Night with Friends
What funny jokes about fresh you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean fruit jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make fresh pranks.
An Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman walk into a bar...
...they each order a pint. The Englishman gets his beer, looks at it and sees a fly in it. He immediately pushes the drink aside and demands a fresh pint. The Scotsman gets his drink and there's a fly in his. He calmly picks the fly out, flicks it aside and enjoys his drink. Finally, the Irishman gets his drink and there's a fly in his. He pulls it out, holds it by the wings and screams, "Spit it out! Spit it out, you thief!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
YO momma so n**......
She pours salt water down her pants to keep the c**... fresh.
What does one strawberry say to the other?
"Well, if you hadn't been so fresh last night, we wouldn't have ended up in this jam!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I remember directing a play and I thought I'd spice it up a bit by adding a lesbian shower scene...
Some say I'm the fresh and bold thing that theatre needs, others that I ruined the nativity.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Vampire died and was in the process of being reincarnated...
They asked him, "What would you like to have in your next lifetime?"
"Drinking blood is good but I don't like hunting, ideally I'd like to have a easy supply of fresh blood."
"Alright."
"I also like turning into a bat and flying, so let me retain wings.", he said.
"Noted."
"One last thing, my dark complexion seems to scare people too much, can I turn into something white?"
"Sure thing."
**p**...**
He became a m**... pad.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Dough Boy
Veteran Pillsbury spokesman Pop N. Fresh died Wednesday of a severe yeast infection. He was 71.
He was buried Friday in one of the biggest funerals in years. Dozens of celebrities turned out including Mrs. Butterworth, the California Raisins, Hungry Jack, Betty Crocker, and the Hostess Twinkies.
The graveside was piled high with flours, as longtime friend Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy, describing Fresh as a man who "never knew he was kneaded".
Fresh rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with turnovers. He was not considered a smart cookie, and wasted much of his dough on half-baked schemes.
Still, even as a crusty old man, he was a roll model to millions. Fresh is survived by his second wife. They had two children, and one in the oven.
The f**... was at 3:50 for 20 minutes.
Strange music
In Vienna, the great composer Mr. Beethoven had recently died and been buried in the city cemetery, with much mourning by the Viennese citizens.
A few nights after the burial, the town drunk is stumbling on his way home through the cemetery. All of a sudden he hears some very strange-sounding music wafting up from Beethoven's fresh burial plot. Terrified, the man runs through the streets, screaming about ghosts in the graveyard.
Pretty soon he's gathered quite a crowd around the grave, all muttering to each other about devils and ghosts. Finally one man makes his way to the front of the crowd, squats down by the grave, and listens.
"Why... that's Beethoven's Ninth Sympony, but... it's playing backwards!" He listens some more. "There's his Eighth Symphony, also backwards! ... And the seventh.... sixth..."
Finally he stands up and addresses the crowd. "My good people, you have nothing to fear. This is simply Mr. Beethoven decomposing."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I like my (wo)men like I like my coffee...
...hot, black, and strong
^(possibly the original)
...thin, pale, and extra-sweet.
...50% alcohol.
...all over my g**... while I'm trying to drive.
...I don't like coffee.
...imported from micronesia.
...free, fresh and in the breakroom.
...huge and cheap with room for cream.
...cold, bitter, expensive and Italian.
...in a plastic cup.
^(eddie izzard)
...ground up, roasted, and quickly disposed of.
What's the best part about drinking fresh milk?
The perplexed and horrified look on my wife's face when she wakes up
Indian Restaurant
I went to an Indian restaurant. The waiter brought out a basket of stale flatbread before realizing his mistake and bringing a fresh one. I would have complained, but it was a naan-issue.
The cast of the Matrix was having a barbeque
The seafood was fresh off the grill. Keanu Reeves tasted it and exclaimed "What is this! It's like charcoal!"
The cook turned and said "What if I told you...that's why they call me Laurence Fishburne"
^I'll ^see ^myself ^out
I was telling my Asian friend about my phone
I told my Asian friend that was fresh off the boat about how I can push a button on my phone and tell it to do something and it does it. He said "That's just Siri"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How did Will Smith get caught for committing 1st degree m**...?
He left fresh prints all over the scene.
I fell face-first in fresh concrete the other day...
I wasn't worried though - my mom always said I'd make a good impression.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What does a fresh egg say when you try to hardboil it?
It'll take me about 20 minutes to get hard, I just got laid by some chick.
As a couple gets into bed, the husband starts to rub and kiss his wife.
She turns over and says, "I'm sorry, honey. I've got a gynecologist appointment tomorrow, and I want to stay fresh." The husband sadly turns over. A few minutes later, he rolls back over and taps his wife. "Do you have a dentist appointment, too?"
A British vampire walks inside a bar...
The bartender offers him a glass of fresh blood but he refused. Instead, the vampire just asked for a cup of warm water. The bartender asked him why to which the vampire replied, "Well, I found some used tampons earlier. I'm just going to make some tea."
The owner of Bell Incorporated has just died...
The first in line to receive the inheritance is the owner's son, who gladly accepts it. However, the company lawyer says that he needs to take a photo of him for legal purposes. After developing the photo, he sends it off to the employees in the company to announce their new boss. He says "Here's the fresh prints of Bell heir".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Sweetheart, you remind me the sea.
>Why? is it because of my beautiful blue eyes reminding you the ocean's water?
No
>I know, it's because of my curly hair, reminds you the waves.
Not really.
>So it's my perfume? reminds you that fresh air near the beach?
Nope.
>So what is it then?
You make me sick.
FRESH HARAMBE OF BELL AIR....
In west Cincinnati I was born and raised on the zoo grounds is where I spent most of my days,Chillin out hangin out acting all cool, eating bananas out by the pool When a mom and her kid, they were up to no good, crawled over the fence into my neighborhood,I got in one little fight and my zoo keeper got scared, heard a gunshot just before I stopped breathing air.......
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Vampires at the bar
Rich Vampire: I want a fresh blood from a healthy human!
Ordinary Vampire: Ordinary blood please!
Poor Vampire: Excuse me! Can you give me a hot water? I'll make tea instead. (pulls out t**...)
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Gordon Ramsay walks into a bar...
... and asks for a glass of water with ice. Once his drink is served, he looks at the bartender and asks: "What did you use to make the ice cubes?"
Bartender: "Water."
Ramsay: "Fresh?"
Bartender: "No, frozen."
Ramsay: "Oh for f**...'s sake."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Most women would love to wake up on their birthday to the smell of fresh coffee, a nice breakfast, flowers and o**...
But not my Sister.
A Freshman Seminar Professor Was Trying To Wow His Students
He told them, "In the English Language, a double negative equals a positive. For example, I didn't not do it equals I did it. But no double positive in English equals a negative."
A student in the back shouted, "YEAH, RIGHT!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Mexican lying on his death bed
The sick Mexican was lying on his death bed. He had only hours to live when suddenly he smelled tamales. He loved tamales more than anything else in the world, especially his wife's tamales.
With every last bit of energy left in his body, the sick Mexican pulled himself out of bed, across the floor, down the hall, and into the kitchen. He saw that his wife was removing a fresh batch of tamales from the stove top. As he reached for one of the freshly made tamales, his wife smacked him in with a wooden spoon.
"Leave them alone, c**..., they're for the f**...."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How to catch a bear
First, you dig a big hole in the ground out in the woods and you fill it to the top with ash.
Second, place fresh peas all around the hole.
Then when the bear comes up to take a pea you kick him in the ash hole.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Where y'all from?
Two freshmen girls are moving into their dorm room together.
One of them's from Georgia, one of them's from Connecticut.
The girl from Connecticut's helping her mother put up curtains.
Girl from Georgia turns to them and says, "Hi. Where y'all from?"
Girl from Connecticut says, "We're from a place where we know not to end a sentence with a preposition."
The girl from Georgia says, "Oh, beg my pardon. Where y'all from...c**...?"
A guy walks into a bar...
A guy walks into a bar with a handful of fresh dog manure and says to the bartender, "Look what I almost stepped in."
(from Garrison Keillor)
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
When I joined the army to fight the cannibals, I was a fresh recruit.
But by the end I was a seasoned veteran
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
s**... is like the ocean.
And I'm a fresh water fish.
How can you tell if a coin is fresh?
You can still smell the mint
I'm like a fine wine.
I was once fresh pickings and now I'm old, bottled up and a little fruity.'
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
If you could have s**... with any dead celebrity, who would it be?
I'd choose Brittany Murphy because she'd still be relatively fresh.
The four seasons were arguing about which of them was the best…
Winter boasts, "Well, you can build snowmen and the snow is so beautiful!"
Spring laughs, "Well sure, but come springtime, everything is so fresh and new! All the new flowers, it can't get much better than that!"
Summer rays, "Yes, but I am undoubtably the overall best season! Girls in bikinis, ice cream, nice weather. You can't top that!"
Autumn ~ *-leaves-*
Good pickup line.
Two male flies are buzzing around the farmyard when they spot a female fly landing on a fresh pile of cow dung.
The one fly says, "Wow, she is cute! I'm going to try to talk to her, wish me luck."
He swoops down, lands right next to her and says, "Excuse me Miss, is this stool taken?"
Today marks 5 weeks of isolation...
I'm walking 2 miles a day, no meat, dairy or flour. Eating fresh vegetables and home cooked meals every day. The change has been fantastic! I feel great!
Zero alcohol, a healthy diet, gluten free, caffeine free, sugar free and a 1 hour home workout each day! Lost 20 lbs and gained muscle mass. I've even cut my screen time in half and am reading a book a week.
I have no idea who wrote this, but I am really proud of them so I decided to copy and paste.
Being a freshman everyone always told me first year would go quickly...
but I didn't realise it would ZOOM
(im sorry)
Young man fresh out of college gets a job at a factory
When he arrives he surprised that he is assigned as junior janitor. Shocked he asks for the manager who hired him. Didn't you read I have a double major in Social Science and Anthropology
Oh says the man, I must have missed that. OK let me explain. Lift the mop up and put in the bucket, then wipe the dirty floor with it.
Last night, in bed, my wife asked me to put fresh fish and herbs on her.
I said, "There's a thyme and a plaice for that sort of thing."
It always irked my single mother that her grocery store didn't carry eggs in packages of six—just by the dozen.
Then one day, her wish came true. She walked into the grocery and found fresh eggs in cartons of six. I was so excited, she told us later, that I bought two!
What do you call a carrot that talks back to you?
A fresh vegetable.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A woman is preparing a dinner for her parents and sends her husband out to buy some fresh snails.
The husband buys the snails then pops into the pub for a quick drink. One thing leads to another and he stays for a few rounds, so many in fact, that by the time he leaves it's nine in the evening. Realizing he's extremely late the husband runs home, pours the snails over the path leading to his house, then he rings the bell. His furious wife opens the door. 'Where the h**... have you been?' she screams. The husband waves back to the snails, 'Come on, lads!' he shouts 'We're nearly there!'
Edward Carrington Marshal, the only son of John Marshall, who was the original owner of the famous Liberty Bell, was found dead.
Police suspect Will Smith, since his fresh prints were found on the bell heir.
What do electric eels like to swim in?
Fresh Watter
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Frank farts in the classroom and his teacher gets really upset and throws him out.
He goes and sits outside the class and can't stop laughing. The principle walks by and sees him. He asks, Frank, why are you sitting outside your class laughing?"
I f**... in class and the teacher threw me out. The principle asks him again, Well then, why are you laughing?
Because those idiots are sitting in the class smelling my f**... while I'm outside in the fresh air."
A man walks into a seafood restaurant and was told they had Lobster Tails on offer for $1.
They must be small," he says.
"No, they're normal size," replies the waitress.
"Well they're old then."
"Fresh today," she answers.
"Then I'll have one," says the man, smiling.
The waitress takes him to table and he sits down.
"Once upon a time," she begins, "There was a big red lobster ..."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
First I put in two tablespoons of fresh chopped basil. Then six or so grapes. Then half a banana. A little orange juice concentrate. Then some Metaright high protein paste.
Then she says "Letting you play with my a**... was a mistake."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Trump looks out on the snow covered White House Lawn, and notices that someone has p**... Trump s**... in the fresh snow.
Furious, he demands the Secret Service investigate. A few days later, the head of the SS says Mr President, I've got good news and bad news. The good news is we've done a dna test on the u**..., and found the culprit. It turns out it's Mike Pence's. That traitor , shouts Trump. I'll have him hanged! Now, what did you say was the bad news? Well , says the SS chief, turns out it's Melania's handwriting .
I swear Grandma didn't send this to me on Facebook...
Doctor - so, what did you have for dinner last night?
Patient - I had a fruit salad.
D - only fruit salad? Well, that should help with your cholesterol. And strawberries are very high in...
P - well, it was mostly grapes.
D - mostly?
P - well, all grapes.
D - still, fresh grapes are...
P - they weren't overly fresh. Well, a little older, maybe. Fermented?
D - ...
P - Okay, wine. I had wine for dinner.
Recently a new supermarket opened nearby
It has an automatic water mist generator to keep the produce fresh.
Just before it starts the mist, you hear the sound of distant thunder and the smell of fresh rain.
When you pass the milk section, you hear cows mooing and you get the scent of freshly cut hay.
In the meat department there is the aroma of charcoal grilled steaks with onions.
When you approach the egg counter, you hear hens cluck and cackle, and the air is filled with the pleasing aroma of eggs frying.
The bread department features the tantalizing smell of fresh baked bread and cookies.
I don't buy toilet paper there any more…
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A freshman is talking to the new girl in school. You'll like it here, he tells her. Everyone is pretty chill, the teachers are all nice, but the principal is kind of a m**....
Do you know who I am? the girl asks her new classmate. I'm the daughter of the principal.
The boy is silent and then asks her, Do you know who I am?
She shakes her head no. Good, says the boy as he walks away.
Why aren't pregnant women lonely in Japan?
Because they get to hang out with all the edemames.
You want OC? That's fresh off the dome
A new supermarket opened near me a few weeks ago.
They're trying a new thing: immersion! For example, when you stop by the deli you can smell fresh grass and hear cows mooing, at the fish section you smell sea salt and feel a small bit of spray on your face, and at the fruit stall you can see mist on the apples, and smell fields of oranges and pears.
I don't get toilet roll there anymore.
How come the Fresh Prince was able to craft a sword?
He's a black Smith.
A German man on his first trip to America decides to see New York City.
As he's wandering around the smell of corned beef and fresh baked rye bread draws him into a Kosher deli. The man sits at the counter, eyes the menu and says, "I vood like to try ze bagel and ze lox." In a thick accent.
On his first bite he's throughly enjoying his food and pipes up to the guy behind the counter, "Zis is voonderbar! Zey do not have food like zis vere I am from."
In a heavy Brooklyn accent the guy behind the counter replies, "Now whose fault is that?"
It's a chicken in the backyard.
A chicken goes into a library. He stands at the librarians desk and says, "Buk", so she gives him a book. A couple minutes later the chicken returns. "Buk", he says, and she hands him another book. This goes on and on.
Finally it is the librarian's break time. She goes out back to get some fresh air by the pond. That is when she sees the chicken and a frog on a lilypad. "Buk" says the chicken as he tosses a book to the frog. "Reddit" replies the frog...
Astronauts preparing for STS-134 lobbied NASA to include fresh apples on board the final flight of the shuttle, but were ultimately unsuccessful.
Needless to say, it was a fruitless Endeavour
I'm freshly amputated but can't remember the word for my condition
I'm stumped
A zombie walks into a bar, the bartender says
"We don't serve zombies here." The zombie says, "That's fine. Is the human fresh?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A vampire walks into a grocery shop and asks for a bread.
The clerk looks at him and asks: 'Aren't you a vampire?'
The vampire says: 'Yes, I am.'
To that the clerk responds: 'Oh, then I have much better stuff for you than bread. I have b**... sausages, nice fresh liver, duck blood, pork blood - whatever you want!'
The vampire replies: 'No, thank you, I want just the bread.'
The clerk asks: 'OK, but tell me - why the bread? I never imagined vampires like bread so much.'
The vampire looks at him, leans closer and says: "There is a huge car c**... at the intersection. I want to dip.'
I am 110% sure that I am FAR from the first person to think of this joke, but I promise I came by it independently. What did Chris Rock have on his face when he left the Oscars?
Will Smith's Fresh Prints.
