Frequently Jokes
71 frequently jokes and hilarious frequently puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about frequently that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Frequently Short Jokes
Short frequently jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The frequently humour may include short repeatedly jokes also.
- I named my dog "5 miles." So that I could frequently say, "I am going to walk 5 miles now."
- It's obvious bill gates didn't create COVID none of his other products are able to release new versions this frequently
- My favourite word in the English language is frequently I try to use it as often as possible
- What do incel and Excel have in common? Both frequently assume that things are dates, even though they are not.
- A North Korean man frequently sneaks to the South Korean capital to gamble for bakery goods for his family. He is the seoul breadwinner
- What do you call it when Argon, neon, Krypton, Xenon, Radon, and Helium frequently attend church? Noble Masses.
- Did you hear about the French fencer who frequently spent time in the USA for competitions? He eventually applied for duel citizenship.
- Women have been sleeping with me lately like it's going out of style. Less frequently and with a fair amount of shame.
- What if, instead of periods, women had apostrophes? They would be more possessive and have more frequent contractions!
- What is the question most frequently asked by a philosopher? Would you like ketchup with your chips?
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Frequently One Liners
Which frequently one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with frequently? I can suggest the ones about occasionally and daily.
- My body is a temple. It requires frequent animal sacrifice.
- I love the word frequently... I try to use it as often as possible.
- I frequently lie awake at night... ...wondering what keeps insomniacs from sleeping.
- The letter E is used frequently and infrequently.
- I love clarified butter but it makes me urinate way too frequently Ghee whizz
- What Do Drunk Drivers And Pokémon Go Have In Common (OC) Frequent crashes
- Why do police officers frequent glory holes? To receive anonymous tips.
- What do you call a guy who checks his blood sugar frequently? Sir Lance A. Lot
- What is big, black, and frequently walked all over? Asphalt.
- What do you call frequently angry glass Tempered glass
I'm so sorry - I call India frequently yet i don't know anyone there. " 'ello IT support? "
- What type of insects frequent Muslim places of worship? Mosque-itos!
- This Valentine's Day, Love Yourself Frequently and vigorously.
- My lights went out frequently as a child. I didn't have a very bright future
- What Chemist is known for frequenting 4Chan? August Kekulé
Gather Around for Heartwarming Frequently Jokes and Uplifting Humor
What funny jokes about frequently you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean seldom jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make frequently pranks.
Gurl, if I could rearrange the alphabet
I would make the first twelve letters be E,T,A,O,I,N,S,H,R,D,L and U. Those being the approximate order of the most frequently appearing letters in the English alphabet.
Late Night Phone Call To The Vet
A dog lover, whose dog was a female and "in heat', agreed to look after her neighbor`s male dog
while the neighbors were on vacation.
She had a large house and believed that she could keep the two dogs apart.
However, as she was drifting off to sleep she heard awful howling and moaning sounds,
rushed downstairs and found the dogs locked together, in obvious pain and unable to disengage,
as so frequently happens when dogs mate.
Unable to separate them, and perplexed as to what to do next, although it was late, she called the vet,
who answered in a very grumpy voice.
Having explained the problem to him, the vet said,
"Hang up the phone and place it down alongside the dogs.
I will then call you back and the noise of the ringing will make the male lose his e**...
and he will be able to withdraw."
"Do you think that will work?" she asked.
"Just worked on me," he replied.
So PornHub recently revealed what people all over the world were searching most frequently; finally answering a question I've always asked...
What is this world coming to!?
Why do Jehovah's Witnesses use Macs?
They prefer to not have windows.
[For those that don't get it, their churches, called "Kingdom Halls", frequently are built without windows. The official reason given is to avoid vandalism but the real reason is usually secrecy. Generally if the group builds a church it won't have windows. Source: my ex-wife was a former member]
A pair of twins have a deal...
They constantly get in trouble with the law for various reasons and are frequently thrown in jail. They don't like staying in jail for too long, so they made a deal: if only one of the twins is arrested and imprisoned, the other twin will sneak in and swap places with them when they have spent half the time served in prison.
It's great to see these twins are so close that they're always finish each other's sentences.
A horse walks into a bar.
The bartender asks the horse if it's an alcoholic considering all the bars he frequents, to which the horse replies ~~I don't think I am"~~ "I think not!" p**...! The horse disappears.
A policeman knocked on my door this morning...
A policeman knocked on my door this morning, but I just locked it and sat there in complete silence.
After 20 seconds he knocked again, but I just continued to ignore it.
The knocks got louder and more frequent but I was determined not to move in the hope that he would just go away.
Then he decided to look through the window.
He shouted, "Do you think I'm s**...? I can see you in there, sir. Open the door."
I said, "You're not coming in mate!"
He said, "I don't want to come in, I just want you to step out of the car."
A blonde walked up to a restaurant and upon seeing that the sign said "Open", she walked in.
She ordered a full course meal and was very happy. She stood up to leave but stood at the door for 10 minutes, checking her watch frequently. A waiter walked up to her. Waiter: "Hello ma'am. Are you waiting for somebody today?" Blonde: "No, not particularly." Waiter: "Then why are you standing by the door?" Blonde: "The door says closed. I'm waiting for it to open."
Why was Helen Keller a bad driver?
She caused frequent blue-screens and IRQ time-out errors.
Hillary Clinton has been frequenting a new restaurant, reports say.
I guess the main appeal of it is her own private server.
'I'm sorry' and 'my bad' are frequently used interchangeably...
... but never at a f**....
A woman found a magic lamp on the beach, rubbed it, and out popped a genie.
"Ask me anything and it's yours!" She thought a moment and then answered, "I want my husband to pay more attention to me, to protect me, to take me out frequently, to sleep close to me, and to be more caring, even if I get a tiny scratch." "No problem." And p**...! She was a smartphone!
So a horse walks into a bar...
So a horse walks into a bar. The barkeep seems to know that the horse frequently goes to bars, and he asks the horse, "Aren't you an alcoholic by now?"
The horse replies, "I think not!" and disappears, seemingly into thin air.
See, the joke here is based on Rene Descartes' famous philosophy of "I think, therefore I am", however, explaining that part first would be putting Descartes before the horse.
What do you call a snowman that frequently has s**... i**...?
A snowplow.
A philosopher says to a linguist...
A philosopher says to a linguist What if, instead of periods, women had apostrophes? The linguist replied, They'd be more possessive and have more frequent contractions.
A man went to the doctor's, concerned about his liver...
The doctor asked: "When do you typically drink?"
The man replied: "i drink when flying. Calms the nerves."
The doctor sat back. "I see. Would you describe yourself as an alcoholic? Perhaps alcohol isn't the issue after all."
The man thought for a moment, and shrugged. "No, but I *am* a frequent flyer."
Buzz Killington
Do you know why W.S Gilbert was frequently drunk on his transatlantic crossings?
Because he was a quartered on the portside!
I was worried my wife was cheating on me because she made frequent trips to the supermarket late at night...
She said not to worry, she was just going out to get bred
TOP TEN SIGNS YOU HAVE ADD:
1) Easily distracted
2) Frequently lose your train of thought 3) Unfinished projects
The latest report from Mars indicates the presence of large ring structures of precious stones and a dusting of glitter almost everywhere
Apparently, efforts are underway to tiara-form the planet.
(I do apologize for this. I happen to hear someone pronounce this word rather frequently and this is what I keep imagining they are meaning. Along with some deposits of sass, pageantry and frills.)
As a professional s**... educator I have frequently teach kids that the "pull-out method" is almost 90% effective when I do it right.
That or I'm shooting blanks
Why did Miss Piggy lose her voice?
She frequently had a frog in her t**....
What do you call a medieval ruler who frequently says farewell, is attracted to both genders, rides a motorcycle, and originates from Scandinavia?
A biking
Carobs grow on carob trees in warm climates. They are frequently transported to other regions by air.
Usually by pilots of the carob bean.
A horse walks into a bar, at which point the bartender asks if he's an alcoholic given all the bars he frequents.
I don't think I am. the horse replies.
*p**...*
The horse disappears.
This is the moment where those who are into philosophy start to grin as they're familiar with the philosophical proposition of Cogito Ergo Sum , or I think, therefore I am .
But to explain that joke beforehand would be putting Descartes before the horse.
People keep telling me the fact I lost my ability to smell could be due to Corona and I should get tested.
That's nonsense, I think it's due to the frequent washing.
The world's oldest recorded joke in history.
I'm a long-time fan of this sub-reddit and frequent up-voter, but I seldomly have anything funny to post, so here is the oldest joke in recorded history, dating back to 1900 BC (almost 4 thousand years ago from ancient Sumeria):
Q: What is something that has never before occurred since time immemorial?
A: A woman not f**... in her husband's lap.
A nun teaching at a Catholic school frequently shows up to work in normal clothes because of how poorly-made the set of religious clothing she was given is.
It's a bad habit.
President Calvin Coolidge and his wife were being shown separately around an experimental farm
When Mrs. Coolidge came to the chicken yard she noticed that a rooster was mating very frequently. She asked the attendant how often that happened and was told, "Dozens of times each day."
Mrs. Coolidge said, "Tell that to the President when he comes by."
When the President came by the henhouse, the guide dutifully told him what his wife had said.
"Same hen every time?" the President asked.
"Oh, no, Mr. President, a different hen every time."
The President nodded his head. "Tell that to Mrs. Coolidge."
the boss called me to his office to talk about my frequent use of the n word
some people wont take no for an answer
My Grandparents were Trekkies, and named my father after their favourite Captain
when I was young, I was frequently hoisted by my own Picard
A man with a family and a 5 year old daughter frequently visited his hot neighbour at her house in morning.
But the neighbour had a son who was about 6 years old. One day, as a way to distract and have some private time with his mother, he said
A: Go to the patio and look at my house to see if anyone's there. If you find anyone inform me.
The son went as usual to check the neogbour's house and returend after half an hour and he said
Son: i didnt see anyone except your daughter who stood on the patio for half an hour like me!
If you're over the age of 40 and prone to frequent trips to the bathroom, I've got bad news…
u**... trouble
I used to work the front desk at this small car repair shop.
It was owned by a couple of guys, Jack and Jay. Both guys were really well known and liked around town but Jack never seemed to come into the shop.
People would come in frequently looking for Jack and I would tell them Jays here but Jacks off all day.
An old lady goes to the doctor and says, "I have this problem with frequent gas.
Fortunately, the farts never smell and are always silent. As a matter of fact, I've f**... at least 10 times since I've been here, and I bet you didn't even notice!" The doctor says, "I see. Take these pills and come back next week." The next week the old lady returns. "Doctor," she says, "I don't know what the h**... you gave me, but now my silent farts stink like the dickens." The doctor says, "Good! Now that we've cleared up your sinuses, let's work on your hearing."
LPT: Follow the given three steps in order to successfully accomplish a m**....
1. Set out a few high-mounted boxes with hole in the front of them.
2. Scatter about several boxes filled with cashews.
3. Be sure to do this in a place crows frequent.
A man parks a beat up, rusty Plymouth right in front of the Capitol. One of the guards walks up to him and says: "Sir, please move this vehicle. This is the Capitol Hill, congressmen, senators and even the President frequent this area."
The Plymouth driver replies "I ain't scared, I got an alarm!"
What do a bad computer and a bad racing team have in common?
Drivers that frequently c**...
