French War Jokes
37 french war jokes and hilarious french war puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about french war that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest French War Short Jokes
Short french war jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The french war humour may include short france war jokes also.
- The Philippines is the only country in the world who turns its flag upside down during times of war while French people remove the red and blue colour
- So I was shopping online for antique guns..... and I got to the World War II section. I selected guns of French origin. They were all in mint condition.
- What is the most useful thing in the French Army? A rearview mirror, so that they can see the war!
- What was the common understanding between the French and German generals during World War I? *You win Somme, you lose Somme."*
- French Star Wars fans have something to look forward to every week.... Each Thursday is the Return of the Jeudi.
- TIL the French flag is traditionally made with Velcro So they could remove the red and blue bits in times of war
- Why were the French defeated so easily by Germans in WW2? Because the French generals told their soldiers, that to win the war, they needed to strike first.
- Who is the easiest to get a high-five from in a war? The French.
They always have their hands up. - French rifle Im gonna sell French rifle from the II world war, hardly not used, once thrown xD
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French War One Liners
Which french war one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with french war? I can suggest the ones about french revolution and french army.
- Why did the French have so many civil wars? So they can win once in a while
- How do the French Train for War? The 100 Meter Sprint
- Q: What's the shortest book ever written? A: French War Heroes.
- How do the French declare war? With a white flag.
- Going to war without the French Is like going hunting without an accordion
- What's on display at the French War Museum? Running shoes
- What is the French verb that means "To declare war"? *Surrendre*
- Not all French departments saw violence during the first World War But Somme did.
- Why have the French lost the war? They have to eat a dessert after each meal.
- What do you call an empty field? The french army at the beginning of a war!
Howlingly Hilarious French War Jokes for an Unforgettable Evening
What funny jokes about french war you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean french military jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make french war pranks.
Just after WWII begins the commander of one of African garrisons recieves a telegram:
''The war is declared, immidiately find and arrest all enemies in your area.''
After some time he sends a performance report:
''The order was executed. 4 Germans, 2 French, 1 Belgian, 3 Americans were arrested. Please, immidiately report who are we at war with.''
Brown Pants
During the French and Indian Wars in North America, the French captured a British Officer during an engagement. Later that evening the French officers gathered and dined with the new captive.
After dinner the French commander asked their prisoner Sir, we have been wondering why British officers wear a red coat, as it makes you an obvious target for our sharpshooters . The British officer replied We wear it so that if we are wounded, the sight of our blood does not panic our men .
Ever since that day, French Officers have worn brown pants.
An English man, French and American walk near the sea
And argue who has the best submarines.
The french says: Our submarines can las a whole week under water.
The english man says: Our submarines can last two weeks under water.
The american says: Well our submarines can last a whole month under water.
Near them a submarin emerges from the water and a man comes out of it and asks: Heil, is the war over?
Uniform colors
A British Officer is captured during the French-English wars. During a lull in the questioning, the French Officer asks:
"You know? I've always wondered why it is, that you English insist upon wearing these ridiculous, red costumes?"
The British Officer, immediately stiffens up and replies:
"Sir! I will have you know that British Officers wear Red uniforms, as to not instill fear in the men, in the event that one is shot, or otherwise wounded."
From that day forwards French Officers were known to have worn brown pants
french vs german , who won ?
a drunk old man was found crying inconsolably by his friend .
"what's wrong ? "
"i did something terribly bad that to this day I terribly regret"
"but what have you done ?!"
"do you remember when the germans came to tunisia for the french ? , i offered a french girl a place to hide from the germans "
" you are a gentleman ! , why do you regret it "
" it wasn't for free you know what i mean "
" that's so bad but it's better than being killed if she was ok with that"
" you don't understand , should i tell her that the war is over " haha
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
French Jokes
What's the standard issue weapon in the French army? A white flag.
What's the only French martial art? Parkour, the art running away.
Like the entrance to Hogwarts, if you look at the French flag from exactly the right angle (like that of an invading army), it turns white.
An American, Russian, and French soldier see a German machine gunner. The Russian calls on his comrades to repeatedly s**... charge the German until he runs out of bullets. The American calls for a synchronized b**... strike using the full might the American military to obliterate the German (and all the nearby land). The Frenchman gets blown up by the American strike, because he already surrendered and was taken prisoner by the German.
For sale: A French rifle. Never fired, dropped once.
What's the difference between a French soldier and a brain-dead jugghead? The jugghead runs towards the battle.
Inspired by the American president. The French prime-minister ordered his secret service to carry around a locked briefcase that can only be unlocked by the prime-minister in case of an emergency war. Inside is said to be the controls to the national white-flag system.
What's the French military motto? Don't shoot, we surrender.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The French, the British, and the American are talking about submarines.
So there's a French, British, and American submarine engineer, sitting at a café, overlooking the ocean.
The British says "Our new electric submarines can stay underwater for a full two weeks without surfacing," he brags.
The Frenchman replied "Zat is nothing! Our new French diesel submarines can stay underwater for a full month without surfacing!"
The American then says. "Oh h**.... Yeah, well our new American nuclear submarines can stay underwater for a full three months without surfacing."
Suddenly, a submarine rises from the ocean. The hatch opens, a man gets out, raises his arm and says "Hail h**...! Have we won the war?"
Obama and his generals in the Pentagon discussed, and they could not agree on, what is the best time for the assault on Russia.
Finally, they decide to ask the French: "When is it best to invade Russia?"
The French answered: "We do not know, but certainly not in the winter, it would go wrong for sure."
Therefore, it would probably be better to ask the Germans: "When is it best to invade Russia?"
The Germans answer: "We do not know, but it certainly would not be in the summer. We have tried, already..."
What to do?
Someone proposes to ask China that is progressive and always comes up with a new idea.
So they asked the Chinese, "When is the best time to invade Russia?"
The Chinese replies: "Right now!"
Russia began to build "The Strength of Siberia" pipeline, "Turkish stream", The Spaceport "Vostochny", The Bridge to the Crimea, and in the near future they will modernize the BAM, they are building new sports complexes for the World Cup in football and athletics, they are planning oil extraction in the Arctic...
Right now they do need a lot of POW as work force.