French People Jokes
105 french people jokes and hilarious french people puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about french people that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest French People Short Jokes
Short french people jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The french people humour may include short french jokes also.
- The Philippines is the only country in the world who turns its flag upside down during times of war while French people remove the red and blue colour
- Why do french people look so depressed ? Because the light at the end of the tunnel is England
(stolen from twitter, no idea if it's an original) - New study shows that 4*20+10+7 percent of French people are unhappy with the French counting system.
- The flag on the moon. The flag on the moon is fading from the constant exposure to the sun. My grandfather said "Great in a few more years people are going to think the French landed there. "
- I love to purposefully mispronounce French words, but you need to do it around the right people, otherwise they act like its a huge fox pass.
- How do French people know how long to boil an egg? They just know when they boiled enough.
- I'm an anaesthetist that moonlights as a meal designer for French Celiacs I love to leave people pain free
- Why couldn't the boat hold more than four French people? Because one more - then it's cinq.
- They say French people are rude... but I know for a fact that about 172 000 of em' are Nice guys.
- Do French people smoke cannabis? oui'd
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French People One Liners
Which french people one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with french people? I can suggest the ones about french language and bad french.
- Why do French people eat small breakfasts One egg is an oeuf
- Why do French people eat snails? Because they don't like fast food.
- What drug do French people use to get high? Oui'd
- What do you call French people who like manga and anime? Ouibs.
- what do french people call a bad Thursday Trajeudi
- What is French people's favorite gaming console ? The "Oui" ! (Wii)
- French people don't feel pain. They eat it.
- You know what french people smoke? Oui'd
- I always say beaucoup to french people It means a lot to them
- What do French people say to taunt each other? *How do you like jem'appelles?*
- Why don't French people smile in pictures? The French word for "cheese" is "fromage".
- Why do french people never go to space. Because in space there is no resistance !
- Do you know why French people are so badass? They eat pain for breakfast
- I was gonna go to this French restaurant… but French people give me the crepes.
- What do french people call hot dogs? Ouiners
Silly French People Jokes for a Good Time with Friends
What funny jokes about french people you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean french food jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make french people pranks.
People often ask me if my French jokes are immature... wee.
Moses is walking down the mountain with the ten commandments...
... as he looks over them he thinks this is just too much to ask a society to do all at once. He has a plan! Just go around the world and give out one commandment at a time.
So he travels to France. "Hello people of France, I want to give you a commandment from God." The French say "Okay we're listening." Moses replies "Thou shall not commit adultery!" The French look at him and say "It's okay we don't need a commandment right now."
So he travels to Germany. "Hello people of Germany, I want to give you a commandment from God." The Germans say "Okay we're listening." Moses replies "Thou shall not Kill!" The Germans chuckle say "It's okay we don't need a commandment."
So Moses travels to Israel. "Hello people of Israel, I want to give you commandment from God." The Israelis say "Okay, how much are they?" Moses replies "Um... well they're free" The Israelis look at him and say "Okay we'll take ten."
The Engineer
Towards the end of the French revolution many people lost their heads to the guillotine. One day a politician, a priest, and an engineer were to be executed.
The politician was first. The executioner asked him: "Do you have any last words?" to which the man replied, "I regret nothing." The executioner lowered the man's head into the guillotine and released the blade. It fell swiftly but suddenly jams and stopped just inches from reaching the politician's neck.
There was a rule with these executions where if the blade could not finish its job with one pull of the rope, the condemned were allowed to be released and set free. Upon realizing this the politician cheers in excitement and scampers away.
Up next was the priest - the executioner asked, "Do you have any last words?" to which the priest replied, "None. God has already saved my immortal soul." The executioner then lowered the priest's head into the guillotine and pulled the lever to release the blade. AGAIN, the blade jams and stops just inches before reaching the priest's neck. After realizing what had just happened, the priest said "Praise the lord, it's a miracle!" and scampered away.
Finally, the engineer was brought up to the guillotine. The executioner said, "Any last words?" to which the engineer replied - "Yes! I think I see what your problem is."
Une blague en Français - For french people only
Une femme avoue à son mari qu'elle a un fantasme depuis plusieurs années de faire l'amour pendant qu'un grand noir leur fait du vent avec une feuille de palmier.
Après y avoir bien réfléchi, le mari décide de demander à son collègue de l'aider.
Le lendemain, ils sont donc tous les 3 (la femme, le mari et le collègue) dans la chambre à coucher. Le mari commence à prendre sa femme pendant que le collègue bouge la feuille de palmier.
Après quelques minutes, sentant que sa femme ne réagit pas tellement, le mari propose à son collègue d'échanger de place avec lui. Et là, la femme crie et pleure de joie pendant que son mari fait bouger la feuille de palmier rapidement.
Au bout de quelques minutes la femme finit par jouir comme une folle.
Le mari engueule alors son collègue : "Tu vois ! C'est comme ça qu'on doit faire du vent avec une feuille de palmier !!"
*N.B. : I have nothing against english it is just easier for me to write this Joke in French.*
Ten Commandments
God sends his angel to Earth to deliver his Commandments to the people. First the angel visited the Germans: "God has sent me to deliver his commandments", says the angel. "Give us an example", say the Germans "Thou shall not covet your neighbours land" "Begone!!!", say the Germans
Next the angel goes the France. They too want an example. "Thou shall not covet your neighbour's wife" "Begone!!!!", say the French.
Next the angel goes to the Jews. "God has sent me to deliver his commandments" "Well how much are they", ask the Jews "Well, actually they're free..." "WE'LL TAKE TEN!!!!!!!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Greeks versus the French.
A Greek and a Frenchman sit down at the same bar one evening, and after a few rounds of beer, they begin amicably chatting, first about the occasional state of things in their respective countries.
Eventually as the night progresses they descend into debating which country has done the most for the rest of the world and, naturally, slide into sniping back and forth into ever greater and more magnanimous gestures toward the end.
At last, the Greek shoves up to his feet and announces before the rest of the bar, "My people invented s**...!"
Stunned silence descends upon the environment at this, and for several seconds the Frenchman gives it some thought, before smiling and nodding his head and then answering,
"And mine introduced it to women."
God sends an angel down from Heaven...
...To bring the commandments to the people of the world, first the angel visits the French and he says "I have these commandments for you, they'll make your lives better"
"Well, what are they?" asked the French
"Thou shalt not commit adultery" replied the angel
"Bah, we're not interested" the French scoffed, and he waved the angel away. Next the angel went to the Germans and offered them the commandments, "What are they?" the Germans asked.
"Thou shalt not kill" said the angel
"Thou shalt not kill?" said the Germans "I think not" And they waved the angel off
Next the angel went to the Italians and offered them the commandments, "What are they?" the Italians asked.
"Thou shalt not steal" said the angel
"Ah, go away" Said the Italians, and they waved the angel off
Then the angel went to the Jews and said "Look, I've got these commandments..."
"How much are they?" asked the Jews
"They're free"
"We'll take ten"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
So a man is sitting on a plane...
And he sees the most beautiful woman he's ever seen in the aisle. He gets excited as he realizes she is coming to sit down in the seat beside him.
The most beautiful woman he's ever seen is coming to sit down beside him!
Once the woman sits they wait in silence for a moment before beginning to have some small talk.
"Hello..." the man uttered.
"Hi there! I'm Mary Jameson. Nice to meet you. I'm a sexologist."
The man was bewildered by her willingness to let him know her profession.
"Well..." the man said, "what does a... sexologist do?"
"I study the science of s**...."
Ecstatic, the man couldn't help but ask for more.
"Such as?"
"Well, for starters," the woman began, "it's a common misconception that black men are the best at what they do. It's actually the Native Americans such as the Cherokee or the Sioux."
"I see" said the man, anxious for more, "anything else?"
"Another mistake people make is thinking the French are the best lovers. It's actually the Irish who are the most intimate." The woman paused. "Oh how rude of me, I've been talking to you and I haven't bothered to ask your name!"
The man outstretched his arm and replied...
"The name's Tanto. Tanto O'Sullivan."
What group of people aren't proud to wear red, white, and blue?
The French.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The French are such nice people. (would have been funnier a few decades ago)
Do you know why all of the streets in France are lined with trees?
The Germans like marching in the shade.
I finally decided on my Halloween costume.
I'm going to go as a French pancake chef; that'll really give people the crêpes.
Terrorists hijack a plane flying into London. They tell everyone to raise their hands over their heads if they are British or American.
They wanted French people too but they already had their hands up.
If stereotypes are true...
Then are French-Canadians just regular people?
What do French people do when they don't have bottles of their favourite beverage?
They go to Cannes
I want to get one of those LA hats everyone has nowadays
When people go to ask me "hey man, are you from Los Angeles?"
I'll be like "nah dude,I just really like the french feminine definite article"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why do French people make good Kidnap victims?
'cause they always surrender
What do FRENCH people order from McDonald's
FRENCH fries hahaha
What did the French people yell when the airplane spiraled out of control?
Vive la Révolution!
What did the French people say to Goku after he saved their lives?
Merci Goku!
What do French people say when they don't want to see someone ever again?
Au nevoir.
Someone asked me if I could tell them what you would call people from the French island of Corsica.
I said, Cors'I'can.
What smells of cheese and is filled with holes?
About 100 French people right now
What is round and hates French people?
The World.
How many French people does it take to bake a baguette?
8.
Because then they have wheat.
Jacque the Snail
Jacque is a snail. Snails are not known for their excessive speed. Jacque has always dreamed of going fast, faster than any snail ever has before. Jacque has been saving his money for years so he can buy a super fast sports car and impress all his little snail friends.
Finally, Jacque goes down to the Porsche dealer. He sees a beautiful car, the Boxster. He tells the dealer, "I like that one." The dealer laughs and says, "My dear snail, don't you want to go fast? You need the Porsche Boxster-S!" He seems very proud of the S. Jacque agrees, and finally he is sitting in the car of his dreams, a Boxster-S. He pays for it. Cash, because this snail don't play around. He's ready to take his brand new sports car for a speedy run down the coast.
As he is driving, going well over 100 mph, much faster than any snail in the history of snails has ever gone, he flies past two French people walking on the side of the road. One Frenchman says to the other, "Wow! Look at that S-car go!"
What do French people do when vacationing in Laos?
They go swimming in Laotian
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call dark French people?
French Fries
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
You know it's weird you add 'French' to anything and it makes it better: 'French cuisine', 'French toast', 'French kiss'...
The only exception is 'people.'
There's a French guy with tourettes syndrome who keeps yelling goodbye at random people.
There's much adieu about nothing.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do French people say after they've gone to the bathroom?
...Au revoir p**... p**...
What's common between Canadians and Belgians?
They're mostly really nice people, but they have the French living there too.
What do French people do on Valentine's Day?
They d'éclair their love to each other.
What do French people like so much about dogs?
The four feet.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
French people are badass
They eat pain for breakfast
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why do French people hate remote controls?
They are too easy Toulouse.
What do you call someone who teaches people how to play the French horn?
A tooter.
What do French people shout when a band is bad?
Sacre-BOO!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Ever heard of an Irish bath?
An Irish bath is when you stand at the sink and just wash your armpits. Some people call it a Gypsy bath, or an Italian shower. A French bath is when you just douse yourself in cologne.
Whatever you call it, it's all just ethnic cleansing.
I've always wondered why French people seemed so skinny
But then I realized an egg is *un oeuf*
Little Suzy was upset and crying...
"What's wrong?" Asked her mother
"We learnt about the moon landing today." Said Suzy
"What's upsetting about that, I was a great American achievement." The mother explained
"Yeah but our teacher said that because of the sun the flag would turn white" Suzy sobbed out
"Yes that's because of the UV rays, why does that matter?" Said the mother trying to comfort her
Suzy explained her reasoning "Because if something happens to our records, people in the future will think that it wasn't us that went but the French."
What sound do French people make when you hit them with an egg?
Oeuf
Why do people of mixed Chinese-French ancestry say when they laugh?
~~*hon hon hon*~~
*hong hong hong*
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
3 people are on a plane
An American man, a French guy, and an Arab are all on a plane. Suddenly the pilot comes over the PA and says the plane is going to c**... if they don't get rid of some unnecessary weight. The American takes a huge bag of hamburgers out of his suitcase and tosses it out the window, saying "Not a problem, I've got plenty of these where I come from." The Arab guy somehow produces an entire barrel of oil and tosses it out, saying "Not a problem, I got plenty of this where I come from." The French guy thinks things over for a minute, then grabs the Arab and throws him out the window.
A French teacher asks her new class if any of them know any French.
Young Johnny lets out a parade of F-bombs-
"Whoa! Hey now?! Who told you that was French?" interrupted the teacher.
"My dad. He is always asking people to pardon his French".
How do French people feel about the Honda Accord?
They say it's ok.
There are only 2 types of people in this world, those who pee in the shower...
and the French.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I find french people unsettling.
They give me the crepes.
Why do people say E.T is French
Because he looks French.
Not to be racist but...
French people give me the crepes
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I wonder if french soldiers ever thought it weird that people would thank them for killing then by crying Mercy! Mercy!
Just kidding. The only thing the French ever thought about was retreat.
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Which type of people sound like they have the most fun s**...?
Consenting French adults.
Did you know that French people can look into the future?
It's crazy that they can do that but all they do is look at memes. Why else would they be saying let's get this bread in the 1700s?
Why did the French people at the feeding of the 5000 sympathise with Jesus?
Because they shared his pain.
What's the difference between French people and their breakfasts?
One's creepy and the other is a crepe.
We all know that french people are badass because the eat pain every morning...
But imagine those who live in "Angers", or those who responds "Die" when you ask them in which town they work.
How many French people were on the Titanic?
Cinq.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Do French people smoke w**...?
No they smoke oui'd.
The Parish Fast Food Shop
One day, the local parish decided to open a fast food restaurant, so they can make some more money on the side as church attendance was dropping. Being the smart people that they were, they divided themselves so each person does one job.
The fast food restaurant was doing quite well, and the local news channel, since it had nothing better to report on, decided to interview the staff of the restaurant. As they were finishing the interviews, they saw that one priest didn't do any interview, it was shy Father Tim, who was in charge of the french fries.
"So you're the friar yes?" asked the interviewer.
"No", father Tim said,"I'm the Chipmonk"
Hey man, can you name the denonym for the people living on a French island in the Mediterranean?
Corsican!
I don't know if this is original but my dad told this to me many years back.
A company decides to enlist a few people to help with the running of their factory, A Swiss for the time, a German for leadership, a French for the food and a Chinese for the supplies. On the first day the German walks around the factory looking at everyone and everyone is doing their jobs, he sees the Swiss and the French working but he can't find the Chinese. The second day the same thing happens, French,Swiss but no Chinese. The third day passes, then the fourth and finally on Friday he doesn't see the Chinese anywhere when suddenly the Chinese jumps from behind a machine with a cake and says SUPPLIES!
A zero-score in Tennis is called Love after the French word l'oeuf which means 'egg' after the shape of the number.
I guess you could say having zero points in tennis gives people le oof.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Rich people are born with a silver spoon in their mouth.
But polite french people are born with a s'il vous plaît
A new disease in France turns people into bread.
French authorities are unable to contain the spread, and the disease begins to make its way through Europe and to the rest of the world.
It's a paindemic.
Many people recognize that the Russian flag is an homage to the French flag.
But did you know their military flag is an homage to the old French military flag as well? The old French military flag was three white Fleur-de-lis on a field of white. Now the Russians use the same one, just rotated 90 degrees.
