French Jokes
190 french jokes and hilarious french puns to laugh out loud. Read ethnic jokes about french that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
This article is full of French jokes that will have you laughing out loud. From classic French jokes to more modern ones, there is something for everyone in this collection. Whether you are looking for a laugh or just want to learn some new jokes, this is the perfect article for you.
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Funniest French Short Jokes
Short french jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The french humour may include short franc jokes also.
- When I was a kid, my parents would always say "Excuse my french" after a swear word... ...I'll never forget that first day at school when the teacher asked did we know any french.
- My girlfriend kept telling me to treat her like a princess. So I made her marry an old guy she's never met to secure an alliance with the French.
- TIL The American flag on the moon has turned white due to radiation Now it looks like the French landed on the moon
- My friend wanted to feel like a princess on her wedding day So we made her marry a man she never met in order to secure a French alliance.
- It's incredible how many French words are now used in the English language There's 'Hors D'oeuvres' for starters.
- TIL France got a different version of The Force Awakens than the rest of the world. While the international version ends with Rey and Luke, the French version ends with fin.
- Why did France give the Statue of Liberty to the USA? Because the French had no use for a statue with only one hand in the air.
- My dad would swear and then say, "Excuse my French" One day the teacher asked if anyone could speak a foreign language and I raised my hand.
- I am absolutely exhausted from my French self-defense class. I've never run so far in my life.
- Why is the French military always shocked when they lose a battle? Because electricity flows in the path of *least resistance*
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French One Liners
Which french one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with french? I can suggest the ones about dutch and foreign language.
- Why do french tanks have rear view mirrors? To see the battlefield
- French fries weren't cooked in France. They were cooked in Greece.
- How many French soldiers does it take to defend Paris? I don't know, it's never been done
- Did you hear about the gay French baker? Faguette
- What are the two problems with the French flag? The red bit and the blue bit.
- What do you get if you take off the red dot on the Japanese flag? The French flag!
- Why do French people eat small breakfasts One egg is an oeuf
- I've heard the canadian Prime-Minister has a French last name. Is this Trudeau?
- Why do French people eat snails? Because they don't like fast food.
- I once thanked a French guy to death It was a merci killing
- Why do the French make omelettes with only one egg? Because in France one egg is un oeuf.
- Anyone can use my French Revolution joke It's royalty free.
- Why did the French chef kill himself? He lost his huile d'olive
- What's the name of the most popular French knight? Sir Ender.
- After a long and distinguished career, my French teacher finally retired. Adios, amigo.
French People Jokes
Here is a list of funny french people jokes and even better french people puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- The Philippines is the only country in the world who turns its flag upside down during times of war while French people remove the red and blue colour
- Why do french people look so depressed ? Because the light at the end of the tunnel is England
(stolen from twitter, no idea if it's an original) - What drug do French people use to get high? Oui'd
- What do you call French people who like manga and anime? Ouibs.
- what do french people call a bad Thursday Trajeudi
- What is French people's favorite gaming console ? The "Oui" ! (Wii)
- New study shows that 4*20+10+7 percent of French people are unhappy with the French counting system.
- French people don't feel pain. They eat it.
- You know what french people smoke? Oui'd
- The flag on the moon. The flag on the moon is fading from the constant exposure to the sun. My grandfather said "Great in a few more years people are going to think the French landed there. "
French Fries Jokes
Here is a list of funny french fries jokes and even better french fries puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What do french fries do when they met after a long time? They ketchup
- I like my camgirls like I like my French fries. Steaming hot and covered in oil.
- Every time I go to dinner with my parents, they constantly argue about the mashed potatoes, rice or french fries... And I always tell them that I'm not choosing sides…
- Where were the first French fries made? ...in grease
- Where was the french fry born? Greece!
Sorry it's the only joke I know :( - I tried my wife's essential oils for the first time today. Worst french fries I've ever had.
- DID YOU KNOW....french fries arent cooked in France? They're cooked in Greece *rim shot*
- Where do French fries originally come from? Grease
- A French fry walks into a bar - Can I see the menu, please?
- I'm sorry, but we don't serve food. - I found out today that French fries were weren't created in France. They were created in Greece.
French Food Jokes
Here is a list of funny french food jokes and even better french food puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I was making fancy French cheese... I tried to make the rind but it didn't work. Turns out I had used penicillin instead of *Penicillium*...
Just one more food ruined by antibrieotics... - Did you hear about the French chef that died? Some say it was food poissoning. Others say he lost the huile d'olive.
- You should never use French Haddock in sushi You'll get food poissoning.
- When a cannibal has fast food he gets... A Samburger and French guys
- Did you hear about the French guy who died after eating in a fish restaurant? It must have been food poissoning.
- What do frogs order at a fast food chain? French flies
Mcribbit
Chicken leg - I like French food, but... ... every time I go to a supermarket to buy some it's too expensive and I Carrefour-d it.
- What is a German bomber's favorite type of food? A french fry!
- What's the French president's favorite food? Macroni
- A flat one What do snowmen order at fast-food restaurants?
An iceberg-er and french freezed potatoes
French Surrender Jokes
Here is a list of funny french surrender jokes and even better french surrender puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Why do the french hate League of Legends? They have to wait 20 minutes before surrendering
- Napoleon was the best general the french ever had. He managed to surrender twice.
- When I was in high school, I was part of the French club. We didn't really do anything, but every once in a while, we'd surrender to the German club.
- Does anyone know where I can find the "Surrender" Emoji? Nevermind the French flag works fine. 🇫🇷🇫🇷🇫🇷
- What French city always surrenders first? Toulouse
- Why wasn't Euro Disney popular? Every time they set off the fireworks, the French surrendered.
- Did you hear that the French President is getting divorced? Apparently he came home early and caught his wife surrendering to a German.
- Why does the French army surrender so quickly? They have nothing Toulouse.
- The key to pronouncing a word in French ...is to try to say it the way it's written, and then surrender halfway through.
- What is the first thing French soldiers learn, when joining the military ? The phrase "I surrender" in german
French Bulldog Jokes
Here is a list of funny french bulldog jokes and even better french bulldog puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Chuck Norris once taught a French Bulldog to be English.
Charming Humor French Jokes with Loads of Fun
What funny jokes about french you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean jean jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make french pranks.
Two conjoined twins walks into a pub
The bartender is amazed: "You're not from around here"
The siamese on the left side:"No, we're french, every summer, we come to the UK, rent a car and start a road trip"
"So, you really seem to like the country?"
"Not that much, but once a year, my brother can drive".
French Jokes
Who won the first Tour de France?
The 6th Panzer division.
Why do french tanks have rear-view mirrors?
To see the front line.
How many French troops does it take to defend Paris?
No one knows.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two old men, one French and one Spanish were sitting on a park bench.
When a beautiful young girl in a miniskirt walks by. Just as she passes them a breeze comes along and lifts the girl's skirt up revealing she's not wearing p**.... The French man looks at the Spanish man and says "C'est la vie" and the Spanish man exclaims back "Se la vi, tambien."
A Frenchman, a Mexican, and an American are on a plane...
The pilot informs them that they lost an engine and must drop some weight. The frenchman throws a bottle of wine out the window, "we have way too much of this in my country." The Mexican throws out his drugs, "we have way too many of these in my country." The American quickly tosses the Mexican out.
A frenchman walks into a library
And asks the Librarian if he can checkout a book about War. The Librarian responds, "No, you'll lose it."
A Frenchman, A Mexican, And an American are sitting in a train car together
The Mexican is eating a taco, Stops, And throws it out the window;The Frenchman asks, "Why did you do that?" The Mexican responds, "We have so many in my country, I just wanted to." So the Frenchman takes a croissant and throws it out the window, Saying, "We have too many of these." He then turns to the American and asks, "What do you have too many of in your country?" The American then throws the Mexican out the window.
What does every frenchmen learn in first grade of school? (sorry France)
How to surrender in 6 different languages.
This just in: A white flag factory has burned to the ground in Paris...
... Effectively crippling the French military.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Un Deux t**...
A French cat called Un Deux t**... attempted to swim the English Channel last weekend but sadly didn't make it and drowned. It was all over the news the next day; "Un Duex t**... Cat Sank"
I heard that because the moon has no atmosphere...
the American flag we planted there has lost its color and is now completely white. We need go up there and change it. Because we don't want anyone thinking the French beat us to the moon.
Why did the French chef quit working at the haunted restaurant?
He got crêped out.
A pig that can speak French
A circus advertises a new act: a pig that can speak French. A trainer walks onto the stage carrying a small pig with a blue ribbon and a wooden mallet. The trainer asks, "Parlez-vous français?" and hits the pig with the mallet. The pig: "Ouiiii..."
Why are French guns the best to buy?
They've never been fired, and only dropped once.
What did the French skeleton say before he ate?
Bone apetit
What did the Frenchman say to the Englishman
An Englishman is telling a joke to a Frenchman, he says what did the Frenchman say to the Englishman. The Frenchman says he doesn't know, but the Englishman insists that he guesses.
After a few frustrated guesses the Frenchman eventually caves in, annoyed that the Englishman doesn't seem to understand how jokes work.
'I give up'
The Englishman smiles and walks off.
[original joke I just made up, [f]irst time]
Frenchman in a hotel.
A french man calls the room service and asks for some "pepper".
"Well ... would you like some white pepper or black pepper?" asks the receptionist.
"Toilet pepper."
My girlfriend's response to a lesbian joke that I told her
Years ago I told my girlfriend a joke, it went something like this:
Me: Did you hear about the French lesbian who went back home to France?
Her: (Shakes her head no)
Me: She missed her native tongue.
After I said the punchline, she didn't get it, just sat there and looked at me straight-faced, trying to make sense of it, finally she blurts out, "They have natives in France?"
UK: We call it "Autumn", from the French word "Automne", and later, from the Latin "autumnus".
USA: WE CALL IT FALL BECAUSE LEAVES FALL DOWN
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
3 spies, a french one, a british one, and an italian one, are captured by al-qaeda...
the terrorists tie each of them up and put the brit and the italian in a locked room. they take the frenchman to a room for 6 hours, torturing information out of him. when they finish with him, they take the brit to the room, who lasts 12 hours. they finally take the italian into the room, but as much as they t**... him, they cant get any information out of him.
the brit and the frenchman ask him how it goes and he says "i couldnt say anything." they ask him why and he says "my hands were tied!"
How do Frenchmen share files?
Pierre to Pierre.
A company of the French Foreign Legion are lost in the desert...
The Captain assembles his men and says: "I have good news and bad news. The bad news is... we have run out of food and there is nothing to eat but sand. The good news is... there's plenty."
What did the french chef say when the cheese factory exploded?
What did the french chef say when the cheese factory exploded?
Looks like we have debris all over the place
The Italian spy
A german, French, and Italian spy get captured. The French spy is tied with his hands strapped behind his back, a d is tortured and interrogated. He confesses after one hour. The German spy lasts two hours before confessing. The Italian spy lasts hours before his captors give up on him. The German and French spies ask how he lasted so long without talking and he says "I wanted to talk, but I couldn't move my hands."
How does french cheese expire?
From age.
I'm curious about the French flag.
When did they add the blue and red stripes?
What does the CEO of Keurig have in common with ISIS?
They both hate the French press
the most famous person in the history of the world
The teacher addressed his class,"I'll give five dollars to anybody who can name the most famous person in the history of the world."
An Irish boy raised his hand and said,"St. Patrick."
"Sorry Seamus, that's not correct."
Then a French boy raised his hand and said,"Napoleon."
The teacher replied,"I'm sorry, Jean, that's not right either."
Finally, a Jewish boy raised his hand and answered,"Jesus Christ."
"That's right, David! You win the five dollars. Congratulations!" As the teacher was handing over the cash he said,"You know David, I'm surprised you said Jesus Christ."
"Yeah, in my heart I knew it was Moses. But business is business."
John learning Math
Teacher was teaching math to 5 yr old John.
Teacher: What is 5 - 5?
John: *Keeps Quiet*
Teacher: If you have 5 burgers and I take 5 burgers from you, what will you be left with?
John: French Fries.
Selling a french WW2 rifle
Never fired, only dropped once.
Martial arts
The Israelis developed Krav Maga - the art of disabling an opponent as quickly as possible.
The Japanese developed Jujitsu - the art of defeating an armed and armored opponent.
The Brazilians developed Capoeira - the art of defeating an opponent using dance and acrobatics.
The French developed parkour - the art of running away as quickly and efficiently as possible.
Toast at a Wedding
"May you live as long as you want and not want for as long as you live." That's an Irish toast.
"Cinnamon, eggs, bread, and maple syrup." That's a French toast.
French rifle for sale.
Never fired. Dropped twice.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two old friends meet in bar...
[translated from Turkish]
-Hey Jack! How have you been! It's been months!
-Bonjour Monsieur ! Indeed, it's been a while
-"Bonjour Monsieur"? What's this French?
-Mais biensur !
-Don't screw with me Jack. I know you don't know French. We both went to the same school and we never had any French lessons!!
-No, no! I'm learning via the radio. 99.3 FM. Every day at 10AM you have French lessons. Very easy, I suggest you try.
-Oh, ok, cool I'll give a try tomorrow.
Next morning he calls Jack:
-Yo Jack, I have those old radios with a needle for tuning. Does it work with those old radios too?
-Sure! Scroll to 99, then go a little further to the right.
-Oh cool! Thx!
-Mais de rien !
-oh! s**... already...
Couple of weeks later, he meets Jack again. And Jack asks:
-Salut mon ami, How is your French?
- Shhhszzzzoussssshzzziuhli! (static noise)
[probably not the best written joke :/]
There are six American flags on the Moon.
Five of them are still standing. Due to the strong UV radiation, they are all completely white by now.
So it looks like the French landed there.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I like my bread the way I like my women...
French and covered in butter.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Frenchman, a Jew and a p**...
A Frenchman, a Jew and a p**... are each sentenced to thirty years in prison. Each man is given one request that will be honored by the jail warden.
A woman, asks the Frenchman.
A telephone, says the Jew.
A cigarette, says the p**....
Thirty years later the Frenchman walks out with the woman and ten kids.
The Jew strolls out carrying a ten thousand dollar commission he has made during the time.
The p**... walks out and says, Has anyone got a match?
Why did the French have so many civil wars?
So they can win once in a while
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
During a marriage preparation class, the teacher asked how many kissable areas there are on a woman's body
o**... said, "18."
A French guy in the back yelled, "119!"
Another guy said, "12."
The French guy piped up again, "119!"
A sweet girl in the front said, "I know only one...the lips!"
The French guy shouted, "120!"
A French Girl gets her Period
My friend's family is French.
His sister had this huge French flag for a bed sheet.
Then one night she got her period.
Imagine her shock when she woke up on the Japanese Flag.
A local museum today received a substantial donation of French Impressionist and Eastern European artwork.
They're gettin' Monet for nothing and Czechs for free.
Brexit fallout: my French Toast has just surrendered to my English Muffins. Germany is sending in the Luftwaffle... these events could engulf the entire continental breakfast.
and my Irish coffee is drunk. Again.
When the US went to the moon....
...they planted the American Flag. After all these years the radiation from the Sun will have bleached it completely white, so now if Aliens find it they are going to think the French were there first.
A guy says to a librarian "I'd like a Big Mac, French Fries and a Coke"
The librarian says "I'm sorry sir but this is a library".
The guy says *whispering* "Oh, sorry, I'd like a Big Mac, French Fries and a Coke"
Olympic Results for Sailing are out:
The British have taken the Gold medal.
The French have taken the Silver medal.
The Somalians have taken the boats.
The new French tanks have 14 gears
13 go in reverse and 1 goes forward in case the enemy attacks from behind.
In a huge lecture hall once I only had four international students turn up - English, French, Spanish and German. I asked if they could all see me. They said...
Yes, Oui, Si, Ja
I thought my new girlfriend might be the one.
But after looking through her knicker drawer and finding a nurse's outfit, a French maids outfit, and a police woman's uniform, I finally decided; if she can't hold down a job, she's not for me.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why do the Romans use more eggs in their omelets than the French?
Because the Romans feel that when it comes to eggs, you can't have too many o**....
But in France, they believe that one egg is un ouef.
Why do French tanks have mirrors?
So they could see the battle.
Two frenchmen were strolling down a boulevard...
When one of them gasped, "Mon Dieu - here come my wife and my mistress!"
"Sacre Bleu!" Exclaimed his friend. "I was about to say the same thing!"
What do you call a french ghost that likes anime?
A oui-a-boo.
A German man was crossing the border into France...
The French border guard asked to see his papers, as he skimmed through them he ran off a stream of questions.
"Name?"
The German smiled, "Hans Lehrer"
"Age?"
The German replied, "37"
"Occupation?"
The German shook his head,
"No, not this time."
During the French Revolution a doctor, a lawyer, and an engineer were facing execution on the guillotine.
The doctor was first, but the blade jammed and the doctor was set free due to Divine Intervention.
The lawyer was next, again the blade jammed, and was also set free.
As the engineer was being led to his doom, he glanced up at the blade and said Wait a minute! I think I see the problem…
3 spies from England, France and Italy were sent to the USSR.
After a week they were captured and put in jail. The Russians took the English spy, tied and tortured him and after 20 minutes he gave all the info.
Then the Russians took the French spy. They tied and tortured him, and after 20 minutes he too gave all the info.
Then they took the Italian spy and did the same to him, but he didnt give any info. They kept torturing him for 3 hours but with no luck. Eventually they gave up and put him back in the cell.
The 2 other spies asked him How did you do that? They tortured us like crazy! The Italian replied: I wanted to give all my info, but they tied my hands and so I couldn't speak.
I've just fallen through the roof of a French bakery...
Now I'm in a world of pain.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
In WW2 you could identify which nationality your opponent was from by observing their behaviors
If they respond to threats with precise rifle shots, they're British
If they respond with heavy machine gun fire, they're German
If they retreat, they're French
If they switch to your side, they're Italian
If they apologize, they're Canadian
If nothing happens for a few minutes then suddenly your camp is leveled to the ground, they're American
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
If Italian bread is Italian bread, and French bread is French bread, what do you call southern bread
i**...
Apparantly all flags on the moon have faded to white by now.
Now the French can claim to have been there.
A Briton, a Frenchman, and a Russian are standing and staring at a portrait of Adam and Eve...
"Look at their calm, their reserve" says the Briton. "Surely they must be British!"
"Nonsense!" Replies the Frenchman. "They are beautiful. Surely they must be French!"
The Russian finally speaks, "they have no clothes, no shelter, only an apple to eat, and are being told this is paradise. They are Russian."
A man went to a brain store to get a brain to complete a study.
He sees a sign indicating the nationality of each type of brain. He begins to question the butcher about the cost of these brains.
"How much does it cost for an Americans brain?"
"Three dollars an ounce."
"How much does it cost for a Japaneese brain?"
"ten dollars an ounce."
"How much for a Frenchmen's brain?"
"$1,000 an ounce."
"Why is a Frenchmen's brain so much more?"
"Do you know how many French men we had to use to get one ounce of brain?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Brit, a Frenchman and a Soviet are asked what nationality Adam and Eve were.
The Brit exclaims They must have been British! Look at how gentlemanly Adam behaved towards Eve. He must have been an Englishman.
Outrageous! Says the Frenchman. They must have been French. Look at the love that they exhibited towards each other! Only the French can love like that.
The Soviet chuckles and says You're both wrong. They must have been Soviet; they had no clothes, no food, and someone in charge was telling them they were in paradise .
An English man, German, French and Italian are standing at the side of a street watching a street performer
The street performer noticed that they all have poor eye sight so he asked them whether they can see him and they responded:
"Yes"
"Oui"
"Sì"
"Ja"
What do you call your mother's angry French sister?
Your croissant
