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French Jokes

190 french jokes and hilarious french puns to laugh out loud. Read ethnic jokes about french that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

This article is full of French jokes that will have you laughing out loud. From classic French jokes to more modern ones, there is something for everyone in this collection. Whether you are looking for a laugh or just want to learn some new jokes, this is the perfect article for you.

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Funniest French Short Jokes

Short french jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The french humour may include short franc jokes also.

  1. When I was a kid, my parents would always say "Excuse my french" after a swear word... ...I'll never forget that first day at school when the teacher asked did we know any french.
  2. My girlfriend kept telling me to treat her like a princess. So I made her marry an old guy she's never met to secure an alliance with the French.
  3. When I was a kid my mom used to say " Perdon my French" when she said any bad word. I'll never forget the day in school when my teacher ask if could speak French.
  4. My daughter told me I should treat her like a princess So I married her off to a stranger in order to secure an alliance with the French.
  5. TIL The American flag on the moon has turned white due to radiation Now it looks like the French landed on the moon
  6. TIL the American flag on the moon has turned into the French flag. Due to solar radiation, the red and blue pigment has disappeared, leaving the flag to be completely white.
  7. My friend wanted to feel like a princess on her wedding day So we made her marry a man she never met in order to secure a French alliance.
  8. When I was a kid adults would use swear words then apologise by saying 'Excuse my French'. I still remember my first day at school when the teacher asked "Does anyone know any French?"
  9. TIL the american flag planted on the moon is now completely white due to radiation from the sun. Great, now future archeologists are gonna think the French got there first.
  10. It's incredible how many French words are now used in the English language There's 'Hors D'oeuvres' for starters.

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French One Liners

Which french one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with french? I can suggest the ones about dutch and foreign language.

  1. Why do french tanks have rear view mirrors? To see the battlefield
  2. French fries weren't cooked in France. They were cooked in Greece.
  3. How many French soldiers does it take to defend Paris? I don't know, it's never been done
  4. Why do french tanks have rearway mirrors? So the drivers could see the battlefield.
  5. Did you hear about the gay French baker? Faguette
  6. Why do Jihadist Muslims only drink instant coffee? 'Cause they hate the French press
  7. What are the two problems with the French flag? The red bit and the blue bit.
  8. What do you call a French guy wearing sandals? Philippe Philoppe
  9. What do you get if you take off the red dot on the Japanese flag? The French flag!
  10. Why do French people eat small breakfasts One egg is an oeuf
  11. I've heard the canadian Prime-Minister has a French last name. Is this Trudeau?
  12. Why do French people eat snails? Because they don't like fast food.
  13. There are two types of people I hate. 1. Racists
    2. The French
  14. I once thanked a French guy to death It was a merci killing
  15. Why do french tanks have rear mirrors? So they can also see the front lines.

French People Jokes

Here is a list of funny french people jokes and even better french people puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Why do the French stink? So blind people can hate them too
  • Rich people are born with a silver spoon in their mouth. But polite french people are born with a s'il vous plaît
  • The Philippines is the only country in the world who turns its flag upside down during times of war while French people remove the red and blue colour
  • I hate French people They give me the crepes
  • Why don't French people order 2 eggs in a restaurant? Because one egg is un oeuf.
  • Why do french people look so depressed ? Because the light at the end of the tunnel is England

    (stolen from twitter, no idea if it's an original)
  • Why do French people only eat one egg at breakfast? Because one egg is an œuf.
  • Why do French people eat no more than 1 egg per meal? Because one is un œuf.
  • What drug do French people use to get high? Oui'd
  • What do you call French people who like manga and anime? Ouibs.

French Fries Jokes

Here is a list of funny french fries jokes and even better french fries puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • The first french fries were not cooked on France. They were cooked in Greece.
  • Did you know the first French fries weren't actually cooked in France? They were cooked in Greece.
  • My Doctor told me "Don't eat any thing fatty". I said "like cheeseburgers and french fries?"
    He Said "No Fatty. Don't eat anything."
  • What do french fries do when they met after a long time? They ketchup
  • Turns out we've all been lied to about French fries. The first fries weren't actually cooked in France. They were cooked in Greece.
  • A hamburger and a French fry walk into a bar The bartender says, "I'm sorry, but we don't serve food here"
  • I like my camgirls like I like my French fries. Steaming hot and covered in oil.
  • The first French fry wasn't cooked in France. It was cooked in Greece.
  • Every time I go to dinner with my parents, they constantly argue about the mashed potatoes, rice or french fries... And I always tell them that I'm not choosing sides…
  • Where were the first French fries made? ...in grease
French joke, Where were the first French fries made?

French Food Jokes

Here is a list of funny french food jokes and even better french food puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Why do the French like to eat snails so much? They can't stand fast food
  • French people eat snails, cause they don't like FAST FOOD.
  • Why do the French eat escargot? They don't like fast food.
  • Why do the French like escargot so much? Well, they've long expressed their disdain for fast food.
  • A hamburger and an order of french fries goes into a bar...... the bartender says: "Sorry, we don't serve food here."
  • A French fry walks into a bar - Can I see the menu, please?
    - I'm sorry, but we don't serve food.
  • Why do they serve snails at fancy French restaurants? Because it is not fast food!
  • Why did the Muslim only order a side of french fries? Because he prefers his food Allah carte.
  • I was making fancy French cheese... I tried to make the rind but it didn't work. Turns out I had used penicillin instead of *Penicillium*...
    Just one more food ruined by antibrieotics...
  • Did you hear about the French chef that died? Some say it was food poissoning. Others say he lost the huile d'olive.

French Surrender Jokes

Here is a list of funny french surrender jokes and even better french surrender puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Why do the french hate League of Legends? They have to wait 20 minutes before surrendering
  • Napoleon was the best general the french ever had. He managed to surrender twice.
  • When I was in high school, I was part of the French club. We didn't really do anything, but every once in a while, we'd surrender to the German club.
  • Why don't they have fireworks at Euro Disney? Because every time they shoot them off, the French try to surrender.
  • Does anyone know where I can find the "Surrender" Emoji? Nevermind the French flag works fine. 🇫🇷🇫🇷🇫🇷
  • What French city always surrenders first? Toulouse
  • Why wasn't Euro Disney popular? Every time they set off the fireworks, the French surrendered.
  • Did you hear that the French President is getting divorced? Apparently he came home early and caught his wife surrendering to a German.
  • Why does the French army surrender so quickly? They have nothing Toulouse.
  • The key to pronouncing a word in French ...is to try to say it the way it's written, and then surrender halfway through.

French Bulldog Jokes

Here is a list of funny french bulldog jokes and even better french bulldog puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Chuck Norris once taught a French Bulldog to be English.
French joke

Charming Humor French Jokes with Loads of Fun

What funny jokes about french you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean jean jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make french pranks.

Two conjoined twins walks into a pub

The bartender is amazed: "You're not from around here"
The siamese on the left side:"No, we're french, every summer, we come to the UK, rent a car and start a road trip"
"So, you really seem to like the country?"
"Not that much, but once a year, my brother can drive".

French Jokes

Who won the first Tour de France?
The 6th Panzer division.
Why do french tanks have rear-view mirrors?
To see the front line.
How many French troops does it take to defend Paris?
No one knows.

A Frenchman, an Englishman and a Soviet Russian

are admiring a painting of Adam and Eve in the garden of Eden. The Frenchman says, "They must be French, they're n**... and they're eating fruit."
The Englishman replies with, "Clearly they're English. Observe how politely the man is offering the woman the fruit."
The Russian then notes, "They are Russian of course. They have nothing to wear, nothing to eat, and they think they are in paradise."

Romney was asked about the Chinese going to the moon...

He responded that when they are up there, they will be able to see the flag we planted over 40 years ago. This is a pretty clever comeback. But the last laugh is on us. The US flags are now all beached white due to the unprotected exposure to the sun's UV radiation. This means the Chinese will think the French made it first.

A frenchman walks into a library

And asks the Librarian if he can checkout a book about War. The Librarian responds, "No, you'll lose it."

This just in: A white flag factory has burned to the ground in Paris...

... Effectively crippling the French military.

2 cats are racing across the English Channel,

an English cat named "123" and a French cat named "Un deux t**...." Which cat won the race?
A: The English cat. Un deux t**... cat sank.

Why do the French make omelettes with only one egg?

Because in France one egg is un oeuf.

Un Deux t**...

A French cat called Un Deux t**... attempted to swim the English Channel last weekend but sadly didn't make it and drowned. It was all over the news the next day; "Un Duex t**... Cat Sank"

Why does the new French navy have glass bottom ships?

So they can see the old French navy.

What happened after an e**... at a French cheese factory?

All that was left was de brie.

Why do French tanks have rear view mirrors?

So that they can watch the battle.

What did the Frenchman say to the Englishman

An Englishman is telling a joke to a Frenchman, he says what did the Frenchman say to the Englishman. The Frenchman says he doesn't know, but the Englishman insists that he guesses.
After a few frustrated guesses the Frenchman eventually caves in, annoyed that the Englishman doesn't seem to understand how jokes work.
'I give up'
The Englishman smiles and walks off.
[original joke I just made up, [f]irst time]

Frenchman in a hotel.

A french man calls the room service and asks for some "pepper".
"Well ... would you like some white pepper or black pepper?" asks the receptionist.
"Toilet pepper."

How do Frenchmen share files?

Pierre to Pierre.

Why do the French have so many civil wars?

So they can win one every now and again. (Thanks, John Cleese! This was too good not to share.)

Why are there windows on the back of French tanks?

So they can watch the battle

Why do the French only have one egg for breakfast?

Because one egg is un oeuf.

Selling a french WW2 rifle

Never fired, only dropped once.

Martial arts

The Israelis developed Krav Maga - the art of disabling an opponent as quickly as possible.
The Japanese developed Jujitsu - the art of defeating an armed and armored opponent.
The Brazilians developed Capoeira - the art of defeating an opponent using dance and acrobatics.
The French developed parkour - the art of running away as quickly and efficiently as possible.

What do you call s**... with a french midget?

Bone a petite

Why did the French have so many civil wars?

So they can win once in a while

The Garden of Eden

A Brit, a Frenchman and a Russian are viewing a painting of Adam and Eve frolicking in the Garden of Eden.
"Look at their reserve, their calm," muses the Brit. "They must be British."
"Nonsense," the Frenchman disagrees. "They're n**..., and so beautiful. Clearly, they are French."
"No clothes, no shelter," the Russian points out, "they have only an apple to eat, and they're being told this is paradise. Clearly, they are Russian."

During a marriage preparation class, the teacher asked how many kissable areas there are on a woman's body

o**... said, "18."
A French guy in the back yelled, "119!"
Another guy said, "12."
The French guy piped up again, "119!"
A sweet girl in the front said, "I know only one...the lips!"
The French guy shouted, "120!"

A French Girl gets her Period

My friend's family is French.
His sister had this huge French flag for a bed sheet.
Then one night she got her period.
Imagine her shock when she woke up on the Japanese Flag.

Why did the French chef commit s**...?

he lost his huile d'olive

There was an e**... at a French cheese store

Everywhere you looked, there was a lot of de brie.

When the US went to the moon....

...they planted the American Flag. After all these years the radiation from the Sun will have bleached it completely white, so now if Aliens find it they are going to think the French were there first.

A guy says to a librarian "I'd like a Big Mac, French Fries and a Coke"

The librarian says "I'm sorry sir but this is a library".
The guy says *whispering* "Oh, sorry, I'd like a Big Mac, French Fries and a Coke"

Olympic Results for Sailing are out:

The British have taken the Gold medal.
The French have taken the Silver medal.
The Somalians have taken the boats.

In a huge lecture hall once I only had four international students turn up - English, French, Spanish and German. I asked if they could all see me. They said...

Yes, Oui, Si, Ja

The US flag on the moon lost its color and is now completely white

It's now the French flag.

I thought my new girlfriend might be the one.

But after looking through her knicker drawer and finding a nurse's outfit, a French maids outfit, and a police woman's uniform, I finally decided; if she can't hold down a job, she's not for me.

After a long and distinguished career, my French teacher finally retired.

Adios, amigo.

Why did the French chef kill himself?

He lost his huile d'olive

Why do French tanks have mirrors?

So they could see the battle.

TIL France got a different version of The Force Awakens than the rest of the world.

While the international version ends with Rey and Luke, the French version ends with fin.

A German man was crossing the border into France...

The French border guard asked to see his papers, as he skimmed through them he ran off a stream of questions.
"Name?"
The German smiled, "Hans Lehrer"
"Age?"
The German replied, "37"
"Occupation?"
The German shook his head,
"No, not this time."

Why do French tanks have rear windows?

So they can see the battlefield!

During the French Revolution a doctor, a lawyer, and an engineer were facing execution on the guillotine.

The doctor was first, but the blade jammed and the doctor was set free due to Divine Intervention.
The lawyer was next, again the blade jammed, and was also set free.
As the engineer was being led to his doom, he glanced up at the blade and said Wait a minute! I think I see the problem…

Why is the French military always shocked when they lose a battle?

Because electricity flows in the path of *least resistance*

I've just fallen through the roof of a French bakery...

Now I'm in a world of pain.

In WW2 you could identify which nationality your opponent was from by observing their behaviors

If they respond to threats with precise rifle shots, they're British
If they respond with heavy machine gun fire, they're German
If they retreat, they're French
If they switch to your side, they're Italian
If they apologize, they're Canadian
If nothing happens for a few minutes then suddenly your camp is leveled to the ground, they're American

Apparantly all flags on the moon have faded to white by now.

Now the French can claim to have been there.

A Briton, a Frenchman, and a Russian are standing and staring at a portrait of Adam and Eve...

"Look at their calm, their reserve" says the Briton. "Surely they must be British!"
"Nonsense!" Replies the Frenchman. "They are beautiful. Surely they must be French!"
The Russian finally speaks, "they have no clothes, no shelter, only an apple to eat, and are being told this is paradise. They are Russian."

An English man, German, French and Italian are standing at the side of a street watching a street performer

The street performer noticed that they all have poor eye sight so he asked them whether they can see him and they responded:
"Yes"
"Oui"
"Sì"
"Ja"

Did you hear about the depressed French chef?

He'd lost the huile d'olive.

My dad would swear and then say, "Excuse my French"

One day the teacher asked if anyone could speak a foreign language and I raised my hand.

A French guy...

...is showing me his yachts.
French: "This is Un. This is Deux. This is t**.... This is Quatre. This is Six."
Me: "What about the 5th?"
French: "Cinq."

What's the name of the most popular French knight?

Sir Ender.

A horse walks into a bar...

A horse walks into a bar. The bartender asks "Can I get you anything?" The horse replies "I think not," a promptly disappears.
If you don't get it, it's important to first understand that the French philosopher Descartes famously said, "I think, therefore I am." So when the horse said "I think not," then he could no longer be.
I guess I could have explained all of that before I told the joke, but that would be putting Descartes before the horse.

A horse walks into a bar; the bartender asks, "Hello, do you want a beer?" The horse responds, "I think not," and promptly disappears.

Now, admittedly, this joke only makes sense if you are familiar with the French Enlightenment philosopher, Rene Descartes, who famously said, "I think, therefore I am." The horse thought not, and therefore wasn't...
But if I had explained that first, I would have been putting Descartes before da horse!

Otto the German was driving from Germany to Paris to visit some relatives.

A French cop stops him and asks the usual questions:
cop: name?
Otto: Otto
cop: address?
Otto: 341 Brandenburg Street, Berlin
cop: Occupation?
Otto: no, just visiting...

Two students and a teacher want to have s**... with foreign exchange students.

One student goes for the French student, and the whole time she screams, "Oui! Oui! Oui!"
The other student gets with a Spanish student, and she screams, "Sí! Sí! Sí!"
The teacher locks a German student in his office, the whole time she screams, "Nein! Nein! Nein!" He replies, "Really? I could have sworn you were only eight years old."

Why did the French give the statue of liberty to America?

They had no use for a statue with only one hand raised

A Russian, a Frenchman, and an Englishman are in an art museum admiring a painting of Adam and Eve in the gardens of Eden.

The Englishman takes a look at the painting and says "They look so calm, they must be British!" The Frenchmen responds "no no! They're n**..., so beautiful, they must be French!" The Russian says "They have no food, no shelter, nothing but an apple to eat, and they are being told this is paradise? ...They're clearly Russian!"
(Whole thing done in thick fake accents)

Why did France give the Statue of Liberty to the USA?

Because the French had no use for a statue with only one hand in the air.

Cooking with French ingredients always makes me depressed.

Yesterday I almost lost the huile d'olive.

How many French do you need to defend France?

Nobody knows, no one has tried.

I am absolutely exhausted from my French self-defense class.

I've never run so far in my life.

French joke, I am absolutely exhausted from my French self-defense class.

jokes about french