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French Army Jokes

29 french army jokes and hilarious french army puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about french army that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest French Army Short Jokes

Short french army jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The french army humour may include short french military jokes also.

  1. My hairline is like the French Army... It's been ordered not to retreat, but nature is taking its course anyway
  2. French Joke Q. What do you call 100,000 Frenchmen with their hands up?
    A. The French Army.
  3. I Spent All Week Trying to Come Up With a Joke About The French Army... ...but I decided to just give up.
  4. I have a friend who is half french Is mother is french, is father also french and he lost his legs in the army.
  5. What is the most useful thing in the French Army? A rearview mirror, so that they can see the war!
  6. A white flag factory near Paris burned down. The French Army was devastated without its strategic equipment.
  7. America's army is the most powerful army in the world, French Armed Forces is No. 5 in the world, Lebanese Armed Forces is... Lebanese Armed Forces is the most powerful army in Lebanon.
  8. Have you heard about the new French Army armored vehicle? It's got four gears for reverse, plus one for forward (in case the enemy gets behind it).

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French Army One Liners

Which french army one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with french army? I can suggest the ones about french war and france war.

  1. Why does the French army surrender so quickly? They have nothing Toulouse.
  2. What do you call French army rations? Noms de guerre.
  3. It is hard to defeat the French army. You first have to find them.
  4. Do you know what is 100,000 French men standing with their hands up? French Army.
  5. What's the French army's battle cry? "Nous nous rendons!"
  6. What happened to the French army of ww2? He died
  7. What do the French and the Confederate armies have in common? A white flag.
  8. What do you call an empty field? The french army at the beginning of a war!

Hilarious Fun French Army Jokes That Will Have You Rolling with Laughter

What funny jokes about french army you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean french people jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make french army pranks.

The French wanted more territory...

So they got ready to invade Spain
As the army crossed the border they were immediately ambushed and lost the battle.
Why?
Because nobody expects the Spanish in-position

The French Army uniform

At an 18th century European peace conference, a French General struck up a conversation with a British General. The Frenchman asks the Brit, "Why is that your troops go into battle in those bright red coats? They seem awfully garish and opponents can see them coming from a mile away." "Well," says the Brit, "the red coats are so that if a soldier is wounded his fellows won't be able to see the blood and despair." "How clever," responds the French General. "I can see the wisdom in that. As a matter of fact something like that might benefit my troops as well!" And from that day forward, the French army has always gone into battle in brown pants.

Two French generals...

... of the Napolean army were watching a battle from a nearby hill. Suddenly, a stray bullet struck one of them in the shoulder. Without an instants' pause, he turned to his aide. "Fetch me my red jacket," he commanded. As the aide rushed to comply, he turned to the other General, and explained that he didn't want the men to be demoralized by knowing he was wounded.
The other General was clearly impressed. At that moment, a cannonball shrieked between them, the wind from its' passing rocking them both back on their heels. After a moment, the second General turned to his aide, and ordered, "Fetch me my brown trousers ... "

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

French Jokes

What's the standard issue weapon in the French army? A white flag.
What's the only French martial art? Parkour, the art running away.
Like the entrance to Hogwarts, if you look at the French flag from exactly the right angle (like that of an invading army), it turns white.
An American, Russian, and French soldier see a German machine gunner. The Russian calls on his comrades to repeatedly s**... charge the German until he runs out of bullets. The American calls for a synchronized b**... strike using the full might the American military to obliterate the German (and all the nearby land). The Frenchman gets blown up by the American strike, because he already surrendered and was taken prisoner by the German.
For sale: A French rifle. Never fired, dropped once.
What's the difference between a French soldier and a brain-dead jugghead? The jugghead runs towards the battle.
Inspired by the American president. The French prime-minister ordered his secret service to carry around a locked briefcase that can only be unlocked by the prime-minister in case of an emergency war. Inside is said to be the controls to the national white-flag system.
What's the French military motto? Don't shoot, we surrender.

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

1916 in France

The germans and the french sat in their trenches. The german army suffered from great losses, so the german general had to come up with a plan. Because he couldn't find a solution for their problems he decided to ask his soldiers. Only one had an idea.
'We should find out the most common french name, shout it over no mans land and kill whoever is s**... enough to react to it.'
Since it was the only idea, the german general gave the order to find the most common french name and use this information to kill as many french soldiers as possible. One of his officers discovered that the most common french name was Pierre.
The germans tried this tactic and, surprisingly, many french soldiers were s**... enough to stick their head out of the trench when they heard their name.
Over the next couple of weeks the french lost uncounted men to the german tactic so they decided to copy it. They assumed the most common german name must be Hans. Their first attempt to try this tactic went as followed:
French soldier: 'Hans!'
No reaction
French soldier: 'Hey, Hans!'
German soldier: 'Hans is away!'
French soldier: 'Where is he?'
German soldier: 'Shitting! Is that you, Pierre?'
And the french soldier stuck his head out of the trench