Freezing Jokes
74 freezing jokes and hilarious freezing puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about freezing that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Put a chill in your laugh with this collection of funny jokes about freezing cold weather! From funny takes on freezing rain to wacky gags about icicles and celsius temperatures, use these winter-themed jokes to thaw out any crowd!
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Funniest Freezing Short Jokes
Short freezing jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The freezing humour may include short frozen jokes also.
- I've decided to freeze myself at -273°C. My friend thinks I'll die, but I think I'll be 0K.
- I've decided to freeze myself down to -273.15 degrees Celsius. My friends all think I'm crazy, but I'll be 0K.
- When I was a kid my younger cousin always cheated at freeze tag, So I wasn't surprised when I heard he got shot by the cops
- Record low temperatures causing snow and freezing all over the southern United States. Finally: white people in Texas are having problems with ICE.
- Tinder is completely useless, and I don't have a single match If I don't find another way to start a campfire tonight, I'll freeze to death.
- A teacher in a Chicago kindergarten class asked... her class what kind of sound a pig makes.
Little Tyrone stood up and yelled: "FREEZE, MUTHAFUCKA!" - I told my friend I was going to freeze myself to -273 degrees celsius. He seemed concerned, but I said I'll be OK.
- In North Korea, you cannot throw fruit in the snow... Because they do not have the right to freeze peach.
- Do you know what would happen if you'd freeze someone to -273.15 degrees Clesius? That person would be 0K
- What do you get when you cryogenically freeze a genetic copy of basketball legend Kareem Abdul Jabbar? An ice Kareem clone
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Freezing One Liners
Which freezing one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with freezing? I can suggest the ones about water freezes and freeze.
- You can freeze a human to -273.15 C He'd be 0K.
- Im going to freeze myself at -273.15 °C My friends are worried, but ill be 0K
- Even if the universe ends with a Big Freeze We'll still be 0K!
- What happens when you leave your citizens to freeze in the cold? They turn blue.
- I was freezed to absolute zero once, And it was 0k.
- I don't know if I just got hit by freezing rain but it hurt like hail.
- What's a snowman's favorite winter solstice game? "Freeze" tag!
- What do you call a dog that's freezing? A chili dog.
- Why did the computer freeze? Because somebody left Windows open.
- What does a blonde do when her computer freezes? She puts in in the microwave.
- What do you call it when you freeze sprite? Sprice.
- Did you hear about the man who tried to freeze himself at 0° Kelvin? He's 0K now
- Winter- Pros: Chestnuts roasting. Cons: Deez nuts freezing.
- A German tourist jumped in freezing water to save my precious little dog from drowning.
- What does a zombie call a brain freeze? A frozen dinner
Freezing Cold Jokes
Here is a list of funny freezing cold jokes and even better freezing cold puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Why are California almond farmers so concerned about the record cold temperatures? They don't want their nuts to freeze off.
- My boyfriend likes to keep the house freezing. I hate it because I'm always cold, but he gave me a suggestion. He said to stand in the corner since it's usually 90 degrees over there.
- What did one shepherd say to another shepherd on a cold winter's night? I'm freezing! Let's get the flock out of here!
- Trump left hundreds of supporters stranded in the freezing cold last night Which goes to show that even the biggest support can be turned blue
- Why is spring water always freezing cold? Because if it were any warmer, it'd be summer water.
- I was addicted to freezing poultry. I had to go cold turkey.
- Why are bank offices so cold? They're trying to freeze their assets.
- As an adult I think I understand why Mr. Freeze got so upset when he had to put his wife, Nora, on Ice After all no one likes cold Fries.
- Did you know that dentists use freezing when taking out teeth? It's the cold hard tooth!
- It's cold in Canada It's freezing outside but my will to live is melting away
(Don't worry I'm not actually depressed)
Freezing Point Jokes
Here is a list of funny freezing point jokes and even better freezing point puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Have you heard about the guy who got frozen to the absolute freezing point? Don't worry, he's 0K now.
- We all know the freezing point is 32, but what is the squeezing point?
Freezing Rain Jokes
Here is a list of funny freezing rain jokes and even better freezing rain puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I think I just got hit by freezing rain. It hurt like hail, I'll say that.
Humorous Freezing Jokes to Bring Fun and Laughter to Your Life
What funny jokes about freezing you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean frost jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make freezing pranks.
Regular Russia, not the Soviet one
Ivan and Igor are standing at a bus stop in Russia. It is freezing cold and raining hard. A limo drives by and splashes icy water all over them. Ivan says to Igor, This is a terrible place to live, I want to go to America. Igor responses, Why do think America would be any better. Ivan stares at Igor in disbelief, Do you know what would happen in America? If a limo drove by and splashed you, the rich man would pull over, apologize, help you into the car, take you to his home, make you nice drink, feed you dinner, let you sleep in his warm bed, and then, the next morning, he would drop you off where ever you wanted to go. Igor says, Really? This happened to you?! Ivan, No, my wife.
The Skunk
One cold night, this couple was driving down the road, and the girl notices this black ball of fur on the side of the road. She makes him pull over, and she sees that it's a skunk that's about to freeze to death. She asks him, "Can we bring him with us in the truck to warm it up?"
He says, "I guess it's okay. Bring him in."
She goes, "Where can I warm him up?"
"Put him between your legs, that'll warm him up."
"Well, what about the smell?"
"You can hold it's nose, can't you?"
A man walks into a bar...
Shadily dressed in a trench coat with the collar pulled up and a fedora pulled down over his face. A livid scar runs down his cheek, and his two tone shoes are dangerously polished. In his hands he's carrying an accordion case. The bar falls completely silent. All of the patrons turn pale and freeze as the man strolls up to the bar and sets the case down on the counter. Everyone holds their breath. Suddenly, the man flips open the case and pulls out a machine gun! And everyone in the bar breathes a sigh of relief.
Someone told me recently that the healthcare.gov website was built by a Canadian company.
I guess that explains why the site is constantly freezing.
An old married couple are driving down the road.
They run over a mama skunk and the wife insists that they go back and pick up the baby skunk.
She says to her husband, "The poor thing is freezing."
"Put him between your legs and warm him up." is the husband's reply.
"But what about the smell?" she asks.
The husband says, "Just hold his little nose and he should be fine."
A kid walks into the living room
And tells his dad, "Dad, I'm freezing!"
The dad says, not looking away from the TV, "Go stand in the corner."
The kid is surprised, what did he do wrong? "But why?"
The dad looks at his son and grins evilly. "The corner is 90 degrees!"
"DAD!"
Little Johnny at the playground
Finding one of her students making faces at others on the playground, Ms. Smith stopped to gently reprimand the child. Smiling sweetly, the Sunday school teacher said, "Johnny, when I was a little girl, I was told if that I made ugly faces, it would freeze and I would stay like that." Little Johnny looked up and replied, "Well, Ms Smith, you can't say you weren't warned."
A middle-aged teacher named Mrs. Jackson saw one of her first grade boys making rude faces at the preschoolers on the playground
She said "You know, Liam, when I was a little girl I was told that if I made ugly faces it might freeze and stay like that."
Liam replied "Well sorry Mrs. Jackson, but you can't say you weren't warned.
Made the mistake of letting my east coast newspaper freeze on the steps this winter...
I've fallen on some hard Times.
A Galaxy Phone, an iPhone and a windows phone fall out a top story window.
The galaxy phone bounces with minor cracks.
The iPhone smashes into dozens of pieces.
The windows phone freezes mid decent.
A Native American walks into an Old West saloon followed shortly by a bear
The patrons freeze in fear, and the saloonkeeper points to the native American man and whispers "There's a bear right behind you!"
The Native American man holds up a calm hand and says, "I can explain. Bear with me."
Ugly Faces
Finding one of her students making faces at others on the playground, Ms. Smith stopped to have a talk with the child. Smiling sweetly, the Sunday School teacher said, "Johnny, when I was a child, I was told if that I made ugly faces, it would freeze and I would stay like that." Johnny looked up and replied, "Well, Ms Smith, you can't say you weren't warned."
Son says to father "Dad it's freezing in here!"
Father says "go stand in the corner son, it's 90 degrees."
An engineer, a mathematician, and a physicist are asked to measure the volume of a pig.
The engineer answers: "we fill a pool to the brim with water, fully immerse the pig, collect the spilled water and measure its weight. The pig will have a volume of 1dm^3 per collected Kg."
The mathematician answers: "we freeze the pig, slice it and integrate the slices' areas to obtain a volume."
The physicist answers: "let P be a spherical, friction-less pig...
A man is in a mental hospital because he believes himself to be a seed.
He is treated for years by one of the world's best psychiatrists. After 6 years, he finally becomes convinced that he is not, in fact, a seed. There is a party to celebrate his release from the hospital.
A chicken shows up to the party. The man freezes and slowly starts to inch behind a nearby tree. His psychiatrist notices and sighs: "I thought you were over this. You are not a seed, remember?"
The man replies: "look, you know that I am not a seed. I know that I am not a seed. But does the chicken know?"
Two good friends go golfing
Two good friends go golfing and they come up on two women who are moving like molasses. o**... says that he'll go up and ask if they can play through. When he's half way to the women, he freezes, turns around and comes back pretty pale.
"Sorry man, I can't do it! One's my wife and the other my mistress!"
The other guy says he'll ask instead. Halfway to the women he suddenly stops turns around and comes back shaking his head. "Small world bro!"
I'm really worried about my wife and this weather
Ever since it started snowing, she's seemed really depressed. We've had strong, cold winds blowing lately, and freezing rain forming layers of ice over the snow. All she does is stand frozen at the window, staring, and I think she might be depressed.
If this keeps up I might need to let her inside.
Europe is like a fridge
You have the freezing cold part at the top
Then in the middle, you have cheese, cold meat, and a good drinks selection
Then down the bottom corner, there's just turkey and grease
My wife of 25 years laughed when I said I still had the body of a s**... model.
Until she checked the deep freeze in the garage.
Why as it important for Ted Cruz to be in Cancun while Texas is freezing?
Reptiles require sunlight.
Russian man dies
Russian man die, but for him suffer not over. Man very wicked, and go to h**.... There devil make punish: he burn in lake of fire. Is warm. Russian man finally happy.
So devil make lake hotter. But Russian man now is warmer. Now is happier.
Devil get very frustrate. So devil make fire lake into ice lake--lake cold as million Russian winter. But Russia man now happiest of all!
"Devil!" he say, "h**... is freeze! Russia is finally happy country!"
But is not true. Is only story.
Also, man not in h**..., only Russia.
I hate this new king, my landlord is ripping me to starvation and i might freeze this winter.
Gildford from 13 th century
A German tourist jumped into a freezing river to save my dog.
After he climbed out, he said. "Here is ze dog, dry him off and keep him varm, he vill be fine."
I asked him, "Are you a vet?"
"Vet?" He said. "I'm b**... soaking."