Freezing Cold Jokes
31 freezing cold jokes and hilarious freezing cold puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about freezing cold that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Freezing Cold Short Jokes
Short freezing cold jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The freezing cold humour may include short winter cold jokes also.
- Why are California almond farmers so concerned about the record cold temperatures? They don't want their nuts to freeze off.
- My boyfriend likes to keep the house freezing. I hate it because I'm always cold, but he gave me a suggestion. He said to stand in the corner since it's usually 90 degrees over there.
- What did one shepherd say to another shepherd on a cold winter's night? I'm freezing! Let's get the flock out of here!
- Trump left hundreds of supporters stranded in the freezing cold last night Which goes to show that even the biggest support can be turned blue
- Why is spring water always freezing cold? Because if it were any warmer, it'd be summer water.
- As an adult I think I understand why Mr. Freeze got so upset when he had to put his wife, Nora, on Ice After all no one likes cold Fries.
- It's cold in Canada It's freezing outside but my will to live is melting away
(Don't worry I'm not actually depressed) - I got really upset when I noticed my wife shovelling snow in the freezing cold But then I just closed the blinds.
- My mother has painted a picture with such cold colours that if I want to take a look at it closely, I must have an anorak, the gloves, the winter cap and a scarf on, not to freeze.
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Freezing Cold One Liners
Which freezing cold one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with freezing cold? I can suggest the ones about cold outside and feeling cold.
- What happens when you leave your citizens to freeze in the cold? They turn blue.
- I was addicted to freezing poultry. I had to go cold turkey.
- Why are bank offices so cold? They're trying to freeze their assets.
- Did you know that dentists use freezing when taking out teeth? It's the cold hard tooth!
- I was so cold today that my jaw started to freeze... So I gritted my teeth
- My computer has a virus. It's called the common cold.
It makes your computer freeze up.
Comical Puns & Laughs: Enjoy Fun, Witty Freezing Cold Jokes with Friends.
What funny jokes about freezing cold you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean ice cold jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make freezing cold pranks.
Europe is like a fridge
You have the freezing cold part at the top
Then in the middle, you have cheese, cold meat, and a good drinks selection
Then down the bottom corner, there's just turkey and grease
Regular Russia, not the Soviet one
Ivan and Igor are standing at a bus stop in Russia. It is freezing cold and raining hard. A limo drives by and splashes icy water all over them. Ivan says to Igor, This is a terrible place to live, I want to go to America. Igor responses, Why do think America would be any better. Ivan stares at Igor in disbelief, Do you know what would happen in America? If a limo drove by and splashed you, the rich man would pull over, apologize, help you into the car, take you to his home, make you nice drink, feed you dinner, let you sleep in his warm bed, and then, the next morning, he would drop you off where ever you wanted to go. Igor says, Really? This happened to you?! Ivan, No, my wife.
I'm really worried about my wife and this weather
Ever since it started snowing, she's seemed really depressed. We've had strong, cold winds blowing lately, and freezing rain forming layers of ice over the snow. All she does is stand frozen at the window, staring, and I think she might be depressed.
If this keeps up I might need to let her inside.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Russian man dies
Russian man die, but for him suffer not over. Man very wicked, and go to h**.... There devil make punish: he burn in lake of fire. Is warm. Russian man finally happy.
So devil make lake hotter. But Russian man now is warmer. Now is happier.
Devil get very frustrate. So devil make fire lake into ice lake--lake cold as million Russian winter. But Russia man now happiest of all!
"Devil!" he say, "h**... is freeze! Russia is finally happy country!"
But is not true. Is only story.
Also, man not in h**..., only Russia.
The badger
A husband and wife are driving home and run over a badger, they get out and find it's still breathing but freezing cold.
The husband says,"Put it between your legs to warm it up."
The Wife replies "But it's all wet and it stinks!"
Husband says "Well, hold its nose!".
I was freezing out in the middle of the woods when I stumbled upon a mean-looking hunter sat by a campfire...
He was roasting his fresh kill feet first and the smell had me salivating for a bit of that tasty grub.
He gave me a dirty look and made it clear he didn't want to share any.
I begged him for a bite to help me warm up but he just gave me the cold shoulder.
Two ants meet in the south for the winter to keep warm...
...and one is cold and shivering on when he arrives. "that will be the last time I ride to Florida in the moustache of a man on a motorcycle, I'm freezing!"
The other ant says "Just do what I do, hitch a ride between the legs of a beautiful woman. It's the warmest way to travel."
The shivering ant says "That's what I did, but I dozed off, and woke up in the moustache of a man on a motorcycle."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Restaurant Order
A resident in a hotel breakfast room called the waiter to his table.
"I want two boiled eggs, one of them so undercooked it's runny, and the other so overcooked, it's tough and hard to eat. Also, give me some grilled bacon that has been left on the plate to get cold; burnt toast that crumbles away as soon as you touch it with a knife; butter straight from the deep freeze so that it's impossible to spread; and a p**... of very weak coffee, luke-warm."
"That's a complicated order, Sir," said the bewildered waiter. "It might be quite difficult to prepare."
The guest replied, "Oh? But that's what I got yesterday!!"
It was a heavy winter during Stalin...
It was a heavy winter during Stalin's reign over the Soviet Russia. A married woman went to the city prison to visit her arrested husband and found out that he had been convicted and transferred to a Siberian Gulag and died during the trip.
"How did he die?" she asked.
"Pneumonia" came the answer.
"How? When? Where?"
"It was during the transit. He attempted to escape, jumped out the train and ran away. We weren't able to catch him alive."
"So, how did he die and how do you know he had pneumonia?"
"Well... He was running and got heated, outside was freezing, the bullet was cold..."
"Honey,my hands are freezing!"
A young couple go up to the mountains for a romantic winter vacation. When they get there, the guy goes out to chop some wood. When he gets back, he says, "Honey,my hands are freezing!"
She says, "Well, put them here between my thighs and that will warm them up."
After lunch he goes back out to chop some more wood and comes back and says again, "Man! My hands are really freezing ! "
She says again, "Well, put them here between my thighs and warm them up." He does, and again that warms him up.
After dinner, he goes out one more time to chop some wood to get them through the night. When he returns, he says again, "Honey, my hands are really, really freezing ! "
She looks at him and says, "For crying out loud, don't your ears ever get cold? "