Freeway Jokes
67 freeway jokes and hilarious freeway puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about freeway that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Freeway Short Jokes
Short freeway jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The freeway humour may include short fairway jokes also.
- I found out today that I was actually born on a freeway My mom says that's where most accidents happen
- How does a person with no arms or legs cross a freeway? Hint: Take the F out of Free and the F out of way.
- I don't know why people complain about using your phone whilst driving. I can drive on the freeway and post this comment at the sa
- Driving along the freeway I overtook a female driver doing her make up in the mirror.. I was so shocked I dropped my razor in my coffee.
- [Warning: Nerdy] Two self driving cars lost control on the freeway and crashed, killing 4. Experts say it was caused by a race condition.
- I finally listened to my mom, and took the road less traveled. I totally missed all the signs about the freeway still being under construction.
- I wish Ford installed heated bumpers. Would keep my hands warm while I'm pushing it to the side of the freeway.
- I saw some exercise equipment by the side of the freeway the other day... Someone had been trying to take it home but it didn't work out.
- I don't get no respect. Last week my car broke down on the freeway. I asked a guy for a tow. He gave me a finger.
- There was a pile up on the freeway.... reportedly due to a bunch of old underwear, scattered all over the road. No one is sure how they got there, but there were skidmarks everywhere
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Freeway One Liners
Which freeway one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with freeway? I can suggest the ones about safari and freeman.
- What was an elephant doing on the freeway? About 5 miles per hour.
- I always go the extra mile... because I always miss the exit on the freeway.
- How is the letter C like a road hazard on the freeway? It makes exiting exciting.
- On a Scale of 1 to Atlanta's Freeways... How much is your life falling apart?
- Today in Los Angeles it's kobe bryant Day No passing allowed on the freeways
- Why did the manic depressive cross the freeway? To get to the *other side*
- One day on the freeway
- What do you call a major accident on the freeway? A cartastrophe
- OC: I have a small collection of Teddy Bears and crosses. I keep it by the freeway.
- This musician kept gradually slowing down in front of me on the freeway What a r**....
- I hate human trafficking... Especially on the 91 freeway, that s**...'s the worst
- What do you call a pile of dead babies on a Chinese freeway A h**...
- What do freeways and women have in common? Both are worn down by women
Fun-Filled Freeway Jokes to Boost Your Mood
What funny jokes about freeway you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean free fire jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make freeway pranks.
3 old lady's
3 old lady's are driving in the car. Two in the back and one driving. The lady driving notices that there is a cop with sirens on trying to pull them over. So they pull to the side of the road. As the officer approaches them he doesn't look surprised. The officer says to the women driving. Mam do you know how fast you were going there? She says yes I was going 15 mile per hour. The officer shakes his head and told the lady no mam I think you are looking at the freeway sign that says "highway 15". The women said oh no! the officer looked back at the two women in the back and saw that the to women are shaking and scared. The officer asks what's wrong with them? And the women says oh, we just got off the 125.
A man gets pulled over on the freeway...
And the cop asks him, "Do you have any idea how fast you were going?"
The man thinks for a bit, then turns to him and says, "Well, seeing that you caught up to me, clearly not fast enough."
So a man was driving home from work one day...
It's pretty late, so he decides to take the freeway to get there faster. He sees a 60mph speed limit sign and figures no one will ever know if he pushes it a little. 65...70...at 75 he decides he'll get home quick enough, not noticing the cop right behind him.
The cop, seeing him, puts on his lights. The man worriedly realizes "Oh no... I can't get another ticket, I just can't." He gets an idea and pulls over. The cop, shaking his head, walks up to the vehicle.
"Sir, did you know you were going 75 miles per hour in a 60 mile per hour zone?"
The man, thinking quickly, exclaims "My wife's in labor! I need to get her to the hospital stat!"
The cop looks in the vehicle and raises an eyebrow. "You're driving alone, sir."
The man looks around, panicked. "Oh my God! I forgot my wife!"
First joke I ever learned
An elderly man arrives home from bingo and his wife comes running up to him.
"Thank goodness you're home safe! I was watching the news and apparently a lunatic was driving down the wrong side of the freeway!"
He responds, "*A* Lunatic? There were hundreds of them!"
How do you get an elephant across the freeway?
Take the "F" out of "free" and the "F" out "way".
...
*victim says "there's no F in way"*
(there's no effin' way)
I told my girlfriend I was unfaithful
My girlfriend found blonde hair on the passenger seat of my car, so I had to say that I was cheating on her.
How embarrassing would it be if she knew I sold corn on the freeway?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man worked for a road crew. One day he woke up ill...
...with a touch of laryngitis - but being a dedicated employee he went to work.
The boss felt rather sorry for him and didn't want him to do any physical labor - as they were repairing a part of the freeway. He says, "Why don't you go down the road and tell people to slow down going through the construction?"
The worker is glad for the easy day. He stops the first vehicle: "Sir," he whispers, his t**... feeling worse, "please slow down, there's a road crew up ahead."
"Okay," the driver whispers back, "I'll try not to wake them."
The Unknown Celebrity
The Pope travels to America. Upon arriving in America, a limo comes to pick him up. The Pope, having a simple background, had never driven a limo before. So he excitedly asks the driver if he can drive the limo to the hotel. The driver, flabbergasted, had never heard such a request before and decided "why not?" And so, the Pope and the driver switch spots and pull out of the airport. On the freeway, the Pope gets a bit too excited and starts to push more on the accelerator. Suddenly the a siren rings out. The Pope pulls over and pulls out his passport. The cop walks up and the Pope rolls down the window. "What seems to be the problem officer?" The officer immediately recognizes His Holiness and runs back to squad car. He quickly radios into headquarters. "Boss, I just pulled over a huge celebrity! What should I do?" His captain radios back, "Well....who is it?" "Sir, I have no idea. But it has to be some one big....he's got the Pope driving for him!"
How did the chicken cross the freeway?
Take the "F" out of "Free" and the "F" out of "Way".
I hate it when
I'm driving on the freeway and half to tell your mom to get off the sidewalk.
Why did the kid run across the freeway?
To show his friends he had guts. And boy, did he have guts.
An old man is in his Volvo driving home from work...
... when his wife rings him on his cellphone.
"Honey", she says in a worried voice, "be careful. There was a bit on the news just now; some lunatic is driving the wrong way down the freeway".
"It's worse than that!", he replies, "There are hundreds of them!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man is driving on the freeway
His wife calls him
Wife: Be careful honey, there was a news report about a crazy driver on the same freeway you're on
Man: I think all of them are crazy. Everyone's going backwards! (My friends told me this joke at school)
Don't be dissuaded by North Korea's new street
Before you know it they'll open a new freeway!
So There's This German Driving Game...
...with all these servers for multiplayer. One server has this automatic cheat-detection system that bans players if it thinks they're hacking at all.
Well unfortunately, there's this one stretch of one particular freeway where the road is so bad it blasts drivers off into the sky. The cheat system detects this, thinks they're hacking, and bans them immediately.
This went on for a couple days until one of the admins said, "Okay guys. Vwe have to do something about zis autobahn problem."
How does a man with no arms and no legs get across the freeway?
You take the 'R' out of FREE and the 'F' out of WAY.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man finds a bottle with a genie inside.
*p**...* I will grant you one wish, what is thy bidding master?
I want a freeway to Hawaii from Santa Barbara with a tollbooth that only I can enter!
The genie scoffs. Foolish mortal, that is not possible, even for a genie like myself. The logistics of designing and building such a thing over thousands of miles of open ocean is ludicrous, please wish for something else.
The man thinks for a moment. Hmmm, then I wish that I could actually understand women.
Do you want two lanes or four?
While on a busy freeway, a blonde suddenly stomps on the brakes.
Why'd you do that? her friend says.
Didn't you see the sign? It said BREAK FAST AHEAD
A warning to be careful about drunk driving..
Last night I was out for a few drinks. One thing led to another and I had a few too many pints before progressing on to Tequila. Not a good idea.
Knowing I was over the limit, I decided to leave my car at the car park and took a taxi home.
On the way home, I passed a police checkpoint on the freeway. The cops were pulling over cars and performing breath tests. Because I was in a taxi, they just waved it past.
I arrived home safely and without incident, which was a real surprise as....
I've never driven a taxi before and I am not even sure where I got it from..
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What did one homeless man say to the other during a hobo o**...?
It's not gay if it's in a freeway.
An officer pulls over a car with 5 elder women on the freeway.
Approaching the car he notices the women in the back of the car are pale white and wide eyed.
The women was visibly confused about being pulled over and asked, Why was I pulled over I was going exactly 22 mph?
The officer tells her she wasn't speeding but she was going a lot slower than the speed limit.
She responds I was going the exact speed limit 22 MPH.
He laughs and says the that was the route number and not the speed limit.
The women smiled out of embarrassment and thanked the officer.
Just before the officer walked off he asked if everyone is ok in the car.
The women responds, They will be in a minute. We just got off route 119.
Why was the freeway jam packed with bald eagles driving cars?
Because this traffic is for the birds......
A woman found herself in a traffic jam...
on the freeway in Washington DC. Traffic was locked up for over an hour when she saw some men walking towards her car carrying buckets. She leaned out of her window and asked them what was going on up ahead. The men explained that terrorists had taken over the capitol and they were holding Congress for ransom.
One man said, "The terrorists said if they don't get $50 million they're going to cover everyone in Congress in gasoline and set them on fire. So we're taking up a collection."
"How much is everyone donating?" the woman asked.
"About a gallon or two."
A nun gets pulled over by a cop on the freeway.
The police asks the nun "Do you know at what speed you were going at ma'am?"
"Yes, i was going at 35 mph"
The cop replies "You are supposed to be at 60 mph at least"
"Isn't this route 35? I was going at the correct speed officer."
The cop chuckles and says "No, thats just the route number but the speed on all the freeways are at least 60mph"
The nun with a scared face says "Well you better go to route 170 since one of my sisters goes through there."
One day a snail goes to the dealership
The dealer is longwindedly going on about all his options and he says he doesn't care what the car it is, he just wants the fastest one on the lot.
The dealer takes him to the fastest car they have and the snail only has one question, Would it be possible to get the letter 'S' painted onto all sides of the vehicle?
The dealer said Yes, that could be arranged for a fee but if I may ask why 'S'?
The snail replies When I pass people on the freeway I want them to look at me and say 'Wow, look at that 'S' car go!'
Heisenberg and Schroedinger we driving on the freeway
maybe going to a seminar, when they get pulled over by the CHP. The cop comes around to the driver side and says to Heisenberg, "Do you know how fast you were going?" And so Heisenberg says, "No, but I knew where I was". The cop scratches his head, and says, "Pop the trunk, I want to take a look". He walks back, looks in and then walks around to the right side and says to Schroedinger, "Do you know you have a dead cat in the trunk?" Schroedinger says, "I do now".
What happened when a tanker truck full of salsa overturned on an LA freeway?
CHiPs showed up.
A man is driving home for Christmas and a gets a call from his daughter:
"Dad be careful, apparently some nutter is driving the wrong way down the freeway"
"It's not just one, it's hundreds of them!"
Freeway on ramps and off ramps would be way more exciting if you actually ramped.
Freeway on ramps and off ramps would be way more exciting if you actually ramped.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An old man is driving a car on a busy freeway
He receives a call from his concerned daughter.
"Dad, please be careful! I just saw on the news some idiot is driving the freeway on the wrong side of the road."
"One idiot? There are literally hundreds of them!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man gets pulled over right as he's exiting the freeway.
As he rolls down his window, the cop asks him, "Sir, do you have any idea how fast you were going?!"
The man replies, "Well I sure as h**... know that I was within the d**... speed limit!"
The cop says, "No sure, that's incorrect. You're meant to exit this freeway at 35 mph, and I clocked you doing over 100."
"That's b**...!" spat the man. "I ain't dumb. I can read. That sign right over there said exit 125!"
Was driving on the freeway
And over in the fast lane a concrete delivery truck went by and following behind was a contractor in his normal truck. So I pointed it out to the kids in backseat.
Kids asked where they were going.
I replied I don't know but bet when they get there they will have a concrete plan.
The groans were were like a symphony
Oh No! Not ELON!
Man is driving along the freeway when he is stopped by a huge traffic jam.
After sitting there for quite a long time, he sees another man walking from car-to-car.
The second man finally gets up to his car. He rolls down the window....
"Hey man, what's going on up ahead?"
"It's awful! Terrorists have stopped Elon Musk's limo! They are saying if they don't get $10 million dollars, they are going to burn him alive! So, I'm out here collecting donations."
"That's terrible! How much have you collected so far?"
"Ten gallons. But everyone else is still siphoning...."
