Freedom Jokes
125 freedom jokes and hilarious freedom puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about freedom that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Make this Freedom Day more memorable with jokes about freedom, democracy, and more. Laugh freely at these clever jokes about America, Indian freedom, freedom of information and more. Let freedom ring!
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Funniest Freedom Short Jokes
Short freedom jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The freedom humour may include short liberty jokes also.
- The president of the US is threatening to send the military to suppress US citizens. Looks like Americans are finally gonna get a taste of democracy and freedom.
- Dunno what this WiFi dude did But I've seen a ton of bars and restaurant demanding his freedom lately
- As an American looking at the situation in Afghanistan It's good to see that, even decades later, the freedom fighters we trained can still drive out a superpower.
- Well, OJ has been paroled. The spokesperson for the parole board that granted him his new freedom said they "decided to give him another stab at it."
- It's ironic that in America, red white and blue stands for freedom... ... unless they're flashing behind you.
- They say red, white, and blue are the colors of freedom. Until they start flashing behind you.
- As a Muslim, I really appreciate the Courts upholding religious freedom Seriously, Praise Be A Law
- Similarities and differences between the Canadian and Chinese constitution. Both have freedom of speech but only one has freedom after speech.
- In North Korea, you actually do get freedom of speech. Just not freedom *after* your speech.
- Happy 4th! Why are there no knock-knock jokes about 'Murica? ~~because freedom rings~~ because we have no-knock warrants as our pun-ishment of choice.
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Freedom One Liners
Which freedom one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with freedom? I can suggest the ones about independence and free love.
- What does the "F" in Hong Kong stand for ? Freedom
- How much does freedom weigh? A WashingTon.
- The F in China stands for freedom Friend: There isn't a F in China
Me: Exactly - Gyms must remain open... ...the constitution guarantees freedom of the press
- Why doesn't America knock? Because Freedom Rings. Happy Independence Day!
- Why aren't there any knock knock jokes about America? 'cause Freedom rings
- China has freedom of speech But freedom after speech is not guaranteed
- The only things Americans exercise Is their freedom of speech
- Teacher: Class what comes after a sentence? Jamal: FREEDOM!
- Why the frog couldn't take part in freedom convoy in Ottawa? Because his truck got toad.
- What does "f" in "North Korea" stand for? Freedom
- What happened to the statistician who was arrested? He now has zero degrees of freedom.
- What do you call tea that tastes like freedom? LiberTEA
(Im not sorry) - Freedom isn't free. It costs 1/3 of your salary.
- What's the first amendment in Super Mario's constitution? Freedom of Peach
Freedom Speech Jokes
Here is a list of funny freedom speech jokes and even better freedom speech puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I vacationed to an island for the deaf The people there enjoyed all the rights of any of us, but the freedom of speech was not aloud
- comrade, what is difference between constitution of Russian motherland and the Finland? Both constitutions guarantee freedom of speech, but only in finland do you get freedom after speech.
- School is like a dystopia You aren't allowed to think outside the box, you don't have the freedom of speech, and you can't gamble or have strippers come to your lunch room.
- Why did the founding father's make freedom of speech the first amendment? they were trying to make a statement.
- Say what you will about freedom of speech
- What is the difference between the American freedom of speech and Soviet freedom of speech? In America, you retain that freedom after making that speech.
- What does E.T. stand for? Freedom of speech
Freedom Rings Jokes
Here is a list of funny freedom rings jokes and even better freedom rings puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- As a true American Patriot I always put phone numbers I want to ignore under the contact "Freedom" Because I always let Freedom Ring.
- Americans don't knock on doors Because freedom rings
- What should you do when freedom calls? Let it ring.
- My grandfather always lets his phone, dubbed freedom, go to voicemail He lets freedom ring
Freedom Fighter Jokes
Here is a list of funny freedom fighter jokes and even better freedom fighter puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Well if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire ... .....what do freedom fighters fight?
- Did you hear about the chickpea freedom fighters? They call themselves Hummas.
- I find this a little confusing... If crime fighters fight crime, and fire fighters fight fire, what a freedom fighters fighting?
Great Freedom Jokes to Share, Laugh and Enjoy with Friends
What funny jokes about freedom you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean democracy jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make freedom pranks.
A Frenchmen and an Englishmen were at war when the Englishmen says you fight for money while we fight for honor, the Frenchmen replied we all fight for what we lack most.
That's why america fights for freedom
Freedom Tower
Apparently they're having such a hard time filling office space in the new Freedom Tower, they've opened it up to big chain department stores...
Just what America needs — another Target.
I ate way too many freedom fries yesterday.
I had to liberate the toilet for hours.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Hey girl, you into operation enduring freedom?
Because I ain't ever gonna pull out!
What every guy wants in a relationship is like underwear.
They want a lots of support but a bit of freedom.
My girlfriend said I didn't respect her freedom enough
So I told her to stop rattling in her cage
Liberty Bowl 2014
Of course it comes as no surprise that just across the street from the "AutoZone Liberty Bowl" would be the "Advanced AutoParts Freedom Bowl".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
So h**..., Stalin, and Ellen Pao walk into a bar...
And something something Ellen Pao hates freedom.
Jokes told by my tour guide while rafting.
* Why doesn't anyone tell knock knock jokes about America?
Because freedom rings.
* What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.
* What do you call a cow with two legs?
Lean beef.
* What do you call a cow with 1 leg?
A steak.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Slightly changed old soviet joke
American: -There is no freedom of speech in Russia. In America, you can go out on the street and yell out 'Obama is an a**...', and you won't get arrested. Russian responds: -Of course Russia has freedom of speeech, anyone can go out on the Moscow street and yell out 'Obama is an a**...'.
What is the difference between a miscarriage and a miscarriage of justice?
One takes away your freedom, the other gives you it back.
Why can't American engineers design linear actuators?
Because they always try to maximize the degrees of freedom.
Three burglars break into a building and are confronted by a soldier, a cop, and a politician.
The politician tells the soldier to kill Burglar #1, and the two stab each other to death.
The politician then tells the cop to arrest Burglar #2, and the two beat each other unconscious.
The politician then walks up to Burglar #3 and says "I just saved your life, your freedom, and tripled your share of the loot. I think 20% is a fair cut."
Why'd the British man cross the ocean?
Freedom.
Wife or Girlfriend
A physicist, a mathematician and a computer scientist discuss what is better: a wife or a girlfriend. The physicist: "A girlfriend. You still have freedom to experiment." The mathematician: "A wife. You have security." The computer scientist: "Both. When I'm not with my wife, she thinks I'm with my girlfriend. With my girlfriend it's vice versa. And I can be with my computer without anyone disturbing me..."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What's the difference between a monkey flinging p**... at the zoo and someone posting political memes on Facebook?
Answer: One is the sad, desparate attempt of a poor creature with little freedom to get attention from strangers, and the other is just something animals at the zoo do when they're bored.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The funny thing about teen pregnancy is that before it happens all you hear is "Don't do it! You'll regret it! You'll lose your freedom! Make the responsible choice!" Then after it happens, they say "We're a still disappointed, but we can still make the best of this. It's not the end of the world."
s**... auto-correct: I meant "Trump's presidency" not "teen pregnancy".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I take the bus to school
So every morning I take the bus to campus. On the way, it stops by the local prison.
This morning, while we were stopped by the prison, I heard a loud c**.... I look to my right and I see what used to be a window, now shattered.
I'm looking at the window, and I see some rope fly out. Following the rope, I see an inmate. A rather small inmate. As a matter of fact, the man was a dwarf.
I stared at him in awe. As he made his way down the rope towards freedom, he notice me observing him. He gave me the stink eye. I thought to myself:
Wow, that's a little condescending.
What type of fruit is always complaining about their lack of freedom in society?
The Cant-eloupe
America is the land of freedom
I mean, it was until 1600.
The funny thing about teen pregnancy is they all say, "Don't do it! You will lose all your freedom! Make the responsible choice." But after it happens they say "We're disappointed but we can make the best of this. It's not the end of the world."
Whoops, I accidentally autocorrected "Trumps' Presidency" to "teen pregnancy"
I find it ironic that the colours red white and blue stand for freedom
Until they're flashing behind you
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
15 Year Old Teenager: "I love the US! It's the land of freedom and opportunity! We even have freedom of speech!"
CNN: "Hold my beer."
An American and a Russian were discussing their respective freedoms in the 1980's
American: We have more freedom. I can go over to the president and say "Mr. Reagan, I don't like the way you are running this country".
Russian: What's the big deal in that? I too can go to my president and say "Mr. President, I don't like the way Reagan is running his country".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I was talking to a North Korean about freedom
I told him, "You know what's the best thing about freedom? If I ever see President Trump, I can shout, 'Hey Mr. President, you're an a**...!'"
The North Korean answered, "I have that freedom too. If I ever see President Kim, I can shout, 'Hey Supreme Leader, Donald Trump is an a**...!'"
There was freedom of speech in the Soviet Union, just like in USA
You can stand in front of the White House and yell, "Down with Reagan!", and you will not be punished.
Equally, you can also stand in Red Square in Moscow and yell, "Down with Reagan!", and you will not be punished.
Crytominers: "Cryptocurrency means freedom from government and banks!"
IRS: "...Hold my beer."
Emmanuel Macron meets Putin and tells him...
"You lack freedom in Russia. In Paris, anyone can walk in the street and shout 'Macron is an idiot!', and nobody will touch them."
Putin gives him a basilisk stare and slowly says:
"In Moscow, anyone can walk in the street and shout 'Macron is an idiot!', and nobody will touch them, either."
Find the cost of freedom....
...(Alexa) "Finding cost of freedom..."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Whats the difference between a t**... and a freedom fighter?
Well mostly, it depends on who's reporting the news.
What do freedom fighting Wizards say to Hawaiian prisoners?
Alohamora!
An American and a German are discussing freedom of speech.
The German says:
>Here in Germany, contrary to what a lot of you Americans think, we do have freedom of speech. Everyone here hates Putin, but I could walk right up to the Bundestag and proclaim: "I love Vladimir Putin!" And I wouldn't even be arrested!
The American replies:
>Ah, yes, but in the USA we're even freer. I could walk right up to the White House and shout "I love Vladimir Putin"... and they'd let me in!
Did you hear what that mathematician thought after graduating?
They were given another degree of freedom.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
If eagles are the birds of American freedom, then what is the bird of American love?
A s**...
Android vs Apple
The Android vs Apple argument is basicly the same as the US vs other countries; More freedom, less security.
I used to think the USA stood first and foremost for freedom and equality...
Turns out it stands for United States of America
ALTERNATE JOKE:
I used to think the USA stood first and foremost for freedom and equality...
Turns out that was my imagine nation
America is truly the greatest country. It has freedom...
for cops and politicians from prosecution
If America was a soundcloud rapper
Lil'warhead of Freedom
'Bouta drop the hottest mixtape on Nagasaki
I asked a drag queen if they like dancing...
'yes I do' they said.
So I asked 'what do you think about Ballroom?'
He replied 'I do get a certain amount of freedom in this dress....'
So I live next to a prison...
One morning I awoke to the sight of a little person breaking out of said prison, hastily climbing down the fence to freedom.
Sipping my coffee I thought to myself "*Well that's a little condescending".*
What does the P and the F stand for in South Sudan?
Peace and Freedom
The date of a prisoner's freedom should be called a period
because it's the end of their sentence.
Overhead in a country ruled by a dictator
Citizen: What happened to freedom of speech in this country?
Dictator: Freedom of speech has always been guaranteed in this country. It is freedom after speech which we can't guarantee
That's It, Let's Protest The Quarantine.
I'm staging a sit in. To participate, just stay in your house. We'll show the government what happens when you mess with our freedom!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I ran into my bedroom and yelled at my wife "Give me a**... or give me freedom!"
She said I was brave.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Where is the freedom of a s**... whose hobby is making necklaces?
Independence.
Two inmates languish in a pitch dark prison cell. Ben shines a torch to a tiny window 15 feet from the floor and said: "Joe, you climb up by grasping this beam of light until you reach the window. Freedom awaits!" Joe shakes his head. Ben: "Why not?"
"When I'm halfway up, you might turn off the torch..."
An American explains to a Russian...
that the United States has freedom of the press, and their journalists won't get pushed out of windows, for example, if they write an article that says Donald Trump is a liar.
The Russian says that this is nonsense, because journalists in Russia can easily write an article without fear of retribution that says Donald Trump is a liar.
Three men were about to be executed by the firing squad.
The first man was brought forward and before they could shoot him he yelled "avalanche"! The firing squad panicked and in the confusion, the man jumped over the wall and into freedom before the firing squad could regroup.
The second man thought what the first man did was clever and when he was brought forward for his execution, he yelled "earthquake"! Again, the firing squad panicked and the second man took advantage of it to jump over the wall and into freedom.
The third man thought he saw the pattern: yell a disaster and jump over the wall. When he was finally brought forward, with a smirk on his face he yelled "fire"!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A classic Russian joke...
An American, a Frenchman and a Russian are stranded on an uninhabited island. They build a shelter, catch fish for food and suddenly catch a magical Golden Fish, who promises to fulfill two wishes for each in trade for her own freedom:
The American says: "A million dollars and to go back home!" He vanishes.
The Frenchman says: "Three beautiful women and to go back home!" He vanishes as well.
The Russian look around at the deserted island, and says: "Tsk, and we were getting along so well. Three crates of v**... and the two fellas back!"
Red white and blue stand for freedom
Right up until you see them flashing in your rear view mirror
An american soldier was talking to a soviet soldier.
The american says, "the great thing about America is that we have freedom of speech! For instance, I can go right into the white house, walk up to president Reagan and say, "Mr. President, I completely disagree with the way you are running this country!" The soviet soldier responds, "so what? I can do that too!" The american soldier is baffled! He says, "really you can?"
"Sure! I can go right into the Kremlin, right up to the general secretary and say, "Mr. Gorbachev, I completely disagree with the way President Reagan is running his country!"
