Freedom Day Jokes
5 freedom day jokes and hilarious freedom day puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about freedom day that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Freedom Day Funny Jokes to Tell Your Friends and Kids.
What is a good freedom day joke to make people laugh? Check out this list of funny stories that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth.
Baked Beans.
One day I met a sweet woman and fell in love. When it became apparent that we would marry, I made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans.
Some months later, on my birthday, my car broke down on the way home from work. Since I lived in the countryside I called my wife and told her that I would be late because I had to walk home. On my way, I passed by a small diner and the odour of baked beans was more than I could stand. With miles to walk, I figured that I would walk off any ill effects by the time I reached home, so I stopped at the diner and before I knew it, I had consumed three large orders of baked beans. All the way home, I made sure that I released all the gas.
Upon my arrival, my wife seemed excited to see! me and exclaimed delightedly: "Darling I have a surprise for dinner tonight."
She then blindfolded me and led me to my chair at the dinner table. I took a seat and just as she was about to remove my blindfold, the telephone rang. She made me promise not to touch the blindfold until she returned and went to answer the call. The baked beans I had consumed were still affecting me and the pressure was becoming most unbearable, so while my wife was out of the room I seized the opportunity, shifted my weight to one leg and let one go. It was not only loud, but it smelled like a fertilizer truck running over a skunk in front of a pulpwood mill. I took my napkin from my lap and fanned the air around me vigorously. Then, shifting to the other cheek, I ripped off three more. The stink was worse than cooked cabbage. Keeping my ears carefully tuned to the conversation in the other room, I went on like this for another few minutes. The pleasure was indescribable. When eventually the telephone farewells signalled the end of my freedom, I quickly fanned the air a few more times with my napkin, placed it on my lap and folded my hands back on it feeling very relieved and pleased with myself. My face must have been the picture of innocence when my wife returned, apologizing for taking so long. She asked me if I had peeked through the blindfold, and I assured her I had not. At this point, she removed the blindfold, and twelve dinner guests seated around the table chorused: "Happy Birthday!"
Why doesn't America knock?
Because Freedom Rings. Happy Independence Day!
An American and a Russian are arguing about who had more freedom back in the old days of communism.
The American says that if he wanted he could pee in front of the Statue of Liberty with no repercussions.
The Russian says that he could go to Red Square, drop his pants and take a dump right in front everybody with no problem.
After more than a few vodkas, the American admits that he exaggerated. He would have to sneak behind the Statue of Liberty at 3am to do his business.
The Russian admits that if he were to take a dump in Red Square, he'd have to do it with his pants up.
Two people are in an insane asylum.
There are two people in an insane asylum. One day they decide they are going to try and escape. They both go on the the roof and see the city. Over there is freedom one of them says. One of them jumps over to another rooftop and tells the other one to jump over too, but he refuses because he is scared. The one that jumped has a flashlight and says I'll shine it across and you can walk over here. The other one says What do you think I am, crazy? You'll just turn it off when I'm halfway across .
Two men escape an asylum
Two men are in a mental asylum. One day they decide to escape and find there way on the roof. On the roof, just across this narrow gap, they see the rooftops that stretch away to freedom. Now, the first guy, he jumps right across with no problem. But his friend, his friend did not dare make the leap. His friend was afraid of falling. So then, the first guy got an idea. He says 'Hey! I have my flashlight with me! I'll shine it across the gap between the buildings. You can walk along the beam and join me!' But the second guy just shakes his head. He says 'Wh-what do you think I am? Crazy? You'd turn it off when I was half way across!'
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