JokoJokes

Free Jokes

158 free jokes and hilarious free puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about free that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Get your daily dose of laughter with these free jokes! With a wide selection of categories, including jokes for seniors and jokes for commercial use, you can access an unlimited source of complimentary humour and witty one-liners from our voucher-style selection.

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Popular Free Short Jokes

Short free jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The free humour may include short cheap jokes also.

  1. Where do little jokes come from? Well, a dad joke meets yo momma joke and then they knock knock.
  2. Remember, as a child, when air for your bike was free? Now it's $1.50! I asked the gas station attendant why. He said "inflation"
  3. Andrew Tate arrested in Romania after a pizza box showed he was in the country. Police arrested him within 30 minutes As any longer would mean they had to give him a free garlic bread.
  4. Monopoly is fun but it has some really old stuff that isn't valid anymore. There's free parking, a luxury tax and rich people can actually go to jail.
  5. A sweater I bought was picking up static electricity. So, I returned it to the store. They gave me another one free of charge.
  6. Do you remember when air was free at the gas station, and now it's $1.50? You know why? Inflation
    Holy smokes this blew up, THANK YOU all for the awards and the silver!!
  7. A company owner was asked a question, How do you motivate your employees to be so punctual?"
    He smiled & replied, "It's simple. I have 30 employees and 29 free parking spaces. One is paid parking."
  8. Looks like NFT prices have hit rock bottom. Get your monkey for nothin' and your chimps for free.

    I want my, I want my, I want my NFT.
  9. I bought a sweater that kept giving me static shock Thankfully the store replaced it with another, free of charge.
  10. "Uniformed police eat free you say?" "No, sorry it's *uninformed* police eat free."
    "Oh, I didn't know."
    "It's on the house, officer."

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Free One Liners

Which free one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with free? I can suggest the ones about released and blank.

  1. I like my women like I like my slaves Educated and free.
  2. I like my women how I like my computer. On my lap.
    Turned on.
    Virus free.
  3. I like my woman like I like my laptop On my lap , turned on ,Virus free
  4. I gave away all my dead batteries today.. free of charge.
  5. I used my stimulus check to buy baby chickens Money for nothing, and the chicks for free
  6. With the UK leaving the EU, the union has some free space. Exactly 1GB
  7. Putting air in your tires used to be free now its costs a dollar... Its called inflation.
  8. Every program I write is completely error-free No exceptions!
  9. How much do used batteries cost? Nothing, they are free of charge.
  10. America is a free country. Free to Play, but Pay to Win.
  11. How much free space does the EU have since Great Britain left? 1 GB
  12. I think my cats are communists They expect free food and keep talking about Mao.
  13. Anyone can use my French Revolution joke It's royalty free.
  14. I got a free iPad and iPhone today. It's like... this gun is magic!!!
  15. What's the similarity between free healthcare and good jokes? Americans don't get them.

Free Love Jokes

Here is a list of funny free love jokes and even better free love puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • If you love someone, set them free. If they come back, nobody else wanted them either.
  • I love vegans The meat is better because its grass fed, locally sourced and free of harmful chemicals
  • I love volunteering so much.. I'd do it for free
  • Why do catholic priests love Halloween? Free delivery!
  • If you love someone, set them free. If they don't come back. call them up later when you're drunk !
  • Every body loves guns! Everytime I show them mine, they give me free stuff.
  • I'm an anaesthetist that moonlights as a meal designer for French Celiacs I love to leave people pain free
  • If you love something, set it free. If it comes back is was meant to be. That was definitely not a balloon.
  • If you love someone, set them free. If you hate someone, set them on fire.
  • My lawyer friend loves board games... ...but he has been sad lately, ever since he started that Risk-free 30-day trial.

Gluten Free Jokes

Here is a list of funny gluten free jokes and even better gluten free puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • A man walks into a bakery, points to some bread and asks... Man: 'Is this Gluten free?'
    Cashier: No.
    It costs $4.50
  • What's a racists favorite type of bread? Gluten Free, because they are intolerant.
  • What do you call a gluten free noodle? An impasta
  • I have a new recipe that's gluten free, sugar free, no-fat, non-GMO, pesticide free, low-calorie, vegan, kosher and paleo-friendly. It's a real breath of fresh air.
  • I went to a coffee shop. They had some great looking cakes. I pointed to a cake and asked the waiter:
    "Is this gluten free?"

    He replied:

    "No, it costs money!"
  • A band of Superheroes walk into a Gluten-free, Soy-Free, non-GMO, organic, fat-free restraunt.... Just Ice was served.
  • Man with a beard a 100 years ago: "Ok, I'll go chop down some trees." Man with beard today: " I found a great face mask that's gluten and cruelty free."
  • If the body of Christ cannot be gluten-free... Then I guess He is risen
  • Why is it so hard for economists to go gluten free? Because their food preferences are very sticky.
  • who decided to call it 'gluten free'… and not 'against the grain'?
Free joke, who decided to call it 'gluten free'…

Free Beer Jokes

Here is a list of funny free beer jokes and even better free beer puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • A neutron enters a bar Neutron: "How much for a beer"
    Bartender: "Oh it's free. No charge for you."
  • What does alcohol free beer taste like? Like going down on your sister. It tastes the same but something's not right.
  • A neutron went into a bar and ordered a beer, The bartender upon seeing him said "this one is free of charge".
  • A neutron walks into a bar... He says to the bartender, "How much for a beer?"
    Ther bartender replies, "For you, free of charge!"
  • A neutron walks in to a bar.... And orders a beer.
    Bartender said it was free of charge
  • Alcohol Free Beer Is a lot like going down on your sister.
     
    It tastes the same but it's just plain wrong.
  • I'm highly skeptical over the existence of "alcohol-free beer"... There's literally zero proof.
  • Germany decides that if they win the cup they would give out free beer for a year. Japan decides that if they win they would give out free sushi for a year. Let's go Colombiaaaaaa!!!
  • Drinking alcohol free beer is the same as going down on your sister It tastes the same, but feels wrong
  • I'm a bartender. Ladies always ask me if the sleep with me if they can get free beer. It's always sad that I have to tell them no But it's worth a shot

Alcohol Free Jokes

Here is a list of funny alcohol free jokes and even better alcohol free puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • What do you call an alcohol free Japanese city? Nadasaki
  • I asked my friend who the antagonist of Borderlands is. Me: "If you tell me, i'll give you some alcohol for free"
    Friend: "Alright then, hand some jack"
  • Alcoholics should become unfunny comedians all the free boos they could ask for
  • The Bible says I'll pay for my sins.
    I already do, Escorts, drugs and alcohol don't come free.
  • I will be doing an alcohol free month... I guess I'll have to find an alternative to ethanol as a solvent for my capsaicin extractions.
  • Temples are free to enter but still empty. Pubs charge to enter, but are full. People ignore inner peace &choose to pay for self destruction
  • LPT: Never accept a drink from a stranger at a bar. It could be alcohol-free!😱
  • You tell them you're quitting alcohol, they offer you free drinks. You tell them you're vegan, they offer you steaks and hamburgers.
    You tell them you have no s**... life and ... nobody bats an eye.
  • Drinking alcohol-free beer.. ..is like giving o**... s**... to your sister. The taste is the same, but deep inside, you know that something is terribly wrong.
  • Free Drink! p**... went to the Doctors. and said do you treat alcoholics , The Dr replied, of course we do ………p**... said great get your coat on, I'm feckin skint
Free joke, Free Drink!

Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about free can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of free puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

Cheeky Free Jokes to Experience Good Cheer & Frivolity

What funny jokes about free you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean complimentary jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make free prank.

A man and a boy walked into a barbershop together.

After the man got his haircut, he sat the boy in the barber's chair and said, "I'm just going to run around the corner to grab a paper." When the boy's haircut was donw, the man still hadn't returned. The barber said, "It looks like your dad's forgotten about you." "Oh, that wasn't my dad," the boy said, "He just walked up to me on the street, took my hand and said, "Come on, we're going to get a free haircut.""

What's the best part about having a h**... die on you?

The second hour is free.

My doctor said if I get 1000 upvotes he will perform free LASIK surgery!!

Upvote for visibility.

A 35 year old man goes to the doctor and asks to be castrated...

The doctor looks at him for a minute and asks if he is sure. The man says yes, he's thought about it for some time and thinks its time to get it done. The doctor says alright, it's your body.
After the procedure, the man wakes up and the doctor comes over for a chat. He tells the man that while he was down there, he threw in a free circumcision.
Circumcision! the man exclaims. That's the word I was looking for.

What's the best thing about f**... a gypsy on her period?

You get your palm red for free.

Bill Gates Goes Fishing

Bill Gates goes fishing. Suddenly his fishing pole starts to jiggle, he quickly pulls it and see a gold fish hanging on it's edge.
"WAIT! PLEASE DON'T EAT ME!" the fish screams.
Bill answers: "oh wow, a talking fish! That's amazing! There you go little guy, I was going to release you anyway" and sets him free.
The fish turns around and say: "Thank you, now how about a wish?"
Bill answers: "Oh alright... what do you want?"

Marriage, the real story

A husband walks into the bedroom to see his wife packing a suitcase. He asks, "What are you doing?"
She answers, "I'm moving to Nevada . I heard that prostitutes there get paid $400.00 for what I'm doing for YOU for FREE!"
Later that night, on her way out, the wife walks into the bedroom and sees her husband packing his suitcase.
When she asks him where he's going, he replies,
"I'm coming too. I want to see how you live on $800.00 a year."

For a moment, i had a different opinion on 'Chinese girls'

This Valentines day, I asked a Chinese girl for her number.
She said, "s**...! s**...! s**...! Free s**... tonight!"
I said, "Wow!"
Then her friend said, "She means 6**...-3629."

A man walks up to a g**... the street

He asks her "would you have s**... with me for a million dollars?"
The girl replies "hmm.. for a millian dollars sure!"
The man asks "would you have s**... with me for free?"
The girl replies "for free? What kind of girl do you think I am?
The man replies "we've already found what kind of girl you are now we are just negotiating a price."

McDonald's will give you a free combo meal...

McDonald's will give you a free combo meal and £127.38 if you go to the Drive Thru dressed as a clown.
With a gun.

Free shipping?

I walked into an airport with two bags:
"I want this one to go to Chicago, and this one to go to Paris."
"Sir, you can't do that."
"Why not? It happened the last time."

A man walks into a bar

and sees two pieces of meat hanging from the ceiling. He asks the bartender what the deal was about:
"Anyone who can jump up and slap the meat earns free drinks for the rest of the night", the bartender answered. "But, if you miss you pay everyone else's drinks for the next hour. Would you like to try?"
The man thought about it for a moment, and then answers:
"Nah, the stakes are too high."

A doctor and a lawyer

During a party, a doctor is telling a lawyer that he is sick of his friends asking him for free medical advice. The lawyer says, "just do what I do, and leave a bill in their mailbox." The doctor decides he'll give that a try and thanks his lawyer friend. When the doctor gets home, he has a bill in his mailbox from the lawyer.

Money or s**...

A woman preparing to leave her husband casually informs him, "I'm going to become a h**.... I can make $400 for what I give you for free."
"I'm coming with you," the man replies. "I want to see you live on $800 a year."

I was visiting NYC for the first time when a black guy walked up to me and asked if the Yankees won

I said, "yeah man, you're free!"

A man from out of town walks into a bar...

he sees large pieces of meat hanging from the ceiling. He asks the bartender why the meat is hanging down from the ceiling. The bartender says "Around these parts we have a challenge. If you can jump up and touch the meat, you get it for free. If you can't you have to pay the price of the meat but you don't get it. How about taking the bet?" The man looks up at the meat. "Nah" He says. "The steaks are too high.

You can freeze a human to -273.15 C

He'd be 0K.

Today I'm cancer free!

And all the days before that, but it still counts.

A man walks into a bar and sees 3 pieces of meat hanging from the ceiling

The guy asks, "What's this about?" The bartender replies, "Well, if you can jump up and slap the meat, you get free drinks for the rest of the night. If you miss, you pay for everyone's drink for the next hour. You wanna do it?" The guy replies, "Nah the steaks are too high".

Punctuality....

A company owner was asked a question, "How do you motivate your employees to be so punctual?"
He smiled & replied, "It's simple. I have 30 employees and 29 free parking spaces. One is paid parking."

A black guys walks into a bank...

... says "I'm looking for a job!"
The bank manager says, "Well, you're in luck! We have a position opening tomorrow that pays $48,000 a year and has access to a free car!"
The black guy says "You're joking."
The bank manager says "Well, you started it!"

Fidel Castro was a cigar-smoking, repressive leader who hated free speech and a free press.

Donald Trump, in comparison, doesn't smoke.

PSA: IF YOU RECEIVE AN EMAIL SAYING, "You've won two free tickets to a Justin Bieber concert!" DO NOT OPEN IT.

It contains two tickets to a Justin Bieber concert.

A man just released from prison was walking down the street shouting, "I'm free! I'm free!"...

A little boy yelled back at him, "that's nothing, I'm four!"

Why is free Wi-Fi never seen in churches?

Because no church wants to be challenged by an invisible power that actually works.

Stop spreading the fake news that women are forced to wear hijabs.

It's their free choice between wearing them or getting s**... to death.

A Mexican attempts to pass the border

A border control officer catches them and says, "Papers."
The Mexican replied, "Scissors."
The border control officer replied,"d**...! Well, you're free to go!"

Why did the dad proton want his daughter proton to marry an electron?

So the wedding would be free of charge

Humans are being tested against the new AI program

The robot beats the human in every category. It comes to one of the last ones: hunting. The robot again beats the human. However, someone working there sets the animals free again and tells them to try get them again. The robot doesn't move whilst the human wins because
ROBOTS CANT RECAPTCHA

Carl opened a zoo.

Carl opened a zoo and made the entry fee $60. No one turned up.
Carl made the entry fee $30. Yet again, no one turned up.
So, Carl made the zoo free to enter, soon enough, it was full.
Carl shut the gates, released the lions, and made the exit fee $60.

Go bungee jumping for free!

No strings attached.

A guy walks into a bar and sees a bunch of meat hanging on the wall.

He sits down and asks the bartender what the deal is with the meat. Bartender says the deal is if you want a free drink you gotta jump up and touch the meat but if you miss, you buy a round for the bar. The guy takes another look at the meat and the bartender asks if he's in. No, says the guy the steaks are too high.

During the French Revolution a doctor, a lawyer, and an engineer were facing execution on the guillotine.

The doctor was first, but the blade jammed and the doctor was set free due to Divine Intervention.
The lawyer was next, again the blade jammed, and was also set free.
As the engineer was being led to his doom, he glanced up at the blade and said Wait a minute! I think I see the problem…

"We Do Not Have A Child s**... Colony On Mars."

They are free to leave the dome whenever they wish.

As a Canadian..

Every time I hear a bad joke about being Canadian...
...I go right to the Hospital and get my feelings checked for free

A resourceful woman...

A woman gets into a very busy restaurant around lunch time.
She is told the next available table would be free in an hour.
She holds her phone to her ear, and with a loud voice says:
"*Honey, you won't believe it, but your husband is having lunch with his girlfriend at so-and-so restaurant*"
Half the diners instantly get up and rush to the exit..

So a guy walks into a bar and sees three steaks taped to the ceiling....

He then asks the bartender why are there three steaks taped to the ceiling? The bartender says well you get one shot, if you jump up and touch one of the steaks then you get free drinks for the rest of the day, however if you miss, you must buy everyone else's drinks for the next hour. The guy ponders for a minute and then says, I would do it, but the stakes are too high.

s**...! s**...! s**...! Free s**... tonight!

I asked a Chinese girl for her number. She said, "s**...! s**...! s**...! Free s**... tonight!" I said, "Wow!" Then her friend said, "She means 6**...-3629."

I watched the video of my wedding backwards.

I almost cried when I took the ring back, gave her back to her father, moonwalked out of the church, and went away, free.
Wow: I made it to front page! Thanks guys!

I was at a bar one night when I heard the most amazing rendition of Free Bird being played. I headed to the stage to find my local magistrate behind the guitar & on the mic. I was so impressed that I hired him to play my wedding, but he insisted on playing his original music which was terrible.

Just goes to show, never book a judge by his cover.

A Calvinist dies and goes to Heaven

He sees two doors. One is labeled free will, and the other is predestination. He walks through the predestination door and an angel asks him why he was here. The Calvanist replies, "I saw this door and decided to walk through it." The angel replies, "You can't be here, you chose this."
Dejected, he goes into the other door. Its angel asks him why he was here.
He replies, "I had no choice"

My parents used to tell me that drug dealers would offer me free drugs until i got addicted to them, then they would charge me extremly high prices for it once i got addicted.

Looking at games in the App Store, I think all those drug dealers turned to game developers.

Dear Brits: We have received your ultimatum and have scrounged for the ransom...

...but we could only come up with half.
Feel free to him back halfway and we'll wire the funds. Thanks, the US

My girlfriend is mad because I keep getting free drinks around town by saying I'm engaged

She said "Why is it that every time you say your engaged people congratulate you and buy you a drink, but when I say it they charge me double?"
I told her that when she says it they expect to see a ring but when I say it they expect to see an empty wallet

Im going to freeze myself at -273.15 °C

My friends are worried, but ill be 0K

A man walks into his bedroom and sees his wife packing a suitcase

He asks, "What are you doing?"
She replies, "I'm off to New York City. I read that prostitutes there get paid $400 for doing what I do for you for free."
Later, on her way out, the wife walks into the bedroom and sees her husband packing his suitcase.
"Where are you going?" she asks
"I'm coming with you. I want to see how you live on $800 a year"

A jewel thief entered a house mid-afternoon. He t**... the woman and at knife-point asked the man to hand over the jewelry and money. The man started sobbing and said, You can take anything you want. You can even p**... whip me, but please untie the rope and free her.

Thief: You must really love your wife!
Man: No, but she will be home shortly .

A guy walks into a bar and sees 3 pieces of meat hanging from the ceiling.

The guy asks "what's this about?". the bartender replies, "well, if you can jump up and slap the meat, you get free drinks for the rest of the night. If you miss, you pay for everyone's drinks for the next hour. You want to have a go?" The guy replies, "No thanks, the steaks are too high."

You can tell Monopoly is an old game...

...because there's free parking, a luxury tax and rich people can actually go to jail.

A desert island with six women

A bloke found himself stranded on a desert island with six women. To keep it fair, it was decided he would service a different woman every night and have Mondays free. After a few months the man was exhausted, realising how tiring it was to perform constantly every night except one. Then one day, to his joy, he found a man washed up on the beach who would be able to take some of the workload from him. However, his hopes were shattered when the man's first words were, "Hi, gorgeous, how about the kiss of life?"
'Oh f\*c**...,' thinks the man, 'there goes Mondays.'

My hot flight attendant asked how I like my coffee

Trying to sound cool, I told her I like my coffee like I like my women. And that's when she told me "That's cute honey, but the coffee's free. You don't have to pay for it here!"

A man walks in a bar and shouts free beers outside! So everyone in the bar, except the bartender, ran outside in excitement.

The bartender, visibly angry, yells at the man what the h**... did you do that for? Now i have no customers!!
The man says Sorry mister, i honestly didnt fink any of those men would be brave enough to fight a grizzly beer, let alone free of them

The sweater my wife gave me for Xmas was picking up static electricity, so I went to the store to change it.

They gave me another one, free of charge.

Why did the Proud Boy check on his sad friend?

To make sure his friend was feeling... alt-right.
Feel free to downvote me to reddit h**......

Anybody interested in a free ride in a helicopter for 4 people? I'm still looking for 2 more adults to join me and my wife.

We leave early Saturday morning (Feb 6th) from New York and will fly to Boston , where we will have breakfast, then have lunch on a friend's yacht.
Then we'll do a flight along the coast, up to Cape Elizabeth returning to Boston for dinner, then fly back home. If interested, please message me.

Preferably someone with a helicopter and yacht, otherwise we can't go.

In honour of my first cake day, here's a few of my favourite riddles. Feel free to try them on your friends.

Q: What gets bigger, the more you take away from it?
A: A hole
Q: What two words have thousands of letters in them?
A: Post office
Q: The maker doesn't want it, the buyer doesn't use it and the user doesn't see it. What is it?
A: A coffin
Q: What travels all over the world, but stays in the corner?
A: A stamp
Q: What runs all around a field, but doesn't move?
A: A fence
Q: What starts with E, ends with e and only has one letter in it?
A: Envelope

President Joe Biden announced that he would give a free bottle of Bud Light to anyone who got a vaccine.

Not to be outdone, the next day, the President Obrador of Mexico announced that he would give a bottle of Corona to anyone who got a vaccine.
The day after, the President Higgins of Ireland announced that he'd be giving out free bottles of water.
Biden and Obrador were confused and gave the Irish President a Zoom call. "We kinda expected you to give out free Guiness, being from Ireland and all"
The Irish President replied: "Well, if you guys aren't giving out beer, then neither am I."

You know how people were joking about 2021 sounding like 2020 won ?

Well, next year is 2020 too.
Only when that year is over will it finally be 2020 free.

A woman sues a man for defamation of character, charging that he called her a pig.

The man is found guilty and made to pay damages. After the trial, he asks the judge, Does this mean that I can no longer call Ms. Harding a pig?
The judge says, That is correct.
And does it mean that I can't call a pig Ms. Harding?
No, says the judge, you are free to call a pig Ms. Harding. There is no crime in that.
The man looks Ms. Harding in the eye and says, Good afternoon, Ms. Harding.

Old Fridge

A guy bought a new fridge for his house. To get rid of his old fridge, he put it in his front yard and hung a sign on it saying, "Free to good home—you want it you take it." For three days, the fridge sat there without even one person looking twice at it.
He eventually decided that people were rather skeptical about such a good deal, so he changed the sign to read, "Fridge for sale, $50."
The next day, someone stole it.

A husband comes home to find his wife with her suitcases packed in the living room.

Where the h**... do you think you're going? he says.
I'm going to Las Vegas. You can earn $400 for a b**... there, and I figured that I might as well earn money for what I do to you free.
The husband thinks for a moment, goes upstairs, and comes back down, with his suitcase packed as well.
Where do you think you going? the wife asks.
I'm coming with you…I want to see how you survive on $800 a year!!!

Free joke, A husband comes home to find his wife with her suitcases packed in the living room.

jokes about free

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these free jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.