Free Throw Jokes

Chuck Norris jokes

When Chuck Norris' code throws exceptions, it's across the room.
Chuck Norris' keyboard doesn't have a Ctrl key, because nothing controls Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can delete the recycling bin.
Chuck Norris threw a grenade and killed 50 people. And then the grenade exploded.
When Chuck Norris goes into a room, he doesn't turn the lights on, he turns the dark off.
Feel free to add more. Shamelessly stolen from the internet.

A guy walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a dinner menu.

The bartender hands him a dart. Puzzled, the guy asks the bartender why he gave him a dart instead of a menu.
The bartender points up to the ceiling and says "I'll make you a bet. Do you see those two ribeye steaks above you? If you can throw the dart up and make it stick to one of them, I'll give you all the drinks you want tonight and both steaks for free. If not then you have to buy a round of drinks for everyone.. What'll it be?"
After a few seconds of thinking, the guy hands the bartender back the dart and says "Nah, the steaks are too high."

Homeless and thirsty.

Two homeless guys were sitting around and wanting a drink. With only a couple bucks in between them they realized that was barely one beer. Hobo A takes the money and heads out. He comes back with a pack of hot dogs. Hobo B yells at him for bringing back food instead of beer. Hobo A says "Trust me. Just put one of the hot dogs in your pants." They walk into a bar and order a couple of rounds. when the bill came Hobo A unzips B's pants and starts s**... on the hot dog. The bartender yells for security to throw them out immediately. Without paying the tab they get thrown out and goes to the next bar. They repeat this for 5 bars. Once they got back to their sleeping area Hobo A says "See? I told you it was a great idea! Good and drunk for free!" Hobo B says "You have no idea. I lost the pack of hot dogs in the first bar!"

My boss has some winners, but I always get a chuckle from this one. (Pretty Long)

A man and his dog walk into a bar, the man sits down, and his dog follows in suit. The bartender asks, "What can I get you?" The man orders a shot of whiskey and drinks it as soon as the glass hits the bar. "That'll be $3.50." the bartender says promptly. "What if I told you that my dog is able to talk? Would you let me drink for free?" The bartender quickly rebuts. "A talking dog? Sure, why not" So the man looks to his dog and asks Ol' Scruffy; "Scruffy! Tell this barkeep what keeps this bar dry during rainy days" "Ruff!" the dog says. The bartender, now frustrated, says "Ok Pal, Where's my $3.50?" The man waves him off and explains that Scruffy is merely jesting and orders another shot, which the bartender pours and watches the shot disappear. "Ok Scruffy, who is the greatest baseball player that has ever played the game?" "Ruff!" The dog replies with a wagging tail. The bartender now gets fed up with the man and his "talking" dog and throws them to the street. The man gets up, wipes his face and looks to Scruffy. Scruffy looks up and says "Well, I guess I should have said Joe DiMaggio"

Only in Australia

A farmhand in Australia was out checking farm fences in his Land Cruiser when he hit something. He radioed the farm for advice.
"There's a pig stuck in the bullbar and is still alive but he's k**... and squealing so much I can't get him free," he said.
"Okay," said the boss. "In the back of the 'cruiser there's a p**.... Put it up to the pig's head and shoot it. When its body goes all limp you'll be able to get it off the bullbar and throw it into the bush."
About 15 minutes later the farmhand called in again, "I did what you said, boss. I shot the pig in the head, he went all limp and I got him out of the bullbar, no problem. But I still can't go on."
"Why not?" asked the boss. "What's the problem now?"
"Well it's his motorbike ... the fender and flashing blue light is jammed in the wheel-well."

A man goes to a bar says, "Barman drinks on me to you the owner and everybody else in here!"
Comes the end of the night the man say...sorry man it seems i forgot my wallet.
The barman kicks him in the guts and throws him out.
The next day the man comes again, "Barman drinks on me to you the owner and everybody else in here!"
Comes the end of the night the man say...sorry man i don't have any money on me.
The barman hits him in the face with bar stool brakes his leg and throws him out.
The following day the man comes to the bar again, "Barman drinks on me for the owner and everybody else in here!"
Barman says, "What am not getting a free drink tonight?"
"Sorry man but you get violent when you drink."