Free Beer Jokes

Hilarious puns and funny pick up lines

What does alcohol free beer taste like?

Like going down on your sister. It tastes the same but something's not right.

A man walks into a bar

He notices some pieces of meat hanging down from the ceiling. He goes up to the bartender and asks "What's with the meat on the ceiling?"

Bartender:"It's a challenge. If you can jump up and touch one, you get free beer for a night."


Man:"Nah, pass".
Bartender: "What? Why not?"

Man:"The steaks are too high"

A man walks into a bar and orders a drink.

Then he notices there are pieces of meat nailed to the ceiling of the bar so he asks the barman what they are for. The barman replies, "If you can jump up and pull one of them down you get free beer all night. If you fail, you have to pay the bar Β£100. Do you want to have a go?"
The man thinks about it for a minute before saying, "Nah, the steaks are too high!"

A neutron went into a bar and ordered a beer,

The bartender upon seeing him said "this one is free of charge".

Multi-level Meta Joke

A guy walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a free drink. The bartender says "I'll give you a free drink if you can tell me a multi-level meta joke." So the guy says "A guy walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a free drink. The bartender says "I'll give you a free drink if you can tell me a meta joke." So the guy says "A guy walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a free drink. The bartender says "I'll give you a free drink if you can tell me a good joke." So the guy says "What do you do when you see a spaceman? You park, man." So the bartender gives him a free beer." So the bartender gives him a free beer." So the bartender gives him a free beer.

Australian, Englishman and Irishman man are sitting in a Pub

Australian, Englishman and Irishman man are sitting in a Pub with cold beers and all are relaxed.

Aussie says "Great, but back home there is a bar where the barman buys you your 5th beer once you've bought your fourth"

Well, says the Englishman, "back in Manchester my local has a buy 2 and get one for free policy".

Aah! says the Irishman, "in Dublin there's a bar where you get free drinks as soon as you walk in and they keep them coming all evening.Then they take you upstairs and you get non stop sex all night".

"What, youve actually experienced this yourself"? asks the Aussie.

Well "no" says the Irishman "but me sister has"!

Best drink specials

A Californian, a Texan and an Oregonian are shooting the shit when the topic of bars with the best drink specials comes up.

The Texan says, "I was at a bar the other night where every beer is 25 cents during happy hour."

The Californian says "Oh yeah, well this other bar I know offers that same special, plus after you buy 6 beers you get a free cheeseburger."

The Oregonian, not to be outdone, gets excited and says "Ha, that's nice, but I know a place where every single drink is free and at the end of the night you get laid in the parking lot."

"What? That's amazing!", the other two say, "how did you find that place?"

"My wife told me", he says.

Drink for free

A man walks into a bar. The bartender says, How'd you like to drink for free?"
The man, obviously interested, replies, "Of course! What do I gotta do?"
The bar tender says, "See those pieces of meat hangin' from the ceiling over there? If you can reach up and give 'em a good slap without goin' up on yer toes, or jumpin', or nuthin the drinks are on the house."
The man quietly refuses. Shaking his head, he orders a beer and reaches for his wallet.
The bartender, stumped, asks the man why he won't even try.
The man curtly replies, "Sorry, but the steaks are too high."

A neutron walks into a bar...

He says to the bartender, "How much for a beer?"
Ther bartender replies, "For you, free of charge!"

The Bar's Basement Challenge

Three guys walk into a bar and see a poster:

*The Basement Challenge*

*If you can sit in my basement for a day, I'll give you free beer forever.*

*Signed*

*Pappy O'Hooligan*

They tell the bartender they're in and he leads the first guy downstairs.

The first guy walks out after five minutes and says, "It's impossible, you got a swarm of flies in there."

So the second man tries his luck, but can't take more than an hour.

Finally, the third man goes down. When he returns a day later, the others ask him how he did it.

He says, "Easy! I took a shit in one corner and sat in the other corner!"

A man goes to a bar every night at 5:30...

He sits down and orders 3 beers. One day, the bartender asks, "Hey man, what's with the 3 beers? Why not just order one glass?" The man says, "My brothers and I made an agreement that wherever we are in the world, at 5:30 every night, we'll 'share a beer,' to remind each other of our bond. 1 for each of us." The bartender is touched and gives them to him for free. One day, the bartender notices that the man only orders 2 and assuming that one of the brothers passed away, offers his condolences, to which the man laughs and says, "Nobody died, I just gave up beer. I'm on a diet."

A driver walks into a bar with a pet...

A driver walks into a bar with A pet crocodile by his side.

He puts the crocodile up on the bar. He turns to the astonished patrons.
'I'll make you a deal. I'll open this crocodile's mouth and place my manhood inside. Then the croc will close his Mouth for one minute.

'Then he'll open his mouth And I'll remove my unit unscathed. In return for witnessing this spectacle, Each of you will buy me a drink.'

The crowd murmured their approval. The man stood up on the bar, dropped his trousers, And placed his Johnson and related parts in the crocodile's open mouth.

The croc closed his mouth As the crowd gasped. After a minute, The man grabbed a beer Bottle and smacked the crocodile hard on the top of Its head.

The croc opened his mouth And the man removed his genitals unscathed as promised.

The crowd cheered, And the first of his free Drinks were delivered.

The man stood up again and made another offer. 'I'll pay anyone $100 who's willing to give it a try.'

A hush fell over the crowd. After a while, a hand went up in the back of the bar.

A Blonde woman timidly Spoke up..........

'I'll try it - Just don't hit me so hard With The Beer Bottle:)

"free"

A guy walks into the bar of a restaurant and goes to the bartender and asks "how much for a beer?" The bartender replies "free". The customer completely amazed, orders a beer then asks the bartender "Well then how much for a NY sirloin, with side of mashed potatoes and salad, and an entire cheesecake for desert?" The Bartender reply's "free". The guy still amazed then orders everything and after he is done eating his meal then says "Wow, this place is amazing, I really wish I could meet the owner of this place". The bartender then says "Oh well, he's upstairs in his office with my wife". The guy looks all confused then asks "What is he doing upstairs in his office with your wife?" The bartender then says "The same thing I'm doing to his business".

A man walks into a bar with a box...

... And sits down and calls the bartender over. He says "If I show you the neatest thing you've ever seen, will you give me a free beer?" The bartender, thinking, he's seen everything, takes the man up on the offer. The man pulls the lid off the box and inside is a little man, jamming away at a piano. "He plays Bach, Mozart, you name it" the man says, as the bartender looks on.

"So, how'd you get your hands on him?" The bartender asks.

"With this lamp. Rub it and you'll be granted one wish" The man pulls a lamp out of his pocket and passes it to the bartender. The bartender rubs it and says, "I'd like a million bucks". POOF, there are ducks everywhere, flying around and shitting on everything. "Why didn't you tell me your genie was defective?" he yells.

"Yeah, well, I didn't ask for a 12 inch pianist either."

A guy walks into a bar with his pet alligator...

He puts the gator up on the bar, and faces the patrons. "If I open this alligator's mouth and place my genitals inside, leave them there for five minutes, then remove my unit unscathed, will each of you buy me a drink?" The crowd mumurs its approval, so he gets up on the bar, drops his pants, and places his privates in the alligators open mouth. The gator then closes its mouth as the crowd gasps.
After five minutes, the man grabs a beer bottle and raps the alligator hard on the top of its head. The gator opens its mouth and the man removes his genitals unscathed, as promised. The crowd cheers, and the first of his free drinks is delivered. "Anyone else have the guts to give it a try?" the man dares the crowd. After a few seconds a blonde woman timidly speaks up. "I'll do it, but no hitting me on the head with the bottle."

"Free beer for life if you can complete The Challenge."

A man walks into a bar. He orders a drink and sits down. He notices a sign next the bar that says, "Free beer for life if you can complete The Challenge. Ask at bar for details."

So he walks over to the bar and asks the barman, "So what's this challenge then?"

The barman says, "Okay, well, there's a pitcher full of tequila in the corner. You have to down that in one go. Next, you have to run outside. There's an alligator out there with a sore tooth. You have to pull out that tooth. Then, run upstairs. Up there you'll find my wife. She's never had an orgasm in her life. I want you to go up there and give her the best sex she's ever had. If you can complete all three tasks you will be entitled to free beer for life. You think you're up to it?"

The man thinks for a moment then says, "Okay, deal!"

He runs to the pitcher full of tequila and proceeds to down the whole thing in one go.

He then stumbles outside. There is a lot of screaming and growling and snapping coming from outside. Finally, after about 30 minutes, the man returns. His shirt and jeans are ripped to shreds and he is covered in blood.

The man slurs, "Right. Where's this woman with the sore tooth?"

The Beer-Bottle Genie

A young man is walking along the beach, when he spies a beer bottle in the sand. Picking it up, he brushes it off to see what brand it is, when a genie popped out. In a thundering voice, it proclaimed, "I am the beer bottle genie! For freeing me, I will grant you any three wishes, BUT the condition is, every lawyer in the world will get TWO of that!"
So the kid thought, and decided, "I want a briefcase filled with a million dollars!"
POOF! A briefcase instantly appeared in front if him. Meanwhile, two brief cases with a million dollars each appeared in front of every lawyer in the world.
"And for my next wish," he added, "I would like a red Porsche."
POOF! One appeared in front of him on the sand. And two Porsches appeared in the garages of every lawyer in the world.
"All right," said the genie, " for your last wish think really hard. Okay, time's up! What do you want?"
"Well," said the boy, "I've always wanted to donate a kidney..."

Ghost


A man comes into a bar, orders a beer and takes out of a bag a tiny piano and a 10 inch high man. He puts the man behind the piano and the little man starts playing. People are amazed!
The owner of the bar offers the man free drinks all evening and at closing time he asks: 'I'm sorry, but where did you get him?'
Well, said the man, I found an old oillamp and when I was cleaning it a ghost came out and told me that I could make a whish.
O, said the barkeeper, do you still have that lamp? Yes, said the man. Could you bring it tomorrow, asked the barkeeper.
I'll do that, said the man.
Next evening the man brought the lamp, the barkeeper cleaned it up and the ghost came out.
You can make a wish, said the ghost to the barkeeper.
I wish a million bucks, said the barkeeper.
Right at that moment thousands and thousands of ducks came flying in the bar, shitting everywhere.
I don't understand, said the barkeeper, I've asked for bucks, not ducks!
Well, said the man, do you really think I've asked for a 10 inch pianist?

Yay for bar jokes!

A bartender is bored at work, as it is a slow night. There are far fewer customers than usual, and he still has another two hours before close. One of his patrons is quite drunk, but running low on money. The drunk man says "Hey barkeep! If you give me a free drink, I will recite all 50 states backwards alphabetically." The bartender thinks for a bit, but submits to the drunk's request due to boredom. Sure enough, the drunk chugs down the beer and flawlessly recites all fifty states backwards alphabetically.

The bartender is quite impressed. The drunk then makes a wild claim that he can whistle dixie with his asshole. In complete disbelief, the bartender tells him that he will give him two drinks if he can do it. The drunk agrees, jumps up on the bar, pulls down his pants, and takes a huge shit all over the bar. The bartender yells out "What the fuck man?!? I thought you said you were going to wistle dixie with your ass! Not take a shit on my bar!"

The drunk replies "Well shit man, even Bing Crosby needs to clear his throat!"

A man walks into a bar and puts a shoebox down on the table...

He says, "I'll have a beer and a shot of Jack Daniels for my friend in the box."
The bartender looks down and sees a small man playing the piano. He brings the drinks and then asks, "Where'd you get this little guy?"
The man at the bar replies, "I was walking on the beach when I found a bottle lying in the sand. I was dusting it off when a genie came out and this was my first wish."
The bartender is thinking that maybe he can trade something for this guys wish. Now, this guy is feeling pretty generous so he agrees to giving up his second wish in exchange for free food and drinks. The bartender grabs the bottle, rubs it, and exclaims, "I wish for a million bucks!"
Then, the door slams open and a million white ducks come marching into the bar.
The man at the bar says, "I think the genie is hard of hearing."
"What makes you say that?" asks the bartender.
"You think I wished for a twelve inch pianist?"

A man goes into a bar...

...and orders a beer. The barman gives him a beer and tells him that it is on the house.

When the man orders a second beer, he tries to pay but the barman refuses to take his money.

This continues for well over an hour, and the man realizes that the barman isn`t charging anyone for the drinks.

Finally he asks the barman why he is giving all the booze away for free. The barman answers, "I just found out that the owner is having an affair with my wife. So I am doing to his business what he`s doing to her."

Three tourists are having a drink in an expensive bar in Times Square

They're all astounded by the prices of the drinks.

One of the tourists says, "back in my favorite bar in Liverpool, every time you ordered a beer, you'd get another one on the house!"

The tourist from Ireland says, "that's impressive but back in my favorite pub in Dublin, every time you ordered a beer, you'd get a beer and a shot of whiskey on the house!"

Not to be outdone, the tourist from Poland says, "that's nothing. Back in Warsaw, not only were the drinks free but they took you to a room in the back where you had sex!"

The other two tourists are amazed, they say, "that's incredible! That really happened to you?"

The Polish tourist says, "well, not to me but to my sister."

Alcohol Free Beer

Is a lot like going down on your sister.
 
It tastes the same but it's just plain wrong.

A homosexual man, a smoker, and an alcoholic die and go to heaven.

(disclaimer: I personally do not find homosexuality to be a "vice" or in any way immoral, but the joke is funny, so I pass it on here.)


Three men: a homosexual, a smoker, and an alcoholic, die and are talking to St. Peter at the pearly gates.

"All three of you have partaken in vices that are against the will of the Lord. God is merciful, though, so he will give you one more chance at life if you can remain vice-free. You will all be sent back to Earth, but the exact second that any of you three returns to your old vices, you will be sent back to heaven."

The three men are transported back to Earth, and they go along the sidewalk through town together.

They passed by a bar, and the alcoholic started to quiver and shake a little. He finally couldn't take it any more and bolted into the bar, ordered a beer, and started to gulp it down. At the exact moment that the beer touched his tongue, *POOF* he disappeared.

The other two men continued down the street. They passed by some cigarette butts on the ground. The smoker started to itch his palm nervously and glared down longingly at the cigarette butts. He finally decided he couldn't take it any more, and he leaned over to pick up the cigarette butt. Suddenly *POOF*

Both men disappeared.

[

A redneck goes into the doctor for a vasectomy...

A redneck goes into the doctor for a vasectomy and says to to the doctor

"Doc, I got all these screamin youngins runnin round the trailer and no matter what the wife and I try, we always ends up pregnant. But I can't afford no medical procedure!!"

The doctor sits and thinks a minute and replies...

"Ok, tonight when you're drinking your evening beer's. Put a cherry bomb in your beer, light it and count to 10..."

The redneck, looking confused, but not going to contradict a doctor nods his head, says thank you and leaves.

That evening he sits on the front porch and puts a cherry bomb into his beer, lights it and starts counting out on his beer free hand,

"1..2..3..4..5...."

Sticks the beer between his legs and starts counting on his other hand.

"6..7..8...."

Talking Dog

So an old tramp walks into a bar with his dog. He's says to the barman 'if I can make this dog talk will you give me a beer. ' the barman replies 'mate if you can get that dog to talk you'll be drinking free beer for a week'. The tramp puts the dog on the bar and everyone gazed at it expectantly....nothing! The barman kicks the tramp and his dog onto the street. The tramp turns to the dog and says 'why didn't you talk?'. The dog slightly embarrassed turns back to the tramp and says - 'well I didn't know what to say'

Drinking alcohol-free beer..

..is like giving oral sex to your sister. The taste is the same, but deep inside, you know that something is terribly wrong.

Meta joke

A guy walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a free drink. The bartender says "I'll give you a free drink if you can tell me a multi-level meta joke." So the guy says "A guy walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a free drink. The bartender says "I'll give you a free drink if you can tell me a meta joke." So the guy says "A guy walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a free drink. The bartender says "I'll give you a free drink if you can tell me a good joke." So the guy says "What do you do when you see a spaceman? You park, man." So the bartender gives him a free beer." So the bartender gives him a free beer." So the bartender gives him a free beer.

Be careful what you wish for

Two guys are fishing when one of them catches a fish. He brings it in the boat and as he cuts it open to clean it, a genie pops out and says, "Thanks for freeing me. I will grant you one wish."

The fisherman looks around and says, "Well, we are almost out of beer, how about you turn this whole damn lake into beer". *POOF* the genie grants his wish and leaves.

His partner slaps him on the chest and says, "What the hell did you do that for, now we have to piss in the boat!!"

So there's this Irish Pub..

in Ireland of all places. Anywho, its getting towards the end of the night and the bartender rings the bell calling, "Last drinks! Last drinks! And anyone who can come up with the best cheers gets their last drink for free!"

After hearing this everyone in the pub runs up to the bar and starts shouting at the bartender their best cheers. The bartenders hears a few of them over the noise and dismisses them with a wave of the hand, "No, none of those will do!"

When its gets quiet one man raises his beer, "I have one! I say cheers to spending the rest of my life between the legs of my wife!"

Everyone raises their beer in approval and this man gets his free beer.

Later that night this man walks home and gets into bed with his wife. His wife wakes and turns to her husband, "You're home late."

"Yeah, well I won the cheers!"

"Ah, what'd you say?"

"What'd I say.." The man thinks for a moment, he doesn't want to get in trouble with his wife, "I said cheers to spending the rest of my life.. at church next to my wife!"

"Aww, such a lovely thing to say" exclaims the wife and she goes back to sleep.

The very next day the wife is waiting in line at the local bakery. A man who heard the cheers at the pub walks up to the wife and says, "You know your husband devoted the cheers to you last night."

To which the wife replies, "Yeah I don't understand it, I mean he hasn't been down there in years and I have to pull his ear to come!"

A Man Walks Into A Bar.....(Read this one aloud)

A man is working his job as a bartender one night. A man comes into the bar and sits down near him. He pulls a tiny piano and a 12 inch man out of his shirt, and begins to listen as the little man plays piano. The bartender says, "That's amazing! Where did you meet this guy?" The man responds, "Oh, a genie gave him to me. He's down the street right now, giving out free wishes".So the bartender took his break, and went down the street to meet the genie. The man found a person sitting on the street and asked if he was the genie. "Yeah" said the genie. The bartender immediately said "I wish for a million bucks!" Suddenly, a huge flock of ducks flew out of the sky and began attacking him. He ran back to the bar, where the other man was drinking his beer. "That genie sucked! I wished for a million bucks and he gave me a million ducks!" The man looked at the bartender and said "Do you really think I wished for a 12 inch pianist?"

I'm highly skeptical over the existence of "alcohol-free beer"...

There's literally zero proof.

A Man and An Octopus Walk Into a Bar...

A man an an Octopus walk into a bar. They sit down and the man orders a beer. A few minutes go by and the bar tender says "I gotta ask, what's the deal with the Octopus?". The man replies "Well, he plays instruments". The bar tender laughs, to which the customer replies, "I bet you a free tab that this guy can play any instrument you have in this bar". The bartender agrees.

First the bartender points to the Piano. The Octopus plays the Piano. The bartender then goes into the back and brings out a Guitar. The Octopus successfully plays the Guitar. Next he brings out a small Drum kit, which the Octopus also plays. The man says "Alright, I win". The bartender shakes his head and goes into the back again. He pulls out a Clarinet, the Octopus manages to squeak out and Ode to Joy but he's not going to win any awards for it. Finally, the bartender pulls out a set of Bagpipes and places it on the bar. The Octopus just stares at them.

The man says, "You mean to tell me you can play the Piano, Guitar, Drums, Clarinet, but you can't play the Bagpipes?". The Octopus replies, "Play it? Hell mister, if I can figure out how to get its pajamas off, I'm going to have sex with it!"

Win some beer...

So a guy came into a bar and saw these small stripes at the very end of the table. He asked the bartender what for they were used.
The bartender replied "the men that just left measured their d!cks, the one with the longest got a free beer."
The guy said he could do better, so he went to the side with the stripes, put his d!ck on the table and screamed "I won, free beer for me!"
On what the bartender replied: "They were playing from the other side of the table."

Alcohol Free Beer [NSFW[]

Alcohol-free beer is like licking your girlfriend's sisters' pussy, it looks the same and it tastes the same but it just isn't right.

A guy walks into a bar.

While walking in, he notices a glass of beer on the roof. Not paying much attention to it, he goes up to the bartender and says:

"So I read on the sign post outside that the first drink is free."

To which the bartender replies: "Yeah, first one's on the house."

Two men wisely spend one dollar..

Two men only have a dollar to spend. They both decide to spend this dollar on a beer. One of them leaves and comes back with a hot dog.

"Why did you buy a hotdog? You were supposed to get a beer!"

"Listen, I'm going to put this hot dog in my zipper. We will go to all the gay bars around here and I'll get down on you. The bartenders and people will love us so much that we will get free beer all night!"

The two men ended up going to 9 bars, getting free beer the whole way. When they get to the tenth bar one guy looks to the other and says..

"Hey, my knees are starting to hurt from getting down on you so much."

The other guy replies, "You think you've got it bad? You lost that hot dog 4 bars ago."

An Irishman reels in a magic lamp...

Two Irish men are fishing on a lake when one of them reels in something strange. The Irishman sees he has reeled in a magic lamp and a genie pops out. The genie says to the one man "thank you for freeing me from that lamp. I have been trapped in there for ages. To show my thanks I shall grant you one wish." The one Irishman thinks for a second and wishes for the whole lake to turn into beer. The lake is instantly changed and the genie goes on his way. The wisher looks at his friend and says "what do you think about that?" The other Irishman replies "I think you're an asshole, now we have to piss in the boat."

A multi-level meta joke

So a guy walks into a bar and asks for a free beer. The bartender says to him I'll give you a free beer if you tell me a multi-level meta joke. So the guy says A guy walks into a bar and asks for a free beer. The bartender says to him 'I'll give you a free beer if you tell me a meta joke.' So the guy says A guy walks into a bar and asks for a free beer. The bartender says to him I'll give you a free beer if you tell me a joke. So the guy says What did the bow tie say to the top hat? You go on a head, I'll hang around. ' So the bartender gave him a beer. So the bartender gave him a beer. So the bartender gave him a beer.

Heineken free beer joke

I just pulled in a quick trip today and this guy says to me. "Hey, do you want a free twelve pack of Heineken?"
Me "Yeah, sure I will take it."
He says "Come over here. You can have a twelve-pack of Heineken if you let me touch your dick."
I was "Touch my dick?! What do you mean?"
He answered, "I want to hold it, grab it, pad it..."

After this, I said "Dude, total fuckers out there" while drinking my Heineken.

Two guys and out fishing when one hooks a magic lamp.

He pulls it into the boat and rubs the lamp to read the writing on it. A genie pops out and says for freeing me from the lamp I will give you one wish. The fisherman told the genie to turn the lake into beer. Poof, it was done. The other fisherman yells at him, "you bastard, Now we have to piss in the boat!"

FREE BEER FOR LIFE

A guy walks into a bar and notices a sign on the wall behind the bartender that reads: "FREE BEER FOR LIFE.. just ask your bartender how." Not paying much attention the guy walks over to the bar and orders a drink. After a half hour or so of having a few beers to himself he decides he's going to ask the bartender how he can get free beer for life. He approaches the bartender and says, "Excuse me how can I get free beer for life?" The bartender says "Well it's a simple three step process:

1. You have to eat a whole jar of habanero peppers.
2. You have to go into that first room where there's an alligator with a sore tooth, and you have to pull it out without getting a scratch on you.
3. In that second room there's a woman who has never had an orgasm, and your back has to be covered in scratches to prove that you gave her one."

So the man orders a few shots to get himself ready. After about five shots he grabs the jar of peppers and eats the whole thing as fast as he can, juice and all. With his mouth practically burning he orders a few more shots, downs them, and goes into the first room. As soon as he closes the door all the rest of the bar can hear is loud thrashing and yelling sounds coming form the room. After three minutes the guy opens the door, and walks out all sweaty and bleeding. Catching his breath the guy looks at the bartender and says:

"Alright, now where's the bitch with the sore tooth?"

Germany decides that if they win the cup they would give out free beer for a year. Japan decides that if they win they would give out free sushi for a year.

Let's go Colombiaaaaaa!!!

A German and a Frenchman walk into a bar.

After buying the German a beer, the Frenchman asks where his is from.

"Auschwitz," the German replies.

"Is it weird living there, especially with its history?" The Frenchman asks.

"Yes, but the services are incredible."

"Oh really?"

"Yes. Cheap gas and free showers."

Three men walk into a bar.
The barman tells them, "If you can sit in my basement for a day, I'll give you free beer forever."
The first man walks out after five minutes and says, "It's impossible, you got a swarm of flies in there."
So the second man tries his luck, but can't take more than an hour.
Finally, the third man goes down.
When he returns a day later, the others ask him how he did it.
He says, "Easy! I took a dump in one corner and sat in the other corner!"

Drinking alcohol free beer is the same as going down on your sister

It tastes the same, but feels wrong

I'm a bartender. Ladies always ask me if the sleep with me if they can get free beer. It's always sad that I have to tell them no

But it's worth a shot

Free beer

A man walking past a bar notices a sign in the window that says, "Free beer - Inquire inside".
Intrigued, the man walks inside, right up to the counter and asks about the sign.

The bartender explains:
"Well - there's three tests you have to pass before you can collect on this.


First, you have to drink an entire bottle of tequila.
Next, you have to go through the door behind me and beat the shit out of the crocodile in there with your bare hands.
And then the last thing, you have to go upstairs and make sweet love to the woman that'll be waiting in the bedroom up there.
Then you'll get all the beer you want."


The man considers the tasks for a few minutes before agreeing to the trials.

So the bartender pulls out from under the bar a 26oz bottle of tequila and a shotglass. The man forgoes the shotglass and chugs the bottle of tequila in 1 minute flat.
The bartender then directs the man to the door that leads to the crocodile. The man stumbles towards the door and eventually makes his way in and closes it behind him.
The bartender hears a lot of screaming and crashing for about 10 minutes followed by silence. The man then opens the door and steps out. His clothes all torn. Scratches and bruises all over his arms and legs.
He turns to the bartender and says, "All right...so where's that woman I gotta fight.??..."

A man with a cat in his coat enters a bar . . .

A man with a cat in his coat enters a bar. He sits down at a table and allows the cat to roam free. The bartender doesn't like the fact that there's an animal in the bar and asks the man to collect his cat and leave. The man orders a beer and the bartender refuses to serve it because the man brought a cat into the bar. The man gets mad and tells his cat to attack the bartender, at which point the bartender relents and serves the man a beer. The cat then asks the bartender "Hey, where's my beer?" And the bartender says "What are you talking about? You're a cat. You don't drink beer." And the cat gets mad and pisses on him.

Two guys are at a bar on the roof of a hotel.

One guy says to the other guy, "I'll bet you a beer that I can jump off this building, let this wind take me all the way around this building, and I'll land back up here." The other guy says, "You're on." The first guy jumps and, sure enough, he goes around the building and lands back on the roof. "You owe me a beer," he says. He goes on to perform the trick several more times, collecting free beers, until the second guy decides he's going to try it too. He stands on the edge, looking forward to a free beer from the first man, and jumps off, dying when he slams into the pavement below. The bartender says to the first man, "You sure are an asshole when you're drunk, Superman."

A new guy in town walks into a bar and reads a sign that hangs over the bar… FREE BEER! FREE BEER FOR THE PERSON WHO CAN PASS THE TEST!
So the guy asks the bartender what the test is.
Bartender replies β€œWell, first you have to drink that whole gallon of pepper tequila, the WHOLE thing at once and you can’t make a face while doing it. Second, there’s a β€˜gator out back with a sore tooth…you have to remove it with your bare hands. Third, there’s a woman up-stairs who’s never had an orgasm. You gotta make things right for her.”
The guy says, β€œWell, as much as I would love free beer, I won’t do it. You have to be nuts to drink a gallon of pepper tequila and then get crazier from there.
Well, as time goes on and the man drinks a few, he asks, β€œWherez zat teeqeelah?”
He grabs the gallon of tequilla with both hands, and downs it with a big slurp and tears streaming down his face.
Next, he staggers out back and soon all the people inside hear the most frightening roaring and thumping, then silence.
The man staggers back into the bar, his shirt ripped and big scratches all over his body.
β€œNow” he says β€œWhere’s that woman with the sore tooth?”

A guy walked into a bar with a pet alligator by his side.


He put the alligator up on the bar.
He turned to the astonished patrons and said, "I'll make you a deal. I'll open this alligator's mouth and place my genitals inside. Then the gator will close his mouth for one minute."
He'll then open his mouth and I'll remove my unit unscathed.
In return for witnessing this spectacle, each of you will buy me a drink.
The crowd murmured their approval.
The man stood up on the bar, dropped his trousers, and placed his privates in the alligator's open mouth.
The gator closed his mouth as the crowd gasped.
After a minute, the man grabbed a beer bottle and rapped the alligator hard on the top of its head.
The gator opened his mouth and the man removed his genitals unscathed as promised.
The crowd cheered and the first of his free drinks were delivered.
The man stood up again and made another offer. "I'll pay anyone $100 who's willing to give it a try."
A hush fell over the crowd.
After a while, a hand went up at the end of the bar and a woman timidly spoke up.
"I'll try, but you have to promise not to hit me on the head with a beer bottle."

A man walks into a bar and says to the bartender, "hey, will you give me a free beer if I show you something amazing you've never seen before?"
The bartender says, "sure, but it'd better be good."
The man reaches into his coat pocket and pulls out a hamster.
He sets the hamster down on the bar, and the hamster runs along the bar, jumps off the end, turns a somersault in midair and lands on the piano.
He the proceeds to play the piano beautifully.
The bartender says, "Wow! That was incredible! Have a beer."
The man finishes his beer and says to the bartender, "hey, if I show you something else amazing that you've never seen before, will you give me another free beer?"
"If it's as amazing as the hamster, sure," the bartender replies.
So the man reaches back into his coat pocket, and pulls out a frog.
He sets the frog down on the bar, and the frog begins to sing beautifully.
The bartender is again amazed, and gets the man another beer.
As the man is drinking his beer, another man rushes over and says "Holy shit, a singing frog! I'll give you $200 for that frog."
The first man says "Deal!" and sells him the frog.
The bartender walks over and says, "not that it's my business, but that was a singing frog, for heaven's sake. Why would you sell it for only $200? You could have made millions off of it."
The man says, "nah, don't worry. The hamster's also a ventriloquist."

A newlywed couple just moved into their new house.


One day, the wife asked her husband, "Honey, one of the bathroom pipes is leaking. Could you fix it?"
The husband looked at his wife and said, "What do I look like Mr. Plumber?"
A few days went by, and his wife asked for a favor.
"Honey, the car won't start. I think it needs a new battery. Could you change it for me?"
"What do I look like Mr. Goodwrench?"
A couple weeks later, the wife found a leak in the roof. "Honey, there's a leak on the roof. Can you please fix it?"
"What do I look like Bob Vila?"
He sat down with a beer and watched a game on TV.
One rainy weekend, the husband realized the leak on the roof was gone.
He went to the bathroom and found that the pipe behind the sink wasn't leaking anymore either.
When his wife returned home, the husband asked, "Honey, how come there aren't any more leaks and the car's running?"
She replied nonchalantly, "Oh, the other day I ran into one of our new neighbors, Jon. What a nice man. He came over and fixed everything.
"Wow, did he charge us anything?"
"No, he said he'd do it for free if I either baked him a cake or had sex with him."
"Cool. What kind of cake did you make?"
"Cake? What the hell do I look like Betty Crocker?"

What are the funniest free beer jokes of all time?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking about Free Beer? Well, here are the best Free Beer puns to laugh out loud. Crazy and funny Free Beer pick up lines to share with friends.

Joko Jokes