Free Beer Jokes
40 free beer jokes and hilarious free beer puns to laugh out loud. Read bar jokes about free beer that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Free Beer Short Jokes
Short free beer jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The free beer humour may include short draft beer jokes also.
- A neutron enters a bar Neutron: "How much for a beer"
Bartender: "Oh it's free. No charge for you." - What does alcohol free beer taste like? Like going down on your sister. It tastes the same but something's not right.
- A neutron went into a bar and ordered a beer, The bartender upon seeing him said "this one is free of charge".
- A neutron walks into a bar... He says to the bartender, "How much for a beer?"
Ther bartender replies, "For you, free of charge!" - A neutron walks in to a bar.... And orders a beer.
Bartender said it was free of charge - Alcohol Free Beer Is a lot like going down on your sister.
It tastes the same but it's just plain wrong. - I'm highly skeptical over the existence of "alcohol-free beer"... There's literally zero proof.
- Germany decides that if they win the cup they would give out free beer for a year. Japan decides that if they win they would give out free sushi for a year. Let's go Colombiaaaaaa!!!
- Drinking alcohol free beer is the same as going down on your sister It tastes the same, but feels wrong
- I'm a bartender. Ladies always ask me if the sleep with me if they can get free beer. It's always sad that I have to tell them no But it's worth a shot
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Free Beer One Liners
Which free beer one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with free beer? I can suggest the ones about craft beer and beer brewed.
- A bartender walks into a bar demonstrating the danger of free beer.
Alcohol Free Beer Jokes
Here is a list of funny alcohol free beer jokes and even better alcohol free beer puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Drinking alcohol-free beer.. ..is like giving o**... s**... to your sister. The taste is the same, but deep inside, you know that something is terribly wrong.
Laughter Free Beer Jokes for Everyone for Fun and Frivolity
What funny jokes about free beer you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean wish for beer jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make free beer pranks.
Three men walk into a bar.
The barman tells them, "If you can sit in my basement for a day, I'll give you free beer forever."
The first man walks out after five minutes and says, "It's impossible, you got a swarm of flies in there."
So the second man tries his luck, but can't take more than an hour.
Finally, the third man goes down.
When he returns a day later, the others ask him how he did it.
He says, "Easy! I took a dump in one corner and sat in the other corner!"
A Man Walks Into A Bar.....(Read this one aloud)
A man is working his job as a bartender one night. A man comes into the bar and sits down near him. He pulls a tiny piano and a 12 inch man out of his shirt, and begins to listen as the little man plays piano. The bartender says, "That's amazing! Where did you meet this guy?" The man responds, "Oh, a genie gave him to me. He's down the street right now, giving out free wishes".So the bartender took his break, and went down the street to meet the genie. The man found a person sitting on the street and asked if he was the genie. "Yeah" said the genie. The bartender immediately said "I wish for a million bucks!" Suddenly, a huge flock of ducks flew out of the sky and began attacking him. He ran back to the bar, where the other man was drinking his beer. "That genie s**...! I wished for a million bucks and he gave me a million ducks!" The man looked at the bartender and said "Do you really think I wished for a 12 inch pianist?"
Australian, Englishman and Irishman man are sitting in a Pub
Australian, Englishman and Irishman man are sitting in a Pub with cold beers and all are relaxed.
Aussie says "Great, but back home there is a bar where the barman buys you your 5th beer once you've bought your fourth"
Well, says the Englishman, "back in Manchester my local has a buy 2 and get one for free policy".
Aah! says the Irishman, "in Dublin there's a bar where you get free drinks as soon as you walk in and they keep them coming all evening.Then they take you upstairs and you get non stop s**... all night".
"What, youve actually experienced this yourself"? asks the Aussie.
Well "no" says the Irishman "but me sister has"!
A driver walks into a bar with a pet...
A driver walks into a bar with A pet crocodile by his side.
He puts the crocodile up on the bar. He turns to the astonished patrons.
'I'll make you a deal. I'll open this crocodile's mouth and place my manhood inside. Then the croc will close his Mouth for one minute.
'Then he'll open his mouth And I'll remove my unit unscathed. In return for witnessing this spectacle, Each of you will buy me a drink.'
The crowd murmured their approval. The man stood up on the bar, dropped his trousers, And placed his Johnson and related parts in the crocodile's open mouth.
The croc closed his mouth As the crowd gasped. After a minute, The man grabbed a beer Bottle and smacked the crocodile hard on the top of Its head.
The croc opened his mouth And the man removed his g**... unscathed as promised.
The crowd cheered, And the first of his free Drinks were delivered.
The man stood up again and made another offer. 'I'll pay anyone $100 who's willing to give it a try.'
A hush fell over the crowd. After a while, a hand went up in the back of the bar.
A Blonde woman timidly Spoke up..........
'I'll try it - Just don't hit me so hard With The Beer Bottle:)
So there's this Irish Pub..
in Ireland of all places. Anywho, its getting towards the end of the night and the bartender rings the bell calling, "Last drinks! Last drinks! And anyone who can come up with the best cheers gets their last drink for free!"
After hearing this everyone in the pub runs up to the bar and starts shouting at the bartender their best cheers. The bartenders hears a few of them over the noise and dismisses them with a wave of the hand, "No, none of those will do!"
When its gets quiet one man raises his beer, "I have one! I say cheers to spending the rest of my life between the legs of my wife!"
Everyone raises their beer in approval and this man gets his free beer.
Later that night this man walks home and gets into bed with his wife. His wife wakes and turns to her husband, "You're home late."
"Yeah, well I won the cheers!"
"Ah, what'd you say?"
"What'd I say.." The man thinks for a moment, he doesn't want to get in trouble with his wife, "I said cheers to spending the rest of my life.. at church next to my wife!"
"Aww, such a lovely thing to say" exclaims the wife and she goes back to sleep.
The very next day the wife is waiting in line at the local bakery. A man who heard the cheers at the pub walks up to the wife and says, "You know your husband devoted the cheers to you last night."
To which the wife replies, "Yeah I don't understand it, I mean he hasn't been down there in years and I have to pull his ear to come!"
"free"
A guy walks into the bar of a restaurant and goes to the bartender and asks "how much for a beer?" The bartender replies "free". The customer completely amazed, orders a beer then asks the bartender "Well then how much for a NY sirloin, with side of mashed potatoes and salad, and an entire cheesecake for desert?" The Bartender reply's "free". The guy still amazed then orders everything and after he is done eating his meal then says "Wow, this place is amazing, I really wish I could meet the owner of this place". The bartender then says "Oh well, he's upstairs in his office with my wife". The guy looks all confused then asks "What is he doing upstairs in his office with your wife?" The bartender then says "The same thing I'm doing to his business".
A r**... goes into the doctor for a vasectomy...
A r**... goes into the doctor for a vasectomy and says to to the doctor
"Doc, I got all these screamin youngins runnin round the trailer and no matter what the wife and I try, we always ends up pregnant. But I can't afford no medical procedure!!"
The doctor sits and thinks a minute and replies...
"Ok, tonight when you're drinking your evening beer's. Put a cherry bomb in your beer, light it and count to 10..."
The r**..., looking confused, but not going to contradict a doctor nods his head, says thank you and leaves.
That evening he sits on the front porch and puts a cherry bomb into his beer, lights it and starts counting out on his beer free hand,
"1..2..3..4..5...."
Sticks the beer between his legs and starts counting on his other hand.
"6..7..8...."
Two men wisely spend one dollar..
Two men only have a dollar to spend. They both decide to spend this dollar on a beer. One of them leaves and comes back with a hot dog.
"Why did you buy a hotdog? You were supposed to get a beer!"
"Listen, I'm going to put this hot dog in my zipper. We will go to all the gay bars around here and I'll get down on you. The bartenders and people will love us so much that we will get free beer all night!"
The two men ended up going to 9 bars, getting free beer the whole way. When they get to the tenth bar o**... looks to the other and says..
"Hey, my knees are starting to hurt from getting down on you so much."
The other guy replies, "You think you've got it bad? You lost that hot dog 4 bars ago."
The Beer-Bottle Genie
A young man is walking along the beach, when he spies a beer bottle in the sand. Picking it up, he brushes it off to see what brand it is, when a genie popped out. In a thundering voice, it proclaimed, "I am the beer bottle genie! For freeing me, I will grant you any three wishes, BUT the condition is, every lawyer in the world will get TWO of that!"
So the kid thought, and decided, "I want a briefcase filled with a million dollars!"
p**...! A briefcase instantly appeared in front if him. Meanwhile, two brief cases with a million dollars each appeared in front of every lawyer in the world.
"And for my next wish," he added, "I would like a red Porsche."
p**...! One appeared in front of him on the sand. And two Porsches appeared in the garages of every lawyer in the world.
"All right," said the genie, " for your last wish think really hard. Okay, time's up! What do you want?"
"Well," said the boy, "I've always wanted to donate a kidney..."
Multi-level Meta Joke
A guy walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a free drink. The bartender says "I'll give you a free drink if you can tell me a multi-level meta joke." So the guy says "A guy walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a free drink. The bartender says "I'll give you a free drink if you can tell me a meta joke." So the guy says "A guy walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a free drink. The bartender says "I'll give you a free drink if you can tell me a good joke." So the guy says "What do you do when you see a spaceman? You park, man." So the bartender gives him a free beer." So the bartender gives him a free beer." So the bartender gives him a free beer.
A man walks into a bar
He notices some pieces of meat hanging down from the ceiling. He goes up to the bartender and asks "What's with the meat on the ceiling?"
Bartender:"It's a challenge. If you can jump up and touch one, you get free beer for a night."
Man:"Nah, pass".
Bartender: "What? Why not?"
Man:"The steaks are too high"
New drinking game:
Every time Senator Bernie Sanders proposes something free, c**... someone else's beer.
Did you hear about the new Bernie Sanders drinking game?
Every time he mentions a new free government program you drink someone else's beer.
A German and a Frenchman walk into a bar.
After buying the German a beer, the Frenchman asks where his is from.
"Auschwitz," the German replies.
"Is it weird living there, especially with its history?" The Frenchman asks.
"Yes, but the services are incredible."
"Oh really?"
"Yes. Cheap gas and free showers."
A guy walks into a bar.
While walking in, he notices a glass of beer on the roof. Not paying much attention to it, he goes up to the bartender and says:
"So I read on the sign post outside that the first drink is free."
To which the bartender replies: "Yeah, first one's on the house."
Bringing a girlfriend to New York
Bringing a girlfriend to New York is like bringing a warm beer to a bar that serves free cold beers.
A man walks into a bar and orders a drink.
Then he notices there are pieces of meat nailed to the ceiling of the bar so he asks the barman what they are for. The barman replies, "If you can jump up and pull one of them down you get free beer all night. If you fail, you have to pay the bar £100. Do you want to have a go?"
The man thinks about it for a minute before saying, "Nah, the steaks are too high!"
Win some beer...
So a guy came into a bar and saw these small stripes at the very end of the table. He asked the bartender what for they were used.
The bartender replied "the men that just left measured their d!cks, the one with the longest got a free beer."
The guy said he could do better, so he went to the side with the stripes, put his d!c**... on the table and screamed "I won, free beer for me!"
On what the bartender replied: "They were playing from the other side of the table."
"Beer Runner" goes free after being arrested for stealing 23 beers...
The DA didn't have a case
Heineken free beer joke
I just pulled in a quick trip today and this guy says to me. "Hey, do you want a free twelve pack of Heineken?"
Me "Yeah, sure I will take it."
He says "Come over here. You can have a twelve-pack of Heineken if you let me touch your d**...."
I was "Touch my d**...?! What do you mean?"
He answered, "I want to hold it, grab it, pad it..."
After this, I said "Dude, total f**... out there" while drinking my Heineken.
A man walks into a bar...
There's only him, the barman and a guy about a foot high playing the piano.
'What you want to drink?' Asks the barman.
' any recommendations?' replies the guy.
' we have genie beer, you get a free wish when you open the bottle'
So the guy gets one, opens the bottle and asks for a million bucks.
Immediately a million ducks appear
' w**..., I wished for a million bucks!' the customer moans.
' tell me about it' says the barman ' you think I wanted a 12 pianist'.
A man walks in a bar and shouts free beers outside! So everyone in the bar, except the bartender, ran outside in excitement.
The bartender, visibly angry, yells at the man what the h**... did you do that for? Now i have no customers!!
The man says Sorry mister, i honestly didnt fink any of those men would be brave enough to fight a grizzly beer, let alone free of them
I can't refuse a free drink
My friend goes to get a beer from his fridge and asks me if I'd like one
Me - "sure! I can't refuse a free drink, it's against my religion"
Friend - "what religion is that?"
Me - "Alcoholism"
President Joe Biden announced that he would give a free bottle of Bud Light to anyone who got a vaccine.
Not to be outdone, the next day, the President Obrador of Mexico announced that he would give a bottle of Corona to anyone who got a vaccine.
The day after, the President Higgins of Ireland announced that he'd be giving out free bottles of water.
Biden and Obrador were confused and gave the Irish President a Zoom call. "We kinda expected you to give out free Guiness, being from Ireland and all"
The Irish President replied: "Well, if you guys aren't giving out beer, then neither am I."
An anti-vaxxer is sitting at a bar.
He is a couple beers deep when the bartender shouts Free shots for the bar! On that man over there! And he points to a man the anti-vaxxer can't see.
The bartender then proceeds to walk down the bar pouring shots for each patron. When he gets to the anti-vaxxer, the man stops him from pouring the shot and says:
I have had quite a few beers tonight and I need to work tomorrow. I don't want to be hungover. How strong is the liquor?
Bartender: It's 100 proof.
Anti-vaxxer: That's too much proof for me. I'll skip the shot.
The golfer
A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. As the night progresses, he finds himself with a very attractive woman and they hit it off immediately. He asks her out on a date. "But, before you say yes, I must warn you. I am an amateur golfer. Golfing is my life. Every free moment I'm out golfing. I read about golf, watch golf on TV, talk about golf. My exes all broke up with me because of my obsession with golf," he says. "Well, if you're going to be that honest, than so will I," she says. "I'm actually a h**...." "Oh my God!" the guy exclaims. "Me too!"
