Fred Jokes
118 fred jokes and hilarious fred puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about fred that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Looking for a good laugh? Read this collection of hilarious jokes about Fred, the popular name in pop culture! From Hurricane Fred to the beloved Fred Flintstone and George and Fred Weasley, there's something for everyone. Discover the outrageous stories behind Fred Armisen the musician, Fred Sanford and his two daughters Doris and Debbie, and more!
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Funniest Fred Short Jokes
Short fred jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The fred humour may include short fred flintstone jokes also.
- What walks on 8 legs until it's one years old, 4 legs until it's twenty years old and then 2 legs for the remainder of it's life? Fred and George Weasley.
- The doctor asked Fred if anyone in the family suffers from mental illness. Fred replied: "No, we all seem to rather enjoy it."
- What did Fred Flintstone say when Barney asked if he wanted to get high? Yeah, a dab will do.
- A Chinese man wakes up on the beach with no memory. He says he thinks his name is Fred. But I think he might be Wong.
- Saw Fred Durst falling down a hill the other day I tried to stop him but he just kept on rollin
- Fred Flintstone wife joke I wonder what my life would've been like had I ever met any other people at all.
- Did you hear about the cannibal who switched to Spam? He said it's the greatest thing since sliced Fred
- What do the Syrians and Fred Flinstone have in common? They both have to put up with a lot of Rubble.
- What kind of meat does Fred Durst bbq? Limp Brisket
(probably not original but I did think of it just now) - Committee, n.: A group of men who individually can do nothing but as a group decide that nothing can be done. -- Fred Allen
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Fred One Liners
Which fred one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with fred? I can suggest the ones about charlie and harry.
- How do you stick things together like Fred Flinstone? You add a dab of glue.
- What did Fred Flintstone say when his wife broke her favorite vase? Grab-a-dab-a-glue!!
- What is Fred Flintstones's favorite drink? Yabba Dabba Dew
- Did Fred and Wilma explode? No, but Dinomight.
- I may not be Fred Flintstone but I can make your bed rock.
- What did Fred say to Daphne when they broke up? I think its time we split up, gang.
- "Why did you name your owl Fred?" "Because I'm Batman."
- What did Fred Weasley wear? Forever 21
- Why did Fred put band aids in the refrigerator? He wanted cold cuts.
- [OC] What's Fred Flintstone favourite dog breed? The Labradabradooooor
- Frank was in dire need of a liver... So his friend Fred delivered.
- What does Fred Flintstone say when he correctly flips a water bottle? YO BRA DAB I DO!
- Why did Fred Durst sleep with Princess Leia? He did it all for the Wookie, yeah!
- What does Fred Flintstone have in his bed? A pillar
- How does Fred Flintstone go to the bathroom? He takes a yabba dabba doo.
Fred Flintstone Jokes
Here is a list of funny fred flintstone jokes and even better fred flintstone puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What's Fred Flintstone's favorite soft drink? Mountain Yaba-daba-do
^I don't know if this is original but it just popped into my head. ^^I'll see myself out.. - What would Fred Flintstone say if you asked him which city had the Burj Khalifa, the tallest building in the world? Abu Dhabi Dooooooo!
- Who did the Hamburglar frame for the theft of Fred Flintstone's Dino-Burger? Rubble Rubble!
- Fred Flintstone: The first man ever to become a vitamin
- Fred Flintstone only gets haircuts in the UAE... It's the only place he can get an Abu Dhabi Do!
- Whats Fred Flintstones favorite drug? Crack Rock.
Cheeky Fred Jokes to Experience Good Cheer & Frivolity
What funny jokes about fred you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean john jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make fred pranks.
BBQ joke
Mmmmmmm. This all reminds me of Fred. His motto was, Low and slow.
He was seriously into barbecue, huh?
No, unfortunately, he was a pilot
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What's Freddy from s**... Doo's favorite music genre?
Trap Music.
Freddie Mercury was once out with a couple of friends.
They were having a good time, when he got up to leave. They asked him what was the matter.
He said he had some business to attend to at the local Bee Farm.
So they said
Bee's Mill, huh? We will not let you go!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Dating in 1962
It was a hot Saturday evening in the summer of 1962 and Fred had a date with Peggy Sue.
He arrived at her house and rang the bell.
"Oh, come on in!" Peggy Sue's mother said as she welcomed Fred in.
"Have a seat in the living room. Would you like something to drink? Lemonade? Iced tea?"
"Iced tea, please," Fred said. Mom brought the iced tea.
"So, what are you and Peggy planning to do tonight?" she asked.
"Oh, probably catch a movie, and then maybe grab a bite to eat at the malt shop,
maybe take a walk on the beach..."
"Peggy likes to screw, you know," Mom informed him.
"Uh...really?" Fred replied, with raised eyebrows.
"Oh, yes!" the mother continued. "When she goes out with her friends, that's all they do!"
"Is that so?" asked Fred, incredulous.
"Yes," said the mother. "As a matter of fact, she'd screw all night if we let her!"
"Well, thanks for the tip," Fred said as he began thinking about alternate plans for the evening.
A moment later, Peggy Sue came down the stairs looking pretty as a picture wearing a pink blouse
and full circle skirt, and with her hair tied back in a bouncy ponytail. She greeted Fred.
"Have fun, kids," the mother said as they left.
Half an hour later, a completely disheveled Peggy Sue burst into the house
and slammed the front door behind her.
"The Twist, Mom!" she angrily yelled at her mother. "The d**... dance is called the Twist!
A guy gets a call from his doctor...
... and the doctor says "Fred, your tests came back and I have some really bad news." Fred replies "What is it doc?"
The doctor says "You're going to die in 10"
"So I'm going to live for 10 more years! That's not too bad." he replies.
Doctor says "9...8...7..."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The Vicar's Salary
At Sunday church the local Vicar explains that he must move on to
a larger congregation that will pay him more.
There is a hush within the congregation.
No one wants him to leave because he is so popular.
Fred Smith, who owns several car dealerships in Glasgow, stands up and
proclaims:
'If the Vicar stays, I will provide him with a new Mercedes every
year, and his wife with a Volkswagen mini-van to transport their
children!'
The congregation sighs in appreciation and applauds.
Sam Brown, a successful entrepreneur and publican, stands and says, if
the Vicar will stay on here, I'll personally double his salary
and establish a foundation to guarantee private secondary school
education for all of his children!'
More sighs and loud applause.
Agnes Jones, age 88, stands and announces with a smile,
'If the Vicar stays, I will give him free s**....'
There is total silence.
The Preacher, blushing, asks her:
'Mrs. Jones, you're a wonderful and holy lady, whatever possessed you
to say that?'
Agnes's 90-year old husband, Joe, is now trying to hide, holding his
forehead with the palm of his hand and shaking
his head from side to side, while his wife replies:
'Well, I just asked my husband how we could help, and he said, 'Fuck him'.
Buying aspirin
Joe has always had an uncontrollable twitch in his left eyelid since young. Fred has a splitting headache and asks Joe to go get some aspirins. Half an hour later Joe comes back with a dozen packets of condoms.
"I asked you to get me aspirins, not condoms."
"Yeah, I went to a dozen drug stores, but have you ever tried asking for aspirin with a tic in your eye?"
Fred and John...
Fred and John are in bible school the teacher asks, "who created the world" John raises his hand and is called on, Fred pokes him with a pencil right as he is answering. John says "My God" and the teacher replies "correct", he then asks "what did Eve say after she had her 3rd baby?", John raises his hand again and is called on. As he is answering he is poked again with the the pencil, he says "If you stick that thing in me one more time I'm gonna break it!"
Two old men
Fred and Bob were sitting in an old people's home.
"Fred," says Bob, "Do you remember those pills they gave us back in the war to stop us being interested in girls?"
"Oh yes," chuckles Fred, "I'd forgotten about them. Never did much good, did they!"
"Well, I don't know," replies Bob. "I was just thinking that they might be starting to work."
Frederick W. Smith created a company because he needed money to pay maintenance to his ex wife.
He called it Fed*Ex*.
Two men are walking down the street
When they see 3 guys across the road beating up an older woman. Fred turns to George and says
"Hey, isn't that your mother in law over there?"
"So it is." replies George
"Well aren't you going to help?!" Fred asked.
"Nah," George replied, "I think 3 should be enough"
Freddie mercury had just finished his meal in a Greek restaurant when the waiter came over with a couple of plates for him to smash.
"Can you go and get me another one please?" asked Freddie.
"Why?" asked the waiter.
"I want to break three."
(Don't think it's been posted before,recieved it in an email and thought it was worth sharing.)
Frederick Fox, hatmaker for the British Royalty, died today.
He was one in a milliner.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Freddie Mercury Joke
If you had s**... with Freddie Mercury and got AIDS, would that be considered Mercury poisoning?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
No one in here better be making any jokes about Fred Phelps' death
God hates gags.
Freddie Mercury wasn't really a homosexual...
He just ran out of girls.
Fred and Susan were having their usual loud...
...and endless argument about family reunions.
At last, Fred relented. "I'm so sorry, Sweetheart. I didn't mean all those hateful things I said about your family. As a matter of fact, I like your mother-in-law a whole lot better than I do mine."
Gone Fishin'
Fred and DooDah go to their favorite lake to fish. After getting out on the water, DooDah hooks a huge fish, which pulls him overboard, and he drowns.
Fred is brokenhearted and goes to tell DooDah's wife the news. She opens the door and hears Fred say, "Guess who drowned in the lake today? DooDah! DooDah!"
Potato Patch
An old man lived alone in the country. He wanted to dig his potato garden but it was very hard work as the ground was hard. His only son Fred, who used to help him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament.
Dear Fred, I am feeling pretty bad because it looks like I won't be able to plant my potato garden this year. I'm just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. If you were here, all my troubles would be over I know you would dig the plot for me. Love, Dad
A few days later he received a letter from his son.
Dear Dad, For heaven's sake, don't dig up that garden! That's where I buried the BODIES! Love, Fred
At 4am the next morning, FBI agents and local police arrived and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man and left. That same day the old man received another letter from his son.
Dear Dad, Go ahead and plant the potatoes now. That's the best I could do under the circumstances. Love, Fred
Now Its the Father Problem
Fred is 32 years old and he is still single.
One day a friend asked, "Why aren't you married? Can't you find a woman who will be a good wife?"
Fred replied, "Actually, I've found many women I wanted to marry, but when I bring them home to meet my parents, my mother doesn't like them."
His friend thinks for a moment and says, "I've got the perfect solution, just find a girl who's just like your mother."
A few months later they meet again and his friend says, "Did you find the perfect girl? Did your mother like her?"
With a frown on his face, Fred answers, "Yes, I found the perfect girl. She was just like my mother. You were right, my mother liked her very much."
The friend said, "Then what's the problem?"
Fred replied, "My father doesn't like her."
Why was Freddie Mercury a great front-man for Queen?
He could perform "Under Pressure".
Lassie runs up to Farmer Fred
*Bark!*
What is it Lassie?
*Bark! Bark bark!*
What's that girl? Timmy fell down a well!
*Bark! Bark bark woof!*
Right! I'll say you were here with me the whole time.
My uncle Fred used to say " What you can't hear can't harm you"
*used to*
He was killed by ninjas.
Fred: "I can't believe Ben is in
the hospital. Just yesterday, I saw him with a gorgeous blonde."
Bob: "So did his wife."
The two year anniversary of Fred Phelps death was on Saturday. I hope no one made any tasteless jokes about his passing.
After all, God hates gags.
Gary: Standing in line at the movies, little white girl has a brown colored doll. Talk about progress in America brehs.
Fred: But she owns that doll tho.
Satan walks into a church....
Satan walks into a church and sits down next to a guy. Satan asks the guy his name, the guy says Fred. Satan than asks why are you not afraid of me? Fred says, I've been married to your sister for 40 years.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I hate Fred, my tennis coach
I can't take any more of his backhanded compliments.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Freddy from s**... doo was a candidate for mayor of L.A in the 90s
He ran on splitting up gangs.
I see Freddie Mercury has had an asteroid named after him.
His surviving family have said how great it is to finally have Freddie immortalized in rock, and really appreciate the sediment.
Two men were lost in the desert...
When they come across a road, and a headstone.
"Look here!" the first man, Frank, said," Some guy's been buried here. Poor sod, he was only 15."
"Who was he?" Inquired the second man, Fred.
"Some kid named Miles from Bakersfield," answered Fred.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Who's the first Jewish guy to ever win a Heisman trophy?
"Fred Goldman cause he took mine!" - OJ Simpson
The Flintstones
One day pebbles took a shower with Fred and Wilma. Her curiosity lead her to ask questions
Pebbles: Mama what's that between your legs?
Wilma: oh honey that's mommy's rock cutter.
Pebbles: Dada what's the between your legs?
Fred: oh sweetie that's my rock.
Pebbles: oh I get it, when daddy puts his rock into mommy's rock cutter out comes Pebbles!
Why is Freddy and Daphne's relationship never stable?
Because Freddy is only into "traps"
Fred doesn't know what apocalypse means..
Fred: I don't know what apocalypse means.
Bob: What! That's crazy!
Fred: So what if I don't know what apocalypse means, it's not the end of the world.
Amanda: Fred, honey, in your bathroom I found two towels, one with a letter A embroidered on it and another with an F. How thoughtful of you! I used the one with an A, because F is for Fred…
Fred: F is for face.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
If Fred Durst opened a BBQ restaurant, he'd probably call it...
LIMP BRISKET
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Freddy the f**... and Alice the algae met one another and...
they took a lichen to each other
What do Freddie Mercury and a Chinese Outlaw have in common?
Raw men took 'em both out.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
"Okay Fred, Shaggy and Daphne, can you name an animal that lives in africa and has a large horn on its face?"
"Rhino!"
"We know you know the answer, s**..., but it's not your turn."
Bob didn't believe that Fred's dog could talk
So Fred asked his dog, What's on top of a house?
Roof, the dog barked.
Bob wasn't convinced. So Fred asked the dog how sandpaper feels.
Rough.
He still wasn't convinced.
O.K., who was the greatest baseball player of all time? Fred asked the dog.
Ruth.
With that, Bob walked away, shaking his head in disbelief. The dog turned to Fred and asked: Was it Hank Aaron?
Why did Fred Durst (of Limp Bizkit fame) rob the Italian restaurant?
He did it all for the gnocchi.
"A bill collector knocked on the door of a country debtor ...
"A bill collector knocked on the door of a country debtor and asked the woman who answered the door, "Is Fred home?"
"Sorry, Fred's gone for cotton."
The next day the bill collector tried again. "Is Fred here today?"
"No, sir. I'm afraid he has gone for cotton."
When he returned the third day he humphed, "I suppose Fred is gone for cotton again,?"
"No, Fred died yesterday."
Suspicious that he was being avoided, the collector decided to wait a week and check the cemetery himself. But sure enough, there was poor Fred's tombstone, with the inscription, "Gone, But Not for Cotton.""
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
If your name is Fred and you live in Flint Michigan and you're about to smoke a bowl....
...does that mean you're freddy to get flint-s**...
Fred vs Bob
Fred: "Why do elephants wear red nail polish?"
Bob: "I don't know, why?"
Fred: "To hide in cherry trees."
Bob: "But I've never seen an elephant in a cherry tree."
Fred: "See, it works."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What is old, wrinkled, and smells like Ginger?
Fred Astaire's face.
TIL that Fred Rogers never got to visit Toronto.
He had to use his imagination to travel to the Land of Maple Leafs.
My boss Fred keeps trying different brands of glue.
I think he should just pick one and stick with it.
Freddie Mercury actually had a son, but was more distant to him as time went on.
His son started calling him Freddie Venus.
Fred is a hippo who goes to a University where everyone is a hippo
One day, someone asked Fred where to find the medical building. Fred replied, "Its over there and to the left. I do brain research in there."
Fred is an expert on the hippocampus.
Freddy Krueger isn't that tough...
I could fight him in my sleep.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
If Freddie Mercury transmitted h**... to someone...
...Was it considered Mercury poisoning?
They say that...
Fred Durst tried baking Pillsbury Grands, but in the end... it was a limp biscuit
I told Fred Schneider I was debating taking a vacation, and if he had any ideas:
"Rome, if you want to."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Noted archeologist Fred Flintstein made an amazing discovery today in Sweden
He found remains of some primitive musical instrument and a small deposit of fossilized e**.... when asked about what they signified,
Fred Flintstein replied: "A dab o' ABBA doo."
My friend's mother just had quadruplets
I asked him "What did she name them?"
My friend told me "Eenie, Meenie, Miney and Fred"
I asked "Fred? What about Mo?"
My friend responded "She don't want no Mo"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Did you hear about Joe s**...?
He didn't like his name, so we went down to the name changing place. He said to the teller, I want to change my name .
What do you want to change your name to? replied to teller.
Fred , Joe replies.
FRED...!.., I can understand changing your last name but why on earth would you want to change your first name? Exclaimed the teller.
Then Joe said I'm just tired of people saying hey Joe whaddya know?
Freddie Mercury offered to cater my wedding, so I asked him how many cakes he'd be making.
He said I want to bake three.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Fred Phelps, leader of Westboro Baptist Church, found dead in home surrounded by piles of partially chewed food. Cause of death: starvation. Next to his body was a note in his own handwriting
"Can't s**... cause that's gay"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The s**... Doo gang returns after a mystery to see that someone had keyed the Mystery Machine
Fred says it's ok gang, they only scratched the surface to this Mystery.
Why did Freddy Kruger kill Martin Luther King?
Cause he had a Dream.
Two snakes are slithering through the desert....
One named Fred, and one named Henry.
Henry turns to Fred and says: Fred, are we the kind of sssssnakes that kill by consssstriction or we the kind of sssssnake that kill with a deadly venomousssss bite?
Fred thinks about it for a second and reply's Henry, we are the kind of sssssnakes that kill by consssstriction.
Henry say oh thank God for that, I just bit my lip.
Two electricians are standing on a ladder leaned against a utility pole...
...when an elderly lady was passing below them. One of the electricians calls her.
\- Excuse me, ma'm! Could you pass us that wire, so we don't have to climb down?
\- This one, young man?
\- Yes, that one! Thank you so much, ma'm, you're very kind!
\- No problem, dear!
After the lady passed him the wire, and left, the electrician tells his mate:
\- See, Fred? I told you this was the neutral wire, but no, you had to insist that it was the phase line!
