Fred Jokes

Looking for a good laugh? Read this collection of hilarious jokes about Fred, the popular name in pop culture! From Hurricane Fred to the beloved Fred Flintstone and George and Fred Weasley, there's something for everyone. Discover the outrageous stories behind Fred Armisen the musician, Fred Sanford and his two daughters Doris and Debbie, and more!

Cheeky Fred Jokes to Experience Good Cheer & Frivolity

What's Freddy from Scooby Doo's favorite music genre?

Trap Music.

Freddie Mercury was once out with a couple of friends.

They were having a good time, when he got up to leave. They asked him what was the matter.

He said he had some business to attend to at the local Bee Farm.

So they said

Bee's Mill, huh? We will not let you go!

Dating in 1962

It was a hot Saturday evening in the summer of 1962 and Fred had a date with Peggy Sue.
He arrived at her house and rang the bell.

"Oh, come on in!" Peggy Sue's mother said as she welcomed Fred in.
"Have a seat in the living room. Would you like something to drink? Lemonade? Iced tea?"

"Iced tea, please," Fred said. Mom brought the iced tea.

"So, what are you and Peggy planning to do tonight?" she asked.

"Oh, probably catch a movie, and then maybe grab a bite to eat at the malt shop,
maybe take a walk on the beach..."

"Peggy likes to screw, you know," Mom informed him.

"Uh...really?" Fred replied, with raised eyebrows.

"Oh, yes!" the mother continued. "When she goes out with her friends, that's all they do!"

"Is that so?" asked Fred, incredulous.

"Yes," said the mother. "As a matter of fact, she'd screw all night if we let her!"

"Well, thanks for the tip," Fred said as he began thinking about alternate plans for the evening.

A moment later, Peggy Sue came down the stairs looking pretty as a picture wearing a pink blouse
and full circle skirt, and with her hair tied back in a bouncy ponytail. She greeted Fred.

"Have fun, kids," the mother said as they left.

Half an hour later, a completely disheveled Peggy Sue burst into the house
and slammed the front door behind her.

"The Twist, Mom!" she angrily yelled at her mother. "The damned dance is called the Twist!

A guy gets a call from his doctor...

... and the doctor says "Fred, your tests came back and I have some really bad news." Fred replies "What is it doc?"

The doctor says "You're going to die in 10"

"So I'm going to live for 10 more years! That's not too bad." he replies.

Doctor says "9...8...7..."

jokes about fred

The Vicar's Salary

At Sunday church the local Vicar explains that he must move on to
a larger congregation that will pay him more.
There is a hush within the congregation.

No one wants him to leave because he is so popular.

Fred Smith, who owns several car dealerships in Glasgow, stands up and
proclaims:
'If the Vicar stays, I will provide him with a new Mercedes every
year, and his wife with a Volkswagen mini-van to transport their
children!'

The congregation sighs in appreciation and applauds.

Sam Brown, a successful entrepreneur and publican, stands and says, if
the Vicar will stay on here, I'll personally double his salary
and establish a foundation to guarantee private secondary school
education for all of his children!'

More sighs and loud applause.

Agnes Jones, age 88, stands and announces with a smile,
'If the Vicar stays, I will give him free sex.'

There is total silence.

The Preacher, blushing, asks her:
'Mrs. Jones, you're a wonderful and holy lady, whatever possessed you
to say that?'

Agnes's 90-year old husband, Joe, is now trying to hide, holding his
forehead with the palm of his hand and shaking
his head from side to side, while his wife replies:
'Well, I just asked my husband how we could help, and he said, 'Fuck him'.

Buying aspirin

Joe has always had an uncontrollable twitch in his left eyelid since young. Fred has a splitting headache and asks Joe to go get some aspirins. Half an hour later Joe comes back with a dozen packets of condoms.

"I asked you to get me aspirins, not condoms."

"Yeah, I went to a dozen drug stores, but have you ever tried asking for aspirin with a tic in your eye?"

Fred and John...

Fred and John are in bible school the teacher asks, "who created the world" John raises his hand and is called on, Fred pokes him with a pencil right as he is answering. John says "My God" and the teacher replies "correct", he then asks "what did Eve say after she had her 3rd baby?", John raises his hand again and is called on. As he is answering he is poked again with the the pencil, he says "If you stick that thing in me one more time I'm gonna break it!"

Fred joke, Fred and John...

How do you stick things together like Fred Flinstone?

You add a dab of glue.

Two old men

Fred and Bob were sitting in an old people's home.

"Fred," says Bob, "Do you remember those pills they gave us back in the war to stop us being interested in girls?"

"Oh yes," chuckles Fred, "I'd forgotten about them. Never did much good, did they!"

"Well, I don't know," replies Bob. "I was just thinking that they might be starting to work."

"You know what they say about blind prostitutes?"

..."You've really got to hand it to them." -Fred Willard

Two men are walking down the street

When they see 3 guys across the road beating up an older woman. Fred turns to George and says
"Hey, isn't that your mother in law over there?"
"So it is." replies George
"Well aren't you going to help?!" Fred asked.
"Nah," George replied, "I think 3 should be enough"

You can explore fred george reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean fred bob dad jokes. There are also fred puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

Freddie Mercury had just finished his meal in a Greek restaurant when the waiter came over with a couple of plates for him to smash.

"Can you go and get me another one please?" asked Freddie.

"Why?" asked the waiter.

"I want to break three."

(Don't think it's been posted before,recieved it in an email and thought it was worth sharing.)

A Freddie Mercury Joke

If you had sex with Freddie Mercury and got AIDS, would that be considered Mercury poisoning?

No one in here better be making any jokes about Fred Phelps' death

God hates gags.

Potato Patch

An old man lived alone in the country. He wanted to dig his potato garden but it was very hard work as the ground was hard. His only son Fred, who used to help him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament.

Dear Fred, I am feeling pretty bad because it looks like I won't be able to plant my potato garden this year. I'm just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. If you were here, all my troubles would be over I know you would dig the plot for me. Love, Dad

A few days later he received a letter from his son.

Dear Dad, For heaven's sake, don't dig up that garden! That's where I buried the BODIES! Love, Fred

At 4am the next morning, FBI agents and local police arrived and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man and left. That same day the old man received another letter from his son.

Dear Dad, Go ahead and plant the potatoes now. That's the best I could do under the circumstances. Love, Fred

Now Its the Father Problem

Fred is 32 years old and he is still single.

One day a friend asked, "Why aren't you married? Can't you find a woman who will be a good wife?"

Fred replied, "Actually, I've found many women I wanted to marry, but when I bring them home to meet my parents, my mother doesn't like them."

His friend thinks for a moment and says, "I've got the perfect solution, just find a girl who's just like your mother."

A few months later they meet again and his friend says, "Did you find the perfect girl? Did your mother like her?"

With a frown on his face, Fred answers, "Yes, I found the perfect girl. She was just like my mother. You were right, my mother liked her very much."

The friend said, "Then what's the problem?"

Fred replied, "My father doesn't like her."

Fred joke, Now Its the Father Problem

Lassie runs up to Farmer Fred

*Bark!*

What is it Lassie?

*Bark! Bark bark!*

What's that girl? Timmy fell down a well!

*Bark! Bark bark woof!*

Right! I'll say you were here with me the whole time.

Satan walks into a church....

Satan walks into a church and sits down next to a guy. Satan asks the guy his name, the guy says Fred. Satan than asks why are you not afraid of me? Fred says, I've been married to your sister for 40 years.

Did you hear about the cannibal who switched to Spam?

He said it's the greatest thing since sliced Fred

Freddy from scooby doo was a candidate for mayor of L.A in the 90s

He ran on splitting up gangs.

I see Freddie Mercury has had an asteroid named after him.

His surviving family have said how great it is to finally have Freddie immortalized in rock, and really appreciate the sediment.

Two men were lost in the desert...

When they come across a road, and a headstone.

"Look here!" the first man, Frank, said," Some guy's been buried here. Poor sod, he was only 15."

"Who was he?" Inquired the second man, Fred.

"Some kid named Miles from Bakersfield," answered Fred.

What walks on 8 legs until it's one years old, 4 legs until it's twenty years old and then 2 legs for the remainder of it's life?

Fred and George Weasley.

A guy stands up on a plane and screams "HIJACK"

and everybody is understandably afraid. However shortly after this someone shouts back, "Hi Fred!"

What do the Syrians and Fred Flinstone have in common?

They both have to put up with a lot of Rubble.

The Flintstones

One day pebbles took a shower with Fred and Wilma. Her curiosity lead her to ask questions

Pebbles: Mama what's that between your legs?

Wilma: oh honey that's mommy's rock cutter.

Pebbles: Dada what's the between your legs?

Fred: oh sweetie that's my rock.

Pebbles: oh I get it, when daddy puts his rock into mommy's rock cutter out comes Pebbles!

Fred joke, The Flintstones

What's Fred Flintstone's favorite soft drink?

Mountain Yaba-daba-do

^I don't know if this is original but it just popped into my head. ^^I'll see myself out..

A Chinese man wakes up on the beach with no memory. He says he thinks his name is Fred.

But I think he might be Wong.

Amanda: Fred, honey, in your bathroom I found two towels, one with a letter A embroidered on it and another with an F. How thoughtful of you! I used the one with an A, because F is for Fred…

Fred: F is for face.

If Fred Durst opened a BBQ restaurant, he'd probably call it...

LIMP BRISKET

Freddy the fungus and Alice the algae met one another and...

they took a lichen to each other

"Okay Fred, Shaggy and Daphne, can you name an animal that lives in Africa and has a large horn on its face?"

"Rhino!"

"We know you know the answer, Scooby, but it's not your turn."

Bob didn't believe that Fred's dog could talk

So Fred asked his dog, What's on top of a house?

Roof, the dog barked.

Bob wasn't convinced. So Fred asked the dog how sandpaper feels.

Rough.

He still wasn't convinced.

O.K., who was the greatest baseball player of all time? Fred asked the dog.

Ruth.

With that, Bob walked away, shaking his head in disbelief. The dog turned to Fred and asked: Was it Hank Aaron?

Saw Fred Durst falling down a hill the other day

I tried to stop him but he just kept on rollin

"A bill collector knocked on the door of a country debtor ...

"A bill collector knocked on the door of a country debtor and asked the woman who answered the door, "Is Fred home?"
"Sorry, Fred's gone for cotton."
The next day the bill collector tried again. "Is Fred here today?"
"No, sir. I'm afraid he has gone for cotton."
When he returned the third day he humphed, "I suppose Fred is gone for cotton again,?"
"No, Fred died yesterday."
Suspicious that he was being avoided, the collector decided to wait a week and check the cemetery himself. But sure enough, there was poor Fred's tombstone, with the inscription, "Gone, But Not for Cotton.""

If your name is Fred and you live in Flint Michigan and you're about to smoke a bowl....

...does that mean you're freddy to get flint-stoned

TIL that Fred Rogers never got to visit Toronto.

He had to use his imagination to travel to the Land of Maple Leafs.

Fred is a hippo who goes to a University where everyone is a hippo

One day, someone asked Fred where to find the medical building. Fred replied, "Its over there and to the left. I do brain research in there."

Fred is an expert on the hippocampus.

Freddy Krueger isn't that tough...

I could fight him in my sleep.

My friend's mother just had quadruplets

I asked him "What did she name them?"

My friend told me "Eenie, Meenie, Miney and Fred"

I asked "Fred? What about Mo?"

My friend responded "She don't want no Mo"

Freddie Mercury offered to cater my wedding, so I asked him how many cakes he'd be making.

He said I want to bake three.

Fred Flintstone wife joke

I wonder what my life would've been like had I ever met any other people at all.

Why did Freddy Kruger kill Martin Luther King?

Cause he had a Dream.

What did Fred Flintstone say when Barney asked if he wanted to get high?

Yeah, a dab will do.

Freddy Mercury, Venus Williams Williams Bruno Mars all happened to walk into the same bar.

But they didn't planet that way.

Two electricians are standing on a ladder leaned against a utility pole...

...when an elderly lady was passing below them. One of the electricians calls her.

\- Excuse me, ma'm! Could you pass us that wire, so we don't have to climb down?

\- This one, young man?

\- Yes, that one! Thank you so much, ma'm, you're very kind!

\- No problem, dear!

After the lady passed him the wire, and left, the electrician tells his mate:

\- See, Fred? I told you this was the neutral wire, but no, you had to insist that it was the phase line!

Committee, n.:

A group of men who individually can do nothing but as a group decide that nothing can be done. -- Fred Allen

The doctor asked Fred if anyone in the family suffers from mental illness.

Fred replied: "No, we all seem to rather enjoy it."

What does Freddy Mercury pack when boarding a flight?

Carry on, carry on

Freddie Mercury had just finished his meal in a Greek restaurant when the waiter came over with a couple of plates for him to smash.

"Can you go and get me another one please?" Asked Freddie.

"Why?" Asked the waiter.

"I want to break three."

What did Fred Flintstone say when his wife broke her favorite vase?

Grab-a-dab-a-glue!!

What kind of meat does Fred Durst bbq?

Limp Brisket

(probably not original but I did think of it just now)

Inspired by post on reddit/ technology

Police stop a guy.
-Name
Wankbreak
-Excuse me?
Wankbreak....Fred Wankbreak.
-Listen mate you're coming down to the station if you carry on like that.
No seriously I work in the Warehouse over there give them a ring they'll vouch for me.
Cop sighs but can do without the paperwork. Gets the number from Fred and rings.
-Hello Acme Warehouse?
Yes
- PC Plod here just doing a check.
OK
- So do you have a Wankbreak there?
A wankbreak.... you're joking...we don't even have f**king tea break here mate!!

Freddie Mercury, Venus Williams and Bruno Mars all walked into the same bar.

They didn't planet.

A guy came home to his best friend and wife in bed

He pulled out a .45, shot both of 'em

Next morning, his friend went down to the jail

He said, "Fred, don't take it so hard"

He said, "It could have been worse"

He said, "What you mean, it could have been worse?"

He said, "Man, two people dead. I might get the electric chair. You tell me it could have been worse?"

He said, "Yeah, baby. It could have been worse."

He said, "What you mean?"

He said, "Hell, if you'd have came Thursday instead of Friday, you'd have gotten me too"

Did Fred and Wilma explode?

No, but Dinomight.

I just buried my mother-in-law.

John: You're late, where have you been?

Fred: I just buried my mother-in-law.

John: What's with all the cuts and bruises?

Fred: Well, she put up a really good fight.

How did Freddy Kreuger die?

His balls were itching…

Why was Freddy Krueger late for work?

Cause traffic is a nightmare on Elm Street.

So Fred has accidentally cut off John's ear with his spade.

John and Fred were digging a ditch when Fred made a careless swipe with his spade and cut off John's ear.

"Help me find it in all this mud," said John. "If we find it they can sew it back on."

After a couple of minutes, Fred triumphantly shouted, "Here it is", handing the ear to John.

"That's not it," said John, throwing the ear back in the muddy ditch. "Mine had a pencil behind it."

What is Fred Flintstones's favorite drink?

Yabba Dabba Dew

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the fred fred and george puns are supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working fred fred flintstone piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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