Freak Jokes
112 freak jokes and hilarious freak puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about freak that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Get ready to laugh! This article has a collection of funny jokes about control freaks, insane people, and maniacs. These jokes are sure to bring a smile to your day.
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Funniest Freak Short Jokes
Short freak jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The freak humour may include short geek jokes also.
- My teacher didn't believe me when I said I had 36 pets so I showed her a picture of my fish tank. She freaked out when she saw how many dogs I could fit in there.
- In a freak accident today, a photographer was killed when a huge lump of cheddar landed in him To be fair though, the people who were being photographed did try to warn him
- In the middle of the battle, I decided to use a knife to preserve my ammo. All the other paintball players started freaking out though.
- "Mom? Don't freak out, but I'm in the hospital..." "Jeremy, you've been a doctor for over 8 years now, please stop starting every phone conversation we have with that."
- I can't believe how everybody's freaking out over that guy stealing Nancy Pelosi's podium. He was clearly just taking a political stand.
- Darth Vader: Luke, I know what you're getting for Christmas. Luke: How?
Darth Vader: I felt your presents. - I went to a gender reveal party last week. Everyone freaked out when I pulled down my pants.
- Placing three armed veterans in each school will stop school shootings The shooter will see people with three arms and freak out.
- Every girl wants to be swept off her feet. It's only when you put her in the trunk that she starts to freak out.
- I just found out that my friend broke all his fingers in a freak accident. I can't even imagine how he feels.
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Freak One Liners
Which freak one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with freak? I can suggest the ones about crazy and bizarre.
- My grandparents were vaporised in a freak accident They will be mist... :'(
- My Mexican friend was freaking out, but I couldn't understand his panic.
- My best friend died in a freak boiling water accident. He will be mist.
- Women are like newspaper articles... They have a new issue every freaking day
- Cat puns freak meowt... ...I'm not kitten.
- What's the best way to freak out your gynecologist? Become a ventriloquist
- What did the cat say when he got scared? You're freaking meowt!
- Why was the snowman freaking out? He was having a meltdown.
- Why did the twenty year old anti-vaxxer freak out? She was having a midlife crisis
- What does a coke freak and a plumber have in common? They both love to catch a drain.
- What do you need to perform a fair test in a mental asylum? A control freak.
- They had to close the circus There was a freak accident
- What phrase freaks out a gluten intolerant Soviet the most? Gluten Tag.
- I'm not a control freak. But let me show you the right way to do that.
- My keyboard is such a freak I fingered the shift key 5 times and gave it sticky keys.
Control Freak Jokes
Here is a list of funny control freak jokes and even better control freak puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- A control freak has 5 kids, how many of them does it take to change a light bulb? There's no point in trying, none of them can change anything.
- Knock Knock Q: Who's there?
A: Control Freak.
Q: Con...
A: Okay, now you say, "Control Freak who?" - My wife freaked out when I opened the door for her She was screaming that I was losing control of the car
- I hate control freaks. They never listen to me.
- What's a control freaks favorite macro? Control+U
Laughable Freak Jokes for Instant Grins & Giggles
What funny jokes about freak you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean fright jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make freak pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man loses his legs in a bear fight
Despite this, he wins the fight, and uses the bears legs to replace his own.
By the time he gets to a hospital, he has full control over his legs,
The doctors tie the legs better, and let him keep them,
About a month later, a ringmaster of a freak circus finds him, and offers him a job in the circus,
He accepts, and a few months later, is ready for his first act,
He walks in front of the audience, and loudly claims
'I will walk over these hot stones bear-foot'
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A dude suddenly found out that his wife was having an affair..
.. but before he could talk about it with her she suddenly died in a freak accident. As the person with whom she was having the affair was a neighbourhood guy, the husband also invited him at the f**... ceremony.
At the ceremony the husband somehow was in control of himself but the lover was inconsolable and finally broke down completely. The husband could not contain himself any further, he went to the guy, patted him on the shoulder, hugged him, with tears in his eyes, and said, "Don't worry mate, I am going to marry again soon."
I don't kill flies but I like to mess with their minds.
I hold them above globes. They freak out and yell, "Whoa! I'm way too high!"
-Bruce Baum
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do women and grammar n**... have in common?
One missed period is enough to freak them out.
Shopping for my fiancé
I was shopping for my fiancé the other day, wanted to pick her out something just right, so I asked the sales lady if she could try it on since she is about the same size as my fiancé and would like to see how it looked and fit. She called me a freak and told me to get out of the store. Apparently that's not how you shop for tampons
The boy went to say his nightly prayers....
His father listened from the door as the boy said "God bless mommy, God bless Daddy, God Bless Grandma, goodbye grandpa"
The next day the family awoke to found the grandpa dead, but brushed it off as an awful coincidence.
A few days go by and the boy is saying his prayer "God bless mommy, God bless Daddy, goodbye Grandma."
Sure enough the next day she is dead, and the father is starting to really freak out.
A week goes by and the boy is saying his prayers "God bless mommy, goodbye Daddy"
The next day the father wakes up, goes to work, and stresses the entire day about his fate. When he gets home he is upset and wants to console with his wife. She is also upset and he asks what wrong.
She says "You'll never believe what happened today the mailman came to deliver the mail and dropped dead right on the doorstep"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
So I went to the bar with my wife and...
people were calling me "freak" and "p**..." because I'm 29 and she's 18.
Really ruined our 10th anniversary.
Everyone is freaking out ebola
When I'm just trying to get ebola captain crunch
Everyone is freaking out about all these glasses that glow under a backlight...
... But my sheets have been glowing under backlights since I was 14
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A guy walks into a w**... in Amsterdam . . .
A guy walks into a w**... in Amsterdam. He sits down and a young girl sits on his lap. He whispers something in her ear. She jumps off his lap and yells, "Oh God no!" and scurries off.
The madam notices this and thinks, "Okay, this guy is a little weird." So she sends one of her more experienced girls over. He whispers in her ear and she jumps up and yells, "ARE YOU CRAZY?" and hightails it.
The madam thinks, "Okay, this guy is a freak." So she sends over her most experienced gal, I mean she's done things that 99.9999999999999% of the world has never even heard of. That gal sits on his lap, he whispers in her ear, and she jumps up and yells something n**... in German, Thai, and Brazilian Portuguese and runs away.
So the madam goes over and demands, "What have you been whispering in my girls' ears?!"
"I was just asking aboot paying in Canadian dollars."
You ever seen a really beautiful woman that you wanna go talk to?
But then you think she's gonna freak out when you walk out of her closet?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Downhill Skiing
3 rock climbers (Bob, Tim, Jack) were attempting to climb Everest. In a freak accident, Bob and Tim lost all of their supplies. Unable to progress any further, they decide to make camp and share jack's supplies. The three of them slept side to side, with bob and Tim on either side of jack. In the morning, as they made their way down the mountain, bob was telling the other two about his dream last night. Bob said, "man I dreamt this buxom blonde gave me a vigorous h**... last night." Tim chuckled and said " I dreamt I was getting a h**... from a beautiful woman as well." Jack merely shrugged and said " I dreamed I was downhill skiing."
What freaks out both girls and programmers?
A missed period.
And heaven help us if the programmer happens to be a girl.
What do you call an unemployed person Who likes hygiene?
A NEET freak.
My cat is a biological freak
It has nine livers
TIFU
The DVD, not the Blu-ray. What do you think I am, some kind of freak?
did you hear about the freak birth at chernobil?
a baby was born with more eyes than teeth
In Light Of China's Announced One-Child Policy Removal.
Get Yo' Freak On China. #NationalSexDay
So she says to me, "I don't do this normally"
I replied, "That's ok, I'm a bit of a freak myself."
My cousin was hospitalized for 3 months after a freak accident at a spaghetti factory..
Unfortunately, he pasta way
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I found my first grey p**... hair today.
However, i didn't freak out about it like the other people in the elevator.
What's the difference between an apple and a baby?
People didn't freak out for no reason when I started eating an apple in public.
Why is everyone freaking out about a turkey coup?
We've been keeping chickens in them for years.
The Bearded Lady just rear-ended some Siamese Twins.
It was a freak accident.
I had a date in a restaurant called, "The Deranged Stallion".
It was a freak horse meal.
I was gonna make a joke about my dog being a freak on a leash...
But it was too korny
I was walking behind a girl late at night
I open silently the bottle of chloroform so she doesn't freak out.
I put out my tissue,
put chloroform on it,
*sneezing*
clean my nose,
and pass out
I'm not a smart man
What did Paul Bunyan say to his big blue ox?
"YOU'RE A FREAK!!"
2 weeks building a greenhouse for my herbs only to see it blown away in freak winds
What a waste of thyme!
I make conversation like I play chess....
Plan 3 moves ahead then freak out when the other person doesn't do what I planned for.
Not sure why everyone is freaking out that Trump has his Finger on the Nuclear Button...
By his own admission; this isn't the first time his hands have been somewhere they shouldn't
Warnings about motorcycles
Every time people find out I drive a motorcycle they always freak out and tell me about sometime someone they know got in an accident.
I don't get it.
I don't go around telling pregnant women that my dad left
Total Eclipses freak people out because it creates opposites of our expectations...
...Day becomes night. White becomes Black. And the midwest becomes a travel destination
Did you hear about the poor waitress who lost her leg in a freak accident?
Now she's working at IHOP.
I freaked out when I saw the clown from IT at my local thrift shop
But then I remembered he was Pennywise
What is a freaky lesbian's favorite game?
Pinochle.
I like to freak people out by going up to their cars and whispering...
I know your secret, Optimus Prime!"
My son called me saying he's in the hospital
"Mom, please don't freak out, but I'm in the hospital."
"Son, you're a doctor and you've been doing this joke for the past 5 years."
My wife wears my shirts around the house and I never freak out...
Wear one of her dresses once and it's the end of our marriage.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
If I found out that my son was gay, I would freak out.
Why do I have a son?
How to freak her out
I love walking up to women I barely know, hug them and sniff loudly followed by me saying, "You smell so much better when you are awake."
Do you ever see a beautiful woman and think to yourself you have to go say something?
Then you realize its a bad idea because she's probably going to freak out when you walk out of her closet?
A boxer loses his sight in a freak accident.
Not being able to compete again, all he can do now is training with his loyal training partner and hitting the bag. Since he can't see, he is required to remember and move only a certain amount of steps (both forward and backwards) to keep the distance. Suddenly his partner stops the session and the boxer asks why they stopped. His partner says: we stopped because you messed up the punch line.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why is u**... yellow?
Because if it was blue we would all freak out.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What's the best pickup line at Whole Foods?
"I like a lady in the streets, and a freak in the organic, h**...-infused sheets."
Really freaked out for a bit, my computer was giving me personalised Jesus quotes.
Turns out I had it set to depeche mode.
I don't know why she freaked out after I gave her a gift on our second date.
I really spent a lot of money on that diamond ring.
Everyone knows you synthesize vitamin D from UV rays and that's fine...
So how come whenever I say, "I love getting the D from my sun," people always freak out?
Today my son threw a quarter in the well at the mall and said "I wish my dad was dead." And because of his attitide we went home without buying anything.
When we got to our house we saw an ambulance and the coroner at Jim's house, apparently he had a freak heart attack about thirty minutes before hand, it was odd because he was a personal trainer and in great shape, my wife seemed real upset by his passing. Though it was strange because I've never even seen them speak to eachother.
How to be a super hero
DC: be an orphan or raised by an orphan
Marvel: get in a freak accident
Everyone is freaking out about YouTube being down
But I don't really understand why. My favorite video sharing website is still running just fine.
People who don't like how long CVS receipts are would probably freak if they ever saw a book
I don't know why everyone is freaking out about Stan Lee's death
It'll probably get reconned in a few weeks
Bach was a legendary composer with 20 kids.........
I guess that qualifies him as being a freak in the sheets and on the sheets.....
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I freaked out the electrician by opening the door n**....
I couldn't tell what gave him a bigger shock – whether the fact that I was n**..., or that I got into his house.
I had a friend who was bored out of his mind at work.
No ones really quite sure how the freak drill-press accident happened.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
When you have s**..., God is watching...
What a freak.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Last week I found out my cousin was into underage girls.
I reported him to the feds, but when they arrived on the scene they wouldn't do a thing. They let the freak run free.
Oh well, at least he didn't enjoy his tenth birthday party.
A boy knocks his father down the stairs in a freak accident.
The father breaks his neck and dies, leaving his son to mourn for days. However, one night, the boy wakes up to see an apparition of his father before him. All at once, he breaks down crying, and screams out, "I'm sorry!"
His father responds, "Hi Sorry, I'm dead!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call a shellfish that is really into b**...?
A mussel bound freak.
Women always say they want a gift that comes from the heart...
But if you give them blood they freak out.
So everyone is freaking out that Kanye West wants to run for President ...
Everyone just needs to take it Yeezy!
At 3'o'clock in the morning, a wife hears her husband stumble in through the door,
She goes down stairs and sees him standing in the doorway drunk.
she says Have you been drinking?
the husband laughed and said No honey, I drove home.
The wife's face drops and she begins to panic.
The husband then starts to freak out and says What's wrong?!
The wife looks at him and angrily says
You can't drive and neither of us own a car.
I freaked out when my girlfriend was about to look through my phone
I didn't want her to see my Reddit account, so I just told her I was cheating on her
My wife is a compulsive plant freak. She's filled our house with all manner of potted plants that she picks up at yard sales and give aways!
I think she's a hoarder-culturist.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two guys who just met at a training class are driving through the city looking for a place to have lunch.
The guy driving is running every red light. The other guy is starting to freak out and says, "Dude?! What the h**... are you doing going through those red lights??" The guy driving says, "Its okay, my brother in law does it all the time." The passenger says, "Well its not okay with me, let me out up here!" They drive a little further up the road and the driver stops at a green light. The passenger says, "Why are you stopped? The light is green." The driver says, "My brother in law might be coming through."
I had no freaking idea!
I visited a local news website this morning and saw a picture of a good friend of mine on the front page with a title above saying, "A 34-year-old mechanic arrested for dealing drugs". I really thought I knew the guy, but I guess I was wrong. I mean, I've been a loyal customer of his for almost 7 years, and I had no idea that he was a mechanic!
