Francisco Jokes
77 francisco jokes and hilarious francisco puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about francisco that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Laugh out loud with these classic San Francisco jokes! From Leif's historical gags to Martinez's urban quips, you won't be able to resist chuckling over these humorous takes on the City by the Bay. Let the fun begin!
Funniest Francisco Short Jokes
Short francisco jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The francisco humour may include short historical jokes also.
- All the guys here in San Francisco are super nice. They keep asking if they can push my stool in. Even when I'm already sitting down or there are no chairs around.
- A sign on the Golden Gate Bridge reads: "Now entering San Francisco, chains required… …whips optional"
- Why is San Francisco called the granola city? Because when you take out all the fruits and nuts, all you have left are the flakes.
- I heard that San Francisco had to change their team name to the 29ers this year... because 20 of them left in the offseason.
- A bus with 24 people was crossing the San Francisco bridge; when they reached the other side, not a single person was left. What happened to the people ? They were all married.
- I writing a screenplay for a tv show about a girl with narcolepsy who lives in San Francisco. It's called 'Suddenly Snoozin.'
- What do you call forty German naysayers from San Francisco? The San Francisco Forty Neiners
- TIL the mint in San Francisco does not produce any circulating coins It doesn't make cents!
- What do you do if you drop your keys in San Francisco? Kick them to San Jose. Then pick them up.............
- Did you hear about the weekly poker game with Vasco da Gama, Christopher Columbus, Leif Erikson, and Francisco Pizarro? They can never seem to beat the Straights of Magellan.
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Francisco One Liners
Which francisco one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with francisco? I can suggest the ones about san francisco and autobiography.
- Name a city where no one is named Francisco? Sans - Francisco
P.S. My First dad joke - Why is it so cold in San Francisco? Giant fans.
- Best name for cured meat convention in San Francisco... ... Bay Con.
- If you drop your wallet in San Francisco kick it to San Jose, before you pick it up.
- What do you call a dog kennel in San Francisco? Luxury apartments
- There are so many gay bars in San Francisco; It's hard to keep them all straight.
- Well, there's a least one positive thing about moving to San Francisco... Your partner.
- "What do you call someone who makes cakes in San Francisco? A BAYYYYker
- You know your voting in San Francisco when... The voting booth has a glory hole.
- If it never snows in San Francisco... Then why are there so many snowflakes!
- What do you call someone from San Francisco with a car? A homeowner
- Our top story tonight... Generalisimo Francisco Franco is still dead...
- What do you call when Cisco opens an office in france Francisco
- Pope Francisco Supports Alcoholism! SHOCKING!!!
- In San Francisco, Halloween is redundant.
San Francisco Jokes
Here is a list of funny san francisco jokes and even better san francisco puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What does the iconic bridge in San Francisco and my favorite shower have in common? They're both golden.
- Why are so many people in San Francisco homeless? They can't afford an apartment because they only make 50 grand per year.
- If you don't like the weather... in Chicago, wait 10 minutes.
in San Francisco, walk 2 blocks.
in New York, go on vacation.
in Phoenix, move.
in San Diego, you're wrong. - Chuck Norris doesn't wear flowers in his hair when he goes to San Francisco, he wears poison ivy.
- Wolverine and Santa moved to San Francisco and adopted a baby boy They named him Santa Claws
- TIL Police were called to a nudest camping ground near San Francisco because someone drilled a hole in the fence. Police issued a statement saying detectives are looking into it.
- Thor in San Francisco Thor arrives in San Francisco and proudly announces "I AM THOR!"
I flamboyantly gay man looks at him and states "You're thore? I'm tho thore I can hardly pith." - A baker dreams of opening a bakery in San Francisco. What does s/he make? Bay Goals.
- If you drop a handful of nuts over a United States map... they all tend to roll to San Francisco
- Why is San Francisco so curious? They have so many queries!
Cheerful Fun Francisco Jokes to Brighten Your Day with Humor and Joy
What funny jokes about francisco you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make francisco pranks.
SAN FRANCISCO MAN BECOMES FIRST AMERICAN TO GRASP SIGNIFICANCE OF SARCASM
Chuck Fullmer, 38, yesterday became the first American to get to grips
with the concept of sarcasm.
"It was weird" Fullmer said. "I was in London and like, talking to this guy
and it was raining and he pulled a face and said, "Great weather eh?"
and I thought - "Wait a minute, no way is it great weather".
Fullmer then realised that the other man's 'mistake' was in fact deliberate.
Fullmer, who is 39 next month and married with two children, aged 8 and 3,
plans to use sarcasm himself in future.
"I'm, like, using it all the time" he said.
"Last weekend I was grilling steaks and I burned them and I said
"Hey, great weather."
Did you hear about the albino clairvoyant master hypnotist from San Francisco?
He was a super pallid Cali mystic, expert at hypnosis.
(Today I had wanted to tell someone the Gandhi joke I read on here the other day, but I couldn't remember it so I made this up and thought I may as well share it even though it's purely derivative.)
Charlie the Street Car Conductor
Long joke that is passed down in my family
So down in New Orleans there lived a man named Charlie. Charlie ever since he was a young boy wanted to grow up to be a streer car conductor. When he finally became old enough, he applied for the job and lo and behold he got it. Now Charlie was the friendliest street conductor that the city has ever seen. Not only did he never complain about his job, but also he greeted everyone who boarded his street car and treated them like family. Everything in his life was perfect for Charlie until one day he decided to operate the street car after having a few drinks. In his drunken state, he crashed the streetcar and killed all the passengers. After going to court Charlie was sentences to death by the eletric chair. When the day came for his execution, a gaurd visited Charlie's cell and asked him what he wanted for his final meal. Charlie replied, "I want a rotten tomato and a raw fish." After Charlie finished his meal he headed into the execution room and sat down in the eletric chair. The warden gave the order to pull the switch and the room went dark as thousands of volts passed through Charlies body. After the switch was thrown back it came as a suprise that Charlie was in fact still alive. Having no idea what else to do the warden let Charlie out of jail but banned him from ever operating a streetcar in New Orleans. Since street cars were his life Charlie decided "Hey I'll go to Japan, I hear they have fancy new street cars there." In Japan Charlie gets a job as a conductor again, but as before decides that after having a few drinks that he is still able to work the street car. To no suprise Charlie crashes the stree car and kills all the passengers. Charlie again finds himself in jail ordering his last meal. "A rotten tomato and a raw fish," he tells the gaurd. After the meal was eaten, Charlie was led to the chair and once again survives the eletricity. Because he wasn't dying, he was set free but banned from operating the street cars in Japan. Charlie thought to himself, "Well I heard San Francisco still has street cars operating so I'll go there." As you can guess Charlie ends up in the same situation and again orders the same meal " A rotten tomato and a raw fish," he tells the gaurd. The warden from San Francisco had heard of Charlie and his previous death sentences so before he brought Charlie in to be executed he sent a letter to the mayor asking to reroute the city's eletricity to the jail. The mayor approved and confident with his new found power the warden smiled and gave the order to pull the switch. The lights in the room burst from the overload and the smell of something burning overwelmed the air. The warden after a minute ordered the gaurd to shut off the chair and as the smoke cleared, there was Charlie same as always. Distraught with emotion, the warden told Charlie to get out of his sights. Charlie, tired of going to jail, finally decided that maybe he shouldn't be a street car conductor after all. So Charlie travels back to New Orleans and meets his friend Thibodaux at a bar. Thibodaux after a few minutes of small talk tells Charlie "Everyone has heard about the eletric chair incidents and I just gotta axe, how were you able to survive all them jolts of electricity through your body? Was there something you did that made you resistant to it?" Charlie looks at Thibodaux and says "I dunno, I guess I was just a bad conductor."
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Be Careful Doing Drugs in Utah
I recently moved to Utah from San Francisco, and wasn't paying attention once when I wanted to party. I got my l**... mixed up with l**..., and instead of taking a Trip, I ended up on a 2 year mission to Fiji.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Who wins in a race to San Francisco, the lesbian couple or the gay couple?
The l**.... They get there lickity split while the g**... are still packin it in!
I was in a bar last night, saw this beautiful woman...
... like a supermodel.
I walked up, I was like "Hey, where you from? What do you do?"
She goes, "Oh, me, I live here in San Francisco. I am a brain surgeon."
I don't know if this makes me sexist but I was really impressed...
Most women... can't pull of sarcasm.
cr
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
That's right
Half dressed r**... couple were sitting on couch watching news on TV, with the man's arm around the woman. The man says "Look at them homosexuals ruinin' the sanctity of our institution. We oughta go to San Francisco just to show them liberals that marriage means one man and one woman. Ain't that right, sweetheart?" The woman replies, "That's right, Daddy."
Trans-continental blonde ....
A blonde calls Delta Airlines and asks, 'Can you tell me how long it'll take to fly from San Francisco to New York City?' The agent replies, 'Just a minute.' 'Thank you,' the blonde says, and hangs up.
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call n**... from San Francisco?
Bay Aryans
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
It's 80 degrees in San Francisco today.
Girls are wearing skirts so short you can almost see their d**....
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Who is Santa Claus?
Because if in Spanish, "Santo" or "San" is used for male saints...
(San Francisco, San Diego)
And "Santa" is used for female saints...
(Santa Monica, Santa Barbara)
Wouldn't that make Santa Claus t**...?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Did you hear about the registered donor who had a car c**... on the Golden Gate Bridge?
He left his heart in San Francisco.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A group of men from San Francisco were skinny dipping...
When a c**... floated to the surface
"okay guys, who f**...?
Francisco Nunez Olivera, the world's oldest man, died at his home in Spain – a month after celebrating his 113th birthday last Monday night...
I shall miss reading his jokes on here...
2 blondes are sitting on a bench in San Francisco...
One of the blondes says to the other. "Hey, which one is closer; New York or the moon?". The other blonde laughs at the stupidity of the joke.
"Well, duh! Can you see New York from here?"
Smart blonde joke
Whoah, I know. Here it is: so a blonde walks into a bank and asked to borrow a $500 loan. The bank needs some colleratal so she gives the bank her Rolls Royce. After a couple of months she comes back and promptly pays the loan back. The bank clerk asked why she borrowed the money if she could pay it back easily.
She said, "cheapest parking in San Francisco."
It's interesting how different parts of the country have different ways of saying the same thing.
For instance, in most parts of the country, having an income of $100k or more is called "making six figures".
However, here in San Francisco, we call that same thing "living above the poverty line".
My wife and I are finally planning a trip to San Francisco for my life long dream of seeing the Golden Gate in person.
She said, What are you going to do when you finally see it?
I said, Let's cross that bridge when we get there.
What interview should you avoid asking Clark Kent to give?
2:30 AM: A woman accused of robbing a large bank in San Francisco
6:00 PM: A man accused of scamming high rollers in Las Vegas
9:00 PM: A man accused of shooting two rival gang members in Los Angeles
The last one: Keep him away from the Crip tonight
Sports Teams should be named for what their city is famous for
For example: Dallas is known for cowboys, San Francisco was the place for the miners, 49ers, to bring their gold and claims, Islignton was famous as being home of the Artillery Regiment, thus "Arsenal," Milwauke HAD brewing.
Washington should change their name to "Senators," and Cleveland could become the "Steamers."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The sheriff of a small Texan town pulled over a Porsche that was doing 60 miles per hour in a 30-mile an hour zone.
The man behind the wheel, a San Francisco law associate, was steaming. When he was finally brought before the local magistrate, he exploded, "I can't believe you stopped me. This town must be the a**... of the world!"
There was a five second pause as the magistrate looked at him. Then he asked, "You just passing through?"
A passenger at an airport in New York was at the counter
-I'm going California for business, I want to go to Los Angeles, I want to send the big suitcase in my right hand to San Francisco and the smaller suitcase on ground to San Diego.
-Excuse me sir, but I'm afraid that's not possible, we can't do that.
-Great then, because that's what you did on my last flight.
A San Francisco cop sees a well dressed man lying in the street by the curb...
... He asked the man "What happened to you?"
The man replied "My wife and I were walking down the street and found a parking space. She went to buy a car while I hold the space."
