The Best 36 Francis Jokes
Following is our collection of funny Francis jokes. There are some francis liz jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these francis taffy puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 of the Funniest Francis Jokes and Puns
Sir Francis Bacon
Tomato is on life support.
*Sir Francis Bacon walks in*
"He's not gonna make it, is he?"
Doc: "He's basically a vegetable. Bacon, let us end tomato."
The chairman of Perdue Chicken goes to the Vatican to meet the pope.
Jim Perdue, CEO of Perdue Chicken, goes to the Vatican to meet the pope. He says "Pope Francis, it is an honor to meet you. As you know, I am a devoted Catholic, and I'm bringing a generous donation today - 2 million dollars - and in return I simply ask you hear a proposal."
Pope Francis says, "yes, of course."
Jim Perdue says "I propose you change all references of bread to chicken. For example, 'Give us this day out daily chicken.' And instead of bread-based Eucharist, you could give chicken nuggets."
Pope Francis says, "sir, that is really not a feasible proposal."
Perdue says, "tell you what, I'll donate the $2 million no strings attached, but if you implement my proposal, I'll donate another $20 million."
The Pope merely thanks him and leaves the room.
The next day, at a meeting with his cardinals, the pope says, "Exalted cardinals of the Roman Catholic Church... we need to discuss the Wonderbread account."
Pope Benedict and Pope Francis are about to watch the World Cup Final...
Francis says, "sorry, but I spoke to Jesus last night and he said he'd do all he can to help Argentina win." Benedict says, "that's too bad, I spoke to Satan and he said he'd do everything he can to help Germany win." The game starts, and Francis says, "is that referee Italian?" Benedict says, "Yep. Hail Satan."
Was my French teacher into golden showers?
Oui.
Courtesy of Stewart Francis.
Who the patron saint of surveillance?
St Francis of a CCTV.
"There are three kinds of sex..."
"There's homosexual sex, for people who have sex at home, bisexual, for people who buy sex, and there's trisexual—that's me, I'll try anything!"
Credit to Francis, the 80-year-old, flamboyantly hilarious artist I met on the train yesterday morning.
Why did Saint Francis cry?
Someone called him Assisi.
My girlfriend says I've got commitment issues....
Well she's not really my girlfriend, more of a wife.
-Stuart Francis
So the Pope visits Queen Elizabeth II...
... and she says : "Watch, Francis! With a wave of my hand, I can make every loyal subject go completely hysterical!" So she waves at the crowd and every loyal subject goes completely apeshit. So Francis tells her : "Well, Elizabeth, with a wave of my hand, I can give every Scotsman and Irishman eternal joy!" And she replies : "I'd like to see that!" .... So he slaps her.
John Boehner is lucky Pope Francis didn't splash any holy water on him.
He wouldn't have been crying. He would have burst into flames.
The meeting with Kim Davis isn't the only thing on his U.S. trip that Pope Francis wanted to keep secret...
The engine in his Fiat was a Volkswagen diesel.
You can explore francis carrie reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean francis mary dad jokes. There are also francis puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
Sister Mary and Sister Francis are riding their bikes from the vestibule to the rectory....
Sister Mary says to Sister Francis, "I've never came this way before!"
And Sister Francis says "It must be the cobble stone street!"
Sister Mary Francis won the contest but I was runner-up...
Technically, I'm second to nun.
I used to be a plastic surgeon.
Which raised a few eyebrows.
(Credits: Stewart Francis. Look him up, this guy is hilarious)
Pope Francis stepped into a subzero
He's a popesicle now
Did you hear about the candle that smells like a mixture of Francis, Benedict, and John Paul?
They call it pope pourri
(I really am sorry)
Jake went over to pick up his girlfriend to go on a date.
When he found her naked, he asked why.
"Well, because I don't have any dresses to wear!"
"Sure you do," Jake replied, opening her closet. "Here's a blue one, a red one, a green one- oh, hi Francis- a yellow one..."
Since assuming the title in 2013, Pope Francis has visited more than 27 countries.
I guess he really is a roamin' Catholic.
Vatican to elevate pope Francis to sainthood-report
Reports are emerging from the vatican that the current pope will be recommended for sainthood due to his compassion for his fellow man. When asked about the holy father's reaction, a vatican official said, 'In keeping with modern times, the pontiff would like to be the patron saint of email, St.Francis of a cc'
Sir Francis Bacon walks into a bard...
"Sorry Bill."
Pope Francis warns the public about the evils of Horoscope readings...
Born: December 17, "Your ideas are abstract and don't always make reasonable sense."
What a Sagittarius thing to say...
Why Islam is growing rapidly !!!
Father Francis of Bradford was unhappy that the church attendance had steadily declined in the past few years but the mosque across the street was jampacked every Friday.
So he invited the imam for a cup of tea and then finally brought up the topic
Imam :So tell me,what happens if a man visits church every Sunday and follows the word of Jesus
Father: He will go to heaven after he dies
Imam: What will he get there?
Father: He will forever be in the company of Father,Jesus,Holy Spirit,Virgin Mary...
Imam: Thats the problem, Only One Virgin...
Why did Princess Leia send a distress call to Francis?
Because he was her only Pope.
Francisco Nunez Olivera, the world's oldest man, died at his home in Spain – a month after celebrating his 113th birthday last Monday night...
I shall miss reading his jokes on here...
They say saint Francis was a serious cat lover...
Some may even agree he's a Catholic.
Did you hear that Fergie was actually singing an alternative version of the star-spangled banner?
Written by Francis Scott Off-Key
TIL: Pope Francis wears underwear while taking a shower.
He doesn't want to look down on the unemployed.
I'm going over to give a large donation to rape victims...
... and I won't take no for an answer.
(Stewart Francis)
Pope Francis has written an autobiography
He titled it, "I, Papi"
Just got yet another email from the patron saint of copying people in
I should never have given my email address to St Francis of a CC
Who is the patron saint of copying people into emails?
St. Francis of a CC
Who is the patron saint of 'reply all'?
St. Francis of a CC
Protesters pulled down a statue of Francis Scott Key last weekend
Francis Got Keystered.
Cardinal Cicola (my late Uncles favorite joke)
Do you know about Cardinal Cicola? He is Pope Francis' right hand man. If one day, something happens to Pope Francis, Cardinal Cicola will become the new Pope.
His name will become Pope Cicola
St. Francis worked at Krispy Kreme
He was a deep friar.
TIL of Private First Class, Francis Lipton— an American soldier in the Revolutionary war– who invented a delicious new beverage while fighting at Valley Forge.
It was the first known casual tea of
War.
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the francis stewart francis jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working francis sisters of st francis piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.