France Jokes

Following is our collection of vous puns and frenchmen one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. Including France jokes for adults, dirty toulouse jokes and clean ouiaboo dad gags for kids.

The Best France Puns

A cheese factory exploded in France.

Da brie is everywhere!

What happens when you go to the bathroom in France?

European.

A German got pulled over by the police in France

*Police officer:* "Name?"

*German:* "Heinrich Klimt"

*Police officer:* "Age?"

*German:* "31"

*Police officer:* "occupation?"

*German:* "No, no. Just visiting"

Why does France have so many rivers?

Water follows the path of least resistance.

A mother is helping her son study for a geography test.

She asks him: "What is the capital of Germany?"

"Berlin," says the boy.

"What is the capital of France?"

"Berlin," says the boy.

"What is the capital of Russia?"

"Berlin," says the boy.

"Good job, Adolf, you'll do great on your test tomorrow."


TIL of a reality show where the goal is to do as much drugs as possible without dying or getting caught.

It's called the Tour de France.

A German was going to a trip in France...

He reached passport control and the officer asked:

"Name?"

"Hans Kleiner"

"Age?"

"31"

"Occupation?"

"No no, just visiting"

My girlfriend told me that she wanted to be treated like a princess...

So I married her off to a stranger twice her age to strengthen my alliance with France

What do they call the Hunger Games in France?

Battle Royale with Cheese.

"Mom, mom, quiz me on capitals please!"

"Okay, what's the capital of Germany?"


"That's easy, Berlin."


"And the capital of France?"


"Berlin"


"And the one of Poland?"


"Also Berlin."


"Good job Adolf, good job!"

A German tourist comes to France

...a border control asks him

"Occupation?"

German: No just visiting.


If France and Italy go to war, who would win?

None of them, France would surrender and Italy would switch sides.

..Trump said "Buy american, Hire american"

Standing on an Ikea podium from *Sweden*, behind bullet proof by Saint Gobain Glass from *France*, smiling at a 4K Sony *Japanese* Video camera, speaking into a Dolby Sennheiser *German* microphone, with vigorous hand gestures giving a glimpse of a Rolex under the cuff made in *Switzerland*

he patriotically said ..*"Buy American, Hire American, Stop Immigrants".* while standing beside a *Slovenian wife*

A German man visiting France

He's stopped at customs. The officer asks him, "Name?"

"Hans Muller" replies the German.

"Occupation?"

"No, just visiting this time."

My daughter told me to treat her like a princess...

so I made her marry a man she has never met before in order to secure an alliance with France.

France and Italy simultaneously declare war on each other

France surrenders

Italy changes sides

Both lose

Why do the French make omelettes with only one egg?

Because in France one egg is un oeuf.

A boy is studying for his geography quiz

His mom asks him:

"What is the capital of Germany?"

"Berlin", says the boy.

"What is the capital of France?"

"Berlin."

"What is the capital of Russia?"

"Berlin."

"You're so smart, Adolf, I know you'll do great on your quiz."

TIL France got a different version of The Force Awakens than the rest of the world.

While the international version ends with Rey and Luke, the French version ends with fin.


Why are there so many rivers in France?

Water takes the path of least resistance

Who won the first Tour De France?

The 2nd Panzer Division.

Why did France give the Statue of Liberty to the USA?

Because the French had no use for a statue with only one hand in the air.

I bought the new Call of Duty WWII in France.

But for some reason, I can only be a spectator.

French Jokes

Who won the first Tour de France?
The 6th Panzer division.

Why do french tanks have rear-view mirrors?
To see the front line.

How many French troops does it take to defend Paris?
No one knows.

The first french fries were not cooked on France.

They were cooked in Greece.

I went to a place in France last week

It was nice.

What happened when I jumped off a famous building in France?

Eiffel

Why do they eat snail in France?

Because they don't have fast food.

TIL the American flag on the moon is now bleached completely white by the sun so historians and/or other species would never know it was America that first landed on the moon

They'll think it was France

Why does lightning strike in France so often?

Because it follows the path of least resistance.

If electricity always follows the path of least resistance

Why doesn't lightning only strike in France?

Geography class

-Whats the capital of Germany?

-Berlin teacher

-Whats the capital of France?

-Berlin again teacher

-Whats the capital of Poland?

-Still Berlin teacher

-Adolf! If you keep this up you'll fail geography!

-We'll see about that

A German man was crossing the border into France...

The French border guard asked to see his papers, as he skimmed through them he ran off a stream of questions.

"Name?"

The German smiled, "Hans Lehrer"

"Age?"

The German replied, "37"

"Occupation?"

The German shook his head,
"No, not this time."

Why do the French make their omelettes with only one egg instead of two or three?

Because in France, one egg is un oeuf.

Did you know the first French fries weren't actually cooked in France?

They were cooked in Greece.

If you ever miss the Tour de France, just go to Amsterdam.

It's basically the same thing: a bunch of people on drugs riding bikes.

American scientists made a clocks ...

that goes forward a second if someone swears near it.
So for testing they put them in army barracks of England, France and Russia. After a while they go and check on clocks.
In England clock is 2 second forward. In France clock is 30 seconds forward. They now visit Russia and see that clock is missing.
They ask nearby solider :"What happened to the clock?".
Solider replies : "We didn't need that fan in here."

Why do you only need one egg in France?

Because one egg is un oeuf.

What do they do with the bikes at the end of the Tour de France?

They recycle them.

TIL that the radiation of the sun has caused the American Flag on the moon to be completely white

So now it looks like France visited first

How many French do you need to defend France?

Nobody knows, no one has tried.

A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of international capitals. She said, "Go ahead and quiz me. I know all of them!"

Her friend asked, "What's the capital of France?"
The blonde replied, "Oh, that's so easy! F."

German tourist visits France.

Guy at the Airport: "Nationality?"

German Dude: "German".

Airport Guy: "Occupation?"

German Dude: "Nein, nein, Only Vacation".

In France, we have Karens too

They are called "American tourists".

Why is their always lightning in France?

Obviously, since lightning takes the path of least resistance.

I tripped in France

Eiffel over

Do you know why Parisians only have a single egg for breakfast?

Because in France one egg is un œuf.

Lance Armstrong

I think it is just terrible and disgusting how everyone has treated Lance Armstrong. Especially after what he achieved, winning 7 Tour de France races while on drugs. When I was on drugs, I couldn't even find my bike

Turns out we've all been lied to about French fries. The first fries weren't actually cooked in France.

They were cooked in Greece.

Who won the Tour de France in 1940?

The Sixth German Panzer Division.

Did you hear about the explosion at a cheese factory in France?

There's nothing left but de Brie

3 spies from England, France and Italy were sent to the USSR.

After a week they were captured and put in jail. The Russians took the English spy, tied and tortured him and after 20 minutes he gave all the info.

Then the Russians took the French spy. They tied and tortured him, and after 20 minutes he too gave all the info.

Then they took the Italian spy and did the same to him, but he didnt give any info. They kept torturing him for 3 hours but with no luck. Eventually they gave up and put him back in the cell.

The 2 other spies asked him How did you do that? They tortured us like crazy! The Italian replied: I wanted to give all my info, but they tied my hands and so I couldn't speak.

France just did something that they couldn't do for a long time

They won something in Russia.

Obama calls for greater truck control laws.

Apparently the the truck in France had a fully automatic transmission.

I once went to an all you can eat bakery in France.

It was a painful experience.

My girlfriend's response to a lesbian joke that I told her

Years ago I told my girlfriend a joke, it went something like this:

Me: Did you hear about the French lesbian who went back home to France?

Her: (Shakes her head no)

Me: She missed her native tongue.

After I said the punchline, she didn't get it, just sat there and looked at me straight-faced, trying to make sense of it, finally she blurts out, "They have natives in France?"

Where is the best place to 69 in France?

Nice.

Why do the Romans use more eggs in their omelets than the French?

Because the Romans feel that when it comes to eggs, you can't have too many ovum.

But in France, they believe that one egg is un ouef.

The first French fry wasn't cooked in France.

It was cooked in Greece.

Hitler goes to France

As he reaches the immigration desk, the clerk reviews his passport and asks, "Name?"

The fuhrer whispers, "Adolf Hitler"

"Occupation?"

Hitler shakes his head... "No, just visiting".

I love that tower in France

I hear it's an eye full

There is an abundance of merci jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 61 funniest jokes and france puns. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any french witze you can hear about france.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

Joko Jokes