frame Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious frame puns

Photographers are so violent.

They'll frame you, shoot you, blow you up and then hang you.

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Why can't you trust an artist?

Cuz they're sketchy, shady, and they'll frame you

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A man is getting ready to go on a business trip...

He has been suspicious of his wife cheating on him. So he places under his bed a spoon attached to a string that hangs on the metal frame with a bowl of milk under it. He measures the weight of his wife in bed alone to make sure it is not in the milk unless there is more weight.

The man leaves and comes home after a few days and looks under his bed to find a bowl of butter.

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What's the difference between Jesus and a frame of Jesus?

you only need one nail to hang the frame

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A Quickie!

A man goes into a restaurant and is seated. All the waitresses are gorgeous.

A particularly voluptuous waitress wearing a very short skirt and legs that won't quit came to his table and asked if he was ready to order, "What would you like, sir?"

He looks at the menu and then scans her beautiful frame top to bottom, then answers, "A quickie."

The waitress turns and walks away in disgust. After she regains her composure she returns and asks again, "What would you like, sir?"

Again the man thoroughly checks her out and again answers, "A quickie, please."

This time her anger takes over, she reaches over and slaps him across the face with a resounding "SMACK!" and storms away.

A man sitting at the next table leans over and whispers, "Um, I think it's pronounced 'Quiche'."

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Three Engineers

A mechanical engineer, an electrical engineer and a civil engineer are sitting around and talking about God.

The mechanical engineer says, "God is a mechanical engineer. Just look at the human body - a light-weight skeleton with moving parts holding up a massive frame of muscle and fat. God must be a mechanical engineer!"

The electrical engineer disagrees. "No, no. God is an electrical engineer. Just look at the human body - the nerve system routes electrical signals to the brain which is essentially a computer. God must be an electrical engineer!"

The civil engineer disagrees. "No, no. God is a civil engineer. Just look at the human body - only a civil engineer would run a toxic waste pipe through a playground."

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A farmer selling his peaches

A farmer knocks on the door and an attractive woman answers the door in skimpy lingerie.
"Hello Ma'am, would you like to buy some peaches?"

As she leans on the door frame she asks; "are they as soft as these?" while she touches her breasts. "Or are they as round as this?" as she touches her butt. "Could they be as fuzzy as this" as she touches her privates.

The farmer begins crying and the woman looks at him confused "Why on earth are you crying?"

"The drought got my corn, the locust got my wheat, and it looks like i'm about to get fucked out of my peaches."

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Whats the best way to hang yourself?

In a picture frame

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Pushy Drunk

A man and his wife are awakened at 3 o'clock in the morning by a loud pounding on the door. The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger stands in the pouring down rain.

"Can you give me a push?" he asks while hanging onto the door frame.

"Not a chance" says the husband -- "It's 3 o'clock in the morning!". He slams the door and returns to bed.

"Who was it?" asks his wife.

"Just some drunk wanting a push" he answers.

"Did you help him?" she asks.

"No, I didn't -- it's three in the morning and raining like crazy out."

"Well, you have a short memory" says his wife. "Can't you remember about three months ago when we broke down on vacation and those two strangers helped us? I think you should help him."

The man does as he is told and gets dressed and goes out into the pounding rain and calls out into the dark, "Hello, are you still there?"

"Yes," comes the answer.

"Do you still want a push?" calls out the husband.

"Yes, please!" comes the reply from the dark.

"Where are you?" asks the husband.

"Over here on the swing!" the drunk replies.

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A Million Dollars

A man was taking it easy, lying on the grass and looking up at the clouds. He was identifying shapes when he decided to talk to GOD.

"GOD", he said, "How long is a million years?"

GOD answered, "In my frame of reference, it's about a minute."

The man asked, "GOD, how much is a million dollars?"

GOD answered, "To Me, it's a dime."

The man then asked, "GOD, can I have a dime?"

GOD said, "In a minute."

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A bar walks into physicist..

Sorry wrong frame of reference.

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Harassment

Teacher: Frame a sentence using the word 'Harassment'.
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Johnny: I was in love with a girl and Her Ass Meant a lot to me.......

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Einstein, Newton, and Pascal play hide and seek.

Einstein starts counting to ten.
Pascal runs to a nearby bush and hides.
Newton stands right behind Einstein, takes out a chalk, and draws a perfect one meter by one meter square on the ground around himself.

As Einstein reaches 10, he says,
"Ready or not, I'm coming to you! Or, in my frame of reference, *you're* coming to *me*!"
He turns around and sees Newton, so he yells,
"Haha! I've found Newton!"

Newton replies,
"Nah, you found a Newton over a square meter, that's Pascal!"

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Rodeo Position

Two old cowboys are sitting around a campfire and drinking. Somewhat drunk and not in the best frame of mind one turns to the other and say's I miss my missus, but when we make love it's always the same . Somewhat taken aback, but curious nonetheless, the other cowboy asks how's that? We always use the old missionary position the old cowboy replies. Thinking about this the other cowboy says If you want some excitement you need to try the Rodeo position . The cowboy says What's that?
Well you start off doggie style, behind her. Then you lean forward and with your right hand grab her right breast, and with your left hand grab her left breast, with your face beside her head you whisper gently in her ear, Yep feels just like your sister , and then hold on for dear life.

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Photographers are violent people.

First they frame you, then they shoot you, and then they hang you on a wall.

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So a man one day gains the ability to make a car made of coins.

It's acceleration was a quarter faster than a dragster, the frame costed mere pennies, and the interior was full nickel, but people didn't think it made cents.

A news reporter rushes to the man in awe, asking, but does it even have brakes? The man simply looked back and said "Of course. It stops on a dime."

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Shoot the kids, hang the parents, frame grandpa...

I tried to tell Rob the slogan for his new photography business needed fixing but he wasn't having any of it.

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Gandhi's diagnosis

Now Gandhi hardly ate a thing, his frame was rather frail
But then he'd eat the strangest foods, his breath was often stale
And he walked around barefoot, so this was his diagnosis:

Super calloused fragile mystic hexxed by halitosis.

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How many frames per second does it take to screw in a light bulb?

30 because that's peasants work.

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Outside a PHOTO studio...

We can shoot your wife and also frame your mother-in-law .

On demand we can even nail and hang them.

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So a bar walks into a physicist...

Shoot; wrong frame of reference...

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This past Christmas I told my wife that all I wanted for Christmas was an Xbox.

That's it. Beginning and end of the list; Xbox. You know what she got me? A homemade frame with a picture of our wedding. That was fine, because I got her an Xbox.

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I like my women like I like my frame rate..

Above 60.

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A bar walks into a physicist......

Oops, wrong frame of reference.

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What do Breath of the Wild and an art store going out of business have in common?

The frame rates drop.

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Shoot the kids, hang the family...

And then frame them all

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How many light bulbs does it take to chance a physicist?

Oh, sorry, wrong frame of reference

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Why are people with glasses terrible gamers?

Because they only see Through one frame per second

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Three programmers were condemned to death by....

Three tech gurus were sentenced to be executed. They were to be executed by a century old guillotine. The first guy, a microsoft engineer is secured at the bottom of the frame. The blade is released but slows down gradually and stops a few inches before the nape of his neck.

Considering it as a divine intervention, he is pardoned and let free.

The next was a IOS apps developer, who was similarly secured. and surprisingly the guillotine stops short of his neck and he is pardoned as well. Finally, it's the linux system admin guy. As he is waiting his time, the blade stops midtime during the decent. The linux guy turns his head and sees a creased rusted protrusion in the frame. Then in his loud voice exclaims, 'ah, i see ,that's where the problem is.....

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He was hanged to death after telling the executioner to READ THE FUCKING MANUAL

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What does an elderly composer use as a walking aide?

A Zimmer frame

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Damn girl, are you a picture frame?

Because all you do is sit around on my furniture reminding me of times in my life I'd rather forget.

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I helped an old guy cross the road today

I carried his walking frame. Talk about ungrateful.

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What do Gen. Flynn and a picture of Che' have in common?

Democrats want to frame and hang both.

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How many art students does it take to change a lightbulb?

Two, one to hang a frame around it, another to say how it reminds them of their dead mother.

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Did you about the guy who's window frame was made out of fish fingers?

He had a birds eye view

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What are the most funny Frame jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Frame? Well, here are the best Frame dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Frame pick up lines to share with friends.

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