fractured Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious fractured puns

My first wife died from eating poison mushrooms; my second wife died of a fractured skull...

She wouldn't eat her mushrooms.


First Aid Saves

"How come you're late?" asks the Manager as I walked through the door.

"It was awful," I explained. "I was walking down West road and there was this terrible accident. I saw a woman lying in the middle of the road. She'd been thrown from her car. Her leg was broken, her skull was fractured, and there was blood everywhere. Thank god you put me that first-aid course;all my training came back to me in a minute."

"What did you do?" asks the Manager.

"I sat down and put my head between my knees to keep myself to stop myself from fainting!


A husband tells his wife about the car crash he got into...

Husband: Hey, I got in a car crash today. I got hurt real bad, I broke my arm and fractured my wrist. I also sprained my ankle and the car nearly exploded! Luckily Lucy pulled me out of the car just before it exploded. I spent a couple days in hospital but I'm fine now.

Wife: Who's Lucy?


A caretaker at a cemetery sees a woman crying over a grave...

"I'm sorry for your loss ma'am, was that your husband?"
"Yes. He died eating a poison mushroom"

The next day the caretaker sees the same woman crying over a different grave.
"Ma'am I'm so sorry. Who was he?"
"This was my second husband. He also died eating a poison mushroom"

The following day he sees the woman, again, crying over another grave.
"Don't tell me, was this your third husband?"
"Poison mushroom?"
"No, he died of a fractured skull. He wouldn't eat the mushroom"


I fractured my tailbone this morning.

I guess you could say I was pretty butthurt.


Jim was interrogated by the police Officer

This was concerning an injured man with a fractured skull.

Officer: Why was the man hurt?

Jim: He was trespassing on my property!

Officer: That does not explain why he was injured?

Jim: That guy's a thief! I found him in the garden trying to sneak into my house!

Officer: Yes... We already know that much...what we want to know is how he got that fractured skull.

Jim: He was obviously trying to steal my personal property.

Officer: Okay look sir, we are not going to release you until we get answers. Cut to the chase and answer the damn question. What did you do to him?

Jim: Okok I'm sorry, I was just beating around the bush.


"Honey, I just got into a terrible bike accident..

... So I don't think I can pick up the groceries on the way home. I think I broke my legs and maybe even a fractured rib. I'm bleeding all over too. Diane is bringing me to the hospital right now."

"Who's Diane?"

Girl's priorities.


Topical Jokes for 1/2

Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid suffered fractured ribs, and broken bones in his face after falling off of a piece of exercise equipment. Reid is no stranger to injury, like the time he tried to open a jar of mayonnaise, and broke both of his legs.

In Colorado a survey determined that 90% of residents who voted to legalize marijuana, would vote the same way again. The remaining 10% were too high to understand the question.

In Montana, a boy's parents rewarded him with $500 dollars after he gave up soda for a year. An hour later the boy was found dead, floating facedown in a bathtub full of Dr. Pepper.


What do you call a pirated version of that new South Park game?

South Park: Fractured but Cracked


Why did the little boy have a fractured arm and face?

Because he came from a broken home.


What are the most funny Fractured jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Fractured? Well, here are the best Fractured dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Fractured pick up lines to share with friends.


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