Following is our collection of dug humor and archaeologists one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include Found puns for adults, dirty shown jokes or clean detectives gags for kids.
There is an abundance of find jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 72 funniest jokes on found. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any discover witze you can hear about found.
Take your foot off his head.
**
Apparently only DC movies can do that.
Dude 2: Yeah bro?
Dude 1: Can you pass me that pamphlet?
Dude 2: Brochure
Upon leaving the man's apartment, the officer found the man's bag at the bottom of the stairwell.
It was a brief case.
Gee thanks, Grandpa!
Why are you calling me Grandpa?
Because I couldn't find it yesterday.
A general noticed one of his soldiers behaving oddly. The soldier would pick up any piece of paper he found, frown and say, "That's not it" and put it down again. This went on for some time, until the general arranged to have the soldier psychologically tested. The psychologist concluded that the soldier was deranged, and wrote out his discharge from the army. The soldier picked it up, smiled and said, "That's it."
Hello, is that Mr Jenkins?
Yes, how can I help you?
Hi, This is little Billy's music teacher calling
Oh, hi
Yeah, hi. I just wanted to let you know it looks like you have a little Elvis Presley on your hands!
Really? Wow! That's..
Yeah, we just found him dead on the toilet
I loved my wife Lorraine in the beginning, but for the longest time I've had a crush on my friend Claire-Lee Robins, who I know feels the same way about me. Eventually Lorraine found out about my secretive feelings, and just like that, she packed her bags and left.
I do feel bad about it all. But then I realised; I can see Claire-Lee now Lorraine has gone.
She got so mad and said she's never gonna play scrabble with me ever again
24 years in to their marriage unfortunately
Looks like I'm gonorrhea-valuate the relationship
On the floor was a note saying, "I can't stand the critism anymore."
I quickly cut him down, gave him CPR and he started to breathe.
As he lay in my arms I saw his eyes slowly open and I said, "That's not how you spell criticism."
Einstein is it, closes his eyes, counts to 10 then opens them.
Pascal is no where to be seen. Newton is sitting right in front of Einstein, with a piece of chalk in his hand. He's sitting in a square drawn on the ground, a meter to a side.
Einstein says Newton, you're terrible, I've found you! Newton says No no, Einy. You've found one Newton per square meter. You've found Pascal!
The diagnosis came completely out of the purple.
Dad: "Not yet. We still haven't found anyone who wants you."
I found a wallet with 20 dollars in it. I wasn't sure how to proceed, but then I thought, "What would Jesus do?"
So I turned it into wine.
I was so excited that I ran inside to tell my wife. Then I remembered why I was digging the hole in the first place.
He asks his guard for a McDonald's Ice Cream, and lives a very long life, they never found a working machine.
She found another girl's lipstick on his fist.
We didn't see eye to eye. I also found out she was seeing someone on the side.
Turns out her sister had it all along...
What I saw was disgraceful, disgusting, dishonest and disingenuous.
I've been a customer of his for 15 years and I didn't even know he cut hair.
After a short trial, I was found not guilty.
Me: No little one, this snake isn't poisonous at all
*Snake bites boy and boy immediately starts to spasm and foam at the mouth, leaving the other kids watching, horrified*
Me: However, this snake is venomous. Venom is always injected, poison is ingested or absorbed through the skin. Let's get it right next time lads
All I have to do is express a desire to have sex with her and immediately she is too tired to do anything but sleep.
She found another woman's lipstick on his knuckles.
They each had 20 seconds to come up with a poem about Timbuktu.
The student goes first and says " Across the desert sands, crossed a lonely caravan, men on camels two by two, destination Timbuktu."
The crowd goes wild cheering for the poem.
The old country man then goes, "Tim and I off hunting went, found some girls in a pop up tent, they were three and we were two and I buck one and Tim buck two."
The man says, "I swear, it's not mine! I found it here and tried to flush it down the toilet, but every time I flush the drugs down it magically reappears in my hand!"
"I don't believe you," says the cop. "Show me."
The man tosses the bag of drugs into the toilet, then flushes it. The bag swishes down. The cop then stares at the man's empty hand as the bag is flushed down.
"Well," says the cop, "where are the drugs now?"
"What drugs?"
Reaching around and pretending it went all the way through.
*This is my first post here, and I hope I didn't offend anyone too much. I heard this joke in a pub in central Australia and found it way to funny.*
Q: What do you call a gay man with a vasectomy?
A: Seedless fruit.
....they would start to find me attractive.
I got through a whole box of tissues when I found out my 18 year old sister was adopted
So I took it and turned it into wine.
The victims contacted me while playing CoD.
She took a jump in the pool, they found water on Mars.
Because number two shocked him.
It was totally out of the purple
After the trial he asked the judge "This means that I cannot call Mrs. Johnson a pig?" The judge said that was true.
Does this also mean I cannot call a pig Mrs. Johnson?" the man asked. The judge replied that he could indeed call a pig Mrs. Johnson with no fear of legal action.
With that the man turned to his accuser and said "Good afternoon, Mrs. Johnson".
He is still in Daniel...
I never found it.
...playing Scrabble with me again.
He was the guy who said, "Get up, that's my seat."
Who would have thought her sister had it the whole time?
Help us get rid of the Ecuadorian fag-hating spider :(
We aren't doing enough to exterminate the fag-hating squirrel.
It's called Facebook.
Now I'm Muslim and we're stoning her tomorrow.
During a recent password audit, it was found that a blonde was using the following password: "MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofySacramento"
When asked why such a long password, she said she was told that it had to be at least 8 characters long and include at least one capital.
Guess I should've noticed the red flags earlier
I called the ISPCA today and said, "I've just found a suitcase in the woods containing a fox and four cubs."
"That's terrible," the woman on the phone replied. "Are they moving?"
"I'm not sure, to be honest," I said, "But that would explain the suitcase."
... so I turned it into wine.
...and found that out of the world's population, 0% of people are Amish.
I've been married to my wife for 20 years this week and I've finally found the G Spot..
Turns out her sister had it all along.
Little brother came into the kitchen and declared "mom, now I know why girls don't have willys! They fall off, and I found yours under your pillow"
Now they also call me poor.
... as long as I die on Thursday.
An Irishman is trying to find a parking space outside his local pub on a busy evening, but cannot find a single one.
He looks skyward and says, "Lord, if you grant me this space, I'll come to Church every Sunday like a good Catholic should."
Low and behold, a space opens up right in front of him at which time, he looks skyward again and says, "Never mind, I found one."
HeHe...
Im making bad chemistry jokes coz all the good ones argon
Two children ordered their mother to stay in bed one Mother's Day morning. As she lay there looking forward to breakfast in bed, the smell of bacon floated up from the kitchen.
But after a good long wait she finally went downstairs to investigate. She found them both sitting at the table eating bacon and eggs.
"As a surprise for Mother's Day," one explained, "we decided to cook our own breakfast."
Hey guys so I found this Fight Club last night and had a blast! I showed up a little late so I missed some of the rules but I highly recommend it!
I saw her on Tinder.
A live cat was found roaming the surface of Mars. Scientists planned to have the Mars Rover capture the animal to study it but unfortunately while attempting to capture the feline, Curiosity killed the cat.
I just found out this morning I'm on day 3 of an argument I didn't know I was having.
it came out of the yellow.
To ask him about ideas for the new iPhone.
The disgruntled designer told them "Jack off".
The marketing department found the idea fantastic.
I just didn't expect it to be in my Big Mac
My wife just went on vacation
A bloke found himself stranded on a desert island with six women. To keep it fair, it was decided he would service a different woman every night and have Mondays free. After a few months the man was exhausted, realising how tiring it was to perform constantly every night except one. Then one day, to his joy, he found a man washed up on the beach who would be able to take some of the workload from him. However, his hopes were shattered when the man's first words were, "Hi, gorgeous, how about the kiss of life?"
'Oh f\*ck,' thinks the man, 'there goes Mondays.'
Jokes on them, they're imaginary too.
just five more minutes
Footprints
Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.