Following is our collection of Found jokes which are very funny. There are some found archaeologists jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud. Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these found detectives puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Take your foot off his head.
**
Apparently only DC movies can do that.
Dude 2: Yeah bro?
Dude 1: Can you pass me that pamphlet?
Dude 2: Brochure
Upon leaving the man's apartment, the officer found the man's bag at the bottom of the stairwell.
It was a brief case.
Gee thanks, Grandpa!
Why are you calling me Grandpa?
Because I couldn't find it yesterday.
A general noticed one of his soldiers behaving oddly. The soldier would pick up any piece of paper he found, frown and say, "That's not it" and put it down again. This went on for some time, until the general arranged to have the soldier psychologically tested. The psychologist concluded that the soldier was deranged, and wrote out his discharge from the army. The soldier picked it up, smiled and said, "That's it."
Hello, is that Mr Jenkins?
Yes, how can I help you?
Hi, This is little Billy's music teacher calling
Oh, hi
Yeah, hi. I just wanted to let you know it looks like you have a little Elvis Presley on your hands!
Really? Wow! That's..
Yeah, we just found him dead on the toilet
I loved my wife Lorraine in the beginning, but for the longest time I've had a crush on my friend Claire-Lee Robins, who I know feels the same way about me. Eventually Lorraine found out about my secretive feelings, and just like that, she packed her bags and left.
I do feel bad about it all. But then I realised; I can see Claire-Lee now Lorraine has gone.
She got so mad and said she's never gonna play scrabble with me ever again
I called the ISPCA today and said, "I've just found a suitcase in the woods containing a fox and four cubs."
"That's terrible," the woman on the phone replied. "Are they moving?"
"I'm not sure, to be honest," I said, "But that would explain the suitcase."
Two children ordered their mother to stay in bed one Mother's Day morning. As she lay there looking forward to breakfast in bed, the smell of bacon floated up from the kitchen.
But after a good long wait she finally went downstairs to investigate. She found them both sitting at the table eating bacon and eggs.
"As a surprise for Mother's Day," one explained, "we decided to cook our own breakfast."
You can explore found dug reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean found shown dad jokes. There are also found puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
An Irishman is trying to find a parking space outside his local pub on a busy evening, but cannot find a single one.
He looks skyward and says, "Lord, if you grant me this space, I'll come to Church every Sunday like a good Catholic should."
Low and behold, a space opens up right in front of him at which time, he looks skyward again and says, "Never mind, I found one."
Q: What do you call a gay man with a vasectomy?
A: Seedless fruit.
Me: No little one, this snake isn't poisonous at all
*Snake bites boy and boy immediately starts to spasm and foam at the mouth, leaving the other kids watching, horrified*
Me: However, this snake is venomous. Venom is always injected, poison is ingested or absorbed through the skin. Let's get it right next time lads
Reaching around and pretending it went all the way through.
*This is my first post here, and I hope I didn't offend anyone too much. I heard this joke in a pub in central Australia and found it way to funny.*
She took a jump in the pool, they found water on Mars.
Help us get rid of the Ecuadorian fag-hating spider :(
Now I'm Muslim and we're stoning her tomorrow.
The man says, "I swear, it's not mine! I found it here and tried to flush it down the toilet, but every time I flush the drugs down it magically reappears in my hand!"
"I don't believe you," says the cop. "Show me."
The man tosses the bag of drugs into the toilet, then flushes it. The bag swishes down. The cop then stares at the man's empty hand as the bag is flushed down.
"Well," says the cop, "where are the drugs now?"
"What drugs?"
I never found it.
He is still in Daniel...
I've been married to my wife for 20 years this week and I've finally found the G Spot..
Turns out her sister had it all along.
... so I turned it into wine.
Who would have thought her sister had it the whole time?
I saw her on Tinder.
Little brother came into the kitchen and declared "mom, now I know why girls don't have willys! They fall off, and I found yours under your pillow"
Guess I should've noticed the red flags earlier
Dad: "Not yet. We still haven't found anyone who wants you."
On the floor was a note saying, "I can't stand the critism anymore."
I quickly cut him down, gave him CPR and he started to breathe.
As he lay in my arms I saw his eyes slowly open and I said, "That's not how you spell criticism."
... as long as I die on Thursday.
What I saw was disgraceful, disgusting, dishonest and disingenuous.
It was totally out of the purple
The diagnosis came completely out of the purple.
We didn't see eye to eye. I also found out she was seeing someone on the side.
I got through a whole box of tissues when I found out my 18 year old sister was adopted
I've been a customer of his for 15 years and I didn't even know he cut hair.
...and found that out of the world's population, 0% of people are Amish.
All I have to do is express a desire to have sex with her and immediately she is too tired to do anything but sleep.
He was the guy who said, "Get up, that's my seat."
Einstein is it, closes his eyes, counts to 10 then opens them.
Pascal is no where to be seen. Newton is sitting right in front of Einstein, with a piece of chalk in his hand. He's sitting in a square drawn on the ground, a meter to a side.
Einstein says Newton, you're terrible, I've found you! Newton says No no, Einy. You've found one Newton per square meter. You've found Pascal!
Because number two shocked him.
....they would start to find me attractive.
...playing Scrabble with me again.
So I took it and turned it into wine.
The victims contacted me while playing CoD.
HeHe...
Im making bad chemistry jokes coz all the good ones argon
Hey guys so I found this Fight Club last night and had a blast! I showed up a little late so I missed some of the rules but I highly recommend it!
She found another girl's lipstick on his fist.
After a short trial, I was found not guilty.
I found a wallet with 20 dollars in it. I wasn't sure how to proceed, but then I thought, "What would Jesus do?"
So I turned it into wine.
I was so excited that I ran inside to tell my wife. Then I remembered why I was digging the hole in the first place.
During a recent password audit, it was found that a blonde was using the following password: "MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofySacramento"
When asked why such a long password, she said she was told that it had to be at least 8 characters long and include at least one capital.
Turns out her sister had it all along...
Now they also call me poor.
We aren't doing enough to exterminate the fag-hating squirrel.
He asks his guard for a McDonald's Ice Cream, and lives a very long life, they never found a working machine.
She found another woman's lipstick on his knuckles.
Looks like I'm gonorrhea-valuate the relationship
24 years in to their marriage unfortunately
After the trial he asked the judge "This means that I cannot call Mrs. Johnson a pig?" The judge said that was true.
Does this also mean I cannot call a pig Mrs. Johnson?" the man asked. The judge replied that he could indeed call a pig Mrs. Johnson with no fear of legal action.
With that the man turned to his accuser and said "Good afternoon, Mrs. Johnson".
They each had 20 seconds to come up with a poem about Timbuktu.
The student goes first and says " Across the desert sands, crossed a lonely caravan, men on camels two by two, destination Timbuktu."
The crowd goes wild cheering for the poem.
The old country man then goes, "Tim and I off hunting went, found some girls in a pop up tent, they were three and we were two and I buck one and Tim buck two."
I should have known, there were red flags everywhere
3 vampires walk into a bar. The first one orders a Bloody Mary. The second orders a Bloody Mary. The bartender turns to the third and asks a Bloody Mary?
The vampire shakes his head. Hot water for me
Hot water?
I found a tampon out back and want to make tea
The woman swears that the drugs are not hers and promises that, "They aren't mine - I found them here and I tried to flush them down the toilet. However, every single time I flush the drugs down the drain they just keep re-appearing magically in my hands or my pockets!"
The cop, obviously in disbelief, tells the woman, "Show me."
So the woman tosses the bag of drugs into the toilet, then flushes it. The bag swishes down. The cop then stares at the woman's empty hand as the bag is flushed down.
"Well," says the cop, "where are the drugs now?"
"What drugs?"
The Blonde Cop asked to see the blonde driver's license. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated.
'What does it look like?' she finally asked. The policewoman replied, 'It's square and it has you picture on it.'
The driver finally found a square mirror in her purse, looked at it and handed it to the policewoman. 'Here it is,' she said.
The Blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying, OK, you can go. I didn't realize you were a cop…
I had my suspicions the moment she walked through the door.
When he was there, he found a huge lion. The man didn't have a gun and there was no way he could outrun the lion. So, he did the only thing he could do. He got on his knees and prayed "Dear God, I was always a good Christian. Will you perform a miracle and give this lion some christian feelings".
That moment, the clouds parted and a beam of light came from above and touched the lion's heart. The lion raised his paws to the heavens and loudly prayed "Thank you Lord for this meal I'm about to receive."
PS: it was a beam of light.
PPS: 12 700 upvotes and 17 awards. Thank you so much. I haven't been this happy since Xmas.
Furious, he demands the Secret Service investigate. A few days later, the head of the SS says Mr President, I've got good news and bad news. The good news is we've done a dna test on the urine, and found the culprit. It turns out it's Mike Pence's. That traitor , shouts Trump. I'll have him hanged! Now, what did you say was the bad news? Well , says the SS chief, turns out it's Melania's handwriting .
She was looking for love in Alderaan places.
Worse news: it was an acceptance letter to art school.
11:45 - arrived at crime scene
11:45 - Examined body. Signs of struggle
11:45 - Found murder weapon in drain
11:45 - Realised watch was broken
The border guard searched the bags every time, but never found anything, so he had to let him through. The guard has his last day at work before retiring and the guy comes to the border again, carrying his two bags of sand. The guard says "look, man, it's my last day, I'm not going to bust you. You're clearly smuggling *something* across the border all this time but we never find anything, what is it.". The guy says "I'm smuggling motorcycles"
I'm sorry.
Found in a Christmas cracker. Is my sense of humour rapidly deteriorating or is this as funny as I've been finding it since Christmas Day?
This 80 year old woman gets brought in with a gun shot wound and she keeps screaming "you told me to do this! You did this to me!" So I found a nurse and asked her what happened. The nurse said the patient wanted to kill herself so she grabbed a gun and went to shoot herself in her heart, but she didn't know where her heart was. So the patient called her doctor and asked "where's my heart?" The doctor told her "it's about 2 inches below your nipple". So the patient hung up and then shot herself in the kneecap.
Parents: Oh really? How?
Teacher: We found him dead on the crapper.
She found out about his other two hos.
Whatever I bought, it went red.
"what is this?"I asked
"What does it look like?"
"It looks like a lez on ya!"
I've just found a photo of us in the bin outside her house.
The first nun says, you would never believe what i discovered.
Intrigued, the other to signal her to continue. " i found a phone in the priests room." said the first nun.
oh that's nothing." said the second one, "i found condoms in one of his drawers." said the second one.
" what did u do with them?" said the first nun.
The second nun responds with pride ," I poked **holes** in all of them."
The third nun screams, oh shit..."
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the found find jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working found discover piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.