Found Guilty Jokes
77 found guilty jokes and hilarious found guilty puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about found guilty that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Found Guilty Short Jokes
Short found guilty jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The found guilty humour may include short convicted jokes also.
- I found 20 quid outside the supermarket and I felt a little bit guilty as I picked it up, so because it's good friday I thought to myself, What would Jesus do? . So I turned it into wine...
- A man has been found guilty of overusing commas The judge warned him to expect a very long sentence.
- The pros and cons of being overly literal PROS:
People who profit as a result of their occupation.
CONS:
People found guilty of a criminal offense. - Judge: "You have been found unanimously guilty of using clickbait, and I sentence you to death by electric chair." What happens next will shock you.
- Police have arrested the World tongue-twister Champion. If found guilty he'll be given a tough sentence.
- A politician was arrested at his office and found guilty of cannibalism One of his colleagues had called the police on him after spotting him eating a ham sandwich
- Why was the dolphin sent to the electric chair? He was found guilty of crimes against a manatee.
- A police officer shoots and kills an unarmed civilian The officer is immediately arrested and eventually found guilty
- My neighbor was found guilty of overusing commas. The judge warned him to expect a really long sentence.
- Why was Lorena Bobbitt found not guilty? Because the evidence wouldn't stand up in court...
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Found Guilty One Liners
Which found guilty one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with found guilty? I can suggest the ones about guilty and pleaded guilty.
- Your momma's so fat she went to the food court and was found guilty.
- Why are earthquakes always found guilty? Because they are at fault
- Recently in court I was found guilty of being egotistical I am appealing
- An Auditor was found sleeping with his client He was guilty of inside her trading
- Did you hear abou the man found not guilty of being a paraplegic? He walked.
- A man was found guilty of electrifying a guy to his death. The charge was quite severe.
- Saddam Hussein was found Guilty in a Court of Law but he was given a suspended sentence
- Why are furries always found guilty at trial? A furry curries only fury from a jury.
- Why was Bill Cosby found guilty of spiking? His fishy drinks looked gill tea.
- What was the bed salesman found guilty of? 'Mattress'-ide
- My Muslim friend made a letter out of noodles He was found guilty of a pasta C.
- Jack the Ripper Found Guilty of Theft
- r kelly found guilty of 11 counts of s**... assault Or 18, if you ask him to do the maths
- Oscar Pistorius found guilty of m**... Police say he is now on the run.
- Oscar Pistorius was found nit guilty of m**.... He's gonna walk.
Great Found Guilty Jokes to Share, Laugh and Enjoy with Friends
What funny jokes about found guilty you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean pleading guilty jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make found guilty pranks.
the teacher and the vandal
One day when the teacher walked into the classroom, she noticed that someone had written the word p**...' (in tiny letters) on the blackboard. She scanned the class looking for a guilty face. Finding none, she rubbed the word off and began class. The next day, the word p**...' was written on the board again; this time it was written about halfway across the board. Again she looked around in vain for the culprit, so she proceeded with the day's lesson. Every morning for about a week, she went into the classroom and found the same disgusting word written on the board, each day's being larger than the previous one, and each being rubbed off vigorously. At the end of the second week, she walked in expecting to be greeted by the same word on the board but instead found the words: "The more you rub it, the bigger it gets."
C, Eb, and G walk into a "bar"
The bartender says, "Sorry, but we don't serve minors" So E-Flat leaves and C and G have an open 5th between them.
After a few drinks the 5th is diminished and the G is out flat. An F comes in and tries to augment the situation but is not sharp enough. A D comes into the bar and heads straight for the bathroom saying,*Excuse me, I'll just be a second"
An A comes into the bar but the bartender is not convinced this realtive of C is not a minor. Then the bartender notices a B-Flat hiding at the end of the bar and excalims, "Get out now! You're the seventh minor I've found in the bar tonight." The E-Flat is not easily deflated, comes back to the bar the next night in a 3-piece suit with nicely shined shoes. The bartender who used to have a nice coporate job until his company downsized, says, "You're looking sharp tonight, come on in! This could be a major development." This proves to be the case as the E-Flat takes off the suit and everything else and stands there au natural.
Eventually C sobers up and realizes in horror he is under a rest. The C is brought to trial, found guilty of contributing to the diminution of a minor, and is sentenced to 10 years of DS without Coda at an upscale correctional facility. On appeal, however, the C is found innocent of any wrong doing, even accidental, and that all accusations to the contrary are bassless.
Bad orchestra director
An orchestra conductor walks in on his wife cheating on him with his principal violinist. She confesses, "I haven't loved you for a while now. It's your job - you're a lousy conductor."
In a crime of passion, he shoots them both dead.
At his m**... trial, he's found guilty and sentenced to the electric chair. He's strapped in, the switch is thrown, and... nothing. Confused, the executor flips the switch back and forth a few times and shrugs. Turns out his wife was correct; he's a bad conductor.
Lawyer Humor (From a textbook)
A traffic court judge found himself facing two attorneys, both of whom he knew very well. Both were charged with speeding violations. "Gentlemen," he said, "I could not be truly objective in either of your cases, so I'm going to let you judge each other's case." Both Lawyers agreed. Attorney Number One climbed to the bench. "You are charged with driving 40 in a 25 mph zone. How do you plead?" he asked Attorney Number Two. "Guilty," was the response. "I fine you $50," said Number Two. Then they exchanged places. "You are charged with driving 40 in a 25 mph zone," said Number Two. "What is your plea?" "Guilty," said Number one. "Then I fine you $200," said Number Two. "Hey! That's unfair," said the first. "I fined you only $50." "Yes," was the reply, "but there is too much speeding going on. This is the second case we've had like that today"
A C, an E-flat, and a G go into a bar...
A C, an E-flat, and a G go into a bar. The bartender says: "Sorry, but we don't serve minors." So, the E-flat leaves, and the C and the G have an open fifth between them.
After a few drinks, the fifth is diminished and the G is out flat. An F comes in and tries to augment the situation, but is not sharp enough.
A D comes into the bar and heads straight for the bathroom saying, "Excuse me. I'll just be a second."
An A comes into the bar, but the bartender is not convinced that this relative of C is not a minor. Then the bartender notices a B-flat hiding at the end of the bar and exclaims: "Get out now! You're the seventh minor I've found in this bar tonight."
Eventually, the C sobers up, and realizes in horror that he's under a rest.
The C is brought to trial, is found guilty of contributing to the diminution of a minor, and is sentenced to 10 years of DS without Coda at an upscale correctional facility.
It's no wonder Oscar Pistorius was found guilty of culpable h**....
His defense didn't have a leg to stand on!
A bus conductor pushes a guy out of the bus...
... for not having the money to pay for the ride. The guy dies and the passengers angrily take the conductor to court.
The trial finds him guilty. He is sentenced to death by the electric chair.
Soon he is bounded on the electric chair and the power is fed to the chair. But nothing happens and the man does not die.
The next evening, a lady falls out of a moving bus, the conductor of that bus tries to save her but he couldn't get hold of her and she dies. In light of the previous event, the passengers accuse him of pushing the lady out of the bus for not paying and takes him to court. He is found guilty and gets sentenced to death by the electric chair. But this time, he, being a good conductor, dies.
As told by an Austrian engineer
Three engineers, a Brit, a Frenchman, and an Austrian, were found guilty of treason in a former colony. The sentence was death by guillotine, but the engineers were given a choice of receiving the penalty face-up, or face-down. The Brit chose face-up and the blade miraculously stopped inches short of his t**.... This was seen as a sign from God, and the Brit was set free. The French engineer also chose face-up, and once again, the blade stopped inches from the t**.... Again, a miracle, and the Frenchman was set free. The Austrian, not to be outdone, chose face-up, but just before the blade was released was heard to proclaim, "Wait a minute, I see the problem."
Arron Hernandez found guilty of first-degree m**...
He has been sentenced to life in prison without parole. I'm not quite sure how much longer he is going to remain a "tight end"
Three eggs plus cash
A wife was cleaning her husband's drawers and found an old wooden box containing three eggs and 5,000 dollars cash. Confused, the wife asked the husband what they were for. The husband answered, "well, whenever i feel lonely, i would drive to the s**... club right across town. I feel guilty about it so i put an egg in the box the next day". The wife felt sad that she was not able to satisfy her husband but also happy that for the 30 years that they were married, he only went to the s**... club 3 times. "What's the 5,000 dollars for?". "I sold the eggs every time i filled a tray"
Why didn't the fish go to jail for m**...?
He was found not guilty by reason on finsanity.
So I heard Oscar Pistorius was found guilty of m**....
I guess he doesn't have a leg to stand on.
After being found guilty of massive tax fraud and sentenced to 30 years in prison, a world renowned clairvoyant used his short stature to escape and is currently on the run from authorities.
The headlines read 'Small Medium at Large'
The jury found me guilty. I asked the judge what the punishment would be, and he said: "Well..."
Suspended sentence
The Ikea corporation was found not guilty yesterday for assassinating a rival companies CEO.
While there were several damning pieces of evidence, the detectives couldn't seem to put the case together.
A man is in court for m**...
So a man is in court and is suspected of m**.... His defense lawyer is at the last legs of his argument. In one final attempt, he says to the court
"In ten seconds the man my client is suspected of murdering will walk into the courtroom completely unharmed".
The defense lawyer counts down from ten and everybody looks to the door. Nothing happens.
" Ah ha!" says the defense "you all looked to the door, therefor I conclude that their is reasonable doubt in this case and ask that my client be found not guilty."
The jury then deliberates. After twenty-five minutes they return the verdict of guilty. "But you all looked!" Says the lawyer. "Yes," says the Jury, "but your client didn't."
A catholic priest was found guilty of r**... a little girl. The judge asked him if he had any last words
The priest replied, "Sorry, I thought it was a boy."
A doctor and a lawyer were talking at a party.
Their conversation was constantly interrupted by people describing their ailments and asking the doctor for free medical advice.
After an hour of this, the exasperated doctor asked the lawyer, "What do you do to stop people from asking you for legal advice when you're out of the office?"
"I give it to them," replied the lawyer, "and then I send them a bill."
The doctor was shocked, but agreed to give it a try.
The next day, still feeling slightly guilty, the doctor prepared the bills.
When he went to place them in his mailbox, he found a bill from the lawyer.
Bill Cosby found guilty for all s**... assault charges due to irrefutable evidence.
The proof was in his pudding.
Did you hear about the man with a laughing tic who accidentally killed someone?
He was found guilty of involuntary mans(laughter).
The ice maker in the fridge was blocked by a large chunk of ice and wouldn't operate.
It was found guilty of obstruction of just ice.
Who wants to be a millionaire presenter Chris Tarrant found guilty of drink driving.
Every time he needs to get somewhere now he has to phone a friend.
A woman sues a man for defamation of character...
A woman sues a man for defamation of character, charging that he called her a pig. The man is found guilty and made to pay damages.
After the trial, he asks the judge, Does this mean that I can no longer call Ms. Harding a pig?
The judge says, That is correct.
And does it mean that I can't call a pig Ms. Harding?
No, says the judge, you are free to call a pig Ms. Harding. There is no crime in that.
The man looks Ms. Harding in the eye and says, Good afternoon, Ms. Harding.
Billing
A doctor and a lawyer were talking at a party.
Their conversation was constantly interrupted by people describing their ailments and asking the doctor for free medical advice.
After an hour of this, the exasperated doctor asked the lawyer, "What do you do to stop people from asking you for legal advice when you're out of the office?"
"I give it to them," replied the lawyer, "and then I send them a bill."
The doctor was shocked, but agreed to give it a try.
The next day, still feeling slightly guilty, the doctor prepared the bills.
When he went to place them in his mailbox, he found a bill from the lawyer.
Bill Cosby found guilty of s**... assault.
I guess you can say that the proof was in the pudding.
A man was found guilty of r**... a young boy
I guess you could say that's where he made a cardinal error.
Why was the orange-colored metal police officer found not guilty of trespassing inside the world largest dime?
Everyone knew that copper was in a cent.
A mathematician was found not-guilty of murdering his wife
even though his fingerprints were found on the m**...-weapon.
The judge had to let him go because of the mathematician's argument which stated that "As I am the 'prime' suspect of the m**..., I can't possibly be the 'one' to kill her".
My wife put on a s**... cop outfit and arrested me on suspicion of being good in bed.
After a short trial, I was found not guilty.
Did you hear about the Honda employee who was found not guilty?
It was the judge's Civic duty to let him leave on his own Accord
Two men die and arrived in heaven
Curious as to why others are here, they struck up a conversation.
Man 1: Bro how did you die?
Man 2: Due to cold, and you?
Man 1: I doubted my girlfriend with another guy, searched the entire house but found none. I felt too guilty and committed s**....
Man 2: Lol, I was in the fridge
A U.S. warship is conducting war exercises off the coast of N. Korea
The captain accidentally launches a live cruise missile at N. Korea. The missile strikes Pyongyang and kills Kim Jong Un. The captain goes on trial and is found guilty. President Trump attends the sentencing hearing due to its importance. The captain begs Trump for a pardon explaining that he killed one of out countries greatest adversaries and it was by accident.
Trump walks up to him and whispers in his ear, "No pardon. He was my friend."
Quick, Short, Funny Court Appearance
j**... Bartle was arrested and put on trial for robbing a local shop at gunpoint. In his wisdom he decided that he would represent himself in court. He appeared to be doing reasonably well until the shop's owner took the stand to give his evidence.
She had identified him immediately as the robber, when Bartle jumped up and yelled, 'You're lying! I should have blown your head off!' He paused, then added, 'If I had been the one that was there.'
The jury found him guilty and j**... Bartle was sentenced to thirty years imprisonment.
A man was sued by a woman for defamation of character. She charged that he had called her a pig. The man was found guilty and fined.
After the trial he asked the judge "This means that I cannot call Mrs. Johnson a pig?" The judge said that was true.
Does this also mean I cannot call a pig Mrs. Johnson?" the man asked. The judge replied that he could indeed call a pig Mrs. Johnson with no fear of legal action.
With that the man turned to his accuser and said "Good afternoon, Mrs. Johnson".
d**.... My wife just found out that after I got my Bachelor degree at the University of Barad-dûr, I went back and got my Masters there...
I've been found guilty of second-degree Mordor.
A woman sues a man for defamation of character, charging that he called her a pig.
The man is found guilty and made to pay damages. After the trial, he asks the judge, Does this mean that I can no longer call Ms. Harding a pig?
The judge says, That is correct.
And does it mean that I can't call a pig Ms. Harding?
No, says the judge, you are free to call a pig Ms. Harding. There is no crime in that.
The man looks Ms. Harding in the eye and says, Good afternoon, Ms. Harding.
Traffic court
A woman was found guilty in traffic court and when asked for her occupation she said she was a schoolteacher.
The judge rose from the bench. "Madam, I have waited years for a schoolteacher to appear before this court."
He smiled with delight. "Now sit down at that table and write, 'I will not run a red light' five hundred times."