Forward Pass Jokes
13 forward pass jokes and hilarious forward pass puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about forward pass that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Hilarious Forward Pass Jokes that Bring Laughter with Friends
What is a good forward pass joke to make people laugh? Check out this list of funny stories that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth.
A mother taught her son to go to the bathroom by the numbers.
1. Open your fly.
2. Take out your equipment.
3. Pull back the skin.
4. Do your business.
5. Let the skin forward.
6. Stow your equipment.
7. Close your fly."
She checked on him often to make sure he had learned his lesson, and each time heard him through the bathroom door saying, "1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6. 7."
She was pleased with his progress until that day when she passed the bathroom door and heard, "3-5, 3-5, 3-5, 3-5, 3-5, 3-5."
A Priest and a Jamaican man are on a plane...
..and as they're taking off, the pilot says over the intercom "folks, I have something to tell you. I cannot fly the plane if someone passes gas; if someone does, I'll pass out and the plane will c**...."
So halfway through the flight, the plane noses forward and goes into a dive. And the Jamaican stands up and screams "Who passed de gas?"
The priest says "how did you know?"
And the Jamaican answers "de scent!"
...I'll show myself out
A young boy passes a brothel on his way home from school when
the lady of the house leans forward and waves her pinky finger at him. "Hi little boy", she laughs.
He asks her, "why do you wave like that?"
She holds up her pinky finger again, "well, that's how little 'it' is".
The next day the boy strolls by and the lady does the same. "Hi little boy" she jests, waving her pinky finger in the air.
The little boy puts a finger in each corner of his mouth, stretching it as wide as possible and says, "hiya big lady".
My Russian doll passed away.
I'm not looking forward to the funerals.
A lawyer and a politician are at a hospital
A lawyer and a politician are at the hospital when a doctor runs into the room. "One of our patients is dying. He says his religion needs a lawyer and a politician to be with him before he passes."
So the three hurry to the man's room. He's in pain, but as soon as he sees them a smile comes over his face. The lawyer steps forward and asks, "Out of all the people you could have chosen as a last request, why pick us?"
"Because," the man says, " I want to die the way Jesus did. Between a liar and a thief".
Insane asylum
on his short walk from work to home Jared has to pass by a mental institution. Although it is completely blocked off by a brickwall he sometimes hears the patients enjoying their time outside.
One day while passing the asylum Jared heare a slow steady chant from the inmates.
"Four.. four.. four..four..four..four.."
Both suprise and curious Jared starts searching the brick wall for a crack so he can see why they are chanting when by luck he finds a decent sized hole in the wall.
He bends down, closes one eye, leans forward to peer inside, and a finger comes out and pokes him right in his eye!
He falls back in suprise and pain and the inmates start chanting "Five..five..five..five".
h**... Stripper
Cletus is passing by Billy Bob's hay barn one day when, through a gap in the door, he sees Billy Bob doing a slow and sensual striptease in front of an old John Deere tractor.
He performs a slow pirouette, and gently slides off first the right strap of his overalls, followed by the left. He then hunches his shoulders forward and in a classic striptease move, lets his overalls fall down to his hips, revealing a torn and frayed plaid shirt.
Then, grabbing both sides of his shirt, he rips it apart to reveal his stained T-shirt underneath. With a final flourish, he tears the T-shirt from his body, and hurls his baseball cap onto a pile of hay.
Having seen enough, Cletus rushes in and says, "What the world're ya doing, Billy Bob?"
"Good grief, Cletus, ya scared the bejeebers out of me," says an obviously embarrassed Billy Bob.
"But me 'n the wife been havin' trouble lately in the bedroom d'partment, and the therapist suggested I do something s**... to a tractor."
So I was brushing up on Egyptian history the other day...
and I was reading about King Tut. Apparently he suffered from IBS, which caused him to pass the most ungodly smelling gas (reminiscent of rotting animal carcasses seasoned with rotted potatoes). Due to this, it was hard to find servants willing to happily serve him, but one day, Tut's parents encountered a servant who suffered from the same condition and was used to the smell, so he was more than happy to serve the future Pharaoh. From that day forward, the Servant and Tut were always together, both excreting the foul stench from their derrieres. Most people agreed that they had a Tutankhamen.
Read this joke like ten years ago! Will never forget it!
So this guy walks home one day and in the distance he can hear some yelling,
"thirteen, thirteen" but thinks nothing of it.
As he walks on he hears the sound get louder and closer. When he walks pass a wooden fence he once again hears the word "thirteen, thirteen". He could see a hole in the fence so he leaned forward and tried to see what the fuss was about!
At the exact moment the man got a finger in his eye and you could hear the words being yelled: "fourteen,fourteen"
Baseball & Football -George Carlin
Baseball is different from any other sport, very different. For instance, in most sports you score points or goals; in baseball you score runs. In most sports the ball, or object, is put in play by the offensive team; in baseball the defensive team puts the ball in play, and only the defense is allowed to touch the ball. In fact, in baseball if an offensive player touches the ball intentionally, he's out; sometimes unintentionally, he's out.
Also: in football,basketball, soccer, volleyball, and all sports played with a ball, you score with the ball and in baseball the ball prevents you from scoring.
In most sports the team is run by a coach; in baseball the team is run by a manager. And only in baseball does the manager or coach wear the same clothing the players do. If you'd ever seen John Madden in his Oakland Raiders uniform,you'd know the reason for this custom.
Now, I've mentioned football. Baseball & football are the two most popular spectator sports in this country. And as such, it seems they ought to be able to tell us something about ourselves and our values.
I enjoy comparing baseball and football:
Baseball is a nineteenth-century pastoral game.
Football is a twentieth-century technological struggle.
Baseball is played on a diamond, in a park.The baseball park!
Football is played on a gridiron, in a stadium, sometimes called Soldier Field or War Memorial Stadium.
Baseball begins in the spring, the season of new life.
Football begins in the fall, when everything's dying.
In football you wear a helmet.
In baseball you wear a cap.
Football is concerned with downs - what down is it?
Baseball is concerned with ups - who's up?
In football you receive a penalty.
In baseball you make an error.
In football the specialist comes in to kick.
In baseball the specialist comes in to relieve somebody.
Football has hitting, clipping, spearing, piling on, personal fouls, late hitting and unnecessary roughness.
Baseball has the sacrifice.
Football is played in any kind of weather: rain, snow, sleet, hail, fog...
In baseball, if it rains, we don't go out to play.
Baseball has the seventh inning stretch.
Football has the two minute warning.
Baseball has no time limit: we don't know when it's gonna end - might have extra innings.
Football is rigidly timed, and it will end even if we've got to go to sudden death.
In baseball, during the game, in the stands, there's kind of a picnic feeling; emotions may run high or low, but there's not too much unpleasantness.
In football, during the game in the stands, you can be sure that at least twenty-seven times you're capable of taking the life of a fellow human being.
And finally, the objectives of the two games are completely different:
In football the object is for the quarterback, also known as the field general, to be on target with his aerial assault, riddling the defense by hitting his receivers with deadly accuracy in spite of the blitz, even if he has to use shotgun. With short bullet passes and long bombs, he marches his troops into enemy territory, balancing this aerial assault with a sustained ground attack that punches holes in the forward wall of the enemy's defensive line.
In baseball the object is to go home! And to be safe! - I hope I'll be safe at home!
Heard this one seems kind of old.
Three strangers strike up a conversation in the passenger lounge in the Bozeman, Montana airport, while waiting for their respective flights...One is an American Indian passing through from Lame Deer, another is a Cowboy on his way to Billings for a livestock show, and the third passenger is a fundamentalist Arab student, newly arrived at Montana State University from the Middle East ....Their discussion drifts to their diverse cultures. Soon, the two Westerners learn that the Arab is a devout, radical Muslim and the conversation falls into an uneasy lull. The cowboy leans back in his chair, crosses his boots on a magazine table, tips his big sweat-stained hat forward over his face, and lights a cigarette. Finally, the American Indian clears his t**... and softly he speaks, 'At one time here... my people were many... but sadly, now we are few.' The Muslim student raises an eyebrow and leans forward, 'Once my people were few,' he sneers, 'and now we are many. Why do you suppose that is?' The cowboy removes his cigarette from his mouth and from the darkness beneath his Stetson says in a smooth drawl . . . 'I reckon that's 'cause we ain't played Cowboys and Muslims yet, but I do believe it's a-comin'.
In a terrible car accident, 3 nuns die at the same time.
They all appear in front of the gates of Heaven to meet Saint Peter.
When they arrive, Peter informs them that those who lived a life of the cloth must answer some basic questions about theology before they are permitted to enter Heaven.
Each of the nuns has studied their bible well, so they don't feel worried by this.
The first nun steps forward and tells the saint that she's ready.
"Who was the first woman?" Peter asks.
"That's easy!" exclaims the nun. "Eve!"
Peter smiles, the bells toll, and the gates of Heaven open.
The second nun, encouraged by her colleagues easy pass, steps forwards and tells Peter that she's ready, as well. "Who was the first man?" Peter asks.
"Easy! That's Adam!" says the nun, excitedly.
Peter smiles, the bells toll, and the gates of Heaven open.
The third nun is now confident that she won't have any trouble, and steps up to face Peter's question. "What were Eve's first words to Adam?" he asks.
"My, that's a hard one," the nun replies worriedly, but Peter smiles, the bells toll, and the gates of Heaven open...
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Forward Pass One Liners
Which forward pass one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with forward pass? I can suggest the ones about backward forward and fast forward.
- My Russian doll passed away. I'm not looking forward to the funerals.