Forty Jokes
78 forty jokes and hilarious forty puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about forty that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Quick Jump To
Funniest Forty Short Jokes
Short forty jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The forty humour may include short turning 40 jokes also.
- Jewish kid asks his father for $50 ... His father replies: "Forty dollars?! What do you need thirty dollars for?!"
- A Jewish kid goes to his dad and says, "Dad, I need to borrow fifty bucks". The dad says, "Forty bucks? I don't have thirty bucks, what do you need twenty bucks for?"
- The angel of death appears before a lawyer and says "Your time has come". The lawyer starts crying and wailing "But I'm only forty" Angel of death says "Not according to your billable hours"
- Why did moses vote for Al Gore? Because the last time he took political orders from a Bush, his country went mucking around in the Middle East for forty years.
- A Jewish boy asked his father to borrow fifty dollars... "Forty dollars?! What do you need thirty dollars for?!"
- Two deer walk out of a gay bar As they are leaving one says to the other, "I can't believe you blew forty bucks in there!"
- A Jewish son asks his father for fifty dollars.. The father responds, "forty dollars? What do you need thirty dollars for?"
- A Jewish kid asks his dad for $50 His dad narrows his eyes and says "Forty dollars? What do you need thirty dollars for?"
- A Jewish boy walks up to his father and says, "Dad, can I have fifty dollars?" The father looks at him and says, "Forty dollars? What do you need thirty dollars for?"
- AA meeting: "Hi I'm Chad and I've been sober for forty days" "Not in a row or anything, just total."
Share These Forty Jokes With Friends
Forty One Liners
Which forty one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with forty? I can suggest the ones about sixty and eighty.
- I'm giving up spreadsheets for forty days Excellent.
- I have to give up spreadsheets for forty days. Excellent.
- What do you call a forty something guy who masturbates all the time? Married
- What do you call forty geeks playing Monopoly? Microsoft.
- What is the largest super bowl of them all? Forty.
- Why won't a black man go see a 3d movie? He'd rather spend his money on a forty
- I bought a photo album. It's just forty minutes of clicking noises.
- There were fifty dragons and forty eight people... How many didn't?
- What grades would alcoholics get in school? Forties
- After talking to forty night players at work today… …v-bucks is not prostitution money.
- She said she was approaching forty, and I couldn't help wondering from what direction.
- What did the rabbit bride get on her wedding day?
A forty-carrot wedding ring. - How many dimes are there in $14? Around 140. Or should I say oNe HuNdReD & fOrTy
- Why isn't forty spelled with a "u"? Because nobody likes u
- Why is there a "u" in four but not in forty? Because nobody likes u
Turning Forty Jokes
Here is a list of funny turning forty jokes and even better turning forty puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Sven says to Lena... "Lena, ven you turn forty I'm trading you in for two twenties."
Lena says: "sven, you aren't vired for 220!"
Amusing Forty Jokes to Make You Laugh with Friends
What funny jokes about forty you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean fifty jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make forty pranks.
A Jewish boy approaches his father and asks if he could have $50...
A Jewish boy approaches his father and asks if he could have fifty dollars.
The Jewish father replies, "forty dollars?! What do you need thirty dollars for?"
America
How to rescue the economy:
Dear President Obama,
Patriotic retirement:
There are about 40 million people over 50 in the work force;
pay them $1 million a piece severance with stipulations:
1) They leave their jobs. Forty million job openings - Unemployment fixed.
2) They buy NEW American cars. Forty million cars ordered - Auto Industry fixed.
3) They either buy a house or pay off their mortgage- Housing Crisis fixed.
All this and it's still cheaper than the "bailout".
An old man was lying on his deathbed.
An old man was lying on his deathbed. His wife of forty years was holding his hand.
He looked at her and said Margaret, It seems like you have always been with me when I was in need. Remember that time I fell down the stairs? You stayed with me. And when I lost my job? You were right there. Now that I am dying, you are here. You know what, Margaret?
What, John?
I think you're a jinx.
Jewish father and son
A Jewish boy went to his dad and asked for fifty dollars.
His father said, "Forty dollars!? What do you need thirty dollars for?!"
A young Jewish boy asks his father...
A young Jewish boy asks his father, "Can I have fifty dollars to go out with my friends?" His father replies, "Forty dollars? What on earth do you need ten dollars for?"
A Jewish kid asks his dad for money...
The kid says to his dad, "Dad, I need to borrow fifty dollars."
His dad replies, "Forty dollars! What do you wanna borrow thirty dollars for?!?!"
A Jewish kid goes up to his dad...
Son: "Hey papa?"
Father: "Yes, ma' boy?"
Son: "I met this beautiful girl at temple today. I want to take her out. Can I borrow fifty bucks?
Father: "Forty bucks? What the heck are you gonna do with thirty bucks? Do I look like I have twenty bucks heres fifteen now take ten and bring me back five."
Girl, you must be the SAT...
'cause I want to do you for three hours and forty five minutes with a ten minute break for snacks.
If life was like middle school
Judge: In all my years on the bench, I have never seen a more despicable criminal. You robbed, assaulted, and tortured the victim simply for the thrill of it. Do you have anything to say before I sentence you?
Criminal: Nope
Judge: I hereby sentence you to forty years in a maximum security prison. I also sentence the victim to forty years in prison.
Victim: Wait- what? That doesn't make any sense! *He* attacked *me*!
Judge: I don't care who started it.
A young Jewish boy
A young Jewish boy wants a new bike. So he goes up to his father and says, "Dad, can I have fifty dollars?"
The dad exclaims, "Forty dollars! What do you need thirty dollars for?"
A Jewish kid wants to go to the mall...
and asks his dad for forty dollars.
"Thirty dollars?" he replies. "What do you need twenty dollars for?"
A Jewish boy walks up to his father and says "Papa, I need fifty dollars."
The father says "forty dollars?! I don't have thirty dollars! What do you need twenty dollars for? Here's ten dollars." He hands the boy a five and says "split it with your brothers...and bring back the change."
What's h**...'s favorite football team?
Forty
NEIN
ers.
Why are Lawyers buried forty feet deep when they die?
Because deep down they're really nice people.
How many Irishmen does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
One to hold it in place and forty more to get drunk enough to make the room start spinning.
There were two guys playing golf, and a f**... passed
so o**... stopped, and waited for the f**... to pass before continuing with his game.
His companion complimented him on his respect for the f**..., to which the guy replied, 'Well, its the least I could do, we were married for forty years!'
READ THIS OUT LOUD!
This is this cat.
This is is cat.
This is how cat.
This is to cat.
This is keep cat.
This is an cat.
This is idiot cat.
This is busy cat.
This is for cat.
This is forty cat.
This is seconds cat.
Now please go back to the top, read it again, but only the third word in each line. :P
A Jewish kid swallows a quarter and poops out forty cents.
That's a pretty good return on digestion.
Did you hear about the assassin who was given forty years to complete his assignment?
He had some time to kill.
Ma and Pa were rocking on the front porch when Pa turned and slapped Ma, Ma said what was that for? Pa said for forty years of bad s**.... Ma said oh and continued rocking. Ma reached over and slapped Pa. Pa said what was that for?
Ma said for knowing the difference.
What's the difference between an elephant and an Italian grandmother?
Forty pounds and a black dress.
What has forty legs and two teeth?
A k**... rally.
If I had a dollar for every time someone under thirty blamed people over forty for not be able to afford anything....
I could drink expensive, fancy beer too.
What's forty feet long and smells like u**...?
A conga line at a nursing home
It says "Employees Must Wash Hands" in the bathroom.
I must have stood in there for forty god d**... minutes and nobody came in to wash my hands.
I was walking past Toys R Us today, when I noticed a really long line outside...
I asked a worker, "What's everyone here for?"
He said, "That's the Barbie queue."
Then, like an fool, I stood in it for forty five minutes waiting for a burger...
Sailor and s**... ed class
The s**... ed instructor asked the class, "How many s**... positions do you know?" An old sailor in the back of the class raised his hand and shouted, "Thirty-nine, thirty-nine, thirty-nine!" The instructor ignored the old salt and called on a young man near the front. The young man replied, "Well, just one. You know: man on top, woman on bottom." The old sailor in back started shouting, "Forty, forty, forty!"
Brought a girl home from a bar last night and after we went down on each other for a while I slipped on a c**.... Suddenly, she looked me dead in the eyes and demanded either forty more minutes of foreplay, or that I drop down and give her 100 pushups. When I asked why she said
"The idea is to provide you with a sense of pride and accomplishment for unlocking different holes."
A kid asks his father for $50.
Forty!! his father exclaims, What do you need $30 for? Twenty's enough. Here's ten, 5 for you, 5 for your brother.
My wife was in labor for forty seven hours. During that time she was visited by friends, families, neighbours....
So I heard
I threw forty quarters into the air and every single one of them landed on the edge!
Perhaps I should have taken them out of the roll.
What do you call forty German naysayers from San Francisco?
The San Francisco Forty Neiners
God said let it rain for forty days and forty nights and Noah said...
That'll be good for the plants.
I happened to be in court when I noticed a wrinkled old lady with grey hair sat up high...
I asked her, "You mind if I ask how old you are?"
She shouted back, "Thirty, love!"
I thought she was just messing with me so I replied, "No, really, how old are you?"
She yelled at me, "Forty, love!"
I realised then I should get back to my tennis match.
An elephant is drinking from a stream
An elephant drinking from a stream spots a tortoise lounging on the shore. He grabs it with his trunk and flings it into the jungle. A passing zebra asks, "Why did you do that?"
"Forty years ago that very tortoise nipped my tail just for fun," the elephant said.
"Wow, forty years ago! How did you remember that?" Asked the Zebra
"Well I have turtle recall," replied the elephant.
An old married couple were sitting on the porch enjoying the sunset.
The old woman suddenly turned to her husband and smacked him across his face.
The old man was shocked. "Now why the h**... you'd do that for, Ethel?"
"That was for forty years of bad s**...," she said smugly.
A couple minutes passed and then the old man turned to his wife and slapped her back even harder.
"What the heck was that for, Harold?"
"That's for knowing the difference!"
A blonde got lost in her car in a snow storm. She remembered what her dad had once told her: "If you ever get stuck in a snow storm, wait for a snow plow and follow it." Pretty soon a snow plow came by, and she started to follow it.
She followed the plow for about forty five minutes. Finally the driver of the truck got out and asked her what she was doing. She explained that her dad had told her if she ever got stuck in the snow, to follow a plow.
The driver nodded and said, "Well, I'm done with the Walmart parking lot, now you can follow me over to Target."
Why did the Irishman put only 239 beans in his stew?
Because if he put one more it would be two forty.
-My wife read the book "Twins" and she gave birth to twins
\-Mine read the book "Three little girls" and she gave birth to triplets
\-Oh my god! I left my wife reading "Ali baba and the forty thieves"
I recently returned from Dubai, where I was given forty camels for my wife.
I generally smoke Marlboro, but hey... that seems like a bargain to me.
i tried using an ai to generate a joke with the prompt "two guys walk into a bar"
Two guys walk into a bar.
It's just one, and he's forty.
"what will it be, sir?"
"A water," the guy says.
He takes a sip.
He grimaces and makes a face.
"That's really watery."
"Yes," says the bartender.
An elderly woman is going through some old boxes of clothes.
She picks out an item, turns to her husband of forty years and says Look dear, I wore this when we first started dating and i can't believe it still fits.
The husband replies Yes honey, you've always liked that scarf.
An airplane joke
The pilot comes on the speaker
Pilot: "Now that we are in the air I figured I'd lighten it up with a joke. Knock knock"
Passengers "Whose there?"
Pilot: "Superman"
Passengers: "Superman who?"
Pilot: "You're at forty thousand feet, it's either me, or a really unlucky baggage handler, now open up"
