Forty Jokes
70 forty jokes and hilarious forty puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about forty that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Quick Jump To
Funniest Forty Short Jokes
Short forty jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The forty humour may include short turning 40 jokes also.
- Jewish kid asks his father for $50 ... His father replies: "Forty dollars?! What do you need thirty dollars for?!"
- The angel of death appears before a lawyer and says "Your time has come". The lawyer starts crying and wailing "But I'm only forty" Angel of death says "Not according to your billable hours"
- Why did moses vote for Al Gore? Because the last time he took political orders from a Bush, his country went mucking around in the Middle East for forty years.
- Did you hear about the assassin who was given forty years to complete his assignment? He had some time to kill.
- Despite being in my mid-forties, every morning when I wake up, I feel like a twenty-year-old... But there's never one available.
- Why did the Irishman put only 239 beans in his stew? Because if he put one more it would be two forty.
- I threw forty quarters into the air and every single one of them landed on the edge! Perhaps I should have taken them out of the roll.
- My wife was in labor for forty seven hours. During that time she was visited by friends, families, neighbours.... So I heard
- God said let it rain for forty days and forty nights and Noah said... That'll be good for the plants.
- How many Aggies does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Fifty. Forty-nine to rotate the ceiling, one to hold the lightbulb.
Share These Forty Jokes With Friends
Forty One Liners
Which forty one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with forty? I can suggest the ones about sixty and eighty.
- I'm giving up spreadsheets for forty days Excellent.
- What do you call forty geeks playing Monopoly? Microsoft.
- What is the largest super bowl of them all? Forty.
- Why won't a black man go see a 3d movie? He'd rather spend his money on a forty
- I bought a photo album. It's just forty minutes of clicking noises.
- There were fifty dragons and forty eight people... How many didn't?
- What grades would alcoholics get in school? Forties
- After talking to forty night players at work today… …v-bucks is not prostitution money.
- She said she was approaching forty, and I couldn't help wondering from what direction.
- What did the rabbit bride get on her wedding day?
A forty-carrot wedding ring. - How many dimes are there in $14? Around 140. Or should I say oNe HuNdReD & fOrTy
- What do you call a forty something guy who masturbates all the time? Married
- What's forty feet long and smells like u**...? A conga line at a nursing home
- What has forty legs and two teeth? A k**... rally.
- "I admit it, I have a tremendous s**... drive. My boyfriend lives forty miles away."
Turning Forty Jokes
Here is a list of funny turning forty jokes and even better turning forty puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Sven says to Lena... "Lena, ven you turn forty I'm trading you in for two twenties."
Lena says: "sven, you aren't vired for 220!"
Amusing Forty Jokes to Make You Laugh with Friends
What funny jokes about forty you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean fifty jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make forty pranks.
A joke my father told me.
I haven't seen it here yet so I hope its fresh;
A new inmate spends his first night in prison and after things quiet down for the night, he hears someone from one of the upper floors call out. "THIRTY SEVEN!" he shouts. An uproar of laughter fills the prison.
The new inmate is somewhat confused. After the laughter dies down another man calls out "FORTY THREE!". The prison fills with even more laughter then before. This continues for a few minutes till the inmate asks his cellmate what is going on.
"Oh that, yeah everyone here loves jokes, but the we only know so many. After a while we just assigned all the jokes numbers so we don't have to repeat the whole thing every time."
Satisfied with this response the the new inmate goes to bed.
The next night at about the same time it starts up again. "TWENTY NINE!" is shouted and followed by laughter. After a few more the new inmate decides that he wants to try. He remembers that forty three got a pretty good response last night, so after getting the courage he waits for the laughter of the last joke to die down. He inhales deeply and shouts "FORTY THREE!".
Silence.
He is shocked and a little upset. He turns to his cellmate "Why didn't they laugh?" he asks in disappointed confusion. To which his cellmate replied
"Its not just the joke, its how you tell it."
Scientists decide they don't need God.
Some time in the future, not to terribly long from now there is a big scientist convention. At this convention they decide that there is no need for God anymore, scientists can do everything that God can do. So they choose a delegate to find God and inform Him of their decision and kindly ask Him to go do something else.
The delegate sets out in search for God. For forty years he wanders the world exclaiming out loud, "God!! Where are you, we need to talk." Eventually God gets tired of this guy's haranguing, takes pity on him. He forms a body and goes before the scientist.
"God, " trembles the scientist, "I've been chosen to tell you that since people can do everything you can do, we don't need you anymore."
"Really," says God.
"Yes. We can make new animals from base materials, change matter to energy, control the weather, heal illnesses and injuries. I could even make a person."
"Okay," says God, "let's have a little test, Show me that you can make a man." God and the scientist are suddenly surrounded by all the apparatus of a modern laboratory.
The scientist agrees, and reaches down to pick up a handful of dirt.
"STOP." shouts the Lord. "You get your own dirt!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
America
How to rescue the economy:
Dear President Obama,
Patriotic retirement:
There are about 40 million people over 50 in the work force;
pay them $1 million a piece severance with stipulations:
1) They leave their jobs. Forty million job openings - Unemployment fixed.
2) They buy NEW American cars. Forty million cars ordered - Auto Industry fixed.
3) They either buy a house or pay off their mortgage- Housing Crisis fixed.
All this and it's still cheaper than the "bailout".
An old man was lying on his deathbed.
An old man was lying on his deathbed. His wife of forty years was holding his hand.
He looked at her and said Margaret, It seems like you have always been with me when I was in need. Remember that time I fell down the stairs? You stayed with me. And when I lost my job? You were right there. Now that I am dying, you are here. You know what, Margaret?
What, John?
I think you're a jinx.
A young Jewish boy asks his father...
A young Jewish boy asks his father, "Can I have fifty dollars to go out with my friends?" His father replies, "Forty dollars? What on earth do you need ten dollars for?"
Forty five years ago man landed on the Moon lądować
We will never forget about the three heroes, Armstrong, Aldrin, and this third one.
A Jewish kid goes up to his dad...
Son: "Hey papa?"
Father: "Yes, ma' boy?"
Son: "I met this beautiful girl at temple today. I want to take her out. Can I borrow fifty bucks?
Father: "Forty bucks? What the heck are you gonna do with thirty bucks? Do I look like I have twenty bucks heres fifteen now take ten and bring me back five."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Girl, you must be the SAT...
'cause I want to do you for three hours and forty five minutes with a ten minute break for snacks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
If life was like middle school
Judge: In all my years on the bench, I have never seen a more despicable criminal. You robbed, assaulted, and tortured the victim simply for the thrill of it. Do you have anything to say before I sentence you?
Criminal: Nope
Judge: I hereby sentence you to forty years in a maximum security prison. I also sentence the victim to forty years in prison.
Victim: Wait- what? That doesn't make any sense! *He* attacked *me*!
Judge: I don't care who started it.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Forty minutes before we get to the first s**... scene in Fifty Shades Of Grey?
They do beat around the bush...
A young Jewish boy
A young Jewish boy wants a new bike. So he goes up to his father and says, "Dad, can I have fifty dollars?"
The dad exclaims, "Forty dollars! What do you need thirty dollars for?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What's h**...'s favorite football team?
Forty
NEIN
ers.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do call forty l**... in a tree
A CUNTREE
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
READ THIS OUT LOUD!
This is this cat.
This is is cat.
This is how cat.
This is to cat.
This is keep cat.
This is an cat.
This is idiot cat.
This is busy cat.
This is for cat.
This is forty cat.
This is seconds cat.
Now please go back to the top, read it again, but only the third word in each line. :P
A Take On an Old Joke: What time is it when you have to go to the dentist?
Tooth Forty Tooth.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Ma and Pa were rocking on the front porch when Pa turned and slapped Ma, Ma said what was that for? Pa said for forty years of bad s**.... Ma said oh and continued rocking. Ma reached over and slapped Pa. Pa said what was that for?
Ma said for knowing the difference.
What's worse than finding a worm in your apple?
Finding out you've lived a lie for the past forty years.
If I had a dollar for every time someone under thirty blamed people over forty for not be able to afford anything....
I could drink expensive, fancy beer too.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
It says "Employees Must Wash Hands" in the bathroom.
I must have stood in there for forty god d**... minutes and nobody came in to wash my hands.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Sailor and s**... ed class
The s**... ed instructor asked the class, "How many s**... positions do you know?" An old sailor in the back of the class raised his hand and shouted, "Thirty-nine, thirty-nine, thirty-nine!" The instructor ignored the old salt and called on a young man near the front. The young man replied, "Well, just one. You know: man on top, woman on bottom." The old sailor in back started shouting, "Forty, forty, forty!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Brought a girl home from a bar last night and after we went down on each other for a while I slipped on a c**.... Suddenly, she looked me dead in the eyes and demanded either forty more minutes of foreplay, or that I drop down and give her 100 pushups. When I asked why she said
"The idea is to provide you with a sense of pride and accomplishment for unlocking different holes."
What do you call forty German naysayers from San Francisco?
The San Francisco Forty Neiners
Let Me Tell You Who The World's Greatest Procrastinator Is
RemindMe! Forty Two Years "Maybe Tell People Who The World's Greatest Procrastinator Is"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A woman stumbled across an o**... with one hundred forty four people...
"That's g**..."
Jesish kids need money too
A Jewish boy asks his father for fifty dollars, to which the father replies "forty dollars, what do you need thirty dollars for?'
I happened to be in court when I noticed a wrinkled old lady with grey hair sat up high...
I asked her, "You mind if I ask how old you are?"
She shouted back, "Thirty, love!"
I thought she was just messing with me so I replied, "No, really, how old are you?"
She yelled at me, "Forty, love!"
I realised then I should get back to my tennis match.
Two old friends
Two old friends meet passing on the street one day. But one seemed hopeless, and almost on the verge of tears.
His friend asked, "What has the world done to you?"
The sad man said, "Let me tell you. Three weeks ago, an uncle died and left me forty thousand dollars."
"That's not bad."
"But you see, two weeks ago, a cousin I never even knew kicked the bucket, and left me eighty-five thousand free and clear."
"Sounds like you should be grateful..."
"You don't understand!" he interrupted. "Last week my great-aunt passed away. I inherited almost a quarter of a million."
Now the friend was really confused. "Then, why are you so sad?"
"This week... nothing!
Noah is on mission from God to gather a pair of each animal
So he journeys far and wide to all the corners in the world to gather them up.
Once he came to Scotland, he told the natives: " Hear me! God is wrathful with mankind! Do gather up a breeding pair of each kind of animal and bring them to me. Once my task is complete, it shall rain for forty days and forty nights and the world will flood!"
The Scotsmen looked at each other and burst out laughing.
Noah, pretty irritated by that, asked: "God will literally wash you from the face of the earth! Why do you laugh?"
To which one Scotsman, snortingly, replied: "Forty days of rain ya say? Laddy, we're at day 75 and still countin'!"
Three legged pig.
A farmer had a three legged pig, his friend asked him why the pig only had three legs. The farmer told him that he was a remarkable pig. One time when I was plowing the back forty, the tractor fell on me and the pig dug me out with his snout. Not only that, another time the farmhouse caught on fire and the pig broke the bedroom window, woke my wife and me up and saved our life! His friend was impressed, but asked him what that had to do with the pig only having three legs. The farmer told him, well, when you have a remarkable pig like that, you just can't eat him all at once
A blonde got lost in her car in a snow storm. She remembered what her dad had once told her: "If you ever get stuck in a snow storm, wait for a snow plow and follow it." Pretty soon a snow plow came by, and she started to follow it.
She followed the plow for about forty five minutes. Finally the driver of the truck got out and asked her what she was doing. She explained that her dad had told her if she ever got stuck in the snow, to follow a plow.
The driver nodded and said, "Well, I'm done with the Walmart parking lot, now you can follow me over to Target."
-My wife read the book "Twins" and she gave birth to twins
\-Mine read the book "Three little girls" and she gave birth to triplets
\-Oh my god! I left my wife reading "Ali baba and the forty thieves"
i tried using an ai to generate a joke with the prompt "two guys walk into a bar"
Two guys walk into a bar.
It's just one, and he's forty.
"what will it be, sir?"
"A water," the guy says.
He takes a sip.
He grimaces and makes a face.
"That's really watery."
"Yes," says the bartender.
An elderly woman is going through some old boxes of clothes.
She picks out an item, turns to her husband of forty years and says Look dear, I wore this when we first started dating and i can't believe it still fits.
The husband replies Yes honey, you've always liked that scarf.
An airplane joke
The pilot comes on the speaker
Pilot: "Now that we are in the air I figured I'd lighten it up with a joke. Knock knock"
Passengers "Whose there?"
Pilot: "Superman"
Passengers: "Superman who?"
Pilot: "You're at forty thousand feet, it's either me, or a really unlucky baggage handler, now open up"
