The Best 48 Fortunately Jokes
Following is our collection of funny Fortunately jokes. There are some fortunately fortunate jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these fortunately thankfully puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 Funniest Fortunately Jokes and Puns
No problems
A former Sergeant , having served his time with the Marine Corps, took a new job as a school teacher, but just before the school year started he injured his back.
He was required to wear a plaster cast around the upper part of his body.
Fortunately, the cast fit under his shirt and wasn't noticeable. On the first day of class, he found himself assigned to the toughest students in the school. The smart-alec punks, having already heard the new teacher was a former Marine, were leery of him and decided to see how tough he really was, before trying any pranks. Walking confidently into the rowdy classroom, the new teacher opened the window wide and sat down at his desk. When a strong breeze made his tie flap, he picked up a stapler and promptly stapled the tie to his chest. Dead silence ... He had no trouble with discipline that year.
There's a plane crashing down...
On the plane are The President of the United States, The British Prime Minister, the smartest man in the world, a priest and a boy scout. The pilot announces over the intercom: "People, we regret to inform you that we are going to crash. Fortunately, there are 6 parachutes available."
Before anyone can respond, the pilot and copilot dash out of the cabin, each grabs a parachute and jumps out of the plane. The 5 passengers look at each other, realize there's only 4 parachutes left, then make a mad dash for them. A giant fight ensues as everyone struggles to grab a parachute.
The President snags one and declares, "I *must* live! I'm the President of the United States!" before jumping out of the plane.
The Prime Minister grabs a chute and yells, "*I* must live! I'm the Prime Minister!"
The Smartest Man in the World and the boy scout get into a tussle, ending with the Smartest Man in the World shoving the boy scout to the floor. Hugging the parachute to his chest he yells, "I'm the Smartest Man in the World! It is imperative that I survive!" and leaps out the door.
The priest helps the boy scout to his feet. "You go ahead, son," he says, "Take the last parachute. I've made my peace."
"We can each have one, father," The boy scout says, shaking his head, "The Smartest Man in the World took my backpack."
Breaking news, as Kim Jong-Un's nuclear missiles have reached the USA!
Fortunately, the stamps were recognised and they were sent back
Women Think Differently
Husband's Text Message by cell phone:
"Honey, got hit by car when I was out of office. Paula brought me to Hospital. They're doing tests and X-rays now. Blow to my head very strong, fortunately it didn't cause serious injury, but I have three broken ribs, a compound fracture in left leg, and they may have to amputate right foot.
Wife's Text Response by Cell Phone:
"Who's Paula?"
Fortunately I've never been brainwashed,
so my mind gets dirtier each day.
99.9% of people are idiots.
Fortunately, I belong to the 1% of intelligent people
In a survival situation, you can drink your own urine...
Fortunately, my Wi-Fi came on just as I was filling the can
An evil baked potato hatched a devious scheme
Fortunately, it was foiled.
A woman who is 3 months pregnant falls into a deep coma. 6 months later, she wakes up and asks the doctor about her baby.
Doctor: You had twins, a girl and a boy. Fortunately, your brother was there to name them for you.
Woman: Oh no, not my brother! He's an idiot! What did he name the girl?
Doctor: Denise.
Woman: Well, that isn't so bad. What did he name the boy?
Doctor: Denephew.
A man visits his doctor...
and says "Doc, you gotta help me. I have a terrible case of flatulence. Fortunately it's completely silent and there's no smell, but I haven't stopped passing gas for two days ! Can you help me ? "
Doc says "Yes, but first we need to check your hearing and your sinuses."
[ok, I'm walking off, no need to throw stuff.]
A man lost his arms, legs and torso gambling.
Fortunately he quit while he was a head.
You can explore fortunately alas reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean fortunately but dad jokes. There are also fortunately puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
My parents tried to surprise me with a car this Christmas...
Fortunately they missed.
I was walking around a shady street late at night, and someone pulled a pair of scissors out at me.
Fortunately, I pulled a rock. Had I pulled out paper, I would've have lost.
Seals
A penguin is driving along in his car when it breaks down. Fortunately, there's a mechanic nearby and the car can be repaired.
While the car is in the garage, the penguin decides to waddle to the town to get a vanilla ice-cream. He eats it but forgets to wipe his mouth.
When he returns to the garage, the mechanic says "I think you blew a seal". The penguin replies "Nope, that's just ice-cream!"
A terrorist had two cases at home...
he stuffed one of them with explosives and headed to the metro. Once inside a wagon he waited until the doors were closed and shouted "Infidels!! now you will die!". Fortunately, that was not the case.
My next door neighbor banged on my door at 3:00 am last night.
Fortunately, I was wide awake, playing my bagpipes on the back porch at the time.
A former doctor broke his leg while auditioning for a play.
Fortunately, he could still make the cast.
A kid threw a chunk of cheddar at me today
I didn't think that was very mature.
Fortunately, it wasn't sharp.
Husband says'' Honey, it's me. I don't want to alarm you but
. . . I was hit by a car as I was leaving the office. Paula brought me to the hospital. They've checked me over and dome some tests and x-rays. The blow to my head was severe. Fortunately, it didn't cause any serious internal injury. However, I have three broken ribs, a compound fracture in the left leg, and they think they might have to amputate my right foot.''
Wife : ''Who's Paula?''
My neighbor pounded on my door at 2:30am last night! Can you believe that?! 2:30am!
Fortunately, I was still up practicing my bagpipes.
Did you hear about the baby boy born without eyelids?
Fortunately, doctors were able to use his foreskin to create functional eyelids. While an overall success, the surgery did leave him a little cock-eyed.
A big moron and a little moron were walking along a bridge...
When, suddenly, the big moron fell off and into the river!
Fortunately, the little moron was able to stay on the bridge, if only because he was a little more on.
(Joke credit to Stephen King)
Last night me and my wife watched 3 movies back to back.
Fortunately, I was the one facing the TV.
When I was young I remember me and my crush behind the school bins.
Fortunately I didn't get caught disposing of her body.
Three men were sentenced to death.
The day of their execution arrives, the first man was hanged but fortunately the rope loosens and he fells into the water below the platform. The same happens with the second man. It was now the turn of the third man, but before reaching to the pole he requests the person in charge, "You better tighten that rope of yours because I don't know how to swim."
Farting to the beat.
Once, I was at a restaurant and I wanted to fart so bad, that I couldn't even move.
Fortunately, the restaurant had really loud music so I thought I'd fart to the beats so that nobody would notice. After several moments, I noticed that everybody was staring at me. Then I suddenly remembered that I had been wearing headphones the whole time.
What's the difference between true communism and unhindered capitalism.
One spies on the people, removes privacy for the sake of the masses, and props up an establishment that serves only the lucky few.
And the other fortunately never caught on in America.
When Beethoven started composing music, people said he wouldn't amount to anything because he was deaf
Fortunately, he didn't listen to the critics
Why didn't R. Kelly catch Covid?
R. Kelly would have caught Covid if it were younger. But fortunately for him. Covid is 19.
Someone keyed the music teacher's car
Fortunately, the damage seems to B minor
99.9% of people are dumb
Fortunately, I belong to 1% of smart people
99.9% of the population is dumb.
Fortunately I belong to the 1% of smart people.
Won't believe the nerve of my neighbor knocking on my door at 3AM.
Fortunately I was up playing the drums.
Can of coke fell on a mans head from a high building
Fortunately he survived because it was just a soft drink!!!
I was attacked by a flock of sheep earlier...
Fortunately, I was only grazed.
Did you hear about the Vicks VapoRub truck that overturned on the highway?
Fortunately traffic wasn't congested.
My neighbor knocked on my door at 3 a.m.
3 a.m.!!!
Fortunately, i was still awake, playing my bagpipes.
This morning I thought I was going senile when I couldn't remember where I'd put my watch.
Then, fortunately, my wife reminded me that I haven't worn a watch in 5 years.
I thought my vitamin might be cancerous
Fortunately, the tests showed it was B-9
An old lady goes to the doctor and says, "I have this problem with frequent gas.
Fortunately, the farts never smell and are always silent. As a matter of fact, I've farted at least 10 times since I've been here, and I bet you didn't even notice!" The doctor says, "I see. Take these pills and come back next week." The next week the old lady returns. "Doctor," she says, "I don't know what the hell you gave me, but now my silent farts stink like the dickens." The doctor says, "Good! Now that we've cleared up your sinuses, let's work on your hearing."
My grief counselor suddenly died.
Fortunately he was excellent so I don't care.
I told my wife I found another girl just to see her reaction
On the first day, I saw nothing, the same thing for the second and third day... Fortunately, I started seeing a little bit with my left eye on the fourth day.
He who lies with a man as with a woman must be stoned (Leviticus 20:13)
Fortunately both are legal in Canada.
I asked people what the Q in "LGBTQ" stands for.
Fortunately someone gave me a straight answer.
My house collapsed, but fortunately no casualties
We were all in the living room
Mosquito bites nowadays can cause concussion
yesterday, one of them bit my friend in his head, but fortunately I was able to kill it with a shovel
I almost lost my job as a DJ at a country music station
I accidentally played the same three songs for five hours. Fortunately, our listeners didn't seem to notice.
News just in of a honeymooner killed in a shark attack off the Perth Coast. The man had been married very recently. A police spokesman said
Fortunately the man did not suffer too much as he had only been married 5 days
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the fortunately disastrous jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working fortunately plaster piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.