Forgotten Jokes

Once there were three turtles.
One day they decided to go on a picnic.
When they got there, they realized they had forgotten the soda.
The youngest turtle said he would go home and get it if they wouldn't eat the sandwiches until he got back.
A week went by, then a month, finally a year, when the two turtles said, "Oh, come on, let's eat the sandwiches."
Suddenly the little turtle popped up from behind a rock and said, "If you do, I won't go!"

What's yellow, comes from Peru, and is completely unknown?
Waterloo Bear, Paddington Bear's forgotten cousin.

Two old friends met by chance on the street.

After chatting for some time, one said to the other, "I'm terribly sorry, but I've forgotten your name. You'll need to tell me."
The other stared at him thoughtfully for a long time, then replied, "How soon do you need to know?"

A crazy man jumps from the bushes and opens his coat in front of an old lady to surprise and terrify her.
The granny takes a look at him and sais: "oh, dash, I´ve forgotten to buy the eggs."

If you feel a bit lonely, forgotten, or just need someone to cheer you up remember.

..You can always change your birthday on facebook!

My doctor told me you 'll be alive only for 24 hours! When I wanted to leave him he told me: "

Excuse me I had forgotten to tell you that yesterday."

So, I ate a memory foam mattress again

I had forgotten how much better they taste than traditional mattresses.

Two men walk into a bar...

The first man orders a scotch and soda. The second man remembers something he'd forgotten, and it doubles him over with pain. He falls to the floor shaking.... and then through the floor and into the Earth. He looks back up at the first man, but he doesn't call out to him...They're not that close.

A man and a boy walked into a barbershop together.

After the man got his haircut, he sat the boy in the barber's chair and said, "I'm just going to run around the corner to grab a paper." When the boy's haircut was donw, the man still hadn't returned. The barber said, "It looks like your dad's forgotten about you." "Oh, that wasn't my dad," the boy said, "He just walked up to me on the street, took my hand and said, "Come on, we're going to get a free haircut.""

Two old men

Fred and Bob were sitting in an old people's home.
"Fred," says Bob, "Do you remember those pills they gave us back in the war to stop us being interested in girls?"
"Oh yes," chuckles Fred, "I'd forgotten about them. Never did much good, did they!"
"Well, I don't know," replies Bob. "I was just thinking that they might be starting to work."

A priest was going to meet a parishioner for lunch

As he was getting ready to leave, he noticed he had forgotten to put on his white priest's collar. He looked and looked, but alas, couldn't find one. He asked another priest, "Do you have a collar I can borrow? One of the parishioners asked me if I could meet up for lunch to discuss some problems."
The other priest says, "Sure, no problem. Happens to everyone - a lay date and a collar short."

Did you hear about the guy who OD'ed on homeopathic medicine?

He had forgotten to take them.

An English professor's wife leaves town for a few days.

Having forgotten something, she returns to find him in bed with another woman.
'Oh, my God!' She exclaims.
'I'm surprised.'
The professor tells her: 'Not quite darling...we are surprised. You are shocked.'

History has forgotten the name of the man that invented the "Lazy Susan",

but it conveniently still remembers the name of his ex-wife.

Did you hear about the chef who had to cook up a filet mignon that he had forgotten with the rest of the order?

He made a missed steak.

Thousands of years ago, cats were worshiped as gods.

Thousands of years ago, cats were worshipped as
gods.
Cats have never forgotten this.

I told this woman that I still had not forgotten how to make a spacerocket.

You can not forget what you never learned.

Honest Husband

A man was invited for dinner at a friend's house. Every time the host needed something, he preceded his request to his wife by calling her "My Love", "Darling", "Sweetheart", etc., etc. His friend looked at him and said, "That's really nice after all of these years you've been married to keep saying those little pet names." The host said, "Well, honestly, I've forgotten her name."

A conversation between a forgetful mathematician and a blonde

Mathematician: "Excuse me, I seem to have forgotten the value for the sine function. Do you know what it is?"
Blonde: Ah???
Mathematician: No, not that, that's for cosine.
Blonde: Oh...
Mathematician: That's it! Thank you!

I once tried looking for images of Gary Oldman on Google

I had quite a shock when I realised I had forgotten the 'r' in Gary

An officer asked me "Do you know why I pulled you over?"

So I replied, "What, have you already forgotten?"
Looking back it probably wasn't a good answer

Getting some tacos from the drive thru $12... gas to pick it up... $5.00

Getting home and realizing they have forgotten the hot sauce...
Spiceless

You may have heard of Micronesia, an archipelago in Oceania.

But very few people have heard of the similar country Amnesia, as it has all but been forgotten.

Religious people get mad about abortions because they think it's killing babies.

They must've forgotten what passover was about.

A man visits his 70th class reunion

He drinks a fair amount there and then asks for his crush from high school's hand in marriage. She accepts and then they drink some more. The next morning the man remembers that he had asked the woman to marry him but not her response, so he calls her up and asks if she said yes. She replies, "Of course I said yes. Thank goodness you called me though." The man, puzzled asks why. She replies "I had forgotten to whom I had said yes to."

I like my women how I like my coffee...

...not forgotten about on top of my car and falling off the roof when i drive away

Patriots TE Rob Gronkowski had his house broken into according to police report.

The investigator on the case told the media that he must have forgotten his Rob Gronkhousekey.

A lot of people think Sigmund Frued is a hack.

And yes, some of his theories were proven wrong but the work he did made the field of psychology so famous he should never be forgotten. They just go hand in hand, you cant have one without the mother,

A little girl asks her grandfather why he always calls grandma "sweetie", "honey", and the like

Grandpa says "well it's because I've forgotten her name for a few years now and I'm scared to ask".

Deep from the vaults of St. Giles

Came a scream that resounded for miles.
Said the Vicar, Good Gracious!
Has Father Ignatius
Forgotten the Bishop has piles!? .

My wife asked if I had paid the Water and Electric bills.

Of course, I had forgotten to, but not wanting to lie or admit fault, I just told her that they were both current.

The ancient Romans would be saddened to know how many of their advances we'd forgotten. Aquaducts, fast food, underfloor heating...

But hey, it's all water over the bridge.

What does a waitress do when she finds a cold pizza that was forgotten to be served?

Serve it to a hipster.

What is the name of that phenomenon where you don't find something in it's normal spot, which causes you to search everywhere in hopes of finding it again?

I seem to have forgotten.

An often-forgotten but great benefit to using Malaysia Airlines is that you never have to shower before boarding

They always let you wash up on shore later

Today is world awareness day for something but I've forgotten what..

Oh I've remembered now - it's World Alzheimer's Day.

Son, I have good news, and bad news.

The good news is that I found a forgotten Christmas present from last year!
The bad news is that it was a puppy...

If info gathered about scp-055 is always forgotten, then I think I know what it is

My birthday party

How come everyone's forgotten about internet explorer?

Because chrome takes up your memory.

One day the commissar was inspecting a potato farm in the Soviet Union and asked the farmer how his yields were.

The farmer said Oh commissar, the potatoes are so bountiful that together they can reach the foot of God. The commissar stopped and said Have you forgotten your communist teachings!? There is no God! To which the farmer said Exactly, that's why there's no potatoes.

A man was invited for dinner at a friends house.

Every time the host needed something, he preceded his request to his wife by calling her "My Love", "Darling", "Sweetheart", etc., etc. His friend looked at him and said, "Thats really nice after all of these years youve been married to keep saying those little pet names." The host said, "Well, honestly, I've forgotten her name."

This is some very old university graffitti that's probably forgotten by now, so I'm posting it

Descartes: to be is to do
Nietzsche: to do is to be
Sinatra: do be do be do

I got a call from the doctor saying my buddy nearly overdosed on his homeopathic medicine.

Turns out he had forgotten to take it.
*Alternate punchline:* His family and several witnesses later disputed this, arguing the actual problem was him nearly drowning.

Two old ladies go out for a coffee

Two old ladies who have been friends for a very long time go out for a cup of coffee.
One says to the other,
"I know we've been friends for a long time, but I'm pretty old now, you know how it is, and it so happens that I've forgotten what you're called. Could you remind me what your name was?"
The other lady silently kept stirring her coffee and after a brief pause said,
"Is this urgent?"

I called my dad from the shop saying I'd forgotten what orange juice he asked for.

Concentrate he said, but I still couldn't remember!

Monster under the bed

Jim hears his son call his name, so he walks in his sons room. Jim's son, Howard says with a tremble in his voice, "Dad, there's a monster under my bed." Jim unconvinced walks to his son's bed and looks underneath. There he sees his son crying and startled as he whispers, "Dad, there's a monster sleeping in my bed." Jim falls backwards from the shock and comes to a sence of relief when he realised that he had forgotten that he had twins.

A priest is buying a used lawnwoer

\*lawnmower
He inspects it and asks owner how does it start. "Very simple, you pull the cord and if it doesn't start right away keep pulling and start swearing." The priest is shocked. "I'm a man of the cloth. I may have sworn when I was younger but by now I've forgotten how." "Oh don't worry" says the seller "after couple of pulls it will come back to you."

A man and a little boy entered a barbershop together

After the man received the full treatment - shave, shampoo, manicure, haircut, etc. - he placed the boy in the chair.
"I'm going to buy a green tie to wear for the parade," he said. "I'll be back in a few minutes."
When the boy's haircut was completed and the man still hadn't returned, the barber said, "Looks like your daddy's forgotten all about you."
"That wasn't my daddy," said the boy. "He just walked up, took me by the hand and said, 'Come on, son, we're gonna get a free haircut!'"