Forgot Jokes
144 forgot jokes and hilarious forgot puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about forgot that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Forgot Short Jokes
Short forgot jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The forgot humour may include short forget jokes also.
- My girlfriend is so smart! I forgot to bring my phone, so I used my friend's phone to call her.
She answered: "What's up, honey?"
What a smart girl! She knew I was the one on the phone! - A transgender person cut me in line at the supermarket. You're LGBT, right? I asked.
You forgot about the 'Q', they replied bluntly.
No, I said, you did. - Chinese takeout: $11.77. Price of gas to get there: $1.90. Making it all the way home and realizing that they forgot one of the containers: Riceless
- Just asked Siri. "Surely it's not going to rain today?"
She said "it will, and don't call me Shirley"
...Forgot to take my phone off Airplane mode. - Instead of water, I put redbull in the the back of my coffee maker this morning I was halfway to work before I realized I forgot my car.
- I asked my grandpa.. I asked my grandpa: After 65 years you still call grandma darling, beautiful and honey. What's the secret?
Grandpa: I forgot her name 5 years ago and I'm scared to ask her. - Pavlov is sitting at a bar... ...when another patron walks in and a bell on the door rings. Pavlov stands up, says, "I forgot to feed the dogs," and leaves.
- I used Redbull instead of water to brew my coffee today Got halfway to work, realized I forgot my car.
- I asked Vincent van gogh to get me 6 eggs from the store, he came back with three... Forgot he can only hear half of what I'm saying
- A pun loving old man forgot to order his tombstone before he passed away This was a grave mistake
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Forgot One Liners
Which forgot one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with forgot? I can suggest the ones about missing and ignore.
- I can't remember how to write 1, 1000, 51, 6 and 500 in roman numeral I M LIVID
- I can't believe I forgot to go to the gym today That's 7 years in a row now
- Yo mama's so fat when she sat on a memory foam it forgot
- Why was the mermaid kicked out of Geometry class? She forgot her Algae-bra.
- I burnt 1200 calories yesterday! Forgot to take the pizza out of the oven...
- I suddenly forgot where the sun went at night... ...then it dawned on me.
- I once took a girl to Starbucks because I forgot her name.
- I took my girl to starbucks.. Cause i forgot her name
- I was gonna tell a joke about Electricity, But I forgot Watt it was.
- Why could the witch never get the enchantments right? She forgot to use Spell Check.
- I forgot how my boomerang worked so I just threw it And then it hit me...
- I forgot where my boomerang was Then it hit me.
- I forgot who Rihanna's boyfriend was But then it hit me
- I burned 1000 calories today... Forgot I had a pizza in the oven.
- I forgot my phone when I went to the toilet this morning. We have 368 tiles.
Comical Puns & Laughs: Enjoy Fun, Witty Forgot Jokes with Friends.
What funny jokes about forgot you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean vanished jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make forgot pranks.
Did you pay the VISA bill?
A man and a woman end up on a deserted island. He is desperate and cries:" oh, honey we're gonna die so young. Nobody will ever find us here!!!" She is very calm and relaxed. "Don't panic , dear, we'll be OK in few hours, I forgot to pay our VISA bill, the'll find us, don't worry"
I came up with a great joke about a boomerang but I forgot it.
I'm sure it'll come back to me.
A guy gets a call from his Doctor...
The Doctor says "I have your test results back. I've got bad news and worse news."
The guy says "What's the bad news?"
The Doctor says "You have 24 hours to live."
The guy says "That's terrible! What could be worse than that?"
The Doctor says "I forgot to call you yesterday."
What do burnt pizza, frozen beer and a pregnant chick have in common?
Some d**... forgot to pull it out in time.
Why should you distrust atoms?
Because they make up an awful lot of stuff.
I went for a run and got back two minutes later because I forgot something,
I forgot I'm fat and can't run for more than two minutes.
I got a divorce for my birthday.
When I woke up, my wife and kids forgot to wish me a happy birthday. I didn't get any birthday cards or phone calls. When I went into work my secretary wished me happy birthday and I felt really special.
We went out for a drink after work to celebrate and she invited me back to her place. She excused herself for a minute an went into her bedroom and returned with my wife, kids and all my friends.
I was sitting on the couch n**....
Thor
The god of thunder is riding through the sky on his mighty stallion. With lightning crashing all around, he triumphantly screams, "I'M THOR!" His horse looks up and says, "Of courthe you are, you forgot your thaddle thilly!"
Another Jack and Jill joke
Jack and Jill went up a hill to smoke some m**....
Jack got high, pulled down his fly and asked Jill "Do ya wanna?"
Jill said "Yes" Took off her dress and they had a little fun,
But s**... Jill forgot the pill and now they have a son
Pavlov goes on a trip...
But when someone rings a bell he realizes he forgot to feed the dog.
Chinese takeout
Chinese food to go $15. Gas to go pick it up $1.50. Getting home and realizing they forgot one of my containers.... Riceless.
What do a burnt pizza, a frozen beer, and a pregnant woman have in common?
In all 3 cases, someone forgot to pull it out.
My dog, Grandpa
The other day, my professor asked me what I'd name my dog if I got one.
I said, well I'd name him Grandpa.
That way, when people asked how my day was, I can say things like:
Oh man, I forgot to feed Grandpa today.
I feel bad for leaving Grandpa outside last night.
Grandpa pooped in the living room again.
I had to put grandpa down today.
Grandpa ran away again.
I caught Grandpa h**... my friend's leg again.
And people who don't know me, won't know what I'm talking about.
A doctor calls a patient with his test results...
Doctor: I have bad news and worse news.
Patient: What's the bad news, Doc?
Doctor: You have 24 hours to live.
Patient: That's terrible? What's worse news?
Doctor: I forgot to call you yesterday.
Gone Fishing.
This guy came home from work and said to his wife, "I need a vacation. I'm too stressed out. I think I'll go fishing for the weekend."
"Okay," she says. "I'll pack for you."
So she packs for him and he goes away for the weekend. When he comes back he says, "Wow, I feel a lot better now!"
"How did I pack?" the wife asks.
"You did fine, except you forgot my pajamas," he replies.
"No I didn't," she says. "I didn't have enough room in your bag so I put them in your tackle box."
Just got a joke after 2 weeks.
Pavlov is sitting down reading a book. All of the sudden the phone rings and he says "f**...,I forgot to feed the dogs .
A farmer has a new handsome assistant
A farmer has a new handsome assistant. One morning they want to go out into the fields to work. At the garden gate the farmer sees that the roads are muddy and realizes that he forgot his rubber boots (Wellingtons for the Brits ;)
He tells his assistant to go get the boots from the house. The assistant returns and finds the farmers very pretty wife, along with the equally pretty daughter sitting in the kitchen. He tells them: "The farmer just said it would be alright if I had s**... with you right now!" The women look sceptical, so the assistant opens the window and shouts to the farmer: "Both?"
Farmer: "Of course both of them, what do you think?!"
A man sits at a bar...
...After the third beer he decides to go home. He tries to walk out, but as soon as he is off his chair he falls on the ground. He figures he's probably not drunk enough. He orders another one, tries to go, but again falls on the ground. After two more beers and tries he decides just to crawl home.
The next morning his wife says to him in the bed.
"You were in the bar last night."
"How did you know?"
"The bartender called. You forgot your wheelchair."
I think there are nine vampires coming to my dinner party.
Oh, wait... I forgot to Count Dracula.
A husband was in big trouble...
A husband was in big trouble when he forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife told him "Tomorrow there better be something in the driveway for me that goes zero to 200 in 2 seconds flat."
The next morning the wife found a small package in the driveway. She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.
f**... arrangements for the husband have been set for Saturday.
I knew a website with a lot of zelda stuff
But I forgot the link.
A Bank Robber Forgot His Mask
A bank robber wanted to keep his identity a secret, but he forgot to bring his mask. He told everyone in the bank not to look at him or he would shoot them.
One foolhardy customer sneaked a look, and the bank robber did what he said he would... he shot him. The robber asked the crowd if anyone else had seen his face...
One customer, gazing intently at the ground, said "I think my wife got a glimpse."
Nighttime. You're alone on a small boat at sea, hours away from any land. All you brought with you is a pack of cigarettes. You wanna smoke, but realize you forgot a lighter. What do you do?
You just take out a cigarette, throw it off the boat into the water... thus, making the boat a cigarette lighter.
Chinese Food: $16.72 Gas to Get to Restaurant: $1.94 Getting Home and Realizing They Forgot One of Your Food Containers: Riceless
I didn't sleep so well last night...
So this morning I made my coffee with Red Bull instead of water.
I made it halfway to work before I realized I forgot my car.
What's the most-clicked link on the Alzheimer's support website?
Forgot Your Password?
"24 hours to live!!"
A man receives a phone call from his doctor.
The doctor says, "I have some good news and some bad news."
The man says, "OK, give me the good news first."
The doctor says, "The good news is, you have 24 hours to live."
The man replies, "Oh no! If that's the good news, then what's the bad news?"
The doctor says, "The bad news is, I forgot to call you yesterday."
A Man asks his lover in a restaurant
Man : Honey, what do you love most about me?
Woman : I love your company the most darling!
Man : Wow really? that is so sweet of you my love
Woman : Um, it's still making money right?
*edit :forgot to mention that I remember this joke from Benny Hills show, not my own joke
*edit 2 : Benny Hills not Benn, autocorrect strikes again!
I bought my wife a new puppy for Valentine's Day! She's such a beautiful dog! Unfortunately, I forgot my wife is allergic to dogs... so I have to find her a new home. Can anybody help me out?
She's 5'5", 125lbs, and blonde. Free to good home.
Forgot to bring my protein powder to the gym today
Guess I should've prepared whey in advance
My buddy just lost his job at a cinema that only shows Pixar films...
He forgot to show Up
Doctor Patient
- Doctor: I have bad news and good news. Which one do you want first.
- Patient: Give me the good news
- Doctor: OK, As per this report you have only 1 week to live
- Patient: This is good news ? What is the bad news ?
- Doctor: This report came in 1 week ago but I forgot to call you
This morning I mixed redbull with coffee to help me wake up.
I got about halfway to work before I realized I forgot my car.
A guy forgot to pay his exorcist...
He got repossessed.
Euro 2016
Hi! I've got 2 tickets for the final of Euro 2016 but forgot that it's on the same day as my wedding so I can't go.
If you are interested and want to go instead of me ...
... It's at St. Nicholas' Church, Brighton and she's called Jane.
I forgot my phone when I went to the toilet today.
We have 245 tiles.
Bob forgot his wedding anniversary.
Bob forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was mad. She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE!!!" The next morning when his wife woke up, she looked out the window to find a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway. She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale. Bob has been missing since Friday!
A Husband came home late at night from the office one day and realised he forgot his Wife's birthday...
"How would you feel if you don't see me for next few days?" His wife said
He couldn't believe his luck. He replied at once. "Wowww.....That would be great!''
Monday passed & he didn't see her....
Tuesday he didn't see her...
and Wednesday passed too...
On Thursday the swelling was better as he caught a glimpse of her from the corner of his left eye.
Thor
Thor is riding on the back of his mighty war horse. He shouts "I AM THOR! I AM THOR!" His horse replies: "That's because you forgot your thaddle thilly!"
A teacher was called in by the police for accusations of child m**...
"What is your name sir?"
"Mark Stephens"
"How old are you?"
"37 years old"
"And what do you do for a living?"
"I teach school chilren"
"Come again?"
"I teach school chilren"
"Do you mean children?"
"What?"
"You said chilren, you forgot the D"
"Oh no, I put the D in children later"
60th birthday
Last year my mother should have been celebrating her , but because of drugs, alcohol and many hard years of addition. we all forgot...
A guys asks his grandpa how come he still calls his wife "darling" after being married for over 60 years.
the grandpa says : shush it, I forgot her name 30 years ago.
I totally forgot the Super Bowl was tonight!
Don't worry; so did the ~~Patriots~~ Falcons.
Just asked Siri 'surely the weather is not going to be this miserable again tomorrow?'
Siri replied, 'yes it will be and don't call me Shirley'
Forgot to take my phone off Airplane mode
I asked an old man..
One day I asked an old man, "Even after 95 years, you still call your wife 'Darling', 'Honey', 'Love'. What's your secret?"
The old man replied "I forgot her name 10 years ago and I'm scared to ask her"
Today would've been my mother's 50th birthday... But due to drug use and bad choices
We all forgot about it
I went for a run , but came home back after 2 minutes because I forgot something
I forgot that I was fat and couldn't run for more than 2 minutes.
I forgot to pay the bill for my exorsist
Now I've been re-possessed.
I once mixed Red Bull and coffee
After 20 minutes on highway I noticed that I forgot my car at home
I asked an old man, "Even after 60 years of being married, how can you still call your wife 'Honey', 'Darling' and 'Sweetheart'?"
He replied, "Well I forgot her name 10 years ago and I'm scared to ask her!"
Chinese takeout: 13.99 gas to get there: 3.99
Getting home and realizing they forgot one of your containers: riceless
Yo momma so fat...
The dinosaurs went extinct when she forgot her parachute.
I was trying to remember all the vampires I know.
But I forgot to Count Dracula.
Guy: Doctor my girlfriend is pregnant but I always wear contraception and the rubber never breaks
Doctor: Let me tell you a story, there once was a hunter who always carried a gun with him. But one day he forgot his gun and brought an umbrella with him instead (cause it was raining). Then a lion jumped at him but he shot it with the umbrella
Guy: Nonsense, someone else must have shot the lion!
Doctor: Ahh, so you understood my story. Next!
I realised at the last minute that i forgot my protective goggles at the nuclear test facility this morning. My line manager saved my vision and shielded me from the intense light!
He's my super visor
Potato in bathing suit joke
Boy complains to his father: You told me to put a potato in my swimming trunks! You said it would impress the girls at the pool! But you forgot to mention one thing!
Father: Really, what?
Boy: That the potato should go in the front.
Why did the Dairy Queen get pregnant?
The Burger King forgot to wrap his whopper
Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some m**....
Jack got high and grabbed her thigh and said You know you wanna . Jill said yes, pulled up her dress and then they had some fun. But silly Jill forgot her pill and now they have a son.
Use contraceptives kids.
Last time I went to the Indian restaurant, they forgot to give me bread...
But I didn't complain, since it was a naan-issue.
I burned 2,000 calories today...
I forgot to take the pizza out of the oven.
Chinese takeout: $8. Tip :$2. Getting home
and finding out that they forgot part of your order: riceless.
A simple but funny joke that came from my 100 year old great grandmother last night
She leans in to my mom and says
When is Mother's Day?
My mom thought she was genuinely asking because she forgot, but she then says
Nine months after fathers night
A man is staying in a hotel.
He walks up to the front desk and says, Sorry ma'am, I forgot what room I'm in, can you help me?
The receptionist replies, No problem, sir. This is the lobby.
A man, his wife and his friend just finished diner
"It was absolutely delicious, honey! Thank you so much, princess." says the man to his wife in the kitchen. "Could you please fetch us two beers later, baby?"
His friend says: "It is very cute that you still have nicknames for her after so long time."
The man responds: "Well, I forgot her name like three years ago, so I give her nicknames to cover it up. But seriously don't tell her, amigo!"
