The Best 23 Forgiveness Jokes

This article contains forgiveness jokes that will make you laugh.

Top 10 Funniest Forgiveness Jokes and Puns

When I was a kid I prayed every night for a new bicycle

Then I learned the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and prayed for forgiveness instead

I asked God for a car, but I know God doesn't work that way...

So, I stole a car and asked for forgiveness.

Three men die, and go to the pearly gates...

St. Peter walks up to the firsts, and he says: "You have lived a good life, but you have cheated on your wife many times. Confess here before your friends, and you will be allowed into heaven."
The man says: "I slept with a different woman every week of my ten-year marriage. I beg for forgiveness."
St. Peter forgives him, and gives him a bicycle. He tells him that he must travel for a thousand miles as penance, and think about his sin.
The second man says:"I was married for five years, and I slept with a different woman as a lover each year. I beg for forgiveness."
St. Peter forgives him, and gives him a motorcycle. He tells him that he must travel for a thousand miles as penance, and think about his sin.
The third man says: "I was married for a month, and stayed faithful throughout. Then my wife died, so I committed suicide so I may be with her."
St. Peter tells him: "I know. Follow me." He then leads him to a helicopter, and tells him to enjoy the ride. The man soon enough passes the other two men, who see him land a short distance away. They eventually catch up to him, and see he is crying.
The first two men ask him: "Why are you crying? You have no sins to atone for!"
The third says: "I just saw my wife... She was skateboarding."

I got my kid baptized yesterday

Priest: Β Do you believe in the Holy Spirit and the holy Catholic church?

Me: I do.

Priest: Do you believe in the communion of saints and the forgiveness of sins?

Me: I do.

Priest: Do you believe in the resurrection of the body andΒ life everlasting?

Me: I do

Priest: Do you hereby indemnify and hold harmless the Catholic church for any sexual misconduct to you and your family for ever and ever amen?

Me: I do--- wait! Hold on!

Priest: Too late! You said it!

I told my parents that I lost my virginity.

Which they didn't take well, considering they're Catholics.

They sat me down and said, "You must beg to God for forgiveness."

So I got down on my knees and said, "God, I've done enough kneeling today, please forgive me!"

KKK Pastor

An Alabama pastor said to his congregation, "Someone in this congregation has spread a rumor that I belong to the Ku Klux Klan.
This is a horrible lie and one which a Christian community cannot tolerate. I am embarrassed and do not intend to accept this. Now, I want the party who said this to stand and ask forgiveness from God and this Christian family."

No one moved. The preacher continued, "Do you have the nerve to face me and admit this is a falsehood? Remember, you will be forgiven and in your heart you will feel glory. Now stand and confess your transgression." Again, all was quiet.

Then, slowly, a drop-dead gorgeous blonde with a body that would stop a runaway train rose from the third pew. Her head was bowed and her voice quivered as she spoke, "Reverend there has been a terrible misunderstanding. I never said you were a member of the Ku Klux Klan. I simply told a couple of my friends that you were a wizard under the sheets."

I asked God for a bike...

... but then realized that is not how God works. So I stole some kid's bike and asked God for forgiveness.

Forgiveness joke, I asked God for a bike...

A man was in confession asking for forgiveness at his local church.

Man: Father I have sinned.
Yesterday my wife was leaning against the sofa and she was wearing a short Dress she looked so sexy I couldn't control myself. I went up behind her and spread her legs and started ramming her from behind uncontrollably.
Priest: oh no no they don't like that sort of behaviour is heaven.
Man: No they don't like it in Walmart either.

I was going to pray to god for a bike.

But of course god doesn't work that way so I stole a bike and prayed for forgiveness.

When I was just a little kid, I used to pray for a bicycle. Then as I grew older I learned in Sunday school, that's not how prayer works.

So I stole a bike...and prayed for forgiveness.

Little Johnny

When I was a boy, I prayed, and prayed, for a bike but never got one. Then I realized that God don't work that way. So I stole a bike, then asked for forgiveness.

You can explore forgiveness contrition reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean forgiveness atonement dad jokes. There are also forgiveness puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

I used to pray every night for a bicycle.

Then I realized the Lord doesn't work like that. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

Asked the Priest for forgiveness because I ate a dog today

Asked the Priest for forgiveness because I ate a dog today.
He said I would suffer eternal dalmatian.

Steer clear if you don't like cow puns

Why are cows the most forgiving animals?
Because forgiveness is bovine.
Alternatively: because they're always ready to turn the udder cheek.

Why is it best to hug a cow right after it eats?
Because then it's extra cuddly.

I knew this guy whose favorite thing was to cover a cow's eyes. He just loved to make them low and behold.

You know what makes cow puns so great?
You can always come up with an udder one.

"Forgive me Father, for I have sinned..."

The man professed quite a list of misgivings through the confessional screen.

"Son, have you prayed for forgiveness?"

"Yes, Father?"

"Do you renounce Satan?"

"Hey, that's my wife you're taking about!"

TIL that Tibetan leaders can issue special forgiveness to buxom country music singers

It's known as the Dalai Pardon

Forgiveness joke, TIL that Tibetan leaders can issue special forgiveness to buxom country music singers

What's the difference between snow tires and slaves?

Slaves sing when chains are put on them.

PS - im going to church today to beg for forgiveness

I just wanted a bike!

I asked God to give me a bike, but I know he doesn't work that way. So Instead, I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

If you're mad about people receiving forgiveness, without earning it

I have some terrible news about Jesus

I asked god for a bike but I knew it didn't work that way...

So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness instead.

A husband cheats on his wife with another man and beggs for forgiveness

Wife: I can't believe it, how could you do this?

Husband: I know I'm sorry, I was not thinking straight!

I was once taught that "It's easier to ask for forgiveness than to ask for permission."

I still don't think it was an appropriate lesson for Sex Ed...

As a boy, my father had told me you can't just get a bike by praying for it...

So I stole one and asked for forgiveness instead.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the forgiveness priest puns are supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working forgiveness penance piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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