Forgiveness Jokes
41 forgiveness jokes and hilarious forgiveness puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about forgiveness that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
This article contains forgiveness jokes that will make you laugh.
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Funniest Forgiveness Short Jokes
Short forgiveness jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The forgiveness humour may include short forgive me jokes also.
- When I was a kid I prayed every night for a new bicycle Then I learned the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and prayed for forgiveness instead
- I asked God for money I later found out that God doesn't work that way.
So I robbed a bank, then asked for forgiveness. - Girl: Daddy, I'm sorry I've been a bad girl Priest: For the last time, it's 'forgive me Father, for I have sinned'.
- I asked God for a car, but I know God doesn't work that way... So, I stole a car and asked for forgiveness.
- When I was young, I used to pray to the Lord everyday to give me a bike. But then I realised it doesn't work that way, so I stole a bike and asked him to forgive me.
- Punish me daddy,I've been a naughty girl "For the last time ,Brenda, it's 'Forgive me Father,I've sinned' "
- Bad girl! She: I am sorry daddy, I have been a bad girl
Preist: For the last time! It's "Forgive me father for I have sinned"!! - I let my brother name my twins. He did fine with my daughter, Denise. But my son may never forgive him for naming him Denephew.
- I grew up in a religious household and I used to pray and ask God for a bicycle As I got older I learned that God and praying didn't work this way. So I stole a bicycle and ask God to forgive me
- I asked God for a bike... ... but then realized that is not how God works. So I stole some kid's bike and asked God for forgiveness.
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Forgiveness One Liners
Which forgiveness one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with forgiveness? I can suggest the ones about forgive me father and grace.
- Forgive me father, priest, preacher, reverend, for I have synonymed.
- Forgive me father, pastor, vicar, padre, priest. For I have synonymed.
- Girls are so amazing. They can forgive you. Even if you're innocent.
- Forgive me father, vicar, padre, priest. For I have synonymed.
- When does money fall from the sky? When there is a change in weather
Forgive me - How do cows forgive each other? They turn the udder cheek.
- When you turn pi/2 in 1 Forgive me God for I have sinned.
- What did the triangle say to the preacher? Forgive me father for I have sin().
- Your clothes will never forgive you... You always hang them out to dry.
- Please forget my bad English I keep forgiving correct words
- What did the soldier say to his blanket? "Cover me!"
Forgive me pls - How do you insult a Catholic? Any way you like, they have to forgive you!
- What do you call a very forgiving lawyer? S'aul Good man.
- Forgive me father, padre, minister, reverend, evangelist..... For I have synonyms
- A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.
Happy Forgiveness Jokes for a Lighthearted Night with Friends
What funny jokes about forgiveness you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean mercy jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make forgiveness pranks.
War
A Dutchman in Amsterdam felt that he needed to confess, so he went to his Priest.
Forgive me Father, for I have sinned. During WWII, I hid a Jewish man in my attic.
Well, answered the Priest, That's not a sin.
But I made him pay me 20 gulden for each week he stayed. The Dutchman said.
The Priest replied, I admit that wasn't good, but you did it for a good cause.
The Dutchman exclaimed Oh thank you Father; that eases my mind. Father, I have one more question.
What is it son? ask the priest.
The Dutchman whispered Do I have to tell him the war is over?
Clark Kent was lying in his death bed with his wife Lois Lane beside him.
After some time, Lois said Darling, I have to confess something. Years ago, I had an affair with Superman. It was only one night, but I've regretted it ever since. I hope you can forgive me.
You don't need to worry about that because, Clark said as he took off his glasses, I am Superman! Even if you didn't know it was me, in my eyes you were always faithful.
Oh thank God! said Lois. I can't tell you what a weight that is off my chest.
Glad we cleared that up, said Clark.
So I guess this means you were Batman too.
A woman got a pet parrot, but she was horrified to discover that all it did was say mean things and insult her.
Nothing she did could stop it.
She was especially worried because her whole family was coming over for Thanksgiving.
But when Thanksgiving dinner finally came, the parrot didn't say a word the entire time. After the meal, the Parrot turned to its owner and said, "Please forgive my behavior from before. I was entirely out of line."
"Wow," the woman said, "glad to hear it."
"If I may ask," said the Parrot, "what on Earth
did that turkey say to you?"
A man buys a parrot and brings him home.
But the parrot starts insulting him and gets really n**..., so the man picks up the parrot and tosses him into the freezer to teach him a lesson. He hears the bird squawking for a few minutes, but all of a sudden the parrot is quiet. The man opens the freezer door, the parrot walks out, looks up at him, and says, "I apologize for offending you, and I humbly ask your forgiveness."
The man says, "Well, thank you. I forgive you."
The parrot then says, "If you don't mind my asking, what did the chicken do?"
A visitor to Harvard asks a professor...
A visitor to Harvard asks a professor, "Excuse me, but would you be good enough to tell me where the Harvard Library is at?"
"Sir," came the sneering reply, "at Harvard we do not end a sentence with a preposition."
"Well, in that case, forgive me," said the visitor. "Permit me to rephrase my question. Would you be good enough to tell me where the Harvard Library is at, j**...?"
"Forgive me Father, for I have sinned..."
Me: "I can't stop singing b**... Ladies."
Priest: "How long has it been since your last confession?"
Me: "It's been..."
A 70 year old man goes to confession and says "Forgive me Father for I have sinned. I had s**... with two beautiful, 20 year old women who are not my wife".
The Priest says "I see. How long has it been since your last confession?"
The man says "I've never been to confession, I'm Jewish".
"You're Jewish?" the priest asks, puzzled. "Why are you telling me?"
"I'm telling everyone!"
Irishman in confession
An Irishman goes into the confessional box after years of being away from the Church. There's a fully equipped bar with Guinness on tap. On the other wall is a dazzling array of the finest cigars and chocolates.
Then the priest comes in. "Father, forgive me, for it's been a very long time since I've been to confession, but I must first admit that the confessional box is much more inviting than it used to be."
The priest replies, "Get out. You're on my side."
A man went to confession.
"Forgive me, father", he cried. "During WWII I had someone in hiding in my attic."
"Well, that is not a sin?" Said the priest
"No, I know that," said the man, "but I made him pay rent."
"That is not proper, but your life was at risk, so you are forgiven."
"Thank you, father. But could I ask you another question?"
"Of course, my son."
"Do you think that I should tell him that the war is over?"
A man hasn't been to church for a long while and decides he'd better go to confession before starting to go again. When he enters the confessional box he's amazed to find that it's got a bar lined with finest whiskeys and a huge array of the finest cigars.
As he's looking at this in wonder, the priest comes in.
The man says, Father, forgive me, it's a long time since my last confession. I must say though, that the confessional box is much better than it used to be.
The priest says, Get out,you idiot. You're on my side.
My wife wife had s**... with a younger man yesterday
But I'll forgive her, since it's my birthday!
A man marches to H.R. to complain that his paycheque is $50 short.
He arrives in the H.R. office and slams his paycheque on the desk.
"This is an outrage!"
The rep apologizes for the error, then begins to investigate the issue on her computer. Suddenly, she's smirking.
"Oh, I see. You're coming here to complain that we underpaid you by $50 this week. But you certainly didn't complain when we **over**paid you by $50 last week."
The man points his finger at the woman:
"Listen, one mistake I can forgive. But enough is enough!"
Irish Confession
Murphy goes into the confessional box after years of being away from the Church.
He pulls aside the curtain, enters and sits himself down.
There's a fully equipped bar with crystal glasses, the best vestry wine, Guinness on tap, cigars and liqueur chocolates nearby.
And on the wall a fine photographic display of various women who appear to have misplaced their garments.
He hears a priest come in. Father, forgive I think its been a while since I've been to confession and to be sure I must say that the confessional box is much better than it used to be.
The priest replies, Get out, you idiot. You're on my side!
A man went to confession (again)
"Forgive me, father", he said. "During WWII I had someone in hiding in my attic."
"Well, that is not a sin," said the priest
"No, I know that," said the man, "but I made him pay rent."
"That is not at all proper, but your lives were at risk, so you are forgiven."
"Thank you, father. But may I ask you another question?"
"Of course you can."
"Do you think that I should tell him that the war is over?"
An Irishman goes into the confessional box...
An Irishman goes into the confessional box after years of being away from the Church.
There's a fully equipped bar with Guinness on tap.
On the other wall is a dazzling array of the finest cigars and chocolates.
Then the priest comes in.
"Father, forgive me, for it's been a very long time since I've been to confession, but I must first admit that the confessional box is much more inviting than it used to be."
The priest replies: "Get out. You're on my side."
