Forgiveness Jokes
41 forgiveness jokes and hilarious forgiveness puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about forgiveness that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
This article contains forgiveness jokes that will make you laugh.
Funniest Forgiveness Short Jokes
Short forgiveness jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The forgiveness humour may include short forgive me jokes also.
- When I was a kid I prayed every night for a new bicycle Then I learned the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and prayed for forgiveness instead
- I asked God for money I later found out that God doesn't work that way.
So I robbed a bank, then asked for forgiveness. - Girl: Daddy, I'm sorry I've been a bad girl Priest: For the last time, it's 'forgive me Father, for I have sinned'.
- I let my brother name my twins. He did fine with my daughter, Denise. But my son may never forgive him for naming him Denephew.
- What did the nervous spider say to the audience? "Forgive me guys, but I've got butterflies in my stomach."
- When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bike. Then I realised that The Lord doesn't work that way, so I stole one and asked him to forgive me.
- A woman goes to confession... The priest says to her "For the last time Becky it's forgive me father for I have sinned." "Not punish me daddy I've been a bad girl."
- Little Johnny When I was a boy, I prayed, and prayed, for a bike but never got one. Then I realized that God don't work that way. So I stole a bike, then asked for forgiveness.
- When you enter a public restroom, what do you call the fifth sink in the row? Cinco.
I came up with this last night, while tired. Forgive me. - My wife told me she was coming home at 9pm but came back at 5pm and caught me with another girl Should I forgive her for her lie ?
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Forgiveness One Liners
Which forgiveness one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with forgiveness? I can suggest the ones about forgive me father and grace.
- Forgive me father, priest, preacher, reverend, for I have synonymed.
- Girls are so amazing. They can forgive you. Even if you're innocent.
- When does money fall from the sky? When there is a change in weather
Forgive me - How do cows forgive each other? They turn the udder cheek.
- When you turn pi/2 in 1 Forgive me God for I have sinned.
- What did the triangle say to the preacher? Forgive me father for I have sin().
- Your clothes will never forgive you... You always hang them out to dry.
- Please forget my bad English I keep forgiving correct words
- What did the soldier say to his blanket? "Cover me!"
Forgive me pls - What do you call a very forgiving lawyer? S'aul Good man.
- 3 biggest women lies :) 1. I will not change after marriage.
2. I forgive you. --- - What do you call a toilet seat that's been cut in two? Half-assed.
(please forgive me) - I think we should all forgive Bill Cosby...
- I'm not black. Please forgive me.
- What is better than Thin Mints? Thicc Mints
(Please forgive me)
Happy Forgiveness Jokes for a Lighthearted Night with Friends
What funny jokes about forgiveness you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean mercy jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make forgiveness pranks.
War
A Dutchman in Amsterdam felt that he needed to confess, so he went to his Priest.
Forgive me Father, for I have sinned. During WWII, I hid a Jewish man in my attic.
Well, answered the Priest, That's not a sin.
But I made him pay me 20 gulden for each week he stayed. The Dutchman said.
The Priest replied, I admit that wasn't good, but you did it for a good cause.
The Dutchman exclaimed Oh thank you Father; that eases my mind. Father, I have one more question.
What is it son? ask the priest.
The Dutchman whispered Do I have to tell him the war is over?
Clark Kent was lying in his death bed with his wife Lois Lane beside him.
After some time, Lois said Darling, I have to confess something. Years ago, I had an affair with Superman. It was only one night, but I've regretted it ever since. I hope you can forgive me.
You don't need to worry about that because, Clark said as he took off his glasses, I am Superman! Even if you didn't know it was me, in my eyes you were always faithful.
Oh thank God! said Lois. I can't tell you what a weight that is off my chest.
Glad we cleared that up, said Clark.
So I guess this means you were Batman too.
A woman got a pet parrot, but she was horrified to discover that all it did was say mean things and insult her.
Nothing she did could stop it.
She was especially worried because her whole family was coming over for Thanksgiving.
But when Thanksgiving dinner finally came, the parrot didn't say a word the entire time. After the meal, the Parrot turned to its owner and said, "Please forgive my behavior from before. I was entirely out of line."
"Wow," the woman said, "glad to hear it."
"If I may ask," said the Parrot, "what on Earth
did that turkey say to you?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man buys a parrot and brings him home.
But the parrot starts insulting him and gets really n**..., so the man picks up the parrot and tosses him into the freezer to teach him a lesson. He hears the bird squawking for a few minutes, but all of a sudden the parrot is quiet. The man opens the freezer door, the parrot walks out, looks up at him, and says, "I apologize for offending you, and I humbly ask your forgiveness."
The man says, "Well, thank you. I forgive you."
The parrot then says, "If you don't mind my asking, what did the chicken do?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A visitor to Harvard asks a professor...
A visitor to Harvard asks a professor, "Excuse me, but would you be good enough to tell me where the Harvard Library is at?"
"Sir," came the sneering reply, "at Harvard we do not end a sentence with a preposition."
"Well, in that case, forgive me," said the visitor. "Permit me to rephrase my question. Would you be good enough to tell me where the Harvard Library is at, j**...?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
"Forgive me Father, for I have sinned..."
Me: "I can't stop singing b**... Ladies."
Priest: "How long has it been since your last confession?"
Me: "It's been..."
Irishman in confession
An Irishman goes into the confessional box after years of being away from the Church. There's a fully equipped bar with Guinness on tap. On the other wall is a dazzling array of the finest cigars and chocolates.
Then the priest comes in. "Father, forgive me, for it's been a very long time since I've been to confession, but I must first admit that the confessional box is much more inviting than it used to be."
The priest replies, "Get out. You're on my side."
A man went to confession.
"Forgive me, father", he cried. "During WWII I had someone in hiding in my attic."
"Well, that is not a sin?" Said the priest
"No, I know that," said the man, "but I made him pay rent."
"That is not proper, but your life was at risk, so you are forgiven."
"Thank you, father. But could I ask you another question?"
"Of course, my son."
"Do you think that I should tell him that the war is over?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man hasn't been to church for a long while and decides he'd better go to confession before starting to go again. When he enters the confessional box he's amazed to find that it's got a bar lined with finest whiskeys and a huge array of the finest cigars.
As he's looking at this in wonder, the priest comes in.
The man says, Father, forgive me, it's a long time since my last confession. I must say though, that the confessional box is much better than it used to be.
The priest says, Get out,you idiot. You're on my side.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My wife wife had s**... with a younger man yesterday
But I'll forgive her, since it's my birthday!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Punish me daddy,I've been a naughty girl
"For the last time ,Brenda, it's 'Forgive me Father,I've sinned' "
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man marches to H.R. to complain that his paycheque is $50 short.
He arrives in the H.R. office and slams his paycheque on the desk.
"This is an outrage!"
The rep apologizes for the error, then begins to investigate the issue on her computer. Suddenly, she's smirking.
"Oh, I see. You're coming here to complain that we underpaid you by $50 this week. But you certainly didn't complain when we **over**paid you by $50 last week."
The man points his finger at the woman:
"Listen, one mistake I can forgive. But enough is enough!"
Irish Confession
Murphy goes into the confessional box after years of being away from the Church.
He pulls aside the curtain, enters and sits himself down.
There's a fully equipped bar with crystal glasses, the best vestry wine, Guinness on tap, cigars and liqueur chocolates nearby.
And on the wall a fine photographic display of various women who appear to have misplaced their garments.
He hears a priest come in. Father, forgive I think its been a while since I've been to confession and to be sure I must say that the confessional box is much better than it used to be.
The priest replies, Get out, you idiot. You're on my side!
An Irishman goes into the confessional box...
An Irishman goes into the confessional box after years of being away from the Church.
There's a fully equipped bar with Guinness on tap.
On the other wall is a dazzling array of the finest cigars and chocolates.
Then the priest comes in.
"Father, forgive me, for it's been a very long time since I've been to confession, but I must first admit that the confessional box is much more inviting than it used to be."
The priest replies: "Get out. You're on my side."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I got my kid baptized yesterday
Priest: Do you believe in the Holy Spirit and the holy Catholic church?
Me: I do.
Priest: Do you believe in the communion of saints and the forgiveness of sins?
Me: I do.
Priest: Do you believe in the resurrection of the body and life everlasting?
Me: I do
Priest: Do you hereby indemnify and hold harmless the Catholic church for any s**... misconduct to you and your family for ever and ever amen?
Me: I do--- wait! Hold on!
Priest: Too late! You said it!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Three men die, and go to the pearly gates...
St. Peter walks up to the firsts, and he says: "You have lived a good life, but you have cheated on your wife many times. Confess here before your friends, and you will be allowed into heaven."
The man says: "I slept with a different woman every week of my ten-year marriage. I beg for forgiveness."
St. Peter forgives him, and gives him a bicycle. He tells him that he must travel for a thousand miles as penance, and think about his sin.
The second man says:"I was married for five years, and I slept with a different woman as a lover each year. I beg for forgiveness."
St. Peter forgives him, and gives him a motorcycle. He tells him that he must travel for a thousand miles as penance, and think about his sin.
The third man says: "I was married for a month, and stayed faithful throughout. Then my wife died, so I committed s**... so I may be with her."
St. Peter tells him: "I know. Follow me." He then leads him to a helicopter, and tells him to enjoy the ride. The man soon enough passes the other two men, who see him land a short distance away. They eventually catch up to him, and see he is crying.
The first two men ask him: "Why are you crying? You have no sins to atone for!"
The third says: "I just saw my wife... She was skateboarding."
I told my parents that I lost my virginity.
Which they didn't take well, considering they're Catholics.
They sat me down and said, "You must beg to God for forgiveness."
So I got down on my knees and said, "God, I've done enough kneeling today, please forgive me!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
k**... Pastor
An Alabama pastor said to his congregation, "Someone in this congregation has spread a rumor that I belong to the Ku Klux k**....
This is a horrible lie and one which a Christian community cannot tolerate. I am embarrassed and do not intend to accept this. Now, I want the party who said this to stand and ask forgiveness from God and this Christian family."
No one moved. The preacher continued, "Do you have the nerve to face me and admit this is a falsehood? Remember, you will be forgiven and in your heart you will feel glory. Now stand and confess your transgression." Again, all was quiet.
Then, slowly, a drop-dead gorgeous blonde with a body that would stop a runaway train rose from the third pew. Her head was bowed and her voice quivered as she spoke, "Reverend there has been a terrible misunderstanding. I never said you were a member of the Ku Klux k**.... I simply told a couple of my friends that you were a wizard under the sheets."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two nuns are walking down a dark alley one night.
Two men suddenly jump out of the shadows and start to r**... them. The first nun looks up toward heaven and says, "Forgive them, Father, for they know not what they are doing."
The second nun looks up and says,
"This one does!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A doctor goes to confession...
"Forgive me father for I have sinned."
The priest replies, "Tell me your sins my child."
The doctor says, "I slept with five of my patients. I know it was wrong, not mention unethical. Since it happened, I've barely been able to sleep and I have no appetite. I feel so guilty."
The priest consoles him saying, "You must learn to forgive yourself."
The man replies, "But how can I? How can I return from this sin?"
The priest says, "You're not the first doctor to sleep with a patient and you won't be last."
The man nods in consent while the priest absolves him. As they exit the confessional, the priest looks at the doctor and says, "I hate to ask, but seeing as you're a doctor, do you think that you could take a look at my t**..., it's been sore for days."
The man replies, "I'd love to father, but I'm not that type of doctor. I'm a veterinarian."
