Forgive Me Father Jokes
64 forgive me father jokes and hilarious forgive me father puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about forgive me father that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Forgive Me Father Short Jokes
Short forgive me father jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The forgive me father humour may include short forgive me jokes also.
- Girl: Daddy, I'm sorry I've been a bad girl Priest: For the last time, it's 'forgive me Father, for I have sinned'.
- Punish me daddy,I've been a naughty girl "For the last time ,Brenda, it's 'Forgive me Father,I've sinned' "
- Bad girl! She: I am sorry daddy, I have been a bad girl
Preist: For the last time! It's "Forgive me father for I have sinned"!! - I'm so sorry, daddy, I've been a bad girl Priest: for the love of God, kid, it's "Forgive me father, for I have sinned."
- A woman goes to confession... The priest says to her "For the last time Becky it's forgive me father for I have sinned." "Not punish me daddy I've been a bad girl."
- Two synonymous sentences could have absolutely different meanings. 1. Forgive me father, for I have sinned.
2.Sorry daddy, I've been naughty. - I was working at a coffee shop, and a priest asked if I have any whole milk I said "forgive me father, for I have skim"
- Forgive me father, for I have sinned... ...for I have also cosinned, tangented, cotangented...
- My priest asked me for soy milk this morning.. I said, forgive me father for I have skimmed.
- A man walks into a confessional and farts... Upon hearing the priest start to gag he says, "Forgive me Father, for I have wind."
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Forgive Me Father One Liners
Which forgive me father one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with forgive me father? I can suggest the ones about pardon me sir and padre.
- Forgive me father, priest, preacher, reverend, for I have synonymed.
- Forgive me father, pastor, vicar, padre, priest. For I have synonymed.
- Forgive me father, vicar, padre, priest. For I have synonymed.
- What did the triangle say to the preacher? Forgive me father for I have sin().
- Forgive me father, padre, minister, reverend, evangelist..... For I have synonyms
- What did Sean Connery say at confession? Forgive me father, for I have shinned.
Cheerful Fun Forgive Me Father Jokes for Lovely Laughter
What funny jokes about forgive me father you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean apologize jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make forgive me father pranks.
A super h**... walks into her church and says to the priest, "Forgive me Father, for I have sinned." The priest says, "Tell me dear, what's on your mind?"
"Well Father, I am a s**... addict, and lately I discovered that I like doing it with priests. I had s**... with the one from the church two blocks from here, the one five blocks from here, and also the one from the church nearby."
The priest says, "It's okay, just pray three times a day for one week and it will all be okay." As the girl tries to go out, the priest says, "Oh, and dont forget that I will always be here for you!"
A man went to confession.
"Forgive me, father", he cried. "During WWII I had someone in hiding in my attic."
"Well, that is not a sin?" Said the priest
"No, I know that," said the man, "but I made him pay rent."
"That is not proper, but your life was at risk, so you are forgiven."
"Thank you, father. But could I ask you another question?"
"Of course, my son."
"Do you think that I should tell him that the war is over?"
A priest and a nun are playing golf...
The priest is on the putting green and is an avid golfer. He lines up his shot and swings...and the ball goes far left.
"GOD d**...!" shouted the priest.
The nun, horrified, says "Father, you can't do that, that's offensive". And the priest, looking down, apologizes and asks for her forgiveness.
Once again, he walks up to the ball, lines up his shot, swings, and once again the ball misses the hole. "GOD....d**...!" screamed the priest as he threw his putter on the ground.
"Father!" said the nun, "You are taking the lords name in vain, that is a sin. You are a representative of the church you musn't do that.
And once again the priest says "Sorry. Forgive me".
"Well just try to let it not happen again" said the nun
The priest grabs his putter, lines up his next shot, misses, and screams "GOD d**...!"
The nun cries out "Father! That is enough! You are commiting a sin you are personally offending me, you are taking the lords name in vain. Never do that again"
The priest says "You're right, if I say that again, may the lord strike me dead"
And after a nod of approval from the nun, the priest takes another swing, misses once again, and screams "GOD d**...!"
Just as he says it clouds swell overhead and a powerful bolt of lightening comes down and strikes the nun dead. And the priest heard this big booming voice say....
"OH, GOD d**...!"
Irishman in confession
An Irishman goes into the confessional box after years of being away from the Church. There's a fully equipped bar with Guinness on tap. On the other wall is a dazzling array of the finest cigars and chocolates.
Then the priest comes in. "Father, forgive me, for it's been a very long time since I've been to confession, but I must first admit that the confessional box is much more inviting than it used to be."
The priest replies, "Get out. You're on my side."
A joke a Jewish speaker at my Catholic college told the student body in front of a bunch of nuns
So a man walks into confession and says "Forgive me father, for I have sinned". The priest says "What have you done, my son?"
"I'm 72 and just had s**... with two 25 year olds" he claimed.
"Are you kidding?!" the priest said. "You can't do that. 100 Hail Mary's and run around the church 1000 times. By the way is this your first confession?"
"Yes I've never been to confession before. I'm Jewish."
"If you are Jewish why are you telling me this?" begged the priest.
"I'm telling everybody"
A doctor goes to confession...
"Forgive me father for I have sinned."
The priest replies, "Tell me your sins my child."
The doctor says, "I slept with five of my patients. I know it was wrong, not mention unethical. Since it happened, I've barely been able to sleep and I have no appetite. I feel so guilty."
The priest consoles him saying, "You must learn to forgive yourself."
The man replies, "But how can I? How can I return from this sin?"
The priest says, "You're not the first doctor to sleep with a patient and you won't be last."
The man nods in consent while the priest absolves him. As they exit the confessional, the priest looks at the doctor and says, "I hate to ask, but seeing as you're a doctor, do you think that you could take a look at my t**..., it's been sore for days."
The man replies, "I'd love to father, but I'm not that type of doctor. I'm a veterinarian."
A 90 year old man goes to confession...
... and in the confessional, he says.. "father, I have committed a great sin, I have cheated on my wife of 60 years with a 22 year old woman" The priest thinks for a moment, and replies with, "well then, this is indeed a great sin, you need to pray to the heavenly father for forgiveness. Say 500 hail marys and deposit $100 in the donation box." The man said, but father, I'm Jewish. The priest replies, "well, why are you here telling me this." The man replies, "I just had s**... with a 22 year old, I'm telling everyone I know!"
WAR BOARDER
A man in Amsterdam feels the need to confess, so he goes to his priest.
"Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned. During WWII, I hid a r**... in my attic."
"Well," answers the priest, "that's not a sin."'
"But I made him agree to pay me 20 guilders for every week he stayed."
"I admit that wasn't good, but you did it for a good cause."
"Oh, thank you, Father. That eases my mind. I have one more question."
"What is that, my son?"
"Do I have to tell him the war is over?"
A 90 year old man walks into confession...
He says, "Forgive me Father, I've sinned. I slept with two beautiful, 20 year old women last night outside of wedlock."
The Father says, "Oh my Lord, when was the last time you made confession?"
He says, "I've never made confession before Father, I'm Jewish."
The Father says, "You're Jewish? Well what are you telling *me* for?"
He says, "Well, I'm telling *everybody*."
What did the uncircumcised man say during confession?
Forgive me father fore I have skinned
A mathematician goes to a confession booth...
He says to the priest: 'Father, I have a sin to confess'
The priest says: 'Don't worry, tell me and the lord will see if he can forgive you'
The mathematician says: 'I used the opposite side instead of the adjacent to calculate cos.'
Do you know why George Washington 's father forgive him?
Because Washington still holding the axe
What did the flatulent man say to the preacher during confession?
Forgive me Father, for i have wind.
An old man goes to confession..
An old German man goes to confession one Sunday. He enters the confession, sits down and says "Forgive me Father for I have sinned, and I want to confess". The Priest says "Well my child, what are your sins?". The old man responds "During the war I hid a young Jewish woman from the n**... in return for s**... favours". The Priest, while surprised, says "It was a difficult time, you risked your life to help this woman despite the immoral exchange". "I understand that father" the old man says "But, do you think I should tell her the war is over?".
Courtesy of my Dad!
"Forgive me Father, for I have sinned..."
The man professed quite a list of misgivings through the confessional screen.
"Son, have you prayed for forgiveness?"
"Yes, Father?"
"Do you renounce Satan?"
"Hey, that's my wife you're taking about!"
A 30 year old man is playing the newest Pokémon game when he hears, "you shouldn't be playing that..."
He quickly responded, "Forgive me, Father, but the 90s are over."
An altar boy goes into the confessional and says "Forgive me Father, for I have sinned."
To which the priest replies "No need to be so formal. Just call me Daddy."
As a boy, my father had told me you can't just get a bike by praying for it...
So I stole one and asked for forgiveness instead.
A priest and a man are sitting on a bench.
Man : forgive me father, for i have sinned.
Priest : What have you done my son?
M : Everytime it rains i r**... someone. A month ago it was raining and i r**... my aunt.
P : may god forgive you my son.
M : a week ago it was raining again and i r**... my neighbour.
P : may god forgive you my son.
M : just yesterday i r**... my daughter.
*The priest runs into the church and locks the door.*
M : father, what are you doing?
P : It's starting to rain.
An 85 year old man goes into a confessional...
An 85 year old man goes into a confessional. He said "Forgive me father but I have sinned".
The priest replied: "tell me your sins my son."
"I am committing adultery. I have a 25 year old girl friend. Every morning I tell my wife that I am going to have coffee with my friends, but instead I go to my girl friends house where she gives me a b**... and then we have s**... for an hour."
The Priest said: "adultery is a grave sin. But Mr Cohn, you're Jewish. Why are you telling me?"
Mr. Cohn replied "hey, I'm telling everybody."
What did the Catholic bodybuilder say when he went to confession after falling off a new diet plan?
Forgive me Father, For i have binged
Forgive me, Father, for I am sinning.
I'm jerking off right now, in this confession booth.
To the Bible.
And don't act so surprised, you were the one who told me to come to Jesus!
Two nuns are walking down a dark alley one night.
Two men suddenly jump out of the shadows and start to r**... them. The first nun looks up toward heaven and says, "Forgive them, Father, for they know not what they are doing."
The second nun looks up and says,
"This one does!"
A man was in confession asking for forgiveness at his local church.
Man: Father I have sinned.
Yesterday my wife was leaning against the sofa and she was wearing a short Dress she looked so s**... I couldn't control myself. I went up behind her and spread her legs and started ramming her from behind uncontrollably.
Priest: oh no no they don't like that sort of behaviour is heaven.
Man: No they don't like it in Walmart either.
Father, forgive me, for it has been a long time since I've been to confession,
A man went into a confessional booth and
discovered a fully equipped bar with beer on
tap and a wall stocked with a dazzling array
of the finest Cuban cigars. When the priest
walked into the room the man said, Father,
forgive me, for it has been a long time since
I've been to confession, but I must say the
confessional box is much more inviting than
I remember.
Get out, the priest ordered. You're on
my side.
World War 2
Man: "Forgive me father for I have sinned."
Priest: "What have you done?"
Man: I harbored Jewish people in my basement to keep them safe from the Germans."
Priest: "That's not a sin. That's a good deed."
Man: "But I have been charging them one dollar a night until the war is over."
Priest: "That's perfectly okay."
Man: "I haven't told them the war is over."
What did the nun say at confession after being caught in Vegas.....
Forgive me father I have spinned.
Remember, because of synonyms, "Forgive me Father, for I have sinned"...
...and "Sorry Daddy, I've been naughty" are the same sentence.
About a month ago, a man in Amsterdam felt that he needed to confess.
So he went to his priest, "Forgive me Father, for I have sinned. During WWII I hid a r**... in my attic."
"Well," answered the priest, "that's not a sin."
"But I made him agree to pay me 20 Guilders for every week he stayed."
"I admit that wasn't good, but you did it for a good cause."
"Oh, thank you, Father; that eases my mind. I have one more question..."
"What is that, my son?"
"Do I have to tell him the war is over?
CONFESSIONS OVER TIME
100 Years Ago: "Forgive me, father, for I have sinned."
Today: "Sorry Daddy, I've been a bad boy.
Whichever the year, you still get d**....
An old man goes to confession.
"Forgive me father, for I have sinned. I'm 80 years old and have been happily married to the love of my life for 60 years, but last night i cheated on her. With twins. 21 year old bikini model twins."
The priest asks how long it's been since his last confession.
"I've never been to confession. I'm Jewish."
"Then why are you telling me this?" the priest asks.
The old man replies, "I'm telling EVERYBODY!"
4 Nuns
Four Nuns are standing in line for confession.
Nun 1: Forgive me, father, I have seen a n**... man.
Priest: Go wash your eyes in Holy Water and you will be forgiven.
Nun 2: Forgive me, father, I touched a n**... man.
Priest: Go wash your hands in Holy Water and you will be forgiven.
Nun 4 (speaking to Nun 3): Can I go in front of you?
Nun 3 (responding to Nun 4): Why?
Nun 4: I am not going to gargle the Holy Water after you wash your b**... in it.
Irish Confession
Murphy goes into the confessional box after years of being away from the Church.
He pulls aside the curtain, enters and sits himself down.
There's a fully equipped bar with crystal glasses, the best vestry wine, Guinness on tap, cigars and liqueur chocolates nearby.
And on the wall a fine photographic display of various women who appear to have misplaced their garments.
He hears a priest come in. Father, forgive I think its been a while since I've been to confession and to be sure I must say that the confessional box is much better than it used to be.
The priest replies, Get out, you idiot. You're on my side!
Forgive me Father for I have Sinned
A teenage boy goes to confession. Forgive me Father, for I have sinned. I've had premarital s**....
The priest says My son, who was the young lady? Was it Mary O'Toole?
I won't say her name. I don't want her to get in trouble.
Was it Jane Thompson? Laura Smith?
Father, I'm not saying who it was.
He exits the confessional and his friend asks What'd you get?
Ten Hail Mary's, five Our Father's, and three good leads.
A man goes to church to confess his sins.
"Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned," he tells him
"What is it that you've done, my child?"
"Father, I've had premarital s**... with 6 different beautiful women. One for each day since Monday."
The priest takes a good look at him before replying, "Well, son, say 10 hail Mary's and drink a pint of lime juice."
"Will that absolve my sins, Father?"
"No, but it sure as h**... will wipe that s**... smirk on your face!"
A man hasn't been to church for a long while and decides he'd better go to confession before starting to go again. When he enters the confessional box he's amazed to find that it's got a bar lined with finest whiskeys and a huge array of the finest cigars.
As he's looking at this in wonder, the priest comes in.
The man says, Father, forgive me, it's a long time since my last confession. I must say though, that the confessional box is much better than it used to be.
The priest says, Get out,you idiot. You're on my side.
A man went to confession (again)
"Forgive me, father", he said. "During WWII I had someone in hiding in my attic."
"Well, that is not a sin," said the priest
"No, I know that," said the man, "but I made him pay rent."
"That is not at all proper, but your lives were at risk, so you are forgiven."
"Thank you, father. But may I ask you another question?"
"Of course you can."
"Do you think that I should tell him that the war is over?"
An Irishman goes into the confessional box...
An Irishman goes into the confessional box after years of being away from the Church.
There's a fully equipped bar with Guinness on tap.
On the other wall is a dazzling array of the finest cigars and chocolates.
Then the priest comes in.
"Father, forgive me, for it's been a very long time since I've been to confession, but I must first admit that the confessional box is much more inviting than it used to be."
The priest replies: "Get out. You're on my side."
A young adult named Bob enters a confessional
Bob: Forgive me father, for I have sined.
Priest: It's pronounced 'sinned', but that's unimportant, what have you done?
Bob: I divided the opposite side by the Hypotenuse on a right triangle
"Forgive me Father, for I have sinned..."
Me: "I can't stop singing b**... Ladies."
Priest: "How long has it been since your last confession?"
Me: "It's been..."
A 70 year old man goes to confession and says "Forgive me Father for I have sinned. I had s**... with two beautiful, 20 year old women who are not my wife".
The Priest says "I see. How long has it been since your last confession?"
The man says "I've never been to confession, I'm Jewish".
"You're Jewish?" the priest asks, puzzled. "Why are you telling me?"
"I'm telling everyone!"
Scene (and heard) at the Confessional...
Man: Forgive me father, for I have sinned. I am 67 years old and I am dating a 22 year old.
Priest: Wait! I know that voice! Mr. Singh, is that you?
Man: Yes, father.
Priest: But you're not Catholic. Why are you telling me?
Man: I'm telling everyone.
War
A Dutchman in Amsterdam felt that he needed to confess, so he went to his Priest.
Forgive me Father, for I have sinned. During WWII, I hid a Jewish man in my attic.
Well, answered the Priest, That's not a sin.
But I made him pay me 20 gulden for each week he stayed. The Dutchman said.
The Priest replied, I admit that wasn't good, but you did it for a good cause.
The Dutchman exclaimed Oh thank you Father; that eases my mind. Father, I have one more question.
What is it son? ask the priest.
The Dutchman whispered Do I have to tell him the war is over?
