Forge Jokes

Forget everything you learned in college...

'Forget everything you learned in college. You won't need it working here.'
'But I never went to college.'
'Well then, I'm sorry. You are underqualified to work here.'

I'll never forget the day I met my wife.

We were at a fancy dress party. She was stood there, looking gorgeous and slim, with her fat mate. They'd gone together, dressed as the number ten.
I knew there and then, she was the one.

Those who forget...

Those that forget the pasta are doomed to reheat it.

Don't forget capital letters...

In the world of high-tech gadgetry, more and more people who send text messages and emails have forgotten the art of capital letters.
For those of you who fall into this category, please take note of the following statement:
"Capitalization is the difference between helping your Uncle j**... a horse, and helping your uncle j**... a horse."

I'll never forget what my grandmother said to me right before she passed away.

She said to me *"What are you doing?!?"*

I'll never forget

I'll never forget what my grandfather said to me right before he kicked the bucket.
"Hey, how far do you think I can kick this bucket?"

I will never forget what my grandad said just before he kicked the bucket.

He looked me dead in the eye and said. "Wanna see how far I can kick this bucket?"

I'll never forget the words of my late Grandfather...

"Sorry I'm late."

I'll never forget my Grandfather's last words to me...

"no the top one is your iphone charger, the bottom one is my life support." or something like that.

I'll never forget my little girl's first words...

"Where are my parents?"

I'll never forget the day I met you...

...but I'm trying.

Don't forget to use social media to say Happy fathers day to your father who doesn't use social media and won't see it

Never forget.

Never forget that Americans can't even get the date the right way around.
Sincerely the rest of the world on 9/11.

I'll never forget my Granddad's last words before he kicked the bucket.

'How far do you reckon I can kick this bucket?'

I'll never forget the first time I had s**...

That's because I kept the receipt!

I'll never forget my wife's last words

Is that a gun in your pocket or are you just pleased to see me?

I'll never forget my grandfather's dying words...

"AAAAHHHH!"

I'll never forget my grandfathers last words to me before he kicked the bucket. He looked me in the eyes and said,

"Son, how far do you think I can kick this bucket?"

I'll never forget the last thing my mother said to me before she died

"Put down that hammer Jimmy!"

An old blacksmith ...

... realised that soon he would not be able to work so hard. He picked out a strong young man to become his apprentice. The old fellow was crabby and exacting. "Don't ask me a lot of questions," he told the boy. "Just do whatever I tell you to do." One day the old blacksmith took an iron out of the forge and laid it on the anvil. "Get the hammer over there," he said. "When I nod my head, hit it real good and hard."
Now the town is looking for a new blacksmith.

"I'm not a fool..."

An illiterate man loses his cheque book, so he goes to the bank 2 days later to report it.
Bank manager: I warned you to be careful with your cheque book, because anyone can forge your signature.
Man: I am not a fool... I already signed all the cheques, so there is no space to forge my signature..

I'll never forget the Christmas Eve my father went to jail.

It didn't take long before he got violent, abusive, screaming and thrashing around, smearing f**... on the walls...
I'll never play Monopoly with him again.

I will never forget my first time with a woman...

I still have the receipt.

I'll never forget what my father said to me the first time I went to prison

"Hello son"

I'll never forget what my grandpa said right before he kicked the bucket

I wonder how far I can kick this alligator

I'll never forget the moment when NASA accomplished every child's dream

...by blowing up a school teacher.

I'll never forget what my grandad told me before he kicked the bucket

Daniel I'm sick of this bucket

I'll never forget my dad's last words.

"Honey, give me the TV remote."

I'll never forget the day I almost beat sister Mary in the 300K

The feeling was second to nun

I'll never forget what my grandpa said to me just before he died...

"are you still holding the ladder?"

Forget Apple slowing down old iPhones..

God is slowing down old humans!

I will never forget my sons first words he said to me...

Why did you never see me for sixteen years Dad?

I'll never forget my dad's passing.

He was the greatest footballer I knew.

I'll never forget my father's last words to me...

"Tell your mom I'm going to the store, I'll be back in a bit."

I'll never forget my dog's last words

"You've taken too much acid."

How not to forget your girlfriend's birthday gift. Ever.

BF: Babe, look what I have got you! Spotify premium, now you can listen to our favourite love songs, anywhere, anytime, without ads!
GF: Yay! Is it for my birthday this year ?
BF: No, it's for your birthday every year!

A Blacksmith in Ancient Palestine asks his Apprentice, "where are the nails?"

Once in Ancient Palestine a Blacksmith walks into his shop one morning to find his apprentice sharpening blades and kindling the forge. As the Blacksmith searched the shelves he couldn't find the nails. He asked his apprentice, "I've been searching for them all morning. Where are the nails?"
The Apprentice looked up solemnly and replied, "They're in God's hands now."

Never Forget Your Password Again

Set it to "incorrect" so when you type in the wrong password you'll get an automatic reminder:
"Your password is incorrect"

I'll never forget my dad's last words...

He needed a blood transfusion but we didn't know his blood type... he kept telling me to "be positive", but it's really hard without him...

Don't forget, s**... Donor day is June 16th this year.

It's like Father's Day, but it comes a little early.

I'll never forget my girlfriends last words.

"You're that guy who's been following me."

I'll never forget the day I lost my virginity...

...God I miss prison.

two blondes want to forge banknotes

Two blondes want to forge banknotes. They can't decide whether to forge $50 or $100 banknotes - they argue a little and then they settle to a compromise: to forge $60 banknotes. They want to first test it on their blonde neighbour: so one of them goes to the neighbour - after a while she returns, smiling: "Everything went well: I have two $30 banknotes."

I keep forgetting what "Armageddon" means.

Oh well. It's not the end of the world.

forgetful Dad

My wife is so negative.
I remembered the car seat, the stroller, AND the diaper bag.
Yet all she can talk about is how I forgot the baby.

I'll never forget my son's 856th words.

"Dad, you capture irrelevant information."

Never forget that you're someone's reason to smile...

Because you're a joke.

I'll never forget my grandpa's last words...

Are you still holding the ladder?

I'll never forget the last thing my dad said to me before he kicked the bucket:

"Hey son, how far do you think I can kick this bucket?"

I'll never forget my Uncle's last words to me just before he died.

"Are you still holding the ladder?"

I always forget the french word for strawberry

But I eventually remember the fraise

I keep on forgetting what the Roman numerals are for 1, 1000, 51, 6, & 500 are.

I M LIVID

What's the most forgettable thing in the world?

I don't remember.

Sometimes I forget how beautiful the mountains are.

I really take them for granite.

I'll never forget my granddad's last words

Are you holding that ladder properly?

I'll never forget how I met my wife at the zoo

From the moment I saw her I knew she was a keeper

Please forget my bad English

I keep forgiving correct words

TIL of Private First Class, Francis Lipton— an American soldier in the Revolutionary war– who invented a delicious new beverage while fighting at Valley Forge.

It was the first known casual tea of
War.

What do you do when you forget your girlfriend's name?

Take her to Starbucks

Don't forget tonight, just before midnight, to lift your left foot, and don't put it back down until after the clock strikes midnight...

So you can start 2021 on the right foot!

Don't forget to pay your taxes this year....

.....other countries and politicians are depending on you.

I'll never forget my Uncles last words on his death bed

"I am your Father"
Still doing the Star Wars impressions right to the end.

A forger was arrested and thrown in jail for making counterfeit money

Later, a reporter visited his cell for an interview and asked him Why did you make counterfeit money?

The forger thought for a while before he replied, saying Because making real money is impossible.

I'll never forget the last words my uncle said to me before he passed...

"Stop shaking the ladder, you little s**...!"

Never forget, you're unique.

Just like everybody else.

I'll never forget what my dad said to me right before he died.

"ARE YOU STILL HOLDING THE LADDER?"

I'll never forget the last words my Grandfather said to me...

"Stop shaking the ladder you little s**...!"

I'll never forget my son's 89th sentence

Dad, you remember weird stuff

I'll never forget the time I had to do PE in my underwear after forgetting my shorts.

It ended my teaching career there and then.

I'll never forget my granddad's last word to me just before he died

the words where: JIMMY ARE U STILL HOLDING THE LADDERS

I'll never forget my Grandma's final words :

What are you doing in here with that hammer?

I'll never forget my grandpas last words.

Stop shaking the ladder you little s**...!

I'll never forget what my dad said to me before he kicked the bucket

Hey how far do you think I can kick this bucket

I'll never forget when my parents sat me down and told me Santa wasn't real

I was heartbroken...
I'm not sure how I managed to go to work that day!

Was driving through downtown Pigeon Forge and dropped this one…

So Pigeon Forge, Tennessee (US), is a HUGE tourist trap. We're talking zip lines, roller coasters, Ripley's Believe it or Not museum, Ferris wheels, life sized King Kong, etc.
Anywhoo, I was driving the family through this insanity when my wife pointed out a building to the kids and said look at that one with all the giraffes on top! I wonder what that is! Without missing a beat I said, Welcome, to Giraffic Park! And hummed the theme song while navigating through a left hand turn. I was proud and laughed out loud at my own joke. My 7 year old loved it.

I'll never forget what my dad told me right before he died..

"Son, be careful where you're aiming that"

I'll never forget the look on the cashier's face...

when she scanned the packet of bird seed, and I asked her if she knew how long it took for the birds to grow once the seeds have been planted.

I forget the name of it, but my favourite TV show is that one where you've got to try and guess which one is lying and which one is telling the truth. Presented by that Welsh guy.

What's it called again?
Oh yeah, The News.

A forgetful husband

An old couple sit in their living room when the wife starts complaining to her husband. "You are getting more and more forgetful, it's terrible, you never bring me what I asked for." He rejects this claim and says: "This is not true, I'll prove you wrong and bring you some food from the kitchen. What do you want?" The wife asks him for a cheese sandwich and he leaves for the kitchen. After a while he returns with a piece of apple pie. The wife looks at him and says: "See, I was right. You forgot the cream."

I'll never forget that time I took a dump in an elevator.

I took that s**... to a whole new level.

Ill never forget the last thing my grandfather said to me before he died...

Are you still holding the ladder!!!

Don't forget that today is April Fools!

**APRIL FOOLS**!
Am I doing this right?