Forever Jokes

What are some Forever jokes?

A man tells a Rabbi: "I have a strong desire to live to eternity"

"Get married," replies the Rabbi.

"Is that simple? Would that allow me to live forever?"

"Not really, but the desire will disappear."

A blind man walks into a bar

The bartender says "Oh hey! I haven't seen you in forever!" The blind man says "same"

The creator of winrar is arrested

His trial is expected to last forever

Americans always have something to complain about, then suddenly they'll move on. Remember when people were up in arms about cupcakes, bathrooms, statues, police, riots, clean water? So when you think this "Wall" thing will last forever, just remember...

People will eventually get over it.

Thank you, student loans, for helping me get through college.

I am forever in your debt.

A Blonde Tries To Solve A

A blonde has been working on her new puzzle for a couple days now but can't seem to get it right. One day, her husband comes home to his wife crying at the kitchen table. He rushes over and asks his wife why she was crying, and she replies "I've been working on the puzzle forever but can't figure it out! It's supposed to be a tiger." The husband shakes his head and says "honey put the Frosted Flakes back in the box"

Two blondes in a helicopter

Two blondes won a joy ride in a helicopter. As they reached maximum altitude one turned to the other and said "I hope nothing goes wrong, have they got enough fuel?" The other responded "I hope so too, imagine if they ran out, we'd be stuck up here forever!"

Why must 8 always stand up?

If it lies down, it's forever.

I got a strange note in my bag at the Taco Bell drive-thru last night...

The lady seemed very frazzled and the note said "help there are two armed men inside."

I drove off laughing, thinking "well yeah it would take forever to make tacos with one arm"

I think weekends are made in China

They don't last very long, and they take forever to arrive.

My nickname is Snapchat....

My nickname is Snapchat because I only last 5 seconds and then disappear forever.

I should never have given my real email address to Rolex.

Now I'm forever placed on some kind of watch list.

Hands shaking, voice trembling, I faintly rasped, "Mom, I'm in the hospital, but don't worry, I'm fine."

After a silence that seemed to go on forever, she replied, "You have to stop this. You've been a doctor for 3 years now."

I told a poltergeist that I'd give him $10,000 to leave my home forever

But when I didn't pay he came back and repossessed my house

I visited Stockholm

At first the place depressed me and I wanted to leave. Now, I love the place so much and want to stay forever.

I overheard some guy tell his sweet, old grandmother a joke about click-bait at her deathbed. What happened to her as a result will change your life forever!

Nothing. Absolutely nothing happened.

Stop clicking on click-bait!


(note/edit/whatever: I know this joke is a big gamble in terms of possible downvotes, but I just made it up and thought it was too good to not share with at least 1 person that might like it. Happy belated Halloween. I guess I chose trick.).

For the question "Is the glass half empty or half full?" someone was the first person to say the glass is half full. While their name is forever lost, historians, theoligans and philosophers shall refer to them as...

Optimist Prime.

Two sperms swimming

Two sperms swimming through a girls body. After a while one sperm looks at the other and says"we've been swimming forever! How much farther until we hit the ovaries?" The other sperm starts laughing and replies " ovaries?! We're not even halfway down the esophagus yet!"

Dating a blind girl is challenging yet rewarding..

It took me forever to get her husbands voice just right

Have you heard about the curator of the Slavic History exhibit?

He's forever Russian around, Czeching that everything gets Polished

Did you hear about the fractal that was murdered in the street?

It took police forever to draw the chalk outline.

The Pope and Hillary Clinton

The Pope and Hillary Clinton are on the same stage in Yankee Stadium in front of a huge crowd.

The Pope leans towards Hillary and said, "Do you know that with one little wave of my hand I can make every person in the crowd go wild with joy? The joy will not be a momentary display , but will go deep into their hearts and they'll forever speak of this day and rejoice."

Hillary replied, "I seriously doubt that with one little wave of your hand that is possible; show me."

His Holiness then backhanded Hillary and knocked her off the stage! The crowd roared and cheered wildly and there was happiness throughout the land.

Convert today! $5000

Two elderly Jewish men were walking along when they came across a sign "Convert today! $5000." One of the men was interested and said he was going to see what it was all about. His friend had no interest and said he would wait on a bench. After 8 hours finally the man returns from the church.

"What happened that took forever?"

"Well the priest sat me down and explained to me all the things I have been doing wrong in my life. I realized he was right and I have converted."

"Yea yea but what about the $5000?"

"Jesus Christ is that all you people think about?"

My 10-month old

My ten-month-old was sitting in her high chair, twisting and moving all over the place. My wife said to me, Straighten her up.

I looked at my daughter and said, What are you doing with your life? Do you want to be this way forever? It's time to grow up.

My wife hasn't asked me to do anything since.

Two guys are playing golf...

...behind two women, and the women are taking forever.

One of the guys says, "This is getting ridiculous, I'm going to ask if we can play through."

He comes back a minute later, and says, "I can't talk to them, that's my wife and my girlfriend."

So the other guy says he'll see what he can do.

He comes back and says, "Small world."

Hot girl at prom

A teenage boy is getting ready to take his girlfriend to the prom. First he goes to rent a tux, but there's a long tux line at the shop and it takes forever.
Next, he has to get some flowers, so he heads over to the florist and there's a huge flower line there. He waits forever but eventually gets the flowers.
Then he heads out to rent a limo. Unfortunately, there's a large limo line at the rental office, but he's patient and gets the job done.
Finally, the day of the prom comes. The two are dancing happily and his girlfriend is having a great time. When the song is over, she asks him to get her some punch, so he heads over to the punch table and there's no punchline.

An Irishman is walking along and trips over a genie's lamp

An Irishman is walking along and trips over a genie's lamp. The genie pops out and says "I will give you three wishes"

Irishman says "I want to live forever"

Genies nods and says "It is done. You will live forever"

Irishman says "I want a mug of beer that never runs out"

Genie nods and a bottomless beer mug appears in the guy's hand. Genie says "You have one more wish to use"

Irishman says "This is great! Gimme another one of these mugs"

A wealthy man dies and gives his friends $10,000 each

The man wanted his friends, a minister, a United Way executive, and a lawyer, to put the $10,000 into his grave. The man wanted nothing more than to be surrounded by his money forever. At the funeral, each person placed an envelope into the casket.

Later that night, the three started talking. The minister said he needed to confess. He only put $5000 into the grave and gave the rest to the church. The United Way executive said she also needed to admit something. She withheld $8000 for the benefit of several charities. The lawyer couldn't believe the others didn't follow their friend's last wishes, for the lawyer had put in a check for the full $10,000.

What goes on forever with no head?

A loveless marriage.

'So how did the fight with your wife end last night?'

'She came to me on her knees!'



'Oh yeah, and what did she say?'



'Come out, you can't stay under the table forever, coward!'

I found this story amusing.

A teenage boy is getting ready to take his girlfriend to the prom. First he goes to rent a tux, but there's a long tux line at the shop and it takes forever.
Next, he has to get some flowers, so he heads over to the florist and there's a huge flower line there. He waits forever but eventually gets the flowers.
Then he heads out to rent a limo. Unfortunately, there's a large limo line at the rental office, but he's patient and gets the job done.
Finally, the day of the prom comes. The two are dancing happily and his girlfriend is having a great time. When the song is over, she asks him to get her some punch, so he heads over to the punch table and there's no punchline.

A cardiologist died...

..and was given an elaborate funeral. A huge heart, covered in flowers, stood behind the casket during the service.
Following the eulogy, the heart opened and the casket rolled inside. The beautiful heart then closed, sealing the doctor inside, forever.
At that point, one of the mourners burst into laughter. When all eyes stared at him, he said: "I'm sorry. I was just thinking of my own funeral..I'm a gynecologist."
The proctologist fainted.

W E N D Y

A couple just got married and before their honeymoon to Jamaica the young man decided to get his new gals name tattooed on his junk, forever marking it as belonging to her. Normally only the W and Y are visible, but when he gets excited it spells out W E N D Y.

While in Jamaica they decided to visit a nude beach, and while at the beach the young guy couldn't help but spot a local with what he thought was the same tattoo. He walks up to the local and asks, "Hey man, do you also have a girlfriend named Wendy? It seems we have matching tattoos!" The Jamaican replies, " Na mon, mine says 'Welcome to Jamaica mon, have a nice day.'"

How long could a Kardashian survive in the wild?

Forever. Plastic is not biodegradable.

So I told Hitler about 9/11

I told him about the carnage and the aftermath, and how the state of America was changed forever, but he was confused.

So, I told him about the backstory, and how Bin Laden began to plan this in the 90s, but he was still confused.

Then, I told him about the numerous connections and the conspirators who trained to fly the planes.

I saw the look on his face.

"What's the confusion?"

Hitler: "But why no eleven?"

These passengers are sitting on a plane...

These passengers are sitting on a plane when the pilot comes over the speaker and says *"We're sorry ladies and gentlemen, one of our engines has gone out, but not to worry because we can make the rest of the flight on three engines. It will just take an extra hour."*
A little while later, the pilot comes on again and says *"A second engine has gone out but not to worry, we can make it on two engines. It will just add another 2 hours."*
Against all odds, the pilot comes on again and says *"We are sorry, but another engine has gone out. Not to worry though, we can make it on just one engine. It will just add 3 hours to the trip."*
At this point, one passenger turns to another and says
*"If that fourth engine goes out, we'll be up here forever!"*

Two weevils were in a fight...

The loser was forever known as the lesser of two weevils

Bernie Sanders and Hillary Clinton are on the same stage

Bernie Sanders and Hillary Clinton are on the same stage in front of a huge crowd.

Bernie leans towards Hillary and said, "Do you know that with one little wave of my hand, i can make this crowd go absolutely wild with joy? The will not just be a momentary joy, this joy will be huge and they will forever speak of this day as the day that we made America work for everyone!"

Hillary replied, "I seriously doubt that! with one little wave of your hand ... show me!"

So Bernie Sanders backhand slapped her and THE CROWD ROARED & CHEERED WILDLY.

The Pope and Hillary Clinton are standing on the stage in Yankee Stadium in front of a huge crowd...

The Pope leans in toward Hillary and says "Do you know that with one wave of my hand I can make every person in this crowd go wild with joy?" This joy will not be fleeting or momentary, in fact it will go deep into their hearts and they will forever remember this day and rejoice.

Hillary replies "I seriously doubt that! With one wave of your hand?..Show me!"

The Pope then backhands her right off the stage and the crowd goes wild.

An old man is fishing when he hears a voice. Hey guy!

He looks around and sees no one. Hey guy, he hears again. He looks down and all he sees is a frog. Confused, he picks it up. The frog in relief says "thank goodness I've been trapped like this for years!" The old man is astounded, he's holding a talking frog. "Sir, I'm a beautiful princess, if you kiss me I'll change back and we will be together forever." The old man thinks for a while and then starts to put the frog in his pocket. "Wait wait, I'm a beautiful princess I'll make you so happy what are you doing?" "Well at my age, I'd rather have a talking frog."

The Pope and Hilary Clinton were on the same stage at the Yankee Stadium in front of a giant crowd...

The Pope leans towards Hilary and says, "Do you know with one wave of my hand I can make this entire crowd go wild with joy? This joy will not be a momentary display, but will go deep into their hearts and they'll forever speak of this day and rejoice!"

Hilary said, " I seriously doubt that. With one little wave of your hand...show me!"

So the Pope backhanded her off the stage. The crowd roared and cheered wildly and there was happiness through out the land.

My girlfriend said she'd be with me forever if I got a job on a ship.

I'm thinking of mariner.

Prom Date

A teenage boy is getting ready to take his girlfriend to the prom. First he goes to rent a tux, but there's a long tux line at the shop and it takes forever.

Next he has to get some flowers, so he heads over to the florist and there's a huge line there. He waits forever but eventually gets the flowers.

Then he heads out to rent a limo. Unfortunately, there's a large line at the rental office, but he's patient and gets the job done.

Finally, the day of the prom comes. There two are dancing happily and his girlfriend is having a great time.

When the song is over, she asks him to get her some punch, so he heads over to the punch table and ... there's no punchline.

Why is 10 traumatized forever?

Because he was right in the middle of 9-11.

A good catholic joke

The pope and Donald Trump are on the same stage in Yankee Stadium in front of a huge crowd!

The pope leans towards Trump and says "do you know that with one little wave of my hand I can make every person in the crowd go wild with joy?. This joy will not be a momentary display, but will go deep into their hearts and they'll forever speak of this day and rejoice!"

Trump replied "I seriously doubt that! With one little wave of your hand... show me!"

So the Pope backhanded him and knocked him off the stage! AND THE CROWD ROARED AND CHEERED WILDLY and there was happiness throughout the land!

Two atoms bump into each other, and become stuck.

"Oh, no," said the first atom. "We're going to be stuck like this forever!"

"It'll be okay. Try not to be so negative! Think positive for a second."

The first atom thought real hard, and the two flew apart.

What do Harvey Weinstein and Kevin Spacey have in common?

The House of Cards they had built in Hollywoodland has now made them The Usual Suspects in Sin City. This was supposed to be LA Confidential but apparently they couldnt find Consenting Adults. The American Beauty of this is that they will now forever be Inglorious Basterds.

A Canadian, Iraqi and an Israeli

**** A Canadian, Iraqi and an Israeli ****

Three guys, a Canadian, an Iraqi and an Israeli are out walking together one day. They come across a lantern and a Genie pops out of it. "I will give you each one wish, that's three wishes total," says the Genie.
The Canadian says, "I am a farmer, my dad was a farmer, and my son will also farm. I want the land to be forever fertile in Canada."
With a blink of the Genie's eye, 'FOOM' the land in Canada was forever made fertile for farming. Β 

The Iraqi was amazed, so he said, "I want a wall around Iraq, so that no infidels, Chri$tians or Jews, can come into our precious state." Β  Again, with a blink of the Genie's eye, 'POOF' there was a huge wall around Iraq.

Izzy Goldberg, the Israeli asks, "I'm very curious. Please tell me more about this wall." Β The Genie explains, "Well, it's about 150 feet high, 50 feet thick and completely surrounds the country; nothing can get in or out." Β Izzy says, "Fill it up with water"

I'm going to live forever,

or die trying.

Why was 6 afraid of 7?

Seven's been worried about six even since he left Afghanistan. Every time 6 closes his eyes, he sees the war and hears the gunshots. He sees the blood, the killing, the death, and soldiers falling. When he looks at seven, he remembers when they were forced to eat their own flesh to not starve in those caves. He sees the war and the flashbacks will come back forever, burned into his soul and mind.

Regal Proceedings

If I was royalty, I would have a kid and call him Artist as a publicity stunt, before conceding to the pressure of public outcry, and renaming him something more regal.

So he may forever become known as The Prince Formerly Known As Artist.

Original joke. Hey! I tried.

I got this friend, he and I can't agree on anything. It's a constant battle.
We go on a trip together every year and this year, after much debate, we decided to take a trip to Las Vegas.
So, we're enjoying our first night in Vegas, we're both a little drunk and my buddy says, "Hey, let's get a hooker." I'm pretty drunk too, so I agree.
We go to a brothel and of course it takes us forever to agree on a girl, but we finally do. A nice young girl named Paige.
So, we go to the room, we all get undressed and start going at it. My buddy and I are both pounding away, I finally catch his eye and I say, "Hey! I'm glad to see we're finally on the same Paige!"

A marine biologist developed a race of genetically engineered dolphins...

...that
could live forever if they were fed a steady diet of seagulls. One day, his
supply of the birds ran out so he had to go out and trap some more. On the way
back, he spied two lions asleep on the road. Afraid to wake them, he gingerly
stepped over them. Immediately, he was arrested and charged with transporting
gulls across sedate lions for immortal porpoises.

A joke about pi?

Nah this joke just goes on forever
-------------------

This one time, people completely overused a word and ruined it forever.

It was epic.

The genie

Three guys, a Canadian, Osama Bin Laden and Uncle Sam are out walking together one day. They come across a lantern and a Genie pops out of it. "I will give each of you one wish, that's three wishes total," says the Genie. The Canadian says, "I am a farmer, my dad was a farmer, and my son will also farm. I want the land to be forever fertile in Canada." With a blink of the Genie's eye, 'POOF' the land in Canada was forever made fertile for farming.

Osama Bin Laden was amazed, so he said, "I want a wall around Afghanistan, so that no infidels, Jews or Americans can come into our precious state." Again, with a blink of the Genie's eye, 'POOF' there was a huge wall around Afghanistan.

"Uncle Sam" (a former civil engineer), asks, "I'm very curious. Please tell me more about this wall." The Genie explains, "Well, it's about 15,000 feet high, 500 feet thick and completely surrounds the country; nothing can get in or out -- virtually impenetrable."

Uncle Sam then said, "Fill it with water"

My girlfriend and I got in a fight the other day...

After a minute, she said "This is the last straw" and left.

I panicked. I called and texted wondering where she was.

After what felt like an eternity, she comes walking in the front door with groceries. Confused, I said, "I thought you were gone forever? I thought you were done with me."

She said "No honey...I told you...we ran out of straws..."

but wheres the punch line?

A teenage boy is getting ready to take his girlfriend to the prom. First he goes to rent a tux, but there's a long tux line at the shop and it takes forever.
Next, he has to get some flowers, so he heads over to the florist and there's a huge flower line there. He waits forever but eventually gets the flowers.
Then he heads out to rent a limo. Unfortunately, there's a large limo line at the rental office, but he's patient and gets the job done.
Finally, the day of the prom comes. The two are dancing happily and his girlfriend is having a great time. When the song is over, she asks him to get her some punch, so he heads over to the punch table and there's no punchline.

Boy: This is the day I've been waiting for.

Boy: This is the day I've been waiting for.


Girl: Will you fight with me?

Boy: I will not.

Girl: Will you stay with me my whole life.

Boy: Of course.

Girl: Will you hit me?

Boy: Never in my life.

Girl: Will you love me forever?

Boy: Yes.

Girl: Sweetheart.


AFTER MARRIAGE
Read dialogue from bottom up.

How can you live forever?

Live for at least 100 years. Statistics show that very few people die over the age of 100.

Y'know, communism is definitely the best system of government.

Nowadays it costs one hundred dollars just to go camping for a night. In the Soviet Union you could go to camp forever, and it was free.

A guy goes to the doctor

Doctor: I'm sorry, but I'm afraid you're going to have to stop masturbating.

Guy: Really, doc?! Like, forever?

Doctor: No, just for a few minutes, so I can examine you.

I plan on living forever.

So far, so good.

Going to the prom.....

A teenage boy is getting ready to take his girlfriend to the prom.

First he goes to rent a tux, but there's a long tux line at the shop and it takes forever.

Next, he has to get some flowers, so he heads over to the florist and there's a huge flower line there. He waits forever but eventually gets the flowers.

Then he heads out to rent a limo. Unfortunately, there's a large limo line at the rental office, but he's patient and gets the job done.

Finally, the day of the prom comes. The two are dancing happily and his girlfriend is having a great time. When the song is over, she asks him to get her some punch, so he heads over to the punch table and there's no punchline.

Warning - Never push the number 8 over;

The ramifications can go on forever

I intend to live forever.

So far, so good.

A woman lying on her death bed wanted all to know she was a virgin....

She asked that her headstone would forever read:
'Born a virgin, lived a virgin and died a virgin'.

When the stonemason was making her headstone, he ran out of space so just carved:
'Returned unopened'.

What tea makes you live forever?

Immortali-tea.

5 Jokes About Pi

1. Divide the circumference of a pumpkin by its diameter and what do you get?
Pumpkin Pi

2. I saw a movie and gave it a 3.1415 out of 5.
It was Life of Pi

3. My friend decided to get a tattoo of the symbol pi on his face.
It was an irrational decision

4. Who was the roundest knight at King Arthur's table?
Sir Cumference . but how did he get that way?
eating too much Pi.

5. I hate all these Pi jokes.
They go on forever.

With that last one I'll show myself the door.

As the navy seals burst into osama bin ladens room in his pakistani compound, his last dying words forever wrung in the ears of the seals...

"It was just a prank bro"

Grandpa said he wanted to be buried with his golf clubs

But this is taking forever and my arms are tired!

This joke is my uncle Pedro's 3rd favourite...

A teenage boy is getting ready to take his girlfriend to the school formal. First he goes to rent a tux, but there's a long tux line at the shop and it takes forever.

Next, he has to get some flowers, so he heads over to the florist and there's a huge flower line there. This also takes forever, but eventually gets the flowers.

Then he heads out to rent a limo. Unfortunately, there's a large limo line at the rental office, but he's patient and eventually gets one.

Finally, it's the day of the school formal. The two are dancing happily and his girlfriend is having a wonderful time. When the song is over, she asks him to get her some punch, so he heads over to the punch table and there's no punchline.

How many Jedi does it take to screw in a hallway lightbulb?

None, because once you start down the dark path forever will it dominate your destiny.

Man, it's gonna take FOREVER to decompress this file

Sigh. *unzips*

A guy is ready to leave for the party but his wife is taking forever. He looks at his watch and yells to the bedroom, We're gonna be late! Are you ready yet?

She yells back, Don't you ever listen? I've told you for an hour I'll be ready in a minute!

Why did the computer programmer get stuck in the shower forever?

Because the instructions on the shampoo bottle said to "1. Lather 2. Rinse 3. Repeat"

I Got Worried After Reading the Statistic on Marriage

50% of them last forever!

Decade: 10 years

Century: 100 years

Millennium: 1000 years

Together forever: 8 months!!!!!!

I emailed Netflix and asked if they had Batman Forever

they said, "No, just till the end of June".

A Bear's Tale

One day, a bear was chasing a rabbit in a forest. As they were running, they found a magical turtle. The turtle said that if they stopped fighting, he would give them 3 wishes each. They both agreed, and the bear said his first wish. "I would like every bear in this forest, except for me, to be a female," stated the bear, as he was forever alone. The rabbit asked for a motorcycle. The bear was confused, and wondered why the rabbit hadn't just asked for unlimited money, so he could buy a motorcycle, but none the less gave the turtle his second wish. "I would like every bear in this country, except for me, to be female," excitedly exclaimed the bear. The rabbit asked for a biking helmet. Once again, the bear was stunned by the rabbit's stupidity, and made his final wish. The bear enthusiactically said,"I would like every bear in the world, excluding me, of course, to be a female." Then came the rabbit's turn for his final wish. The rabbit looked right into the bear's eyes, revved up the engine of his motorcycle he was sitting on, and said, "I wish that all the male bears in the world were gay."

Call your wife beautiful thousands of times and she will not remember, but her an elephant once and she will remember forever. You know why?

Because an elephant never forgets...

How to make Forever jokes?

We have collected gags and puns about Forever to have fun with. Do you want to stand out in a crowd with a good sense of humour joking about Forever? If Yes here are a lot more hilarious lines and funny Forever pick up lines to share with friends.

Joko Jokes