forever Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious forever puns

A man tells a Rabbi: "I have a strong desire to live to eternity"

"Get married," replies the Rabbi.

"Is that simple? Would that allow me to live forever?"

"Not really, but the desire will disappear."

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I met a genie today who said he would grant me one wish.

"I want to live forever," I said.

"Sorry" said the genie, "I'm not allowed to grant wishes like that!"

"Fine," I said, "I want to die after the Republicans get their heads out of their asses!"



"You crafty bastard," said the genie.

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A blind man walks into a bar

The bartender says "Oh hey! I haven't seen you in forever!" The blind man says "same"

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Thank you, student loans, for helping me get through college.

I am forever in your debt.

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A Blonde Tries To Solve A

A blonde has been working on her new puzzle for a couple days now but can't seem to get it right. One day, her husband comes home to his wife crying at the kitchen table. He rushes over and asks his wife why she was crying, and she replies "I've been working on the puzzle forever but can't figure it out! It's supposed to be a tiger." The husband shakes his head and says "honey put the Frosted Flakes back in the box"

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Two blondes in a helicopter

Two blondes won a joy ride in a helicopter. As they reached maximum altitude one turned to the other and said "I hope nothing goes wrong, have they got enough fuel?" The other responded "I hope so too, imagine if they ran out, we'd be stuck up here forever!"

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Why must 8 always stand up?

If it lies down, it's forever.

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I got a strange note in my bag at the Taco Bell drive-thru last night...

The lady seemed very frazzled and the note said "help there are two armed men inside."

I drove off laughing, thinking "well yeah it would take forever to make tacos with one arm"

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What do you call a book club that's been stuck on one series forever?

Church.

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I think weekends are made in China

They don't last very long, and they take forever to arrive.

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My nickname is Snapchat....

My nickname is Snapchat because I only last 5 seconds and then disappear forever.

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I should never have given my real email address to Rolex.

Now I'm forever placed on some kind of watch list.

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Hands shaking, voice trembling, I faintly rasped, "Mom, I'm in the hospital, but don't worry, I'm fine."

After a silence that seemed to go on forever, she replied, "You have to stop this. You've been a doctor for 3 years now."

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Who knew that learning Morse Code would change my life forever?

Last night for example, I couldn't fall asleep because the rain kept telling me to go fuck myself.

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I visited Stockholm

At first the place depressed me and I wanted to leave. Now, I love the place so much and want to stay forever.

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I overheard some guy tell his sweet, old grandmother a joke about click-bait at her deathbed. What happened to her as a result will change your life forever!

Nothing. Absolutely nothing happened.

Stop clicking on click-bait!


(note/edit/whatever: I know this joke is a big gamble in terms of possible downvotes, but I just made it up and thought it was too good to not share with at least 1 person that might like it. Happy belated Halloween. I guess I chose trick.).

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Genie on the beach

A guy is walking along a Florida beach when he comes across a lamp partially buried in the sand. He picks up the lamp and gives it a rub. A genie appears and tells him he has been granted one wish.

The guy thinks for a moment and says, "I want to live forever."

"Sorry," said the genie, "I'm not allowed to grant eternal life."

"OK, then, I want to die after Congress balances the budget and eliminates the debt.

"You crafty little bastard," said the genie.

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A Cleveland Browns fan finds a magical lamp.

The fan rubs the lamp and a genie emerges.

Genie: "I am the all powerful genie and I will grant you one wish!"

Fan: "That's easy, I want to live forever!"

Genie: "That's an impossible wish that I cannot grant."

Fan: "Okay then, I want to live long enough to see the Cleveland Browns win the super bowl."

Genie: "You clever bastard... "

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The Toronto Maple Leaves

So a man is walking along and he finds a lamp. He runs the lamp, a genie pops out an says, "I will grant you one wish."

Man: "I wish I can live forever."

Genie: "I'm sorry but I can't grant that to you. Wish for anything else and it'll be my pleasure to grant it to you."

Man: "Fine. I wish I can live until the Toronto Maple Leafs win the Stanley Cup."

Genie: "You son of a bitch."

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For the question "Is the glass half empty or half full?" someone was the first person to say the glass is half full. While their name is forever lost, historians, theoligans and philosophers shall refer to them as...

Optimist Prime.

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Two sperms swimming

Two sperms swimming through a girls body. After a while one sperm looks at the other and says"we've been swimming forever! How much farther until we hit the ovaries?" The other sperm starts laughing and replies " ovaries?! We're not even halfway down the esophagus yet!"

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Dating a blind girl is challenging yet rewarding..

It took me forever to get her husbands voice just right

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Have you heard about the curator of the Slavic History exhibit?

He's forever Russian around, Czeching that everything gets Polished

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Did you hear about the fractal that was murdered in the street?

It took police forever to draw the chalk outline.

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A couples dies in a car crash on the way to their wedding...

...they both end up in front of God, who welcomes them in Paradise.
- "Hello my children, it's a terrible thing that such a tragedy happened to you, but now you will be in a blissful happiness here, and forever !"
- "Well, the man responds, we would really like to get married anyway...is it possible to do that here ?"
- "Of course son, let me find a priest in this place and we'll get you two married right away !"
So God leaves the place and comes back, three days later, with a priest accompanying him. The marriage takes place, the couple kisses and a wonderful ceremony ensues.

However, two weeks later, the couples goes to see God again.
- "God, this marriage is really not working for us, and we both want a divorce. Can you get us a lawyer ?"
- "Jesus Christ, are you kidding me ? It took me *three days* to find a priest, and now you want me to find *A FUCKING LAWYER* ?"

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The Pope and Hillary Clinton

The Pope and Hillary Clinton are on the same stage in Yankee Stadium in front of a huge crowd.

The Pope leans towards Hillary and said, "Do you know that with one little wave of my hand I can make every person in the crowd go wild with joy? The joy will not be a momentary display , but will go deep into their hearts and they'll forever speak of this day and rejoice."

Hillary replied, "I seriously doubt that with one little wave of your hand that is possible; show me."

His Holiness then backhanded Hillary and knocked her off the stage! The crowd roared and cheered wildly and there was happiness throughout the land.

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Convert today! $5000

Two elderly Jewish men were walking along when they came across a sign "Convert today! $5000." One of the men was interested and said he was going to see what it was all about. His friend had no interest and said he would wait on a bench. After 8 hours finally the man returns from the church.

"What happened that took forever?"

"Well the priest sat me down and explained to me all the things I have been doing wrong in my life. I realized he was right and I have converted."

"Yea yea but what about the $5000?"

"Jesus Christ is that all you people think about?"

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My 10-month old

My ten-month-old was sitting in her high chair, twisting and moving all over the place. My wife said to me, Straighten her up.

I looked at my daughter and said, What are you doing with your life? Do you want to be this way forever? It's time to grow up.

My wife hasn't asked me to do anything since.

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Generic genie/wish joke

A man is walking along a beach when he comes across a lamp partially buried in the sand.
He picks up the lamp and gives it a rub.
As if by magic, a genie appears and grants him one wish.
The man thinks for a moment then says " I want to live forever "
Sorry said the genie " I'm not allowed to grant eternal life." The man thinks for a moment then says " OK then, I want to die after a
Labour Government balances the budget and eliminates the debt."
The Genie shouted " You Crafty Little Bastard."

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The Operation

"Doc," says Steve, "I want to be castrated."

"What on earth for?" asks the doctor in amazement.

"It's something I've been thinking about for a long time and I want to have it done" replies Steve.

"But have you thought it through properly?" asks the doctor, "It's a very serious operation and once it's done, there's no going back. It will change your life forever!"

"I'm aware of that and you're not going to change my mind -- either you book me in to be castrated or I'll simply go to another doctor."

"Well, OK.", says the doctor, "But it's against my better judgment!"

So Steve has his operation, and the next day he is up and walking very slowly, legs apart, down the hospital corridor with his drip stand.

Heading towards him is another patient, who is walking exactly the same way.

"Hi there," says Steve,"It looks as if you've just had the same operation as me."

"Well," said the patient, "I finally decided after 37 years of life that I would like to be circumcised."

Steve stared at him in horror and screamed, "Shit! THAT'S the word!"

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Hot girl at prom

A teenage boy is getting ready to take his girlfriend to the prom. First he goes to rent a tux, but there's a long tux line at the shop and it takes forever.
Next, he has to get some flowers, so he heads over to the florist and there's a huge flower line there. He waits forever but eventually gets the flowers.
Then he heads out to rent a limo. Unfortunately, there's a large limo line at the rental office, but he's patient and gets the job done.
Finally, the day of the prom comes. The two are dancing happily and his girlfriend is having a great time. When the song is over, she asks him to get her some punch, so he heads over to the punch table and there's no punchline.

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An Irishman is walking along and trips over a genie's lamp

An Irishman is walking along and trips over a genie's lamp. The genie pops out and says "I will give you three wishes"

Irishman says "I want to live forever"

Genies nods and says "It is done. You will live forever"

Irishman says "I want a mug of beer that never runs out"

Genie nods and a bottomless beer mug appears in the guy's hand. Genie says "You have one more wish to use"

Irishman says "This is great! Gimme another one of these mugs"

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A wealthy man dies and gives his friends $10,000 each

The man wanted his friends, a minister, a United Way executive, and a lawyer, to put the $10,000 into his grave. The man wanted nothing more than to be surrounded by his money forever. At the funeral, each person placed an envelope into the casket.

Later that night, the three started talking. The minister said he needed to confess. He only put $5000 into the grave and gave the rest to the church. The United Way executive said she also needed to admit something. She withheld $8000 for the benefit of several charities. The lawyer couldn't believe the others didn't follow their friend's last wishes, for the lawyer had put in a check for the full $10,000.

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What goes on forever with no head?

A loveless marriage.

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'So how did the fight with your wife end last night?'

'She came to me on her knees!'



'Oh yeah, and what did she say?'



'Come out, you can't stay under the table forever, coward!'

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What are the most funny Forever jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Forever? Well, here are the best Forever dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Forever pick up lines to share with friends.

Joko Jokes