Forever Jokes
149 forever jokes and hilarious forever puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about forever that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Are you ready for a good laugh? Discover hundreds of funny jokes that will keep you in stitches forever! From forever 21 and forever young to constantly taking forever and never ending, these jokes will make you and your friends laugh for days. Check out our selection of stupid is forever, batman forever and friends forever jokes, so you can keep laughing permanently and stay forever young!
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Funniest Forever Short Jokes
Short forever jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The forever humour may include short eternal jokes also.
- Amber Heard's net worth is $2.5 million and she now has to pay Johnny Depp $15 million... Yeah, she's forever going to be in Depp!
- A blind man walks into a bar The bartender says "Oh hey! I haven't seen you in forever!" The blind man says "same"
- My brother just broke the record by downing 22 Russian jets in Ukraine He'll forever be remembered as the worst mechanic in the Russian Air Force
- A guy dies, goes to the gates of heaven, and starts telling Saint Peter a joke. 8 hours later, Peter finally gets impatient, interrupts him and says, "We don't have forever, Norm."
- I think weekends are made in China They don't last very long, and they take forever to arrive.
- My nickname is Snapchat.... My nickname is snapchat because I only last 5 seconds and then disappear forever.
- I should never have given my real email address to Rolex. Now I'm forever placed on some kind of watch list.
- I told a poltergeist that I'd give him $10,000 to leave my home forever But when I didn't pay he came back and repossessed my house
- I visited Stockholm At first the place depressed me and I wanted to leave. Now, I love the place so much and want to stay forever.
- Sometimes, someone unexpected comes into your life out of nowhere, makes your heart race, and changes you forever. We call those people cops.
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Forever One Liners
Which forever one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with forever? I can suggest the ones about everlasting and lifelong.
- The creator of winrar is arrested His trial is expected to last forever
- Why must 8 always stand up? If it lies down, it's forever.
- Where do college age vampires shop? Forever 21
- What goes on forever with no head? A loveless marriage.
- How long could a Kardashian survive in the wild? Forever. Plastic is not biodegradable.
- Two weevils were in a fight... The loser was forever known as the lesser of two weevils
- I'm going to live forever, or die trying.
- Medusa was the hottest girl ever Just one look and you were hard forever
- I rented Batman Forever from Blockbuster I never returned it
- This one time, people completely overused a word and ruined it forever. It was epic.
- A joke about pi? Nah this joke just goes on forever
------------------- - What is Divorce? It is betting half your stuff you'll love someone forever.
- Why should you never talk to pi? Because it will go on forever.
- I plan on living forever. So far, so good.
- Warning - Never push the number 8 over; The ramifications can go on forever
Taking Forever Jokes
Here is a list of funny taking forever jokes and even better taking forever puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- How many twitter people does it take to change a light bulb Twelve million and one. One to change the lightbulb and twelve million to complain about how that one person ruined light bulbs forever
- How many Jedi does it take to screw in a hallway lightbulb? None, because once you start down the dark path forever will it dominate your destiny.
- Grandpa said he wanted to be buried with his golf clubs But this is taking forever and my arms are tired!
- Man, it's gonna take FOREVER to decompress this file Sigh. *unzips*
- Why did a dad take his son to a burger shop before leaving forever? To get him a bison burger
- 5 yo: Can you count backwards from infinity? Me: Of course I can but it will take forever.
- I have a real problem with rhino poaching. You have to get the pan custom-made and then it takes forever to get the water hot.
- Last night I was driving down an old country road when I hit a pedestrian going 50 mph. It seemed to take forever for help to arrive. That's the last time I use that towing company.
- I think I discovered the secret to immortality. Unfortunately it's going to take forever to test.
- Former Vice President Joe's taking forever to announce running in 2020 I guess he's just Biden his time.
I wonder what his decision dePence on, is he afraid that he will be Chene'd to it?
Friends Forever Jokes
Here is a list of funny friends forever jokes and even better friends forever puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- My friend died today... He wasn't able to speak, but in his dying moments he wanted me to have his EpiPen. I'll cherish it forever.
- I was playing Pig with a friend I was playing Pig with a friend but it was lasting too long so we decided to just play Pi instead. But now the game's been going on forever!!
- Young Forever Nutritionists say people who eat less tend to be younger in appearance. It is true. One of my friends hadn't eaten for 10 days, he's forever 25 years old now.
- I like my women how I like my... Napkins. One. Forever.
- Im not a racist... I have a black friend, Imean... hes mine, forever!
- A man lovingly told his fiancé "I don't have a big house or a yacht like my friend, Harry, but I will love you forever." She replied, "Oh, yeah. I love you too. Now, who's this Harry?!"
- Friends are forever. Until they get in a relationship.
- A wise friend once told me that nothing lasts forever. Nothing except for the time. And diamonds.
Forever Young Jokes
Here is a list of funny forever young jokes and even better forever young puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What would happen if former baseball outfielder Darryl Strawberry was given a youth serum that kept him young and able to play indefinitely? STRAWBERRY FIELDS FOREVER
- A man in 1867 decided to have himself be coated in gold to stay young forever, now he's... Old but gold
- If all my ex's live in Texas, then where are Jared Fogle's ex's? Neverland, where they stay young forever
- At least avicii got his wish To stay forever this young, not afraid to close his eyes
Batman Forever Jokes
Here is a list of funny batman forever jokes and even better batman forever puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- A man enters a Blockbuster and asks I want to rent Batman Forever The clerk replies: I'm sorry but you must return it tomorrow
- I emailed Netflix and asked if they had Batman Forever they said, "No, just till the end of June".
- Went to Blockbuster and asked if I could rent Batman Forever. The best they could do was 3 days.
- I went to blockbusters last night and asked if I could borrow Batman Forever.
The bloke at the counter said, "NO you have to bring it back tomorrow!"
Forever 21 Jokes
Here is a list of funny forever 21 jokes and even better forever 21 puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I courteously opened the door for a woman to come out, but she got really mad Apparently there is some sort of changing-room exemption, and now I'm banned from Forever 21.
- So a clothes designer drank from the Fountain of Youth... Now she's Forever 21.
- Where does Dorian Gray get his clothes? Forever 21.
- What did Fred Weasley wear? Forever 21
- Have you seen the emo girl? She went to a Forever 21 and she hasn't been scene in weeks!
- What do you call a person who was born exactly 84 years ago and died today? Forever 21
Cheeky Forever Jokes to Experience Good Cheer & Frivolity
What funny jokes about forever you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean endless jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make forever pranks.
Regal Proceedings
If I was royalty, I would have a kid and call him Artist as a publicity stunt, before conceding to the pressure of public outcry, and renaming him something more regal.
So he may forever become known as The Prince Formerly Known As Artist.
A marine biologist developed a race of genetically engineered dolphins...
...that
could live forever if they were fed a steady diet of seagulls. One day, his
supply of the birds ran out so he had to go out and trap some more. On the way
back, he spied two lions asleep on the road. Afraid to wake them, he gingerly
stepped over them. Immediately, he was arrested and charged with transporting
gulls across sedate lions for immortal porpoises.
Hot girl at prom
A teenage boy is getting ready to take his girlfriend to the prom. First he goes to rent a tux, but there's a long tux line at the shop and it takes forever.
Next, he has to get some flowers, so he heads over to the florist and there's a huge flower line there. He waits forever but eventually gets the flowers.
Then he heads out to rent a limo. Unfortunately, there's a large limo line at the rental office, but he's patient and gets the job done.
Finally, the day of the prom comes. The two are dancing happily and his girlfriend is having a great time. When the song is over, she asks him to get her some punch, so he heads over to the punch table and there's no punchline.
Two atoms bump into each other, and become stuck.
"Oh, no," said the first atom. "We're going to be stuck like this forever!"
"It'll be okay. Try not to be so negative! Think positive for a second."
The first atom thought real hard, and the two flew apart.
Did you hear about the fractal that was murdered in the street?
It took police forever to draw the chalk outline.
I overheard some guy tell his sweet, old grandmother a joke about click-bait at her deathbed. What happened to her as a result will change your life forever!
Nothing. Absolutely nothing happened.
Stop clicking on click-bait!
(note/edit/whatever: I know this joke is a big gamble in terms of possible downvotes, but I just made it up and thought it was too good to not share with at least 1 person that might like it. Happy belated Halloween. I guess I chose trick.).
I Got Worried After Reading the Statistic on Marriage
50% of them last forever!
The Pope and Hillary Clinton
The Pope and Hillary Clinton are on the same stage in Yankee Stadium in front of a huge crowd.
The Pope leans towards Hillary and said, "Do you know that with one little wave of my hand I can make every person in the crowd go wild with joy? The joy will not be a momentary display , but will go deep into their hearts and they'll forever speak of this day and rejoice."
Hillary replied, "I seriously doubt that with one little wave of your hand that is possible; show me."
His Holiness then backhanded Hillary and knocked her off the stage! The crowd roared and cheered wildly and there was happiness throughout the land.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Convert today! $5000
Two elderly Jewish men were walking along when they came across a sign "Convert today! $5000." One of the men was interested and said he was going to see what it was all about. His friend had no interest and said he would wait on a bench. After 8 hours finally the man returns from the church.
"What happened that took forever?"
"Well the priest sat me down and explained to me all the things I have been doing wrong in my life. I realized he was right and I have converted."
"Yea yea but what about the $5000?"
"Jesus Christ is that all you people think about?"
If James Bond movies were about food...
These could be their titles:
* On Her Majesty's Secret Recipe
* Donuts are Forever
* Octopie
* Moonbaker
* The Spy Who Loved Meat
* License to Grill
* GoldenPie
* Diet Another Day
* All The Food In The World Is Not Enough
* Cashew Chicken Royale
Have you heard about the curator of the Slavic History exhibit?
He's forever Russian around, Czeching that everything gets Polished
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
As the navy seals burst into o**... bin ladens room in his pakistani compound, his last dying words forever wrung in the ears of the seals...
"It was just a prank bro"
What tea makes you live forever?
Immortali-tea.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
So I told h**... about 9/11
I told him about the carnage and the aftermath, and how the state of America was changed forever, but he was confused.
So, I told him about the backstory, and how Bin Laden began to plan this in the 90s, but he was still confused.
Then, I told him about the numerous connections and the conspirators who trained to fly the planes.
I saw the look on his face.
"What's the confusion?"
h**...: "But why no eleven?"
Boy: This is the day I've been waiting for.
Boy: This is the day I've been waiting for.
Girl: Will you fight with me?
Boy: I will not.
Girl: Will you stay with me my whole life.
Boy: Of course.
Girl: Will you hit me?
Boy: Never in my life.
Girl: Will you love me forever?
Boy: Yes.
Girl: Sweetheart.
AFTER MARRIAGE
Read dialogue from bottom up.
My 10-month old
My ten-month-old was sitting in her high chair, twisting and moving all over the place. My wife said to me, Straighten her up.
I looked at my daughter and said, What are you doing with your life? Do you want to be this way forever? It's time to grow up.
My wife hasn't asked me to do anything since.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A woman lying on her death bed wanted all to know she was a v**.......
She asked that her headstone would forever read:
'Born a v**..., lived a v**... and died a v**...'.
When the stonemason was making her headstone, he ran out of space so just carved:
'Returned unopened'.
I got a strange note in my bag at the taco bell drive-thru last night...
The lady seemed very frazzled and the note said "help there are two armed men inside."
I drove off laughing, thinking "well yeah it would take forever to make tacos with one arm"
How can you live forever?
Live for at least 100 years. Statistics show that very few people die over the age of 100.
My girlfriend said she'd be with me forever if I got a job on a ship.
I'm thinking of mariner.
My girlfriend and I got in a fight the other day...
After a minute, she said "This is the last straw" and left.
I panicked. I called and texted wondering where she was.
After what felt like an eternity, she comes walking in the front door with groceries. Confused, I said, "I thought you were gone forever? I thought you were done with me."
She said "No honey...I told you...we ran out of straws..."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do Harvey Weinstein and Kevin Spacey have in common?
The House of Cards they had built in Hollywoodland has now made them The Usual Suspects in Sin City. This was supposed to be LA Confidential but apparently they couldnt find Consenting Adults. The American Beauty of this is that they will now forever be Inglorious b**....
If you drink the perfect amount of scotch every day, you'll live forever...
Every scotch drinker just dies trying to figure out how much that is.
It may only look like 3.14 inches...
But it will feel like it goes in forever.
Happy Pi day!
Two blondes in a helicopter
Two blondes won a joy ride in a helicopter. As they reached maximum altitude one turned to the other and said "I hope nothing goes wrong, have they got enough fuel?" The other responded "I hope so too, imagine if they ran out, we'd be stuck up here forever!"
Y'know, communism is definitely the best system of government.
Nowadays it costs one hundred dollars just to go camping for a night. In the Soviet Union you could go to camp forever, and it was free.
An Irishman is walking along and trips over a genie's lamp
An Irishman is walking along and trips over a genie's lamp. The genie pops out and says "I will give you three wishes"
Irishman says "I want to live forever"
Genies nods and says "It is done. You will live forever"
Irishman says "I want a mug of beer that never runs out"
Genie nods and a bottomless beer mug appears in the guy's hand. Genie says "You have one more wish to use"
Irishman says "This is great! Gimme another one of these mugs"
A guy is ready to leave for the party but his wife is taking forever. He looks at his watch and yells to the bedroom, We're gonna be late! Are you ready yet?
She yells back, Don't you ever listen? I've told you for an hour I'll be ready in a minute!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A wealthy man dies and gives his friends $10,000 each
The man wanted his friends, a minister, a United Way executive, and a lawyer, to put the $10,000 into his grave. The man wanted nothing more than to be surrounded by his money forever. At the f**..., each person placed an envelope into the casket.
Later that night, the three started talking. The minister said he needed to confess. He only put $5000 into the grave and gave the rest to the church. The United Way executive said she also needed to admit something. She withheld $8000 for the benefit of several charities. The lawyer couldn't believe the others didn't follow their friend's last wishes, for the lawyer had put in a check for the full $10,000.
If I were on Death Row, my last meal request would be a clean burger from McDonald's
I'd be kept alive forever.
For the question "Is the glass half empty or half full?" someone was the first person to say the glass is half full. While their name is forever lost, historians, theoligans and philosophers shall refer to them as...
Optimist Prime.
5 Jokes About Pi
1. Divide the circumference of a pumpkin by its diameter and what do you get?
Pumpkin Pi
2. I saw a movie and gave it a 3.1415 out of 5.
It was Life of Pi
3. My friend decided to get a tattoo of the symbol pi on his face.
It was an irrational decision
4. Who was the roundest knight at King Arthur's table?
Sir Cumference . but how did he get that way?
eating too much Pi.
5. I hate all these Pi jokes.
They go on forever.
With that last one I'll show myself the door.
Hands shaking, voice trembling, I faintly rasped, "Mom, I'm in the hospital, but don't worry, I'm fine."
After a silence that seemed to go on forever, she replied, "You have to stop this. You've been a doctor for 3 years now."
A man tells a Rabbi: "I have a strong desire to live to eternity"
"Get married," replies the Rabbi.
"Is that simple? Would that allow me to live forever?"
"Not really, but the desire will disappear."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
'So how did the fight with your wife end last night?'
'She came to me on her knees!'
'Oh yeah, and what did she say?'
'Come out, you can't stay under the table forever, coward!'
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Americans always have something to complain about, then suddenly they'll move on. Remember when people were up in arms about cupcakes, bathrooms, statues, police, riots, clean water? So when you think this "Wall" thing will last forever, just remember...
People will eventually get over it.
Decade: 10 years
Century: 100 years
Millennium: 1000 years
Together forever: 8 months!!!!!!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A big m**... and a little m**... were standing on a bridge, the big m**... fell off
The other was a little more on.
(Sorry if this is a repost, I just remembered my dad telling it forever ago and thought I'd share because it made me chuckle)
A man went to the hospital to visit his mother-in-law, who was in serious condition. On the way back the wife, very worried, asks: "So, honey? How's my mom doing?"
He replies: "She looks great! She is in good health! She will still live for many years! Next week she will be released from the hospital and will come and live with us, forever!"
"Wow that's amazing!" - says the wife - "But this is very strange, dear... yesterday she seemed to be on her deathbed, the doctors said she should have a few days to live!"
"Well, I don't know how she was yesterday" - he replied - "But today when I arrived at the hospital, the doctor told me that we should prepare for the worst"
What do you call a guy who's 19 years old forever?
Constantine
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
For many, figuring out who to give the free Reddit award will be similar to choosing who to lose your virginity to.
For some: it's not a big deal, you'll have fun with it, and it'll be whoever you see in the moment.
For others: you'll overthink it and fumble deciding. Soon the moment will pass and you'll be a v**... forever.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What's the difference between true love and h**...?
h**... is forever.
Jesus is walking through the desert when he comes across and old man crying to himself.
"Why do you cry for Old Man?" Jesus asked.
"I've been searching for my son forever and I'm about to give up hope."
"Well I've been wandering the desert in search of my father for many years, perhaps I've seen your son in my travels. Can you describe him?" Jesus explained.
"He's got nail marks in his hands and feet..."
With that Jesus threw open his arms and embraced the old man. "Father!" he exclaimed.
"Pinocchio!" the old man cried.
Yesterday I broke my hourglass
It took forever to clean up and I was only able to save about half the sand. All in all it was a waste of time.
"Invent a clever line, and forever your name lives on."
*(-Anonymous)*
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A friend asked what's the secret to eternal life?
Saying or doing something s**... on the internet. That s**... will never be forgotten and you'll go down in history forever.
I was the pianist in a piano bar
Customer walks up to me and asks Can you play Strawberry Fields Forever?
No, after a few hours my fingers get tired
I took me forever to learn what Tl;dr meant.
All the explanations were too long; so I didn't read them.
I went to see the doctor.
"I think I'm going to be obese forever," I sighed.
He said, "You shouldn't be so pessimistic."
"I've tried everything!" I told him.
He said, "Yes, that's your problem."
On a scale from 1-10 my pain seems to always be Pi
It may be a low level but it goes on forever
I got a psychic reading that said I was going to die happy.
The next day I went and got a job in customer service so I'd live forever.
A little boy asked Jesus for a new bike.
He prayed every night.
On the first night, he told Jesus "If you get me a new bike, I will never scream or yell again."
On the second night, he told him "If you get me a new bike, I will be nice to my siblings forever."
On the third night, he told him "If you get me a new bike, I'll do anything you want!"
On the fourth night, the little boy was fed up with Jesus not answering his prayers.
He took a statue of Mary, wrapped it in a blanket, and stuffed it in a closet and locked it. He told Jesus, "If you ever want to see your mother again, you better get me a new bike!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A billionaire offered me a million dollars to permanently glue my mouth shut forever.
I can't tell you how happy I am.
Whats longer, forever or eternity?
Eternity. It has 8 letters.
