Experience Instant Grins & Giggles with Playful Forest Jokes
If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to hear it...
...then my i**... logging business is a success.
A professor, a CEO, and a janitor are in a forest when they discover a magic fairy.
The fairy says "I will give you what you most desire if you do someone else's job for a day."
The professor says "I'll be an elementary school teacher. What can be so hard about teaching a bunch of 6-year-olds how to read?" so he is teleported into a classroom. After a few minutes, all the kids' screaming gets to his nerves, so he throws all his supplies and gives up.
The C.E.O says "I'll be a waiter. All you do is carry food back and forth. This'll be a breeze" so he is teleported to a restaurant. After about an hour, all the annoying customers drive him insane, so he smashes his plates on the ground and gives up.
The janitor says "I'll be an artist" so he is transported to an art facility. He glues all the classroom supplies and shattered plates to a canvas, then sells it for a billion dollars. The fairy asks the janitor how he was so clever.
The janitor says "I got a masters degree in art."
I was pretty excited when I heard Logan Paul went into a s**... forest
A little upset to find out he came back
A lumberjack went in to a magic forest to cut a tree
When he got there, he started to swing at a tree when it suddenly shouted, Wait! I'm a talking tree!
The lumberjack laughed and said, And you will dialogue.
Bad News
Deep within a forest, a little turtle began to climb a tree. After hours of effort, he reached the top, jumped into the air waving his front legs and crashed to the ground. After recovering, he slowly climbed the tree again, jumped, and fell to the ground. The turtle tried again and again, while a couple of birds sitting on a branch watched his sad efforts. Finally, the female bird turned to her mate. "Dear," she chirped, "I think it's time to tell him he's adopted."
It's unwise to cut down a forest on your own.
It usually takes tree fellers or more.
A sloth named Herman is walking through the forest one day.
A gang of snails approach him and beat him up. Herman is left at the bottom of a tree with several cuts and bruises. Several hours later he gathers up enough strength to go to a local police station. Herman walks into the Sergeant's office.
"What happened to you? the officer asks.
"A gang of snails beat me up," Herman replied.
"Can you describe what they looked like?"
"I don't know," the sloth says. "It all happened so fast."
A young tree, curious about his lineage, asked an older tree, "Am I the son of a beech, or the son of a birch?"
The older tree replied, "I don't know, but your mom was the finest piece of ash in the forest!"
A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are lost in the wilderness...
...and they become very excited when they come across tracks. As they are following the tracks, the three of them take a guess on what animal could have possibly left them.
"Obviously, it must have been a horse," said the Blonde.
"No no no, we're in the forest, it must have been a deer," said the Brunette.
"You're both idiots. Obviously it's a dog!" said the Redhead.
They debated until the train came and hit them.
A priest, a rabbi, and a minister...
Are skinny dipping in the forest one day. Joking and talking philosophy and such. Suddenly they hear a large group of locals walking down the path toward them. To their dismay, they realized that they left their clothes hanging on branches on the other side of the path and would have to run past everyone to get them.
The minister gets out of the water, covers his junk and runs as fast as he can past the oncoming people to get his clothes.
The priest, in turn, gets out of the water, covers his junk and runs as fast as he can past the people to his clothes.
Finally the rabbi gets out of the water, covers his face and runs as fast as they can to his clothes.
As they dress the priest turns to the rabbi and asks,
"Why did you cover your face and not your g**...?"
"Well I don't know about you guys, but in my congregation they know me by my face."
Two boys were walking in the forest...
... and they came across the most beautiful women taking a bath in a hot spring. Upon seeing this, one boy took of running, and the other went after him. When he caught up to the other he asked "Why did you run off?". To this the other replied "Well, my mom told me that if I ever saw a n**... women I would turn to stone, and I felt something getting hard!"
You can explore forest trees reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean forest forest genie dad jokes. There are also forest puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
So a little boy and a child m**... are walking though a forest in the middle of the night.
The little boy says,"I'm scared."
So the m**... says,"You're scared? I've gotta walk back alone!"
If a hipster falls on the forest, does it make a sound?
Yes...but you've probably never heard it before.
An atheist in the forest...
stumbles upon a bear. The bear rears up to attack and the atheist yells "oh god no!" time stops and he hears the voice of god say "you called for me my son?" the atheist responds "I would ask you to save me, but that would be hypocritical, so instead, can you make the bear a christian?" he hears "I shall do this for you my son". Time resumes and the bear stops, puts his paws together and says "God in the heavens.... thank you for this meal you have provided me with today, amen"
A woman is walking through the woods at night with a serial killer.
She says to her companion, "Man, this forest is really creepy at night. I wish we weren't out here."
He replies, "You think you have it bad? I have to walk home alone!"
A man was hiking in a forest when he sees a big post...
"this is the gaymen forest".. he thinks it's a joke and moves on. As he walks, he sees more and more posts that say "this is the gaymen forest" and that get smaller and smaller. At a certain point, he sees a tiny post, close to the ground. He bends over to read it and sees "It's too late now, buddy! Told ya !"
m**... in Paris
A Frenchman is walking in the Bois de Boulogne forest in Paris when he sees a n**... man having s**... with a woman in the bushes. He approaches, curious, but notices that she is deathly pale and not moving. Alarmed he rushes off to find a policeman.
"Monsieur! Monsieur!" he shouts, when he finds a gendarme. "I found a man r**... a dead woman in the bushes over there."
"Sacre bleu!" shouts the policeman, and rushes off to investigate.
But a few minutes later he returns, smiling wryly, and says, "Non, Monsieur, she is not dead. She is English."
How to anger Lord of the Rings fans?
When you're watching The Two Towers and the ents are marching, shout "RUN, FOREST! RUN!"
How does Luke Skywalker get through the forest?
Ewoks
What's Forest Gump's password?
1forest1
The CIA, MI5, and the KGB have a contest
The CIA, MI5, and the KGB have a contest to see who can find a white rabbit in the forest
The CIA comes in first place, finding the rabbit in fourteen hours. They used contacts, thermal vision, and satellites.
MI5 comes in second place, finding the rabbit in 24 hours using much of the same tactics
The KGB comes in last place. In one hour, they produced a bear, near beaten to death, who said "OK, OK, I admit it, I am a rabbit."
How does a crazy person walk through the forest?
He takes the psychopath.
A clown and a little girl walk through a dark forest.
The girl says, "I'm scared!"
The clown replies, "you think you're scared? I have to walk back alone!"
If Linkin Park plays in a forest, and no one is there to hear it,
in the end, does it even matter?
Two Mafia hitmen are walking through the forest at night when one of them says
"I have to admit, it's pretty scary out here." The other replies, "You think this is bad? I have to walk back alone."
Two hunters are walking in the forest
One hunter says to the other,
"DUCK! THERE's A DEER BEHIND YOU!"
The other hunter, however does not duck, and is subsequently shot.
He falls to the ground, and the shooter immediately calls 9-1-1.
Before the operator can say anything, he screams, "HELP HELP I THINK MY FRIEND IS DEAD!"
The operator says, "Well, first lets make sure he actually dead."
Another gunshot rings through the forest.
The hunter then says, "What should I do now?"
A lumberjack applies for a job...
...the interviewer asks, "so, where have you worked previously?"
The lumberjack replies, "I did a few years in the Sahara Forest."
The interviewer, taken aback, inquires, "the Sahara 'Forest?' Don't you mean the Sahara Desert?"
Lumberjack says, "yeah, that's what they call it now."
When two bears asked a pastor to marry them in the forest, what did he say?
"Hold on, let me get my bear rings."
The CIA, FBI, and the KGB are tasked with finding a rabbit in a forest...
The CIA show up after a few days and release a 6000 word article on the fact that rabbits don't exist.
The FBI show up with a dead rabbit and say in a press release "The rabbit had it coming."
The KGB show up with a bruised and beaten bear. The bear is forced to make a statement "I am a rabbit, my father was a rabbit, and my mother is a rabbit. My whole family are rabbits!" the bear disappears shortly after...
Why do elephants paint their t**... red?
To hide in cherry trees. Ever seen one? No? It works.
What's the loudest sound in the forest?
Giraffes eating cherries.
Two nuns are walking in a forest.
Two nuns are walking in a forest. All of a sudden two maniacs attack them and start s**... abusing them. One of the nuns says :
• Oh god... please forgive them! they don't know what they are doing!
The other nun turns around and says :
• Mine does!
A man is walking through a forest and sees a huge hole
The whole is really deep. It's huge and dark and seems bottomless, so the man decides to see how deep.
He throws in a pebble and listens, but it doesn't make a sound.
He throws in a big stick; still no sound
He throws in a huge tree stump he prised up out of the ground; nothing
Suddenly, a dog comes running by and jumps straight into the hole at alarming speed.
The man stares into the hole, dumbfounded, when another man walks by and asks "have you seen my dog?"
"Yeah" he replies, "he just jumped in this hole"
"That's funny" the other man replies, "I had him tied to a tree stump"
My girlfriend wanted a marriage just like a fairy tale...
I gave her some bread crumbs and left her in the forest.
How do crazy people go through the forest?
They take the pyschopath
What does a mathematicion find in a forest?
A natural log.
A homicidal r**... is holding hands with a little girl.
They are walking through a dense and eerie forest at night. Sounds of owls, wolves and other animals echos around. "This place is really scary sir" says the girl. The man looks around. The sound of wolves send chills down he's spine. He looks at the girl and says: "Yeah. Imagine me that I have to return by myself".
Two toothpicks are walking the forest.
When all of a sudden a hedgehog walks by. The one toothpick says to the other,
"When did this place get a bus?"
What's Forest Gumps password?
1FORREST1
Two toothpicks are hanging out in a forest,
... when all of a sudden they see a hedgehog passing by. So, one of them shrugs and goes like, "Hm, I didn't even know they had public transportation here."
[my gf's fav joke, literal translation from German]
I want to make a f**... home in the forest
I'll call it "Mourning Wood"
Three blondes are walking through the forest when they come across a set of tracks.
The first blonde says, "Hey, look at that, deer tracks!"
The second blonde chimes in and responds, "No, Becky, those are moose tracks!"
The third blonde steps in and says, "You two are both wrong, those are obviously elk tracks!"
The three blondes kept arguing about what animal left the tracks until they were eventually hit by a train.
Why do ducks have big flat feet?
To stomp out forest fires.
Why do elephants have big flat feet?
To stomp out flaming ducks.
I was rated "number 1 most likely to not m**... you in a cabin in a forest" in highschool.
I know, kind of a weird thing to be rated for but you won't find someone who disagrees.
Why did Logan Paul go to the s**... forest?
To kill his career.
I'm gonna dress up as Forest Gump tonight and go to the movies and make a a scene.
Then I will have to apologize for ruining their Black Panther party
A father and a daughter are walking in a dark forest
The daughter says: Dad, I'm scared .
The father replies: Imagine how scared I'll be walking back all by myself
Two hunters are in the woods, suddenly one of them drops to the ground.
The other one quickly decides to phone the emergency services.
"911, what is your emergency?"
"Help me! I'm in the forest and my friend just died!"
"Calm down sir, first, can you make sure he's dead?"
**Bang**
"Okay, what do I do now?"
A lumberjack went to a magic forest to cut a Tree..
Upon arrival to the tree he started swinging at the tree.
"But, I'm a talking tree" said the tree.
"And you will dialogue" replied the lumberjack.
A lumberjack went in to a magic forest to cut down a tree. Upon arrival, he started to swing at the tree, when it shouted, No! Wait! I'm a talking tree!"
The lumberjack grinned, And you will dialogue!"
A lumberjack applies for a job and gets called for an interview. The interviewer asks him, So, what experience do you have? The lumberjack replies, Well, I used to work in the Sahara Forest.
The interviewer is a little taken aback and asks, The Sahara Forest? Don't you mean the Sahara Desert?
The lumberjack says, Yeah, that's what they call it now.
Why don't cats play poker in the forest?
Because there are too many cheetahs
Two hunters were walking through the forest...
all of the sudden, one of them passes out. The other hunter panics and dials 911. The emergency responder says 911, whats your emergency? The hunter replies My friend just passed out and I don't know what to do! I think he might be dead! The emergency responder replies Before you do anything, make sure he is dead. The phone goes silent and then the responder hears a gunshot. The hunter gets back on the phone and says Ok, now what?
A lumber jack went into a forest....
Upon entering he found a tree and began his first swing when the tree suddenly shouted, wait I'm a talking tree
And the lumberjack grinned and said,
And you will dialogue
A lumberjack went into a magic forest to cut a tree. Upon arrival, he started to swing at the tree. It shouted, Wait! I'm a talking tree
The lumberjack smiled, and you will dialogue .
Your Girlfriend Is Pregnant !
Guy: But doctor that can't be right. We use condoms everytime we have s**....
Doctor: Well, the test result would suggest otherwise. Maybe the c**... broke?
Guy: No I'm sure it didn't.
Doctor: Alright then. Let me tell you a story. A guy was wandering in the forest where he encountered a tiger. The tiger looked really ferocious and the guy knew that he was doomed. Cornered, the guy then points his umbrella's tip at the tiger and shouts Bang at the tiger. The tiger died.
Guy: That can't be right. Someone else must have shot the tiger.
Doctor: Exactly.
I want to try translating an Iraqi joke to English and see if it works. A man is sitting in a cafe...
A man is sitting in a cafe when suddenly someone he knows comes running to him in panic shouting "Quick, your wife is cheating on you with your best friend in the forest". The man runs out of the cafe angry and furious to see for himself and returns after a short while and sits back down on his chair. The people in the cafe and the guy that told him are confused and ask what happened. The man says "this son of a b**... was just exaggerating, firstly, it was just a couple of trees he made it out like it was a forest, secondly, best friend he says?! It turns out I don't even know the guy". Thank you
A 20 years old girl returned to her home , looking Happy.
'Mom , look I got 10$ ! ' she exclaimed. Surprised , her mother asked ' honey , you had gone to the forest. how did you get this money ?'
' When I was roaming in the forest, a middle-aged man came to me and said that he would give me 10$ if I would climb a tree. '
Shocked, her mother replied ' Oh no dear , you don't understand . You are wearing a skirt and by climbing the tree, he wanted to see your p**....'
The daughter replied ' Don't worry mom , I am very clever . I knew this and so I removed my p**... before climbing the tree.'
How does a dog camouflage itself in the forest?
It barks.
My 4 yo made this up.
Bear with me
please send a rescue team to the forest now!
A joke I translated from Russian
A pauper is sitting by a road in medieval England. All of a sudden, Robin Hood comes out of the forest, throws a bag of gold at the pauper's feet and says, "I am Robin Hood. I take from the rich and give to the poor."
The pauper tears up, embraces Robin Hood and says, "I am finally rich." Robin Hood then stabs the pauper with his sword,
"I am Robin Hood. I take from the rich and give to the poor."
As a soldier running through the forest you don't need to be concerned about running into an adult tree..
It's the infantree that's deadly!
Little Red Riding Hood walks alone through the dark forest.
Suddenly she hears a rustling behind a thick bush.
She pushes the branches and bushes aside and suddenly the big bad wolf is sitting in front of her.
"Oh, bad wolf. Why do you have such big red eyes?"
"Get out of here. I'm p**...!"
I met a person claiming to be the greatest lumberjack.
I asked "How do you know, you are the greatest"
Well, have you ever heard of the sahara forest ?
I replied you mean the Sahara desert ?
Well I guess they call it that now.
If a tree falls in a forest and no one is there to hear it...
a chihuahua 500 miles away will bark at it.
If a tree falls.....
A tree falls in the forest but doesn't make a sound.
Hunter in camouflage gear: "WHAT THE HECK???!"
Tree: "I mean, AAAAAARGH, I fell!"
A lumberjack goes into a forest to chop down a tree. "Wait," says the tree, "I'm a talking tree."
The lumberjack smiles and says, "And you will dialogue."
Two blondes go hunting in the forest...
As they come across some tracks one says
>Hey look, deer tracks!
One says
>You idiot, these are obviously moose tracks!
Says the other.
>Deer tracks!
>Moose tracks!
They started shoving each other and were shouting so much they never heard the train coming...
A deer enters a bar...
A deer enters a bar and sits by the bartender. "Whatever's on tap, and keep them coming. I lost a patient today."
The bartender brings over a drink and says, "That's really rough. But I've never met a deer that's a medical practitioner. How did that happen?"
The deer replied, "Well I came from a impoverished part of the forest. It was difficult to get food, difficult to get water, and difficult to find shelter. Nothing came with ease, that's for sure."
"And a deer with no ease becomes a dr."
A man walks into a magic forest
A man walks into a magic forest and tries to cut down a talking tree.
"You can't cut me down," the tree complains. "I'm a talking tree!"
The man responds, "You may be a talking tree, but you will dialogue."
Sensei, I've been training for years, and I'm not getting any stronger. What's going on?
Have you seen the flock of cranes fly over the old mountain at sunrise?
Yes.
Have you seen the great lightning storms crack the sky before making way for a rainbow?
Yes.
Have you seen the fabled tiger as it hunts prey in the forest, quicker than the eye can see?
Yes, Sensei.
That's the problem. You keep watching s**... s**... instead of practicing!
MI6, CIA and KGB are competing against each other...
Last competition. The mission is to find a bear in a 10000 sq/km forest
MI6 goes first. Using dogs and 1000 agents they have found a bear in 12 hours.
CIA goes next. Using satellites and heatvisors they found a bear in 6 hours
KGB goes last. Two agents enters a forest and came out of it in 5 minutes. One of them is holding a rabbit by his ears.
Judges- And?
One KGB agent hits a rabbit.
Rabbit - ok ok i confess i'm a bear!!!
Here's a trilogy of jokes
You know why you never see an elephant hiding in a tree?
Because they are good at it.
Why do elephants paint their b**... red?
So they can hide in cherry trees.
What's the loudest sound in the forest?
Giraffes eating cherries
two Mafia hit-men are walking deep into a forest in the middle of the night
Two Mafia hit-men are walking deep into a forest in the middle of the night.
One of them says: "I gotta admit I'm scared out here."
The other replies: "You're scared... I gotta walk back alone!"
A man walks into a magic forest and tries to cut down a talking tree. "You can't cut me down," the tree complains. "I'm a talking tree!"
The man responds, "You may be a talking tree, but you will dialogue."
If a tree falls in a forest and nobody is around to hear it
then my i**... logging business is a success
If a man speaks in the forest and his wife is not there to hear him ....
is he still wrong?
Meatloaf (RIP) owned a private forest. At dawn every day, he would collect the condensation and drink it. I asked him if it tastes good.
He said "dew outta trees ain't bad!"
My boyfriend is like the forest floor
Nuts and leaves
A father picks his son up from school and tells him "Today we're gonna go to the forest and learn some survival."
The son asks "Cool! How long will we be there?"
The father replies: "I don't know, I just gambled the house away."
I was lost in a forest, trying to find my way out using a compass.
After 2 hours, I realized I was going in circles.
After 3 hours, I realized I was using the wrong type of compass...
a farmer walked into a magical forest to cut down a tree.
As he pulled back his axe to take a big swing, it cried out "Wait, I'm a talking tree!" The farmer just grinned and said "yes, and you will dialogue."
Chuck Norris has f**... only once in his life.
It was during a vacation to the Sahara forest.
Do you know why Ducks have big flat feet?
So they can stomp out forest fires.
Do you know why elephants have big flat feet?
So they can stomp out flaming Ducks.
Tree Chopper
A man walks into an enchanted forest and tries to cut down a talking tree. "You can't cut me down," the tree exclaims, "I'm a talking tree!" The man responds, "You may be a talking tree, but you will dialogue."
I was hiking with some friends
on a forest trail one day when we encountered a black bear approaching us. I told everybody, Don't run away from him or approach him. Make yourself look as big as possible
Then the bear rose up on his back legs and said, Don't run away from him or approach him. Make yourself look as big as possible .
Everyone was freaking out and they looked at me like what's going on?
I said, Oh, it's ok, I said it once but that bear's repeating
Two cannibals found a guy lost in the forest and decided to kill and eat him.
They thought that the best way to do it was for one to start at the head and the other to start at the feet and meet in the middle. After awhile, the cannibal at the top said, How's it going down there? The other cannibal said, I'm having a ball! The first cannibal replied, Well slow down, you're eating too fast!
Bear and Rabbit
A bear and a rabbit were taking a dump in the forest, and the bear turned to the rabbit and said, we eat a lot of the same things, I'm curious, does s**... stick to your fur? The rabbit replied, the one good thing about being so fluffy is s**... never sticks to my fur. With that the bear promptly picked up the rabbit and wiped his a**... with him.
An old Russian joke about recruitment
A wolf is going around in the forest talking to animals
Bear, you are to come at 2pm to my lair to be eaten
Yes, wolf
Fox, you are to come at 2pm to my lair to be eaten
Yes, wolf
Hare, you are to come at 2pm to my lair to be eaten
I don't want to
Very well, crossing the hare out
Have you heard the story of the two skunks named In and Out?
They lived in the forest with their mother skunk. And whenever In was in, Out was out. And whenever In was out, Out was in.
One day, when In was out and Out was in, mother skunk said to Out, "Out, I need you to go out and bring In in."
So Out went out and immediately brought In in.
And their mother asked, "My, that was fast! Out, how did you find In so quickly?"
And Out said, "It was easy. Instinct."
(a favorite of mine from when I was young that I recently re-discovered in an old joke book)
Two trees in the forest one day noticed a seedling that was growing between them.
But the trees were so tall, they couldn't tell what kind tree it was.
One day a kindly beaver came by, and the two trees asked the beaver if he could tell them what kind of tree was growing between them.
The beaver started nibbling at the seedling and said, That's no son of a beech. He nibbled a little more and said, That's no son of a birch.
He nibbled a little bit more, and exclaimed, But that's the best piece of ash I've had in a long time!
