Forest Jokes

Humoristic puns and funny pick up lines

If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to hear it...

...then my illegal logging business is a success.

I was pretty excited when I heard Logan Paul went into a suicide forest

A little upset to find out he came back

A lumberjack went in to a magic forest to cut a tree

When he got there, he started to swing at a tree when it suddenly shouted, Wait! I'm a talking tree!

The lumberjack laughed and said, And you will dialogue.

Three blondes are walking through a forest

...when they spot tracks on the ground. The first blonde says: "Look, those are deer tracks."
The second blonde looks at them and says: "No you're wrong, those tracks obviously belong to wolves."
The third blonde thinks for a minute and says: "You're both wrong, these are hog tracks, I'm sure."
They were still arguing when the train hit them.

Why did Logan Paul go to the suicide forest?

To kill his career.

A lumberjack went to a magic forest to cut a Tree..

Upon arrival to the tree he started swinging at the tree.
"But, I'm a talking tree" said the tree.
"And you will dialogue" replied the lumberjack.

Three blondes are walking through the forest when they come across a set of tracks.

The first blonde says, "Hey, look at that, deer tracks!"

The second blonde chimes in and responds, "No, Becky, those are moose tracks!"

The third blonde steps in and says, "You two are both wrong, those are obviously elk tracks!"

The three blondes kept arguing about what animal left the tracks until they were eventually hit by a train.

Two toothpicks are hanging out in a forest,

... when all of a sudden they see a hedgehog passing by. So, one of them shrugs and goes like, "Hm, I didn't even know they had public transportation here."

[my gf's fav joke, literal translation from German]

What's Forest Gump's password?

1forest1

A lumberjack applies for a job...

...the interviewer asks, "so, where have you worked previously?"

The lumberjack replies, "I did a few years in the Sahara Forest."

The interviewer, taken aback, inquires, "the Sahara 'Forest?' Don't you mean the Sahara Desert?"

Lumberjack says, "yeah, that's what they call it now."

If Linkin Park plays in a forest, and no one is there to hear it,

in the end, does it even matter?

I was rated "number 1 most likely to not murder you in a cabin in a forest" in highschool.

I know, kind of a weird thing to be rated for but you won't find someone who disagrees.

Three blondes were walking through a forest...

Three blondes were walking through a forest when they came across a set of tracks. They stopped, bewildered, wondering what animal could have made them. The first blonde says, "I know, those are moose tracks." The second blonde goes, "no, those are bear tracks." The third blonde says, "guys, those are definitely wolf tracks." They were still arguing when the train hit them.

Three blonds are out walking in the Forest when they come across a set of tracks

Those are deer tracks! Said the first.

No! They're antelope tracks! Said the second

Oh no... they are definitely bear tracks! said the third.

They were still arguing when the train hit them.

How to anger Lord of the Rings fans?

When you're watching The Two Towers and the ents are marching, shout "RUN, FOREST! RUN!"

Two hunters are in the woods, suddenly one of them drops to the ground.

The other one quickly decides to phone the emergency services.

"911, what is your emergency?"

"Help me! I'm in the forest and my friend just died!"

"Calm down sir, first, can you make sure he's dead?"





**Bang**



"Okay, what do I do now?"

How does a crazy person walk through the forest?

He takes the psychopath.

The CIA, FBI, and the KGB are tasked with finding a rabbit in a forest...

The CIA show up after a few days and release a 6000 word article on the fact that rabbits don't exist.

The FBI show up with a dead rabbit and say in a press release "The rabbit had it coming."

The KGB show up with a bruised and beaten bear. The bear is forced to make a statement "I am a rabbit, my father was a rabbit, and my mother is a rabbit. My whole family are rabbits!" the bear disappears shortly after...

A lumberjack applies for a job and gets called for an interview. The interviewer asks him, So, what experience do you have? The lumberjack replies, Well, I used to work in the Sahara Forest.

The interviewer is a little taken aback and asks, The Sahara Forest? Don't you mean the Sahara Desert?

The lumberjack says, Yeah, that's what they call it now.

Three blondes are walking in the forest.

So one day, three blondes were walking in the forest. Eventually, they happened upon some unidentified tracks in the ground.

"Hey, look! Deer tracks!" The first blonde said.

"No, they're raccoon tracks!" The second argued.

"You guys are stupid," interjected the third blonde, "these are clearly bear tracks."

They were still arguing when the train hit them.

Two boys were walking in the forest...

... and they came across the most beautiful women taking a bath in a hot spring. Upon seeing this, one boy took of running, and the other went after him. When he caught up to the other he asked "Why did you run off?". To this the other replied "Well, my mom told me that if I ever saw a naked women I would turn to stone, and I felt something getting hard!"

[Blonde Joke] Two blondes are walking in the forest and they come across some tracks. They start arguing about what animal they belong to.

In the middle of their heated argument they got run over by a train.

A sloth named Herman is walking through the forest one day.

A gang of snails approach him and beat him up. Herman is left at the bottom of a tree with several cuts and bruises. Several hours later he gathers up enough strength to go to a local police station. Herman walks into the Sergeant's office.

"What happened to you? the officer asks.
"A gang of snails beat me up," Herman replied.
"Can you describe what they looked like?"

"I don't know," the sloth says. "It all happened so fast."

I'm gonna dress up as Forest Gump tonight and go to the movies and make a a scene.

Then I will have to apologize for ruining their Black Panther party

A father and a daughter are walking in a dark forest

The daughter says: Dad, I'm scared .
The father replies: Imagine how scared I'll be walking back all by myself

My girlfriend wanted a marriage just like a fairy tale...

I gave her some bread crumbs and left her in the forest.

Bad News

Deep within a forest, a little turtle began to climb a tree. After hours of effort, he reached the top, jumped into the air waving his front legs and crashed to the ground. After recovering, he slowly climbed the tree again, jumped, and fell to the ground. The turtle tried again and again, while a couple of birds sitting on a branch watched his sad efforts. Finally, the female bird turned to her mate. "Dear," she chirped, "I think it's time to tell him he's adopted."

It's unwise to cut down a forest on your own.

It usually takes tree fellers or more.

A clown and a little girl walk through a dark forest.

The girl says, "I'm scared!"

The clown replies, "you think you're scared? I have to walk back alone!"

What does a mathematicion find in a forest?

A natural log.

If a hipster falls on the forest, does it make a sound?

Yes...but you've probably never heard it before.

How does Luke Skywalker get through the forest?

Ewoks

A young tree, curious about his lineage, asked an older tree, "Am I the son of a beech, or the son of a birch?"

The older tree replied, "I don't know, but your mom was the finest piece of ash in the forest!"

A lumberjack went in to a magic forest to cut down a tree. Upon arrival, he started to swing at the tree, when it shouted, No! Wait! I'm a talking tree!"

The lumberjack grinned, And you will dialogue!"

Two blondes are walking in the forest..

They stumble upon some tracks
Blonde one says these are deer tracks
Blonde two says no these are raccoon tracks
They argue and argue until they get hit by a train...

Two Mafia hitmen are walking through the forest at night when one of them says

"I have to admit, it's pretty scary out here." The other replies, "You think this is bad? I have to walk back alone."

What's Forest Gumps password?

1FORREST1

Two blondes are walking in a forest..

..when they come across some tracks.

The first blonde suggests they are fox tracks, but her friend thinks they may be bear tracks because of the large size of them, not wanting to be out done by her friend, the first blonde changes her mind and insists that they have to be deer tracks.

The two were still arguing when the train hit them.

A priest, a rabbi, and a minister...

Are skinny dipping in the forest one day. Joking and talking philosophy and such. Suddenly they hear a large group of locals walking down the path toward them. To their dismay, they realized that they left their clothes hanging on branches on the other side of the path and would have to run past everyone to get them.
The minister gets out of the water, covers his junk and runs as fast as he can past the oncoming people to get his clothes.
The priest, in turn, gets out of the water, covers his junk and runs as fast as he can past the people to his clothes.
Finally the rabbi gets out of the water, covers his face and runs as fast as they can to his clothes.
As they dress the priest turns to the rabbi and asks,
"Why did you cover your face and not your genitals?"
"Well I don't know about you guys, but in my congregation they know me by my face."

A professor, a CEO, and a janitor are in a forest when they discover a magic fairy.

The fairy says "I will give you what you most desire if you do someone else's job for a day."

The professor says "I'll be an elementary school teacher. What can be so hard about teaching a bunch of 6-year-olds how to read?" so he is teleported into a classroom. After a few minutes, all the kids' screaming gets to his nerves, so he throws all his supplies and gives up.

The C.E.O says "I'll be a waiter. All you do is carry food back and forth. This'll be a breeze" so he is teleported to a restaurant. After about an hour, all the annoying customers drive him insane, so he smashes his plates on the ground and gives up.

The janitor says "I'll be an artist" so he is transported to an art facility. He glues all the classroom supplies and shattered plates to a canvas, then sells it for a billion dollars. The fairy asks the janitor how he was so clever.

The janitor says "I got a masters degree in art."

Murder in Paris

A Frenchman is walking in the Bois de Boulogne forest in Paris when he sees a naked man having sex with a woman in the bushes. He approaches, curious, but notices that she is deathly pale and not moving. Alarmed he rushes off to find a policeman.

"Monsieur! Monsieur!" he shouts, when he finds a gendarme. "I found a man raping a dead woman in the bushes over there."

"Sacre bleu!" shouts the policeman, and rushes off to investigate.

But a few minutes later he returns, smiling wryly, and says, "Non, Monsieur, she is not dead. She is English."

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are lost in the wilderness...

...and they become very excited when they come across tracks. As they are following the tracks, the three of them take a guess on what animal could have possibly left them.

"Obviously, it must have been a horse," said the Blonde.

"No no no, we're in the forest, it must have been a deer," said the Brunette.

"You're both idiots. Obviously it's a dog!" said the Redhead.

They debated until the train came and hit them.

A man is walking through a forest and sees a huge hole

The whole is really deep. It's huge and dark and seems bottomless, so the man decides to see how deep.

He throws in a pebble and listens, but it doesn't make a sound.

He throws in a big stick; still no sound

He throws in a huge tree stump he prised up out of the ground; nothing


Suddenly, a dog comes running by and jumps straight into the hole at alarming speed.

The man stares into the hole, dumbfounded, when another man walks by and asks "have you seen my dog?"

"Yeah" he replies, "he just jumped in this hole"

"That's funny" the other man replies, "I had him tied to a tree stump"

An atheist in the forest...

stumbles upon a bear. The bear rears up to attack and the atheist yells "oh god no!" time stops and he hears the voice of god say "you called for me my son?" the atheist responds "I would ask you to save me, but that would be hypocritical, so instead, can you make the bear a christian?" he hears "I shall do this for you my son". Time resumes and the bear stops, puts his paws together and says "God in the heavens.... thank you for this meal you have provided me with today, amen"

A rabbi, a Catholic priest, and a Protestant minister are talking in a bar.

They bet each other that they can convert a bear to their religion. At dawn the next day, they meet at the edge of the forest and wish each other luck before setting out. At the end of the day, they meet each other again on three separate stretchers. The priest is all beat up. He has a broken arm and a black eye. "The bear put up a good fight", he says, "but he's coming to church on Sunday to get baptised". The minister is in worse shape than the priest. He has two black eyes, a broken arm, and a broken leg. "It was tough," he says, "but I got the bear to join the church choir, singing baritone." The rabbi is in the worst shape of the three of them. He has two black eyes and all his arms and legs are broken. "In hindsight," he says, "I guess I shouldn't have started with the circumcision."

How do crazy people go through the forest?

They take the pyschopath

I want to make a funeral home in the forest

I'll call it "Mourning Wood"

The Indian Chief thought that it was going to be a bad winter

so he sent all the braves out to collect wood. As he watched them return laden with timber from the forest he suddenly felt that he ought to check his forecast so he phoned the local met office.

"Tell me, is it going to be a bad winter?"

"Yes" said the forecaster " it will be a bad one"

So the Chief told the braves that they didn't have enough wood and sent them back into the forest again. They returned with more wood but once again the Chief had doubts and he called the forecaster to confirm.

"It is going to be a really severe winter" replied the forecaster.

The Chief look at the wood store, decided that more was required and the braves were dispatched back in to forest. The Chief called the forecaster.

"Are you sure it's going to be a really severe winter"

"Look" said the forecaster "its definitely going to be the worst winter on record - the Indians are gathering wood like crazy!""

Because Soviet jokes are on-trend...

The CIA, the FBI and the KGB are competing for the title of the Best Criminal Catcher. They're given a task by the General Secretariat of UN to catch a rabbit in the forest which he'd released. The CIA plants well-trained animal spies throughout the forest, and after 3 months of investigation they conclude the rabbit doesn't exist. The FBI burns down the forest along with the rabbit, and declare that it cannot be helped. When it's KGB's turn, they go into the forest and after 2 hours they come out with a badly beaten bear. The bear is yelling: "OK! OK! I give up! I'm a rabbit! I'm a rabbit!"

A lumber jack went into a forest....

Upon entering he found a tree and began his first swing when the tree suddenly shouted, wait I'm a talking tree
And the lumberjack grinned and said,
And you will dialogue

Profound (And Deep) Jokes

A manager at Goldman Sachs has this to tell.

Once upon a time in a village, a man announced to the villagers that he would buy monkeys for Rs 10. The villagers, seeing that there were many monkeys around, went out to the forest and started catching them.

The man bought thousands at Rs 10 and as supply started to diminish, the villagers stopped their effort.

He further announced that he would now buy at Rs 20. This renewed the efforts of the villagers and they started catching monkeys again.

Soon the supply diminished even further and people started going back to their farms. The offer rate increased to Rs 25 and the supply of monkeys became so little that it was an effort to even see a monkey, let alone catch it!

The man now announced that he would buy monkeys at Rs 50!

However, since he had to go to the city on some business, his assistant would now buy on behalf of him.

In the absence of the man, the assistant told the villagers, "Look at all these monkeys in the big cage that the man has collected. I will sell them to you at Rs 35 and when the man returns from the city, you can sell it to him for Rs 50."

The villagers squeezed up with all their savings and bought all the monkeys.

Then they never saw the man nor his assistant, only monkeys everywhere!

Welcome to 'Goldman Sachs'!

**Continued in the Comments**

Coyote Problem

The Sierra Club and the U.S. Forest Service were presenting an alternative to Wyoming ranchers for controlling the coyote population.

It seems that after years of the ranchers using the tried and true methods of shooting and/or trapping the predators, the tree-huggers had a "more humane" solution.

What they proposed was for the animals to be captured alive; the males would then be castrated and let loose again. Therefore the population would be controlled.

All of the ranchers thought about this amazing idea for a couple of minutes.

Finally, an old boy in the back of the conference room stood up, tipped his hat back and said, "Son, I don't think you understand our problem. Those coyotes ain't fuckin' our sheep - they're eatin' 'em!"

So a little boy and a child molester are walking though a forest in the middle of the night.

The little boy says,"I'm scared."
So the Molester says,"You're scared? I've gotta walk back alone!"

Two hunters are walking in the forest

One hunter says to the other,
"DUCK! THERE's A DEER BEHIND YOU!"
The other hunter, however does not duck, and is subsequently shot.
He falls to the ground, and the shooter immediately calls 9-1-1.
Before the operator can say anything, he screams, "HELP HELP I THINK MY FRIEND IS DEAD!"
The operator says, "Well, first lets make sure he actually dead."
Another gunshot rings through the forest.

The hunter then says, "What should I do now?"

Two men are walking through the forest when they stumble upon a large sinkhole.

Guy says, "Woah! This thing looks deep; how deep down do you think it goes?" The two men search around for a long stick or branch to assess the depth, but find nothing of use. They continue their search and they stumble across an old, rusty anvil; and naturally, they haul the anvil over and toss it into the hole. They wait and wait, but they don't hear anything happen. Suddenly, a donkey comes running full speed ahead and just leaps into the sinkhole. The two men are shocked, "Did you see that donkey!? I've never seen an animal sprint like that!" Minutes later, a farmer comes sprinting into the scene and says, "Guys! Have you seen my donkey? He was just on the farm and completely took off!" One of the men answers back, "He was just here! He came sprinting through the woods and took a leap into this sink hole!" The farmer answers back, "No, that's absolutely impossible. He was tied to an anvil."

A homicidal rapist is holding hands with a little girl.

They are walking through a dense and eerie forest at night. Sounds of owls, wolves and other animals echos around. "This place is really scary sir" says the girl. The man looks around. The sound of wolves send chills down he's spine. He looks at the girl and says: "Yeah. Imagine me that I have to return by myself".

A blonde and her friend lost in the forest

A blonde and her friend are lost in the forest. The friend goes out on the first night and comes back with a deer, killed with a primitive bow and arrow. "Wow!" the blonde exclaims, "How did you do that?!" The friend tried to keep it very simple for the blonde so she could understand. She replied, "I see deer tracks, I follow deer tracks. I see deer, I shoot deer." the blonde nodded in understanding. The next night, the blonde, feeling a thousand times smarter than she was before, volunteered to go hunting. When she returned, however, she was beaten up, scraped and bleeding. "What happened?!" the friend was worried. The blonde replied in a very agitated, upset tone. "I did what you said!" She screamed. "I see train tracks, I follow train tracks, I see train I shoot train!"

Three Woodcutters & The Whorehouse

Three woodcutters were finishing up a hard, four-month stint in the forest. They had not seen or heard anything other than the trees and the sound of their axes that entire time. They packed up, and headed to the nearest town.

After getting sufficiently drunk, they decided to visit the town brothel. Upon entering, the madam became nervous at the sight of the three men because she had only two girls working that night. She thought on her feet, and decided to bed the drunkest looking woodcutter with a blow-up doll.

After all was done they met downstairs to compare notes. The drunkest woodcutter said: "She was okay at first, but a little too quiet. So I bit her nipple, then she let out a huge fart and flew out the window."

How to speak English

A Priest was about to finish his tour of duty, and was leaving his Mission in the jungle where he has spent years teaching the natives when he realizes that the one thing he never taught them was how to speak English.

So he takes the chief for a walk in the forest. He points to a tree and says to the chief, "This is a tree."

The chief looks at the tree and grunts, "Tree."

The Priest is pleased with the response. They walk a little further and he points to a rock and says, "This is a rock."

Hearing this, the chief looks and grunts, "Rock."

The Priest was really getting enthusiastic about the results when he hears a rustling in the bushes. As they peek over the top, he sees a couple of natives in the midst of heavy sexual activity.

The Priest is really flustered and quickly responds, "Man riding a Cycle "

The chief looks at the couple briefly, pulls out his blowgun and kills them.

The Priest goes ballistic and yells at the chief that he has spent years teaching the tribe how to be civilized and be kind to each other, so how could he kill these people in cold blood that way?

The chief replied, "My Cycle."

Once upon a time in a village, a man appeared and announced to the villager that he would buy monkeys for $10 each.

Once upon a time in a village, a man appeared and announced to the villager that he would buy monkeys for $10 each.

The villagers, seeing that there were many monkeys around, went out to the forest and started catching them.

The man bought thousands at $10 and as supply started to diminish, the villagers stopped their effort. He further announced that he would now buy at $20. This renewed the efforts of the villagers and they started catching monkeys again.

Soon the supply diminished even further and people started going back to their farms. The offer increased to $25 each and the supply of monkeys became so little that it was an effort to even see a monkey, let alone catch it!

The man now announced that he would buy monkeys at $50! However, since he had to go to the city on some business, his assistant would now buy on behalf of him.

In the absence of the man, the assistant told the villagers; "Look at all these monkeys in the big cage that the man has collected. I will sell them to you at $35 and when the man returns from the city, you can sell them to him for $50 each."

The villagers rounded up with all their savings and bought all the monkeys.

They never saw the man nor his assistant, only monkeys everywhere!

Now you have a better understanding of how the cryptocurrency market works.

Cool Joke

So there is this bear and this rabbit walking together in the woods. They come across this mysterious lamp. Of course they rub it, and a genie comes out. The genie says they get six wishes, three each. Meanwhile the bear is like "Oh yeah! Time to get some wishes!" and the rabbits just like "Oh this is cool I guess." So the bear goes first, he wishes that all the male bears in his forest are turned into females. The genie grants his wish. The rabbit goes and he says "I guess I want a helmet." The bear thinks to himself "Why would you wish for a helmet when you can have anything." The bear takes his second wish. He wishes for all the male bears in the neighboring forest to be females. He gets his wish. The rabbit then wishes for a motorcylce. The bear is now excited at his wishes and is really wondering why the rabbit is getting all of these stupid things. The bear then goes on to wish for ALL the bears in the world, except for him, to be female. His wish is granted. By this time the bear is super excited. Now the rabbit takes his last wish. He gets on his motorcylce, puts his helmet on, and says "I wish that bear was gay" and drives off.
*EDIT- Changed pot to lamp.

A man was hiking in a forest when he sees a big post...

"this is the gaymen forest".. he thinks it's a joke and moves on. As he walks, he sees more and more posts that say "this is the gaymen forest" and that get smaller and smaller. At a certain point, he sees a tiny post, close to the ground. He bends over to read it and sees "It's too late now, buddy! Told ya !"

Scientists predicts that all forest will be gone by 2025

but if we work really hard, we can do it by the end of 2017.

So rabbit and bear were walking through the forest...

...when they meet a fairy. She grants both of them three wishes.
Bear says without thinking: "I wish all lady bears in this forest had a crush on me!"
Rabbit wishes himself a motorcycle helmet, and both wishes are immediately granted. Next, bear thinks a bit and then says: "I wish all lady bears in the whole world had a crush on me!"
Rabbit wishes himself a motorcycle, and both wishes are granted.
Now bear thinks a quite a while and then shouts: "I wish all bears on this world were lady bears!"
Rabbit puts on his helmet, gets on the motorcycle, starts the motor and says over his shoulder: "I wish bear was gay!"

When two bears asked a pastor to marry them in the forest, what did he say?

"Hold on, let me get my bear rings."

All the forest animals are having a big car show..

..shining their rims, getting ready to put their cars on display for the forest folk to see. The bunny is hopping along half drunk and stumbles into the clearing.

"WHOAAHhh bear, that's a sweet lambo, how did you ever afford it?"

"Well bunny, i'm not an alcoholic like you" replies the bear.

The bunny takes another sip of his stashed mickey and hops with his face into the rims of a Ferrari.

"Woaahh Fox, how on earth did you afford this!"

The Fox, grabbing a towel out of its back pocket gives the bunny a dirty look and mutters "I don't spend every acorn i earn on booze.."

The bunny, amazed, takes another swig of vodka and hops his way back into the woods.

As everyone is adding the finishing touches to their rides, ready to open the show to the public, a helicopter lands in the middle of it all with the bunny in the pilot seat. He barely makes two hops and throws up.

"Wow bunny.. how on earth did you ever manage to afford that?!" the amazed onlookers exclaim.

" *hic*.. turned in my empties"

Three friends decide to go on a hiking trip...

But they get lost in the wilderness and wander around for hours.

They stumble upon some strange tracks in the forest. The first friend says,

"These are moose tracks!" The second friend says, "No, these are clearly bear tracks!"

The third friend however did not get a chance to say anything as he is run over by a train.

3 Blonds in the Forest

.... came upon some tracks. The first blond said, "are these deer tracks?" The other two said, "Oh no,these aren't deer tracks." The second blond said, "These have to be rabbit tracks!" In disagreement, the other two blonds said, "No, I don't think these are rabbit tracks." The third blond said, "I know I know!!! These are bear tracks!!!" Again, the other two blonds said, "No, these aren't bear tracks." ...They kept arguing on and on until a train came by and hit them.

Two nuns are walking in a forest.

Two nuns are walking in a forest. All of a sudden two maniacs attack them and start sexually abusing them. One of the nuns says :

• Oh god... please forgive them! they don't know what they are doing!

The other nun turns around and says :

• Mine does!

A professor, a CEO, and a janitor are in a forest when they discover a magic fairy.

The fairy says "I will give you what you most desire if you do someone else's job for a day."

The professor says "I'll be an elementary school teacher. What can be so hard about teaching a bunch of 6-year-olds how to read?" so he is teleported into a classroom. After a few minutes, all the kids' screaming gets to his nerves, so he throws all his supplies and gives up.

The C.E.O says "I'll be a waiter. All you do is carry food back and forth. This'll be a breeze" so he is teleported to a restaurant. After about an hour, all the annoying customers drive him insane, so he smashes his plates on the ground and gives up.

The janitor says "I'll be an artist" so he is transported to an art facility. He glues all the classroom supplies and shattered plates to a canvas, then sells it for a billion dollars. The fairy asks the janitor how he was so clever.

The janitor says "I got a masters degree in art."

Mr. Bear and Mr. Rabbit live in the same forest, but they don't like each other.

Mr. Bear and Mr. Rabbit live in the same forest, but they don't like each other.

One day, they come across a golden frog who offers them three wishes each.

Mr. Bear wishes that all the other bears in the forest were female.

Mr. Rabbit wishes for a crash helmet.

Mr. Bear's second wish is that all the bears in the neighboring forests were female as well.

Mr. Rabbit wishes for a motorcycle.

Mr. Bear's final wish is that all the other bears in the world were female, leaving him the only male bear in the world.

Mr. Rabbit revs the engine of his motorcycle and says, "I wish that Mr. Bear was gay!" and rides off.

Why do ducks have big flat feet?

To stomp out forest fires.

Why do elephants have big flat feet?

To stomp out flaming ducks.

Two hunters were walking through the forest...

all of the sudden, one of them passes out. The other hunter panics and dials 911. The emergency responder says 911, whats your emergency? The hunter replies My friend just passed out and I don't know what to do! I think he might be dead! The emergency responder replies Before you do anything, make sure he is dead. The phone goes silent and then the responder hears a gunshot. The hunter gets back on the phone and says Ok, now what?

Two toothpicks are walking the forest.

When all of a sudden a hedgehog walks by. The one toothpick says to the other,

"When did this place get a bus?"

Good old NYPD

The FBI, CIA, and NYPD had a bet to see who was the best at their job, so they set up a simple challenge.

Three local forest was fenced off, and they released a rare black and white colored rabbit into each. The challenge was to see who could catch the rabbit with a time limit of 3 hours.

First the FBI went; after three hours of searching they could not find the rabbit anywhere. Next, the CIA went; After two hours of searching, they decided to just blow up the entire forest out of frustration, but failed to catch the rabbit.

Finally, the NYPD went into their forest. After 30 minutes, they came out with a bloodied Racoon that was yelling "I'm a rabbit, I'm a rabbit!"

A Canadian woman living near the border

A Canadian woman lives with her family in a forest near the border with the US. One autumn morning, her son comes home from town holding a letter. He approaches the woman and says:

"According to this letter, the United States wants to consider this area as part of Montana. The Canadian government agrees, but says that since we're the only family living here, they want our permission to sign this land over to the US."

The woman jumps out of her chair and exclaims, "Where do I sign? I don't think I can stand another Canadian winter!"

Why do elephants paint their testicles red?

To hide in cherry trees. Ever seen one? No? It works.

What's the loudest sound in the forest?

Giraffes eating cherries.

The CIA, MI5, and the KGB have a contest

The CIA, MI5, and the KGB have a contest to see who can find a white rabbit in the forest

The CIA comes in first place, finding the rabbit in fourteen hours. They used contacts, thermal vision, and satellites.

MI5 comes in second place, finding the rabbit in 24 hours using much of the same tactics

The KGB comes in last place. In one hour, they produced a bear, near beaten to death, who said "OK, OK, I admit it, I am a rabbit."

A woman is walking through the woods at night with a serial killer.

She says to her companion, "Man, this forest is really creepy at night. I wish we weren't out here."

He replies, "You think you have it bad? I have to walk home alone!"

A man and a young boy are walking through a deep, dark forest...

The young boy tugs on the man's sleeve and says "I'm scared."

So the man says, "You think *you're* scared, I have to walk out of here alone."

My buddy told me this one at the bar last night. It's a dark one.

A pedophile is walking a kid into the woods. It's getting darker as they get deeper and deeper into the forest. And the kid says, "Gee mister, it sure is getting dark. I'm scared."

The man replies, "*You're* scared? I have to walk back alone!"

The Bear and the Rabbit

Mr. Bear and Mr. Rabbit live in the same forest, but they don't like each other. One day, they come across a golden frog who offers them three wishes each. Mr. Bear wishes that all the other bears in the forest were female. Mr. Rabbit wishes for a crash helmet. Mr. Bear's second wish is that all the bears in the neighboring forests were female as well. Mr. Rabbit wishes for a motorcycle. Mr. Bear's final wish is that all the other bears in the world were female, leaving him the only male bear in the world. Mr. Rabbit revs the engine of his motorcycle and says, "I wish that Mr. Bear was gay!" and rides off.

What are the funniest forest jokes of all time?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking about Forest? Well, here are the best Forest puns to laugh out loud. Crazy and funny Forest pick up lines to share with friends.

Joko Jokes