Ford Jokes

I left my Adderall in my Ford Fiesta.

Now I have a Ford Focus.

85% of all Fords made are still on the road today...

The other 15% made it home.

What do you get when you put adderall into the gas tank of a Ford Fiesta?

A Ford Focus.

Why did Harrison Ford Crash his plane?

because he was flying solo and went look no hans...

I put adderall into my Ford Fiesta

Now it's a Ford Focus

What's your favorite pick up line?

Mine is the Ford F Series.

My boyfriend looked so excited when I told him I was going to get him an escort for his birthday!

I couldn't understand why he looked so disappointed when I handed him the keys to his new Ford

Fords coming out with heated tailgates.

So your hands stay warm while you're pushing it home.

Why do Ford vehicles have heated rear bumpers?

To keep your hands warm when you're pushing it

My friend is getting a new car - a "tangerine" ford focus. Dad drops this one...

Tangerine focus... Isn't that the same as orange concentrate?

My father works as a statistician at Ford.

He must be pretty well-respected there, people are always asking for his auto graph.

I left my Adderral in my Ford Fiesta

I came back to a Ford Focus

A Jewish man calls the newspaper to publish an obituary notice for her wife

Shlomo: Hello, This is Shlomo, I want to publish an obituary notice for my wife Rachel.

Agent: Hello Shlomo, how shall we publish it, do you have any words in mind?

Shlomo: "Rachel is dead". That's enough.

Agent: Sir you can write more; its the same price.

Shlomo: Hmm okay, "My wife Rachel is dead."

Agent: Sir, it is the same price up to 9 words, are you sure this is enough?

..after a moment of pause

Shlomo: "My wife Rachel is dead, Ford Fiesta for Sale."

Appalachian couple get married

Jethro and Ellie Mae get married, and after the wedding party they happily drive off in his 68 Ford truck for their honeymoon. But about an hour later, Jethro storms back into his parents house, angrily slamming the door.
The father asks what's going on, and Jethro says, "The weddins off!" The father says, "Well, now sit down there young fella. I don't understand it. Uns had a nice big weddin, all the clans showed up, you youngins seem perfect for each other, what could go wrong?" Jethro says, "I know pa, but she's a virgin!" And the father says,"Well then you dun the right thing: if she's not good enuf fer her own family, she ain't god enuf fer ours."

What do you call Harrison Ford making a Venn diagram?

Comparrison Ford!

I gave some Adderall to my Ford Fiesta...

it's now a Ford Focus.

American presidents are on a sinking ship!

Ford says: What do we do?

Bush says: Man the lifeboats!

Reagan says: What lifeboats?

Carter says: Women and children first!

Nixon says: Screw the women!

Clinton says: You think we have time?

Did you know Jesus had a Ford

That's why he walked everywhere

Fidel Castro and 11 Presidents

Fidel Castro survived 11
Presidents of the United States










-GW Bush


But he couldn't take 15 days of Trump

What do you call a Ford Fiesta that won't start?

A Ford Siesta

My first escort...

was a Ford

How is driving a Ford truck similar to visiting Thailand?

Either way, you're likely to blow a tranny

Fords new heated tailgates..

Fords working on a new heated tailgate feature, that way when you have to push it in the snow your hands won't be cold.

My son accidentally left his Adderall in his Ford Festiva.

Now, it's a Ford Focus.

A motorist stopped at a country ford and asked an Irishman sitting nearby how deep the water was. "A couple of inches." replied the Irishman. So the motorist drove into the ford and his car promptly disappeared beneath the surface in a cauldron of bubbles.

"That's odd" thought the Irishman. "The water only goes halfway up on them ducks."

Why did the blonde stare at the Ford?

It said Focus.

What would Chrysler's version of the Ford Focus be called?

Chrysler Concentrate

My favorite pickup line...

the Ford F Series

A man is talking to his friend...

"Today I got a brand new ford for my wife."

"Eyyy, nice trade."

My friend tries to impress girls by drawing realistic pictures of the Ford F-150.

He is a pick up artist.

I've been having trouble meeting girls, so I asked my dad for some advice. He said that if I wanted to break the ice, the next time I go out, I should use this pickup line...

"Ford F-150, Chevy Silverado, Dodge Ram, Toyota Tundra, Nissan Titan, GMC Sierra, Honda Ridgeline..."

You'd think Henry Ford was African

The way he Madagascar

^^^^I'll ^^^^^let ^^^^^^myself ^^^^^^^out

Why do hipsters love Harrison Ford?

Because he's Indie!

Why are so many hotwheels based after Ford models?

So kids get used to pushing them at a young age.

Harrison Ford just turned up at my AA group.

I've never seen Han so low.

Harrison Ford has broken his ankle.

There will now be a new Star Wars cast.

I tried to start up a business as a Ford dealership

I lost my focus


Tesla, Ford, and Edison were all standing on a stage, presenting their latest findings.

Tesla strolled forward and announced that he had invented a brand new way to transmit energy through the air! The crowd clapped politely.

Ford was next, and pulled the cover off a large engine. He had discovered a way to create horse less carriages! The crowd gasped and clapped louder.

Edison took two steps to the left and threw up his arms to announce that he had invented a revolutionary new way to send electricity through the very air! The crowd went wild.

What did Richard Nixon say when he bumped into Gerald Ford?

Pardon me.

My friend and I decided to race our Ford Pintos.

Mine broke down three miles down the road. I had to walk the rest of the way.

I won.

Ford Focus

Sitting in traffic today waiting for the light to change. The car in front of us was a Ford Focus. I turned to my daughter and said.. if that driver opens her door and steps out of the car, does she get all blurry? Because if she did, wouldn't she be "out of Focus" ?

I bought the new "Ford" vacuum cleaner, but it doesn't work.

I guess it's the only thing Ford has made that doesn't suck.

If you leave a Sombrero and Maracas in your Ford Focus

Will it become a Ford Fiesta?

I got to test the new self driving prototype, the Ford Dixie

But it crashed and I can't get the police to help. They hang up every time after I tell them "My Dixie wrecked"

What did Lincoln say about his experience at Ford theater?

He said it was mind blowing.

How do you get a Ford to stop?

Shoot the guy pushing it

You know what I like about ford?

They circle the problem for you.

George Washington and two other people go to Heaven...

Mahatma Gandhi and two other people die and go to heaven. However, they're really far from the gates and must get there somehow. Someone comes up to them and says,

"I can get you a car to reach the gates. The car'll depend on how many kids you had when you were alive."

The first person says he had 2 children. The person replies,

"Well, that's not too many."

And whips up a sports car for him to drive to the Gates.

The second person says that he had 5 children.

"That's a lot!"

And whips him up a broken down Ford Model T.

George Washington had to get to the Gates by foot. The two other people were waiting for him there. When they asked why he had to do that, since he didn't have any children when he was alive:

"Some idiot told him I'm the father of my country!"

Oh, and thanks /u/reg8382748 for pointing it out, PRETEND GEORGE WASHINGTON KNOWS WHAT THE FRICK A CAR IS.

What did they change the name of the Ford Bronco to when O.J. Simpson got acquitted?

The Ford Escape!

Rob Ford..too soon?

*Some* people though it would be nice if Rob Ford could be mayor for tumor years.

What does Ford stand for?

Found On Road Dead

My step dad is a super Chevy guy and told me this when I was young, drop your best Chevy/Ford jokes

Without a doubt, the Ford F-150

My favorite pickup line.

I'm a 25 year old virgin and I'm hoping that this is the year I get laid. My dad said he'd buy me an escort...

It's nice of him, but to be honest I don't see how a crappy old Ford is gonna help.

I wish Ford installed heated bumpers.

Would keep my hands warm while I'm pushing it to the side of the freeway.

What kind of car is bad for a kid with ADD?

A Ford Focus

he's not all bad: after an 12 hour shift at a local food kitchen, mayor Rob Ford selflessly turned down a hot meal.

"I've got more than enough to eat at home"

I had a Ford Fiesta....

and fed it some adderall and it turned into a Ford Focus

I went to a car show but there were nothing but Fords

I guess you could say it was a real Ford Fiesta

To tell me my zipper was open, a girl tells me, "your garage is open"

I said, "did you see my ford mustang gt super sport?"

She said "No, but i did see your mini cooper with two flat tires"

What's the difference between Stephen Harper and Rob Ford?

One likes pipelines, and the other likes pipes *and* lines.

I left my Adderall in my Ford Fiesta,

It is now a Ford Focus.

I can't claim credit for this one, I heard it on one of my favorite streamers' streams.

Ford Ibble

A car salesman asked me, "What are you looking for in a car?"

I said, "It has to be affordable"

He said, "I'm sorry sir, I've never heard of a Ford Ibble."

What's the difference between a golfer and Harrison Ford?

A golfer **wants** to land on the fairway.

Seems like Harrison Ford is really down to earth

Too early?

Did you know 94% of Fords are still on the road?

The other 6% made it home.

Did you hear Renault and Ford are going release a hyrbrid vehicle this year

mixing the Renault 'Clio' and the Ford 'Taurus' together

Why are Ford cars so popular?

Because they are affordable.

We have collected gags that can be used as Ford pranks to have fun with. If you want to stand out in a crowd with a good sense of humour joking about Ford, here are one liners and funny Ford pick up lines.

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