Forbidden Jokes
56 forbidden jokes and hilarious forbidden puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about forbidden that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Discover why some jokes are deemed "forbidden" and off-limits for general consumption. Learn about the taboo topics that can be crossed when exploring humour and discover why jokes about certain topics or groups of people are not taken lightly. Explore the secular view, the religious perspective and the dangers of non-approved jests.
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Funniest Forbidden Short Jokes
Short forbidden jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The forbidden humour may include short unlawful jokes also.
- To settle their differences, Jesus and Muhammed agree to pistols at dawn, Jesus wins... ...because drawing Muhammed is forbidden.
- My gf asked me if gorilla meat was forbidden in Islam My gf asked me if gorilla meat was forbidden in Islam.
I told her, "Yeah, it's haram, bae." - In a furious argument, the wife tells her husband... - I should have married the devil instead of you!
- Well, that's impossible. Marriage between cousins is forbidden! - What do you call it when the Pope sends letters to his forbidden past lovers? Ex-communication
- I refuse to accept non-binary Quantum computers are expressly forbidden in this house.
(Everyone I know cringed, so I figured yall may like it.) - My overweight boss asked me to roast him at his retirement party.. I told him that as a lifelong Muslim, I was forbidden from consuming pork.
- It's significantly harder for athletes to perform in todays temperatures I've read in the newspaper that the Government has forbidden fans at sport events
- Did you know that God uses Android phones? It's because he made the galaxy and the apple is forbidden.
- Did you hear about the fruit that was forbidden from running away with its lover? Canteloupe
- A Muslim walks into a bar and orders a bacon sandwich and a beer.
"Isn't that forbidden in your religion?" the bartender asks.
"Yes, but my sins will be forgiven in... 9 minutes.. and 30 seconds."
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Forbidden One Liners
Which forbidden one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with forbidden? I can suggest the ones about outlaw and denied.
- Why is soy sauce forbidden in fights? 'Cause you should never Kikkoman when he's down.
- Why can't you email photos to a Jedi? Because attachments are forbidden
- Did you know it's forbidden for women to make coffee? In the bible it says... He-Brews
- What is the most forbidden spice in Pakistan? Haram masala
- The fruit forbidden lovers hate... Cantaloupe
- What bee is forbidden to the Muslims? Haram-bee
- I went out for ice cream and asked for a scoop of Forbidden Chocolate. They said no.
- Why did Eve bite the forbidden apple? Because it tasted better than Adam's banana.
- I have forbidden my wife to buy a new expensive purse. But she did it anyway! How Gucci?
- What's the most forbidden word in retail? Overtime.
- If Pokemon Go is forbidden in Cuba by popular opinion... Queued Cubans cue Cubone ban.
- Why can't Muslims kill pigs? Because it's forbidden to eat pork in Islam
- Why are there no Casinos in Saudi Arabia? Because it is forbidden by Islam.
Cheerful Fun Forbidden Jokes for Lovely Laughter
What funny jokes about forbidden you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean frowned upon jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make forbidden pranks.
The Fish Princess and the Commoner Crab
Once upon a time, in the undersea kingdom, there lived a fish princess. This fish princess had fallen in love with a peasant crab.
When her father, the fish king, found out about their affair he forbade her to ever see him again. When she asked him why he replied "No daughter of mine will consort with a lowly sideways-walking crab!"
Devastated, but with no other choice, the fish princess goes to her crab and delivers the news. "My father says we can't be together," she tells him, "he says you're a lowly side-walker, and that I'm forbidden to see you." The crab, crushed by the news, turns and sadly walks away - sidewise, of course.
That night there was a gala ball at the fish palace. All the nobility of the undersea kingdom was there in attendance including, of course, the fish king and princess. Then, at the very height of festivities, the doors to the ballroom suddenly burst open... and there was the crab.
The entire room burst into excited whispers, all the attendees having heard the rumor of the princess' affair with a side-walking commoner. To their surprise, however, before their very eyes, the crab took one step forward... then another step forward... and another... walking forward down the red carpet toward the king on his throne.
As the crab approached the king the room went silent in anticipation. The crab looked the king square in the eye... opened his mouth... and slurred "I am soooooo super drunk right now."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Adam and Eve eat the apple
of the forbidden tree, God sees this and is very angry, "Adam!" he says, "for what you have done from now on by the sweat of your brow you will eat your food...." "And you Eve...you will pay with *blood*
But you can pay me in comfortable monthly payments
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
From the turn of the 18th century, to the mid 1960's b**... and w**... were legally forbidden from entering into i**... marriages. The reasoning behind this restriction?
It produced mixed results.
that I came up with whilst daydreaming: Why is there no sofa in the forbidden kingdom?
... because Mao is more of a chair man!
Banana juice
My Slovak girlfriend told me this today. I think it's an old one where she come from:
A farmer is riding his horse and cart through his village while carrying a large metal flask. A policeman sees this and stops him. "What's in the flask?" he asks suspiciously. "Is it alcohol? You know it's forbidden to ride a horse and cart while you're drunk."
"It's just Banana juice", replies the farmer innocently.
"I don't believe you", says the policeman, and grabs the flask from the farmer. He takes a huge swig, and grimaces at what he's just swallowed. "Urgh! That's disgusting!"
"It's just Banana juice", repeats the farmer.
"Doesn't taste like bananas to me", says the policeman, "but it doesn't taste of alcohol either. So I'll have to let you go."
"Thank you very much", says the farmer with a smile, as his flask is returned to him. Then he gathers up the reins, gives them a flick, and says to his horse, "Giddy up, Banana!"
There were two postage stamps that were forbidden from wedding one another...
In the end they env-eloped
Why is it forbidden to enter the jungle after 8 PM ?
Because then the elephants start jumping out of the trees.
And why do the crocodiles have a flat mouth?
They entered the jungle after 8 PM.
Went into a restaurant and asked the waiter for a haramburger
He said you can't have that...it's forbidden
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two english men
Two english men discover a forbidden island and come across a tribe of big masculine men.
The tribe takes the english men hostage and offer them one of two options; death or bullar.
The english men ask "what is bullar?"
The leader of the tribe states "each of us get to take turns r**... you. So what'll it be?"
The first english man goes "well i dont want to die, so i guess i choose bullar" and each member of the tribe has a go at him.
The second english man says "well that looked terrible so i guess i choose death"
The tribes people yell "okay, death by bullar"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why did Eve eating the forbidden fruit cause a lump in Adams t**...?
Because she was eating Adam's apple.
Target practice
Out on the shooting range in an area where hunting is forbidden, I encounter two chinese gentleman curious about what happens at this place.
They politely ask if this is where they can shoot some rabbits. No no, I say, shooting rabbits is not legal here. You are only allowed to practice firing at the designated targets, you know for fun.
"Ahhhh" they remark. Taking a seat, staring at the field ahead of them. Guns on the ground next to them. Puzzled, I ask if they're going to take a few shots at the targets.
"Yes" they reply, "We wait for rabbit to move in front of target".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Don't be foolish, the forbidden fruit in the Garden of Eden was obviously not an apple.
It was an orange. Haven't you heard of oranginal sin?
A forbidden love
"I'm in love with one of my sheep," the nervous young man told his psychiatrist.
"Nothing to worry about," the psychiatrist consoled. "Many people are fond of animals. As a matter of fact, my wife and I have a dog we are very attached to."
"But, doctor," continued the troubled patient, "I feel physically attracted to my sheep."
"Hmmmmm," observed the doctor. "Is it male or female?"
"Female, of course!" the man replied curtly. "What do you think I am, GAY?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Adam and Eve were wandering on the Garden of Eden
They were walking with their makeshift clothes, since they already tasted the Forbidden Fruit and realized they were n**....
Soon, God shows up, and realize they disobeyed his only rule so far.
Mad and with His thunderous voice, He yells at them:
"**WHY, WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS!? WAS ALL THE OTHER FRUITS OF THIS GARDEN NOT ENOUGH? WHY ARE YOU WEARING THOSE CLOTHES!?** "
Scared and surprised, Adam looks at Eve and realizes that there's no use lying. Shaking and with his tremble voice, he answers the implacable deity:
"We-- We've just-- *We just updated our privacy policy*"
The U.S. declared that European nations are forbidden from fishing for caviar in the Carribean
This is known as the Salmon Roe Doctrine
It's a sin to burn the bible and inject the ash into your bloodstream
For you are forbidden to use the Lord's name in vein
A Muslim Imam, after years of adherence to the Quran, begins to wonder what pork taste like...
He confesses this temptation to his wife who reaffirms that pork is strictly forbidden by their faith.
One evening, however, he gives in to his curiosity and buys a pulled pork slider on his way back from work. He finds a quiet bench in a nearby park and prepares to take a bite of his sandwich when, out of nowhere, his wife appears and begins to shout at him.
"I told you that this is wrong!" she screams. "Why are you doing this?!!"
.
.
.
.
.
.
"Why?" replies the man, "I DO IT FOR HARAM BAE"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
According to the Southern Baptist Convention... couples are forbidden to have s**... while standing up.
They're afraid it might lead to dancing.
A priest, a rabbi, and a whale walk into a restaurant...
The Priest says: "I'll have the pork, it always suits me well". The rabbi says: "That is forbidden for me! I'll have the beef, but no dairy". The whale says: ooooEEEEEEEEaaaayyyyyuuuuuuaaaaaa eeeeooOOOOYAIIIAIIIEYOOOooooooo
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The presidents of USA, Canada and Mexico got together...
...to discuss on who has the most loyal citizens.
The Canadian president says he has the most loyal citizens. He says to a random Canadian to jump off a roof. He doesnt want to.
The Mexican president says he has the most loyal citizens. He says to a random Mexican to jump off a roof. He refuses.
The President of USA says he has the most loyal citizens. He says to a random that he is forbidden to jump off the roof. The citizen gets angry and start screaming and the president "WHO ARE YOU TO TELL ME WHAT I CAN NOT DO!!! THIS IS A FREE COUNTRY". He then jumps of the roof.
Forbidden by my wife/kids from telling any more "dad jokes", I resorted to telling our dairy cow - and discovered she has a great sense of humor. I have to be careful, though...
When she laughs too much, milk comes out her nose.
Shortly after creating them, God is introducing Adam and Eve to The Garden.
"These are the trees and bushes that bear fruit for you to eat. These are the bodies of water, for you to drink from. These are the animals, for you to name. And this is the forbidden fruit, which you must never eat."
"And what's that?" says Eve, pointing to something on her left.
"Oh that?" says God, realizing Eve is pointing at Queen Elizabeth. "I don't know, that was there when I got here."
^Just ^a ^joke ^I ^heard ^a ^long ^time ^ago, ^which ^felt ^relevant ^today. ^RIP
