Ridiculous For Girls Jokes to Spark Fun and Laughter
Call a girl beautiful 1,000 times and she won't think twice...
Call a girl fat once and she'll always remember.
Because elephants never forget
When a girl changes her clothes in front of you, she's either really interested or you're level 99 friend-zoned
Or she hasn't spotted you in the tree yet
Girls who talks about girls' problems are great.
But girls who talk about environmental problems are Greta.
I called two girls hipsters and got slapped.
Apparently the correct term is "conjoined twins".
If a girl says she will be ready in 5 minutes she will.
No need to remind her every 15 minutes about it
Funny that when a guy sleeps with tons of girls, he's a stud..
But when a girl sleeps with tons of guys, somehow I'm not one of them.
Girl: "Come over"
Guy: "I'm coming over"
Girl: "We should stop using walkie talkies in bed, over."
I lent my umbrella to a hot girl yesterday.
That takes the number of girls i've made wet this year to -1
A father in Iraq gifted his daughter a new bag. The girl replied,
"Thanks for the Baghdad"
My mother used to tuck me in every night
She always wanted a girl :(
If i had $1 for every girl that didn't find me attractive..
.. they would eventually find me attractive
You can explore for girls predictive reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean for girls german dad jokes. There are also for girls puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
My wife said she wanted just one child of each gender
I told her "how about just one boy and one girl? I don't want to contribute to overpopulation."
s**... girls are like Wal-Marts
Everyone makes fun of them but when you're inside one at 4am, you think "Thank God these are here"
I told my son, You will marry the girl I choose.
He said, NO!
I told him, She is Bill Gates' daughter.
He said, OK.
I called Bill Gates and said, I want your daughter to marry my son.
Bill Gates said, NO.
I told Bill Gates, My son is the CEO of World Bank.
Bill Gates said, OK.
I called the President of World Bank and asked him to make my son the CEO.
He said, NO.
I told him, My son is Bill Gates' son-in-law.
He said, OK.
This is how politics works.
A m**... was having an affair with a 15 year old girl who had lied about her age, when he learned the truth he broke it off and over the next few week guilt set in and he confessed to his wife. She screamed at him,
"How could you cheat on me like that with an older woman!?!?!?".
One day after s**..., my girl told me she used to be a Christian.
Me: "It doesn't worry me at all, babe."
Her: "Awesome! I really so much prefer being a Christine."
You can tell the gender of an ant by dropping it in water. If it sinks it's girl ant,
If it floats it's boy ant.
I slept with a girl who works at Netflix last night
It was pretty cool, she even recommended some girls I might like to sleep with next
My dad first talked to me about s**... when I was going to college.
He said, "Son, in college you're going to be surrounded by beautiful girls, so I got you something from the chemist."
"Dad," I said, "I have condoms."
And he said, "You won't need condoms, I got you some anti-depressants."
After kissing a g**... her sofa she said let's take this upstairs
Ok I said You grab one end and I'll grab the other
I met a girl at a club the other night & she told me she'd show me a good time.
When we got outside, she ran a 40 yard dash in 4.8 seconds.
Hey girl, are you a broken compass?
Because I'm not really sure where I'm going with this
My girl keeps having disturbed dreams, shouting things like "Hobbit!", "Gandalf!", and "Mordor!".
Always Tolkien in her sleep...
A girl promises to teach her boyfriend what 69ing is.
He lies down on the floor and she squats down over his face to assume the position and farts. Embarrassed she stands up and apologises. She squats down for another go but farts again, she gets up and apologises again.
Before she can have a third go, her boyfriend gets up and goes to walk out saying yeah this isn't really for me, I'm not having 67 more of those in my face
Hey girl are you a school?
Because I want to shoot kids inside you.
I went up to this really cute homeless girl and asked if I could take her home
She looked ecstatic until I picked up her box and started walking away
My girlfriend is so smart!
I forgot to bring my phone, so I used my friend's phone to call her.
She answered: "What's up, honey?"
What a smart girl! She knew I was the one on the phone!
A girl walks into a dry cleaner
She drops off her dress and turns to leave. The owner says, "Come again!". She says, "No it was toothpaste this time."
I dated a girl in a wheelchair
She broke up with me because I kept pushing her around.
I said, "why don't you stand up for yourself?"
I took an epileptic girl to a rave
I jokingly told her, "I hear this place has rave reviews", but she just rolled her eyes at me.
Boy goes to confession and tells the priest he has been with a girl of loose morals.
"That's a grievous sin," the priest says. "Tell me: Was it Mary O'Hara?"
"No, Father."
"Was it Kate Dannaher?"
"No, Father."
"Was it Kathleen McGonigle?"
"No, Father. I don't want to say who it was."
Later, as the boy leaves the church, he sees a friend, who asks him, "How'd it go?"
He answers, "Well, I got ten Hail Marys, five Our Fathers... and three great leads."
Hey girl, are you an obelisk?
Because I'm trying to find out what an obelisk is through process of elimination.
I told a girl, "you look great without glasses"
She said, "but I don't wear glasses."
I replied, while polishing my lenses, "yeah, but I do."
I met a North African girl the other night, we spoke for hours.
We just clicked.
My wife just called me and said, "Three of the girls in the office have just received some flowers for Valentines Day. They are absolutely gorgeous!"
I repied, "That's probably why they've received flowers then."
A lot of Russian girls are trying to hook up with American guys online.
But it's really just Putin trying to interfere with our erections.
I was sitting on a train next to a hot Thai girl.
I thought to myself "Please don't get an e**..., please don't get an e**...."
But.....she did.
A girl once told me, If you lost about 50 pounds you'd be cute
I told her, if I lost 50 pounds I'd be talking to your friends!
A paralyzed man says to his friend, Go upstairs and get my shoes. My feet are cold
The friend goes upstairs and sees the paralyzed man's two s**... 17 year old daughters.
He says, Your father sent me up here to have s**... with you.
One of the girls replies, That couldn't possibly be true!
The man says I'll prove it and then yells towards the stairs, Both of them?
The paralyzed man yells back Of course both of them!
Do you know how Chris Brown's girlfriend found out that he had been cheating on her?
She found another girl's lipstick on his fist.
My mom thinks I need to stop objectifying women, I think she is overreacting.
She asked why I broke up with the last girl and I said
"It didn't work out."
She told me to be more specific so I said
"I just told you, she didn't exercise."
I asked a girl to rate me out of 10 the other day
She said "you're an 8 on a scale of 10"
I still don't understand why she wanted me to urinate on a skeleton
I'm tired of all these forced gender neutral terms
The girl I'm going out with insist on calling me just friend instead of boyfriend
Why are circumsized p**... so popular among Jewish girls?
They love anything that's 15% off
Just a joke lol
A n**... man arrives at a costume party with a g**... his back.
"I'm a turtle", he says.
"Oh... who's on your back?"
"That's Michelle", he replies.
I went to the pub last night and saw a fat chick dancing on a table.
I said, "Nice legs."
The girl giggled and said with a smile, "Do you really think so."
I said "Definitely! Most tables would have collapsed by now."
My wife just completed a 40 week body building program this morning
It's a girl and weighs 7lbs 12 oz
A little girl runs up to her mother and says "mummy, daddy hanged himself in the basement!"
Upon hearing the news the mother breaks down in tears and, shakily, makes her way into the basement.
When they get there, the woman cannot see the father's corpse.
The little girl then exclaims "April fools! Daddy did it in the garage"
I saw a girl crying, so I asked her Where are your parents? and she started crying even more.
Man, I love working at the orphanage.
A little girl asks her father: "Daddy, what is corruption?"
-- Go bring me a beer and I'll tell you.
-- But mommy said you should stop drinking!
-- Get yourself an ice-cream too while you bring me that beer.
-- Oh, okay!
Jane and Erica are talking in heaven
"How did you die?" Jane asks Erica.
She replies, "I froze to death."
"Oh, that's terrible!" says Jane.
"It wasn't too bad, after a while you start to get a sort of peaceful feeling, just before you black out. How did you die?"
"Well," she says, "I suspected my husband was cheating so one day I came home early to catch him, but he was just watching TV. So I turned the entire house upside-down looking for another girl, and in the end I got a massive heart attack from exhaustion."
"Too bad you didnt look in the freezer," said Erica, "Or we might both still be alive."
A woman has to go to Italy for a conference, so her husband drives her to the airport.
Thank you honey, she says, Is there anything I can bring back for you?
He laughs, and says, An Italian girl!
When the conference is over, he meets her up at the airport and asks, How was the trip?
Very good, she replies.
And what happened to my present?
Which present? she asks.
The one I asked for - an Italian girl!
Oh, that. I did what I could. We'll just have to wait 9 months to see if it's a girl.
Girl: Come over
Guy: I'm coming over
Girl: We should stop using Walkie-Talkies in bed over
A college engineering student shows up with a new bike
"Woah where did you get such a nice bike?" his fellow engineering student asked.
"I was walking down the street last night and this g**... her bike came up to me started taking off her clothes and said 'its all yours' so I just took the bike" he said.
His friend replied "Good choice bro the clothes probably didn't even fit you"
A woman has to go to Italy for a conference, so her husband drives her to the airport.
Thank you honey, she says, Is there anything I can bring back for you?
He laughs, and says, An Italian girl!
When the conference is over, he meets her up at the airport and asks, How was the trip?
Very good, she replies.
And what happened to my present?
Which present? she asks.
The one I asked for - an Italian girl!
Oh, that. I did what I could. We'll just have to wait 9 months to see if it's a girl.
A girl tells her mom she's dating the guy next door
The mom's like you can't date him he could be your dad
And the daughter is like so there's an age difference who cares
I think you misunderstood me
Girls, if a guy remembers your birthday, saves your pictures knows what you enjoy and understands your family and friends,
This guy is not your man.
This guy is Mark Zuckerberg.
This girl ran up to me at the cemetery and said "I need to pass through the cemetery but I'm scared to walk alone. Can you walk with me across?"
I said "Oh yeah of course. Don't worry, I used to be super scared of cemeteries when I was alive too."
Professor X asks a girl, "what is your mutant power?"
Girl replies: "I can guess how many pulls to turn a ceiling fan off on the first try!"
She points up and says: "3 pulls"
Professor X stands up and pulls 3 times. After the third pull the fan turns off.
Professor X: "Yeah thats cool and all, but not really a super power..."
Girl: "Yeah I was jut kidding, I can heal paraplegics"
Professor X, still standing: "Oh my god"
Speaking of a big fat b**...!
A girl takes her big fat cat to the vet.
"My cat is very fat, she says.
"Alright," says the vet. "I will look at him."
The vet picks up the cat and examines its teeth. Then she looks at its eyes. Then into its ears.
Finally, she turns to the girl and says, I'm very sorry. I'm going to have to put your cat down."
"Oh no! Because he's so fat?"
"Yes, says the doctor. My arms are very tired."
A woman was 3 months pregnant when she fell into a deep coma and woke up after about 10 months.
The woman asked the doctor about her baby.
Doctor: You had twins, a boy and a girl. They're both fine. And, your brother named them for you.
Woman: No No No! Not my brother. He's an idiot! What did he name the girl?
Doctor: Denise.
Woman: Ohh, that's actually a nice name. What about the boy?
Doctor: deeply sighs Denephew.
Last year a guy took his Blonde girl friend to the Superbowl
They had great seats right behind their team's bench.
After the game, he asked her how she liked it.
"Oh, I really liked it," she replied, "especially the
tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn't
understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents."
Dumbfounded, her boyfriend asked, "What do you
mean?"
"Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it, then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was...
'Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback!'
I'm like...Helloooooo? It's only 25 cents!"
A teenager brings her new boyfriend home to meet her parents.
They're appalled by his haircut, tattoos and piercings.
The boy leaves and the girl's mom remarks, Dear, he doesn't seem to be a very nice boy.
* Oh, come on Mom! If he wasn't nice, would he be doing 300 hours of community service? *
My girlfriend is so smart, she really surprises me!
I went golfing, and forgot to bring my phone, so I used my friend's phone to call her.
She answered: "What's up, honey?"
What a smart girl! She knew I was the one on the phone!
d**... girl, are you a piñata?
Because I'm going to need a blindfold to hit that
Mummy, how was I born?
A 10-year-old girl asks her mum, Mummy, how was I born**?**
The mother smiled and replied:
Once upon a time, your daddy and I decided to plant a wonderful little seed. Daddy put it in the earth & I took care of it every single day.
After a while, the seed started to grow more and more leaves and in a few months, it turned into a beautiful healthy plant.
So we took the plant, dried it, rolled it up, smoked it, and got so high that we forgot to wear a c**....
How many trans women does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Just one, and you don't even need the lightbulb. Just tell her she's a lovely girl, and she'll brighten up the room instantly.
a teacher is doing attendance. she comes across the name hijkm she says i'm sorry, i'm not sure how to pronounce this name, then spells it out. a girl raises her hand and says this:
that's me, and it's pronounced noelle
A teenager brings her new boyfriend home to meet her parents.
They're disgusted by his haircut, tattoos, and piercings. Later, when he leaves, the girl's mom says, "Dear, he doesn't seem to be a very nice boy."
"Oh, please, mom!" says the daughter. "If he wasn't nice, why would he be doing 500 hours of community service?"
My wife doesn't like it when I support female business owners.
…And she told me to stop calling OnlyFans girls that.
I told this girl I was seeing she had drawn her eyebrows on too high
She looked very surprised
Frank Sinatra was dining out one night when a high school lad came up to his table.
Mr. Sinatra," said the teen-age boy, my name is Bernie Rosenberg. Would you please do me a favor?
What kind of favor? Sinatra asked.
"Well, I'm here with my girl and I want to make a good impression on her. I certainly would appreciate it if you would drop by my table and say 'Hi, Bernie!'
OK, kid, I'll try, said the singer, smiling.
A little later he dropped by the boy's table, and said, Hi, Bernie!
The boy looked up at him and snapped, Don't bother me now, Frankie. Can't you see I'm busy?
I was on a first date recently and the girl told me she really liked the national emblem of China
I thought, well that's a red flag.
A logician has just given birth.
The logicians friend asks her is it a boy or a girl?
The logician replies yes
