Footballer Jokes

39 footballer jokes and hilarious footballer puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about footballer that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest Footballer Short Jokes

Short footballer jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The footballer humour may include short football player jokes also.

  1. My wife just left me. She says life revolves around football and she's sick of it. I'm quite upset. We were together for 7 seasons.
  2. What's the difference between a tea bag and the German football team? A tea bag stays in the cup for longer...
    Bit of British humour right there ;)
  3. I've finally worked out why Spain is so good at football. Nobody expects the spanish in position.
  4. Do you know the Football player whose missing 75% of his spine? He's the Quarterback.

    (My 2nd joke attempt X\_X)
  5. Losing my virginity was like my first football game. It hurt a lot but at least my dad came.
  6. 19:45 We can't continue this way. You have to choose. Football or me? 22:00 Of course I choose you, honey!
  7. 8 p.m. I get an SMS from my girlfriend: Me or football?! 11 p.m. I SMS my girlfriend: You of course.
  8. Did you know, that if you take all of the human organs and spread them out on a football field. You get arrested
  9. The england football Team visited an Orphanage in Russia yesterday.. "It's heart breaking to see their little faces with no hope", said Vladimir, aged 6.
  10. If three Florida State football players are in the same car, who is driving? The police officer.

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Footballer One Liners

Which footballer one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with footballer? I can suggest the ones about soccer player and league player.

  1. Why are Italians so good at football? Because it involves changing sides halfway through.
  2. What is the objective of jewish football? To get the quarter back.
  3. How do you get a football player to stop resisting arrest? Sing the national anthem
  4. What does the average Alabama football player get on his SATs? Drool
  5. How many hearts can the belgium football team break at once? About a brazilian...
  6. I rolled my first joint last night! Today I have an ankle the size of a football. :(
  7. What did the football player say to the flight attendant? Put me in coach.
  8. What's the aim of a Jewish football match? Getting the quarterback.
  9. Did you hear about the gay football coach? He turns tight ends into wide receivers
  10. Why don't any American football players wear glasses? Because it is a contact sport!
  11. Why was Cinderella kicked out of the football team? She ran away from the ball.
  12. What's the Objective of Jewish Football? To get the quarter back.
  13. As a Brit, I can't get into American football They rugby the wrong way
  14. what's al qaeda's favorite football team? The New York Jets
  15. How do you set fire to a football stadium? With a match.

Professional Footballer Jokes

Here is a list of funny professional footballer jokes and even better professional footballer puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Why doesn't the NFL give Iowa a professional football team? Because then Minnesota would want one.
  • R Kelly likes his girls like he likes his professional footballers Young, fit, and not allowed to come out.
  • Why doesn't Olympia, Washington have a professional football team? ...Because then Seattle would want one too! (Usually I do Ft. Worth/Dallas, but you get the idea)
  • Why doesn't Iowa have a professional football team? So that Minnesota does not get jealous.
Footballer joke, Why doesn't Iowa have a professional football team?

Cheeky Footballer Jokes that Will Make You and Your Friends Chuckle

What funny jokes about footballer you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean athlete jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make footballer pranks.

A Scientologist, a Catholic, and a m**... are talking about their families.

The Scientologist jokes, "I've got 4 kids. One more and I'll have a basketball team!" The Catholic joins in and says, "Well I've got 10 kids, and one more I'll have a football team!". The m**... speaks up and deadpans. "I've got 17 wives. One more and I'll have a golf course."

Pavlov's birds

An MIT student spent an entire summer going to the Harvard football field every day wearing a black and white striped shirt, walking up and down the field for ten or fifteen minutes throwing birdseed all over the field, blowing a whistle and then walking off the field. At the end of the summer, it came time for the first Harvard home football team, the referee walked onto the field and blew the whistle, and the game had to be delayed for a half hour to wait for the birds to get off of the field. The guy wrote his thesis on this, and graduated.

Smart first grader

A first-grade teacher can't believe her student isn't hepped-up about the Super Bowl. It's a huge event. Why aren't you excited?
Because I'm not a football fan. My parents love basketball, so I do too, says the student.
Well, that's a lousy reason, says the teacher. What if your parents were morons? What would you be then?
Then I'd be a football fan.

A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game.

They had great seats right behind their team's bench. After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience. "Oh, I really liked it," she replied, "especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn't understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents." Dumbfounded, her date asked, "What do you mean?" "Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it, and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was, 'Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback!' I'm like, hello? It's only 25 cents!"

My first time having s**... was alot like my first football game

It was painful, it was tiring
But at least my dad came

A Jew, a Catholic, and a m**... are drinking together.

The Jew boasts about his fertility
"I have 4 sons; one more and I'll have a basketball team!"
"That's nothing," says the Catholic, "I have 10 sons! I almost have a football team!"
The Jew and Catholic looked expectantly at the m**.... "Well?"
"I have 17 wives. I almost have a golf course!"

I found a used football in a second hand store...

I picked it up and took it to the counter.
"How much is this?" I asked
"That'll be $5" said the owner. "Would you like me to pump it up for you?"
"Of course, thanks a lot!" I replied.
So, he got a small pump from under the counter and in a few seconds the ball was as good as new.
"Ok, all done" he said. "That'll be $10 please".
"$10!!!??!!" I replied. "But you said $5 just now".
He looked up and said "Sorry. Inflation".

I saw a billboard the other day for a sports team called the Chicago Fire.

it made me wonder just how long it takes before you can name a team after a tragedy.
it'd be like naming a football team "the New York Jets."

It was my first day at a new school.

When I arrived, I wanted to make sure nobody would pick on me so I walked up to the captain of the football team and punched him in the face. He fell to the ground, unconscious. From that day forward, everyone knew not to mess with the new principal.

Footballer joke, How do you get a football player to stop resisting arrest?