Football Team Jokes

141 football team jokes and hilarious football team puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about football team that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Quick Jump To

Funniest Football Team Short Jokes

Short football team jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The football team humour may include short sports team jokes also.

  1. What's the difference between a tea bag and the German football team? A tea bag stays in the cup for longer...
    Bit of British humour right there ;)
  2. The england football Team visited an Orphanage in Russia yesterday.. "It's heart breaking to see their little faces with no hope", said Vladimir, aged 6.
  3. What's the difference between Maddie mccann and the England football team Only one of them is coming home
  4. Did you hear about the baby ghost who joined the football team? He heard the coach say they needed a little team spirit.
  5. What is 5 feet tall, has 22 legs and feigns death if you approach it up to two meters? The Italy national football team.
  6. Why aren't there many female football teams? Because you can't convince 11 women to wear the same clothes
  7. What is 1.60 m high, has 22 legs and feigns death if you touch it? The Italy national football team.
  8. The England Football team..... visited a Brazilian orphanage this morning. 'It's heartbreak to see their sad little faces with no hope' said Jose, age 6.
  9. Why doesn't pakistan have its national football team? Whenever they get a corner, they will set up a shop.
  10. A football team should setup a charity that gives presents to children with Down Syndrome ...and call it Touch Downs.

Share These Football Team Jokes With Friends

Football Team One Liners

Which football team one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with football team? I can suggest the ones about soccer team and basketball team.

  1. How many hearts can the belgium football team break at once? About a brazilian...
  2. Why was Cinderella kicked out of the football team? She ran away from the ball.
  3. what's al qaeda's favorite football team? The New York Jets
  4. Washington DC should name their football team the Lobbyists. They never lose.
  5. What's the iPhone's favorite football team? The Chargers.
  6. What does the Welsh football team captain do to his opponents? Wrexham
  7. Q: Why did the coach give his football team lighters? A: They kept losing their matches.
  8. ATTN: Brazilian football fans Don't feel too bad. Your team only lost by a touchdown.
  9. Why was the Jamaican footballer sad? He was kicked off his team's rasta
  10. What does the N on the Nebraska football team's helmet stand for? Nowledge.
  11. The English national football team Really is coming home now...
  12. Why is the LSU football team like my car? They both used to have Les (less) Miles!
  13. Why did the football team take the short bus to the game? They needed more downs.
  14. What do you call a dog that can't make the starting football team? A subwoofer
  15. Why didn't the Clemson football team get to have dessert? Ice cream machine was broken.

England Football Team Jokes

Here is a list of funny england football team jokes and even better england football team puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • What's the difference between my son and the England national football team? My son stopped disappointing me after 52 years.
  • What's the difference between the Thai cave boys and the England football team The Thai boys were invited to the final
  • England football team are great at holding on in extra time.
  • What do terrorists and the England football team have in common? They will never win

Bad Football Team Jokes

Here is a list of funny bad football team jokes and even better bad football team puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Why are the bears such a bad football team? Because when they were little, they were cubs.
    I'm so sorry
  • Sunderland aren't a bad football team They managed to get out of the Championship on their first attempt, just like Newcastle
  • Why is the oregon ducks a bad doctors favorite football team? Because they're a quack

Washington Football Team Jokes

Here is a list of funny washington football team jokes and even better washington football team puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • The Washington pro football team picked out the perfect new name for the team, the Opossums. They are good at home... But get killed on the road.
  • Why doesn't Olympia, Washington have a professional football team? ...Because then Seattle would want one too! (Usually I do Ft. Worth/Dallas, but you get the idea)

Losing Football Team Jokes

Here is a list of funny losing football team jokes and even better losing football team puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Watching this election has been like watching my fantasy football team on sundays... Always projected number 1 in points
    ( owning bell, brown, rodgers) , and always losing games
  • My football team went on a massive losing streak. I saw them running n**... around my town.

Cheeky Football Team Jokes to Experience Good Cheer & Frivolity

What funny jokes about football team you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean hockey team jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make football team pranks.

A Catholic, a Baptist and a m**... are bragging about the size of their families.
"I have four boys and my wife is expecting another," says the Catholic. "One more son, and I'll have a basketball team,"
"That's nothing," says the Baptist. "I have 10 boys now, and my wife is pregnant with another child. One more son, and I'll have a football team."
"That's nothing," says the m**.... "I have 17 wives. One more wife, and I'll have a golf course."

Q: What do you get if you cross a football team with a flower center?
A: Nottingham forest.

A Baptist a Catholic and a m**... were talking about their families. . .

The Baptist says I have 4 kids, just one more and I'll have a basketball team. The Catholic says That's nice but I have 10 kids, one more and I'll have a football team. The m**... says Well, I have 17 wives, one more, and I'll have a golf course.

A Catholic priest, a Baptist priest, and a m**... priest are sitting in a bar

So a m**... priest, a baptist priest, and a catholic priest are sitting in a bar. The catholic priest says "I have six kids now, I have a basketball team". The baptist priest says "I have eleven kids now, I have a football team". The m**... priest says "I have 18 wives now, I have a golf course"

Did you hear about the butcher's assistant who ditched work to try out for the football team?

He didn't make the cut.

The coach discovers he is going to die in a week

He tells his wife: I want to clear my conscience. I have been unfaithful to you, only once, with your sister.
She says: That's okay. I too have been unfaithful to you, only once, with the football team.

Heard a dwarf-comedian tell this ( no offence t**... anybody) (quite long)

There is a bar that sponsors a soccer team for midgets, so after every game the team and their opposing team of that weak eat free at the second floor of that bar. So when the teams are eating a man comes in and starts drinking, big time. After a while the first team leaves and the man looks in surpise bus remains silent. After he's had another drink the second team leaves. The man then turns to the barkeeper and says dead serious: " I don't mean to alarm you but I think your foosball ( table football) table is leaving."
No offence to anyone. I just thought it was hilarious.

A Jew, A Catholic, and a m**... are in a bar discussing their families...

...The Jew says "I have 8 kids, one more and I'll have enough for a baseball team!" The Catholic says "I have 10 kids, one more and I'll have enough for a football team!" The m**... says "That's nothing, I have 17 wives, one more and I'll have enough for a golf course!"

2 Poles are watching a Football game...

There is an attack by one team and the first Polish dude says:
-I bet you 20 bucks he will not score
-You are on - Replies the second one.
The attack goes through and the person scores. So the the first
pole reaches for his wallet, but the second one stops him saying:
-I cheated a little, this is a rerun I knew he'd score, keep your money.
-I also watched the game before, though I am still surprised the goalie let the same goal happen twice.

Whatever you do, don't tell this joke to a math person; they will just make you upset

Bill is a giant nerd, and he knows that he isn't perceived as cool; in fact, lots of people call him a square. So, in an effort to be cool, he finds some cool guys and decides to go do everything he can with them.
They say, "Hey Bill, we're going to the bar. Want to come?"
He says, "Sure," and comes to the bar. They all order shots and beers. Bill doesn't want to be a square, so he orders shots and beers, and they all have a great time.
Next week, they call Bill up and tell him that they're going to a club. Bill comes along with them. They all start grinding on women and ordering tons of booze. Bill doesn't want to be a square, so he does the same and has a good time.
The next week, they call Bill up and tell him that they're going to a football game. Bill doesn't want to be a square, so he comes along. The guys are all cheering for their team enthusiastically, but Bill just sits quietly in his seat. Finally one of the guys says, "Bill, this isn't like you. Everything else we've done, you've joined in happily. Why won't you root for the team with us?"
Bill replies, "Well, I don't want to be a square. And rooting? Rooting is for squares."

Why don't the blondes like football?

A blonde went to the Super Bowl and someone asked her afterwards how she liked it. She said she enjoyed many aspects of the experience, but she didn't understand why all the players were fighting so hard over 25 cents. She was asked what she meant. She said, "Well, before the game, they flipped a quarter and one team started out with it. For the rest of the game, they kept yelling, 'Get the quarter back.' Hellooooo?! It's only 25 cents, people."

There should be a football team called the Tampons...

...of course, they would only be good for one period and they would have no second string.

If college football created a bowl game called the "Hyperbole," which two teams would be selected to play in it?

The two greatest teams in the history of the known universe.

So the Bears were looking for a new quarterback.

The coach had put together the perfect team for the Chicago Bears. The only thing that was missing was a good quarterback. He had scouted all the colleges and even the Canadian and European Leagues, but he couldn't find a ringer who could ensure a Super Bowl win.
Then one night while watching CNN he saw a war-zone scene in Afghanistan . In one corner of the background, he spotted a young Afghan Muslim soldier with a truly incredible arm. He threw a hand-grenade straight into a 15th story window 100 yards away.
He threw another hand-grenade 75 yards away, right into a chimney.
Then he threw another at a passing car going 90 mph.
"I've got to get this guy!" Coach said to himself. "He has the perfect arm!"
So, he brings him to the States and teaches him the great game of football. And the Bears go on to win the Super Bowl.
The young Afghan is hailed as the great hero of football, and when the coach asks him what he wants, all the young man wants is to call his mother.
"Mom," he says into the phone, "I just won the Super Bowl!"
"I don't want to talk to you", the old Muslim woman says."You are not my son!"
"I don't think you understand, Mother," the young man pleads. "I've won the greatest sporting event in the world. I'm here among thousands of my adoring fans."
"No! Let me tell you!" his mother retorts. "At this very moment, there are gunshots all around us. The neighborhood is a pile of rubble. Your two brothers were beaten within an inch of their lives last week, and I have to keep your sister in the house so she doesn't get r**...!" The old lady pauses, and then tearfully says, "I will never forgive you for making us move to Chicago !!!!

A football player is seriously ill

On a press conference the coach of a famous football team announces that their best player, George d**..., won't be playing in the next game. After the conference a reporter comes up to the coach and asks "Just wanted to check if you're okay with the headline... it'll be 'Team plays without d**...' "
"Nah, that doesn't sound good. Change it"
So when the coach checked the newspaper the next morning, the headline read "Team plays with d**... out!"

While were at it, this is the joke I made up when I was 9

A football team is eating in the cafeteria and they're all waiting in line. Sean plays safety on the football team, and all of the sudden, he starts to cut the line!
Everybody is upset: "Why do you get to go ahead?" They asked.
Sean replied: "Safety First!"
Corny I know, but I was convinced I would be a comedian

why didn't the monkey make the football team?

he was a chimp-p**....

Football with a blonde girlfriend

A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game. They had great seats right behind their team's bench. After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience. "Oh, I really liked it," she replied, "especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn't understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents." Dumbfounded, her date asked, "What do you mean?" "Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it, and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was, 'Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback!' I'm like, hello? It's only 25 cents!"

The Brasil National Football Team got a brand new van as a consolation prize....

It fits 7.

A football coach addresses his team amidst rumors of his racism...

and says:
"I know people have been saying things, but those rumors couldn't be farther from the truth. The truth is, I don't care what color any of you are. I don't care if you're black. I don't care if you're white. It simply doesn't matter. So, I'll tell you what. From now on, you're all green.
"Now, everybody get on the bus. Light green in front, dark green in back."

What are your best Sports Team jokes?

With the NHL season getting started tonight. I am wondering what are you best jokes making fun off sports teams. All Sports (Baseball,hockey,football, soccer etc).

What does your mom and my fantasy football team have in common?

As soon as I put money on them, they s**....

Favourite football/soccer teams

What's an arthroplasty surgeon's favourite football team? Ipswich Town
What's a jockey's favourite football team? Derby
What's a detective's favourite football team? Leads United
What's a fossil's favourite football team? S'underland
What's a stale meat's favourite football team? Oldham
What's a fit, balding person's favourite football team? Wigan Athletic
What's a pirate's favourite football team? Loot-on (Luton) Town


Everybody knows that Gatorade was first used by the University of Florida's football program, but they weren't the first Florida team to create a hydrating beverage.
But unfortunately no one wanted to buy Seminole Fluid.

What was the physicist's favorite football team?

The Houston Eulers.

Pavlov's birds

An MIT student spent an entire summer going to the Harvard football field every day wearing a black and white striped shirt, walking up and down the field for ten or fifteen minutes throwing birdseed all over the field, blowing a whistle and then walking off the field. At the end of the summer, it came time for the first Harvard home football team, the referee walked onto the field and blew the whistle, and the game had to be delayed for a half hour to wait for the birds to get off of the field. The guy wrote his thesis on this, and graduated.

What do you call a football team full of r**...?

Special teams.

A Jew, a Catholic, and a m**... are drinking together.

The Jew boasts about his fertility
"I have 4 sons; one more and I'll have a basketball team!"
"That's nothing," says the Catholic, "I have 10 sons! I almost have a football team!"
The Jew and Catholic looked expectantly at the m**.... "Well?"
"I have 17 wives. I almost have a golf course!"

What's h**...'s favorite football team?


I saw a billboard the other day for a sports team called the Chicago Fire.

it made me wonder just how long it takes before you can name a team after a tragedy.
it'd be like naming a football team "the New York Jets."

"I was going to watch a German football team play today, but I couldn't leave the house because I don't know where I left the key."

"No, I checked the mantelpiece."

Have you heard about the Flint, Michigan football team?

Their lead is unstoppable!

A Jewish guy, a Catholic guy and a m**... are having dinner together...

...and they are bragging about their families.
"My wife and I have 4 strapping young boys" says the Jewish man. "If we have one more, we would have our own basketball team."
"Well, good for you" says the Catholic. "But we have 10 healthy sons. If we would have one more we would have our own football team."
"That's nothing" says the m**.... "I have 17 wives. If I have one more I would have my own golf course."

What's the difference between a football match and a referendum?

In a football match, the best team wins.

Why is the Swedish football team so good?

They sold their souls to zlatan

A Jew, a Catholic and a m**... were having drinks at the bar following an interfaith meeting...

The Jew, bragging on his virility, said, "I have four sons. One more and I'll have a basketball team."
The Catholic, pooh-poohed this accomplishment, stating, "That's nothing, boy. I have 10 sons, one more and I'll have a football team."
To which the m**... replied, "You fellas ain't got a clue. I have 17 wives. One more and I'll have a golf course."

The football team called

They want their quarter back

It's Jim's birthday

Jim's wife treats her man by taking him to a s**... Club for his birthday... At The Club, The Doorman Says, "Hey Jimmy, How are You?" The wife asks, "How does he know you? Jimmy says, "Oh dear, I play football with him." Inside the Bartender Says, "The Usual, Jim?" Jimmy says to Wife, "Before you say anything, He's on the Darts Team." Next a stripper Says, "Hi Jim! Do You Crave the Special Again??" The wife storms out dragging Jimmy with her & jumps into a taxi... The Taxi driver Says, "Hey Jimmy Boy! You picked up an ugly one this time...."

English, American and Arab guy bragging in a bar about their large family.

The American says: "I have 4 kids. One more, and I can make a basketball team!"
The English says: "I have 10 kids. One more, and I can make a football ("soccer") team!"
The Arab guy says: "I have 17 wifes. One more, and I can make a golf course!"

Why do Pakistan not have an international football team?

Everytime they get a corner they set up a shop.

A British girl meets a guy...

And they hit it off immediately. The girl goes to her dad the next day to tell him about it.
"Oh, dad, he's just the sweetest! He loves dancing and photography, he's great with kids, and he volunteers at an animal shelter. He's funny, handsome, a great listener, oh! and he's a goalie for a local football team. Oh dad, what do you think?"
Her dad looked at her with an odd expression and said "Oh honey...
... *he's a keeper*"

What does the Florida State football team and a Florida State cheerleader have in common?

They both s**... for four quarters.

If two teams of football players hosted a game at a beach..

Would it be a Jersey Shore?

It was my first day at a new school.

When I arrived, I wanted to make sure nobody would pick on me so I walked up to the captain of the football team and punched him in the face. He fell to the ground, unconscious. From that day forward, everyone knew not to mess with the new principal.

An Englishman, a Welshman and an Arab met over coffee.. a convention.
''I am happily married,'' said the Englishman, ''and have 10 children. One more and I shall have my own football team."
''I am happily married,'' said the Welshman ''and have 14 children. One more and I shall have my own Rugby team."
''I am also happily married,'' said the Arab ''and have 17 wives. One more and I shall have my own Golf course.''

UNC received no sanctions for their decades of cheating...

...but they're forced to keep their football team.

Three cats live at the football stadium

It was lean pickings one winter but eventually they managed to catch a mouse and are discussing how they will divide it up.
The first cat says "as we live at the football stadium let's divide it by team. I support Liverpool so I will eat it's Liver
"Great idea" says the second cat "I support Hartlepool. I will eat the heart
The third cat says "I support Arsenal, I'm not that hungry thanks"

A football team loses its star player Dante d**... due to an injury...

The next day, the paper reads "Team will play without d**...."
Outraged, the team manager demands that the newspaper change the title and resubmit their article.
The next day, the headline reads "Team to play with d**... out."

My high school's football team literally never wins

I propose we name every hurricane Paschal High School so that they will never touch down

The Nigerian football team is disappointed with Saturdays performance.

They will personally refund all tickets and travel expenses to their fans. Just send them bank details, sort codes and and PIC'S to allow them to send the money directly.

The England football team went to visit an orphanage in Russia this morning.

"It's good to put a smile on the faces of people with no hope, constantly struggling and facing the impossible" said Anatoly, aged 6.

Before leaving Russia, the German football team visited an orphanage in Moscow

"It was so sad to see the pain and hopelessness on their faces" said Vladimir, age 5.

The German football team visited a Russian orphanage today

"It was tough, seeing their sad little faces with no hope", said Vova, age six.

The Nigerian football team were so disappointed with Saturday's performance that they have said they will personally refund all expenses to fans who travelled to support them.

All they need to do is send bank details, sort codes & PINs, and they will transfer the money directly …

How to build a wall

If Trump ever needs help with the wall to Mexico he should ask the Swedish National Football Team, they did a pretty good job.

Told my dad that 12 boys from a junior football team are lost in a flooded cave in Thailand.

Dad: He told me they should call a priest.
Me: Dad! They could still be alive.
Dad: Yes I believe that they are still alive as well, just toss a priest in the cave and he'll find those boys real quick.

Neymar is meeting up with the Thailand football team who were trapped in a cave...

He's going to teach them how to dive

It's kinda ironic that 12 kid football team got trapped by water

Judging by the World Cup, I thought every team knew how to dive

How do you know the thai football team are fair football players?

Because they don't know how to dive.

jokes about football team