Football Soccer Jokes

37 football soccer jokes and hilarious football soccer puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about football soccer that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest Football Soccer Short Jokes

Short football soccer jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The football soccer humour may include short soccer jokes also.

  1. Why is Spain so good at football (soccer)? Because no one expects the Spanish in position!
  2. I started watching football (soccer) because I could see it's very relevant to my life... Little to no goals.
  3. I used to be the worst player on my football team but then I moved to America Now I'm the worst on my soccer team
  4. I made a bunch of custom t-shirts for my footballer friends, and they suddenly turned into philosophers. Must've been the soccer tees.
  5. What's the difference between a football (soccer) referee and a politician? When the referee gets bribed at least someone wins.
  6. Why are Asians no good a football ( soccer) ? Because whenever they get a corner they open a shop !
  7. Lorius Karius That's it. That's the joke. Lorius Karius. (Football fans/ soccer fans will get it)
    It's crisps not chips
    It's chips not fries
    It's football not soccer
    It's rugby not football
    It's school not shooting range!
  9. I find it amusing Americans call it soccer and the English call it football Just like how I find it amusing the English call it shooting range and the Americans call it school
  10. I was watching a movie where the acting was so bad that it turned into a football (soccer to us yanks) game.

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Football Soccer One Liners

Which football soccer one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with football soccer? I can suggest the ones about soccer game and soccer match.

  1. What it would be like having one of his rivals not show up? Was he a rival then?
  2. What Football (soccer) Cup does Super Mario compete in? Koopa Italia
  3. Americans Interested in Football! What a Soccer !!
  4. What is the consequence of a bad tackle in chicken football [soccer]? A fowl.
  5. Is it soccer or football? Fight. Fight. Fight. Fight.
  6. If ISIS played football... ...they'd be in 'Serie A'
  7. What is the k**...'s favourite football (soccer) club? Blackburn
  8. How to tell if you s**... at football... Hint: You call it soccer.

Amusing & Witty Football Soccer Jokes for Laughter-Filled Fun

What funny jokes about football soccer you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean football match jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make football soccer pranks.

English, American and Arab guy bragging in a bar about their large family.

The American says: "I have 4 kids. One more, and I can make a basketball team!"
The English says: "I have 10 kids. One more, and I can make a football ("soccer") team!"
The Arab guy says: "I have 17 wifes. One more, and I can make a golf course!"

Britons vs. Americans

It's Mom not Mum
It's Chips not Crisps
It's Fries not Chips
It's Color not Colour
It's Soccer not Football
It's Football not Rugby
It's School not Shooting Range.

My cousin is obsessed with football (soccer). So when I entered his room...

When I entered his room and saw that it was covered in posters of a famous Argentinian player, I thought to myself...
That's a Messi room.

Two very old men of unimportant european nationality meet

While talking, one asks: "You watching the football game?" (Soccer for our American friends)
The other says: "Who's playing?"
"Austria-Hungary", says the first.
"Against whom?"

A man is sitting at a bar in Las Vegas, crying.

The Bartender notices him and asks him what's wrong.
The man answers:''I lost over 50 grand this weekend betting on sports. I Went 0-8 in Baseball, 0-13 in Basketball, 0-6 In Football and 0-9 in Soccer."
The bartender, in disbelief, tries to soothe the man:"Have you ever tried betting on Hockey?"
The man quickly responds:"Of course not. I don't know anything about hockey!"

What are your best Sports Team jokes?

With the NHL season getting started tonight. I am wondering what are you best jokes making fun off sports teams. All Sports (Baseball,hockey,football, soccer etc).

whats the difference between American soccer and Chilean football?

american soccer and Chilean football are pretty much the same except every goal the Chileans throw a communist from a helicopter.

Heard a dwarf-comedian tell this ( no offence t**... anybody) (quite long)

There is a bar that sponsors a soccer team for midgets, so after every game the team and their opposing team of that weak eat free at the second floor of that bar. So when the teams are eating a man comes in and starts drinking, big time. After a while the first team leaves and the man looks in surpise bus remains silent. After he's had another drink the second team leaves. The man then turns to the barkeeper and says dead serious: " I don't mean to alarm you but I think your foosball ( table football) table is leaving."
No offence to anyone. I just thought it was hilarious.

The 3 main difference between the UK and the USA

In the UK it's football. In the USA it's soccer.
In the UK it's Colour. In the USA it's Color.
In the UK it's School. In the USA it's shooting range.

Three holy men rode a plane home.
There was a t**... on board who of the firm belief that the world should end.
Who should talk him out of it.
The pilot and his crew gave up and believed the holy men should live.
In the remains was a burnt soccer ball labeled flame retardant.
And a melted black box.
The holy men still live to tell the tale.
And so does the football.

A student went to class late, so the teacher asked him, "Why are you late?"
He told her, "I was dreaming of a Manchester United football match."
But that did not make any sense for the teacher so she ask, "Still why are you late?"
He answered, "Because there was extra time."

A team of little animals and a team of big animals decided to play football.
During the first half of the game, the big animals were winning.
But during the second half,a centipede scored so many touchdowns that the little animals won the game.
When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede,
“Where were you during the first half?”
He replied “Putting on my shoes!”.

Dad's job

(German here)
The teacher asks the children what their dad's are doing for a job. All very exited shouted all different professions;
"Police Office, Fireman, banker, accountant, ..." ... only Hans remained quiet.
So, the teach asks "Hans, what is you dad doing as a job?"
"Oh, he's dancing n**... at a gay club and sometimes man pay him more money and they go to a motel together".
"Is that true, Hans?" The teacher asks shocked.
"No, he's playing football (soccer) for the German national team but that would have been too embarrassing.