Football Fields Jokes
25 football fields jokes and hilarious football fields puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about football fields that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Football Fields Short Jokes
Short football fields jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The football fields humour may include short football jokes also.
- I left my illustrious football career behind to become a relatively successful farmer. Field goals
- How much is your height Indian:- My height is 167cms
European :- My height is 182.5 cms
American :- My height is 1/3675 of a Football field - Two windmills are in a field... ...And one says to the other, "Hey, do you like football?"
The other one replies, "Yeah, I'm a big fan". - Two wind turbines are stood in a field. One wind turbine turns to the other. "Have you been watching the football recently?" asks the turbine.
"No," says the other. "I'm not really a big fan." - Why did Iowa replace all the high school football fields with artificial turf? To stop the cheerleaders from grazing during halftime.
- I was kicked out of the football game after taking a knee I guess I was on the wrong field
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Football Fields One Liners
Which football fields one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with football fields? I can suggest the ones about corn field and baseball stadiums.
- I'm allergic to football fields They send me into NFLactic shock.
- Why did the black football player go to jail? He was on a high school field trip.
- What do you call one tick mark on a football field in Russia? a Russian yard.
- What do you call a h**... in the middle of a football field?
Comical Football Fields Jokes to Spread Joy and Laughter
What funny jokes about football fields you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean football position jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make football fields pranks.
Pavlov's birds
An MIT student spent an entire summer going to the Harvard football field every day wearing a black and white striped shirt, walking up and down the field for ten or fifteen minutes throwing birdseed all over the field, blowing a whistle and then walking off the field. At the end of the summer, it came time for the first Harvard home football team, the referee walked onto the field and blew the whistle, and the game had to be delayed for a half hour to wait for the birds to get off of the field. The guy wrote his thesis on this, and graduated.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Did you know, that if you take all of the human organs and spread them out on a football field.
You get arrested
The engineer and the mathematician
A mathematician and an engineer are at a bar when the most beautiful woman either of them has ever seen approaches them.
She takes them to a football field and tells them, "I'm going to stand on the far goal line, and you'll stand on this one. Whichever of you reaches me first can do whatever you want to me."
"There are two rules, however. Your first move can only be to the fifty yard line, and each move following can only be half the distance of the previous."
The woman walks to the far side to the far goal line, and the race begins.
The mathematician, upon seeing her reach the goal line, breaks down in tears, because he knows that he can never make it to the far goal.
The engineer takes off immediately. He knows he can never reach her, but he can certainly get close enough for all practical purposes.
Football joke
Timmy, the goalkeeper of the school team, is sitting on the field after a big loss.
"My boy", an old man said behind him, "I saw you play. I think I can help you"
"Are you a coach?"
"No I'm an eye doctor"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Williams College and Amherst College have a long-standing rivalry.
One night, the Amherst students decide to raid the Williams football field and spray paint an A for Amherst s**... dab in the middle of the field. They sneak out under the cover of the dark, and when the Williams students wake up the next morning, they see the massive A on their field. Naturally, they decide to get Amherst back for their hijinks by leaving their own mark on the Amherst field.
The next morning, the Amherst students wake up to an average-sized B+ on their field.
A good drummer, a bad drummer, a trumpeter and a clarinetist are standing im each corner of a football field
You throw $100 in the middle of the field. Who gets the money first?
The bad drummer. There are no good drummers, the trumpeter doesn't move for just 100 bucks and the clarinetist didn't understand the game.
Your at a football game and two quarters go by
You see a marching band go out to perform
In a quick 30 seconds they make a T and a I and they run off the field.
You ask the band director, "why did you only spell out T and I?"
The band director replies, "it's a half time show, is it not?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My gay football team was full of winners. The other team might have beat us on the field...
but we beat them off.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Blonde physical education teacher
A blonde gets a job as a physical education teacher for 16 - 18 year olds.
She notices a boy at the end of the field standing alone, while all the other kids are running around having fun, k**... a football.
She takes pity on him and decides to speak to him.
'Are you ok?' she asks.
'Yes,' he replies.
'You can go and play with the other kids, you know,' she says.
'It's best I stay here,' he says.
'Why's that, sweetie?' asks the blonde..
The boy looks at her incredulously and says:
"Because I'm the goal keeper !!!"
Buccaneers Anthrax Scare
Tampa Bay, Florida, Sept. 26, 2014.
Tampa Bay Buccaneers football practice was delayed nearly two hours today after a player found a mysterious white powdery substance on the practice field.
Coach Lovie Smith immediately suspended practice and called in local authorities.
Forensic scientists determined the powdery substance unknown to the players was the goal line.
Practice was resumed after it was determined the players were unlikely to encounter it again any time soon.
Baseball & Football -George Carlin
Baseball is different from any other sport, very different. For instance, in most sports you score points or goals; in baseball you score runs. In most sports the ball, or object, is put in play by the offensive team; in baseball the defensive team puts the ball in play, and only the defense is allowed to touch the ball. In fact, in baseball if an offensive player touches the ball intentionally, he's out; sometimes unintentionally, he's out.
Also: in football,basketball, soccer, volleyball, and all sports played with a ball, you score with the ball and in baseball the ball prevents you from scoring.
In most sports the team is run by a coach; in baseball the team is run by a manager. And only in baseball does the manager or coach wear the same clothing the players do. If you'd ever seen John Madden in his Oakland Raiders uniform,you'd know the reason for this custom.
Now, I've mentioned football. Baseball & football are the two most popular spectator sports in this country. And as such, it seems they ought to be able to tell us something about ourselves and our values.
I enjoy comparing baseball and football:
Baseball is a nineteenth-century pastoral game.
Football is a twentieth-century technological struggle.
Baseball is played on a diamond, in a park.The baseball park!
Football is played on a gridiron, in a stadium, sometimes called Soldier Field or War Memorial Stadium.
Baseball begins in the spring, the season of new life.
Football begins in the fall, when everything's dying.
In football you wear a helmet.
In baseball you wear a cap.
Football is concerned with downs - what down is it?
Baseball is concerned with ups - who's up?
In football you receive a penalty.
In baseball you make an error.
In football the specialist comes in to kick.
In baseball the specialist comes in to relieve somebody.
Football has hitting, clipping, spearing, piling on, personal fouls, late hitting and unnecessary roughness.
Baseball has the sacrifice.
Football is played in any kind of weather: rain, snow, sleet, hail, fog...
In baseball, if it rains, we don't go out to play.
Baseball has the seventh inning stretch.
Football has the two minute warning.
Baseball has no time limit: we don't know when it's gonna end - might have extra innings.
Football is rigidly timed, and it will end even if we've got to go to sudden death.
In baseball, during the game, in the stands, there's kind of a picnic feeling; emotions may run high or low, but there's not too much unpleasantness.
In football, during the game in the stands, you can be sure that at least twenty-seven times you're capable of taking the life of a fellow human being.
And finally, the objectives of the two games are completely different:
In football the object is for the quarterback, also known as the field general, to be on target with his aerial assault, riddling the defense by hitting his receivers with deadly accuracy in spite of the blitz, even if he has to use shotgun. With short bullet passes and long bombs, he marches his troops into enemy territory, balancing this aerial assault with a sustained ground attack that punches holes in the forward wall of the enemy's defensive line.
In baseball the object is to go home! And to be safe! - I hope I'll be safe at home!