Football Fan Jokes
55 football fan jokes and hilarious football fan puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about football fan that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Football Fan Short Jokes
Short football fan jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The football fan humour may include short patriot fan jokes also.
- What would an English football fan do if England won the World Cup? Stop playing FIFA and go to bed.
- Anybody a fan of college football? I heard the Miami Hurricanes are looking strong this year.
- What do University of Miami, Florida State, and University of Florida football fans have in common? None attended the University of Miami.
- Two windmills are in a field... ...And one says to the other, "Hey, do you like football?"
The other one replies, "Yeah, I'm a big fan". - Lorius Karius That's it. That's the joke. Lorius Karius. (Football fans/ soccer fans will get it)
- Two wind turbines are stood in a field. One wind turbine turns to the other. "Have you been watching the football recently?" asks the turbine.
"No," says the other. "I'm not really a big fan." - I was asked to play fantasy football today I declined because being a Jets fan is enough fantasy.
- Why don't Dallas Cowboy fans take their wives to the football games?
'Cause they jump the fence and eat the grass. - Why don't football players get hot during the superbowl? Because the stadium is filled with fans.
- Why did the turkey stick his leg in front of the football enthusiast? Turkeys are full of trip da fan.
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Football Fan One Liners
Which football fan one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with football fan? I can suggest the ones about football player and giants fan.
- What do fans do at hot, summer football games? Heat waves.
- ATTN: Brazilian football fans Don't feel too bad. Your team only lost by a touchdown.
- How do French football fans like their coffee? Au lait, au lait au lait au lait
- Why did the turkey get kicked out of the football stadium? He tripped a fan
- If you talk to a German football fan today Don't mention the VAR.
- How do footballers stay cool? They stand near the fans
- Why are football stadiums so cool? Because every seat in them has a fan
- Why is it so hot in a stadium after a football game?
Because all the fans have left. - Why did Liverpool football fans smell really bad? They never wore cologne.
- What do you call the Indianapolis football fans? A Colt following
- Where do Chicago football fans buy engagement rings? De Beers
- What do you call a football fan with a cold? A sneezing ticket holder.
- Why was the football stadium so cold? Because of all the fans.
- Do you know who wants some good D? no, who? Football fans.
- What did the football fan say to the p**... footballer? Come on my son.
Cheeky Football Fan Jokes to Experience Good Cheer & Frivolity
What funny jokes about football fan you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean footballer jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make football fan pranks.
Goldilocks and the Three Bears (American Football Fans Will Understand)
Mama bear and Papa bear are getting a divorce after the fiasco with Goldilocks, but they must decide custody of baby bear.
The judge takes baby bear aside, and asks politely, "Would you like to live with Papa Bear?"
"No," Baby Bear answers, "Papa Bear beats me!"
"Oh no." the judge replies. "Then you can live with Mama Bear."
"No!" Baby Bear exclaims. "She beats me too!"
"Oh dear." Says the judge. "Well then, who do you want to live with?"
"I want to live with the Chicago Bears because they never beat anyone!"*
*This isn't true as the Bears are the best team ever.
So the Bears were looking for a new quarterback.
The coach had put together the perfect team for the Chicago Bears. The only thing that was missing was a good quarterback. He had scouted all the colleges and even the Canadian and European Leagues, but he couldn't find a ringer who could ensure a Super Bowl win.
Then one night while watching CNN he saw a war-zone scene in Afghanistan . In one corner of the background, he spotted a young Afghan Muslim soldier with a truly incredible arm. He threw a hand-grenade straight into a 15th story window 100 yards away.
KABOOM!
He threw another hand-grenade 75 yards away, right into a chimney.
KA-BLOOEY!
Then he threw another at a passing car going 90 mph.
BULLS-EYE!
"I've got to get this guy!" Coach said to himself. "He has the perfect arm!"
So, he brings him to the States and teaches him the great game of football. And the Bears go on to win the Super Bowl.
The young Afghan is hailed as the great hero of football, and when the coach asks him what he wants, all the young man wants is to call his mother.
"Mom," he says into the phone, "I just won the Super Bowl!"
"I don't want to talk to you", the old Muslim woman says."You are not my son!"
"I don't think you understand, Mother," the young man pleads. "I've won the greatest sporting event in the world. I'm here among thousands of my adoring fans."
"No! Let me tell you!" his mother retorts. "At this very moment, there are gunshots all around us. The neighborhood is a pile of rubble. Your two brothers were beaten within an inch of their lives last week, and I have to keep your sister in the house so she doesn't get r**...!" The old lady pauses, and then tearfully says, "I will never forgive you for making us move to Chicago !!!!
Being football fans ... Why do all the trees in Wisconsin lean to the south ?
Because Minnesota blows & Chicago s**...
What do football fans call two nuns and a cheerleader?
Two tight-ends and a wide reciever.
The new football stadium can hold more than 66,000 fans...
Sounds pretty cold and windy to me.
I asked my friend why he wasn't excited for the superbowl yesterday
He shrugged and said "My parents don't care about football so neither do I."
I told him that's terrible reasoning and said "Well, what if your parents were morons?"
"Oh, then I'd be a football fan."
What's the difference between Russian football fans and an old drunkard in a bar at closing time?
k**... the old drunkard out won't start world war III.
Smart first grader
A first-grade teacher can't believe her student isn't hepped-up about the Super Bowl. It's a huge event. Why aren't you excited?
Because I'm not a football fan. My parents love basketball, so I do too, says the student.
Well, that's a lousy reason, says the teacher. What if your parents were morons? What would you be then?
Then I'd be a football fan.
People are always asking me how to keep cool at a football game in Australia...
It's always important to sit that next to a big fan
The Nigerian football team is disappointed with Saturdays performance.
They will personally refund all tickets and travel expenses to their fans. Just send them bank details, sort codes and and PIC'S to allow them to send the money directly.
The Nigerian football team were so disappointed with Saturday's performance that they have said they will personally refund all expenses to fans who travelled to support them.
All they need to do is send bank details, sort codes & PINs, and they will transfer the money directly …
My friend told me that football is more dangerous than baseball because of the higher s**... rates.
I told him, you must not be an Orioles fan.
The Washington r**... finally decided to drop their offensive name.
Dan Snyder, owner of the NFL r**..., has announced that the team is dropping "Washington" from the team name, and it will henceforth be simply known as, "The r**...." It was reported that he finds the word "Washington" imparts a negative image of poor leadership, mismanagement, corruption, cheating, lying, and graft, and is not a fitting role-model for young fans of football.
Three fans were bemoaning the sorry state of their football team.
I blame the general manager, said the first fan. If he signed better players, we'd be a great team.
I blame the players, said the second fan. If they made more of an effort, we'd score some points.
I blame my parents, said the third. If I'd been born in Seattle, I'd be supporting a decent team.
English Football joke.
A policeman stops a suspected drunk driver and asks him to take a
breath test, the driver pulls out a medical card which says 'this man
is asthmatic please do not take his breath.'
So the policeman asks him to take a blood test, the man then
pulls out another card which read 'this man is anemic, please
do not take his blood'. Finally the police, getting p**... off asks
him to take a u**... test, finally the man pulled out his
Manchester United season ticket which read 'this man is a
Manchester United fan, please do not take the p**....
(Edit works with other teams as well.)
Did you hear that a sewer pipe broke at the football stadium during a game?
Apparently, the s**... hit the fans.
A football fan appears in court for battery
The judge says to the fan: So you are very sure you only threw tomatoes at the referee?
The fan: yes, your honour. I'm very sure.
The Judge: Then how do you explain the deep cuts and bruises on the referees face?
(The judge points at the refs battered face.)
The fan: yeah... they were canned tomatoes...
