Foot Doctor Jokes
51 foot doctor jokes and hilarious foot doctor puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about foot doctor that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Foot Doctor Short Jokes
Short foot doctor jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The foot doctor humour may include short podiatrist jokes also.
- Got the best compliment from my doctor today He said I had athlete's foot. I've only been training for 3 days so didn't think anyone would notice
- I cut off the end of my foot but the Doctor wouldn't treat me. Turns out he was lack toes intolerant.
- "My goodness, you've grown a foot since I last saw you..." ...said the doctor in Chernobyl.
- A man goes into the doctor with a penguin on his head. The doc asks. "And what can I do for you?."
Penguin replys. "Well Doc. It started as a growth on my foot...." - Did you hear the news? Kevin Bacon has leprosy. It's true. Doctors say he's got a foot loose.
- Doctor, I'm Santa. I just shot myself in the foot with an icicle-gun! Santa, I believe in you and that you'll have a swift recovery. You're lucky you managed to missalltoe
- A man walks into a doctor's office with a duck standing on his head The doctor said - "how did this happen?"
"I'm not sure. It started a couple weeks ago as a growth on my foot," says the duck. - I grew a whole foot the summer after 8th Grade! Yeah the doctors were shocked, It took 3 surgeries to remove.
- I went to the doctor... Because the back of my foot hurt.
He told it could be months before it heels. - If you eat enough, eventually, you will lose weight! It's true! The doctors are cutting my foot off tomorrow!
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Foot Doctor One Liners
Which foot doctor one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with foot doctor? I can suggest the ones about doctor specialist and medical doctor.
- Never thought a foot doctor would help… …now I stand corrected.
- My doctor told me to distance myself from drugs. So I bought a six foot straw.
- ''Doctor, my nose is 11 inches long!"
''Come back when it grows into a foot!" - I messed up my foot pretty bad. The doctors said it would take a while to heel.
Foot Doctor Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about foot doctor you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean heart doctor jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make foot doctor pranks.
Dentist (to the patient: "For God’s sake, stop making those noises and waving your arms.
I haven’t even touched your tooth yet."
Patient: "Yes, I know. But u’re standing on my foot."
A man loses his legs in a bear fight
Despite this, he wins the fight, and uses the bears legs to replace his own.
By the time he gets to a hospital, he has full control over his legs,
The doctors tie the legs better, and let him keep them,
About a month later, a ringmaster of a freak circus finds him, and offers him a job in the circus,
He accepts, and a few months later, is ready for his first act,
He walks in front of the audience, and loudly claims
'I will walk over these hot stones bear-foot'
Guy goes to the doctor...
Guy goes to the doctor because he has a pain in his foot.
The doctor asks 'Have you dropped anything on it lately?'
The guy says 'no.'
'Hmmmmmm.' Doctor asks 'Do you do a lot of running.'
Guy again says 'no.'
'OK.......' Doctor asks 'Do you m**...?'
The guy hesitates at first and then says 'Well, yeah...'
The doctor says 'Isn't it great?'
I phoned in sick the other day...
"I've got to go see a doctor about my foot"
"What's wrong with your foot?"
"Something keeps dripping on it"
Another f**... joke that includes a doctor
A man goes to the doctor to tell him about his recent extreme flatulence. He is constantly f**... as he tells the doctor about his problem.
At one point, the Doctor excuses himself, leaves the room and comes back with a six foot long pole with a hook on the end.
The man says "WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO WITH THAT???"
The Doctor answers, "Open a window!"
At The Eye Doctor's
A woman went to her optometrist for an exam. The doctor turned the exam chart on the wall and asked her to read it. she replied that she couldn't see anything. He increased the size to 6″ and asked her to try again. Still nothing.
So he enlarged it again to a foot. Still cant see it. out of frustration he pulled out his manhood, and asked if she could see it. She said Oh yes Dr i can see it quite clearly.
He said, Just as I thought, you're cockeyed.
A wife on her deathbed.
An old man is at his wife's deathbed in their home.
The old woman whispers to her husband.
"My husband, I want to show you something before I pass."
The husband replies "what is it my dear? I'll do anything you ask.."
"I want you to open the chest locker at the foot of the bed that I always kept locked."
"I will! I've always wondered what was in there."
The old man opens the chest and inside is $50,000 and 3 ears of corn.
"I have to ask honey, why is there 3 ears of corn in there."
"Well," the old woman answered. "Every time I committed adultery I would put an ear of corn in the chest."
"Oh, I forgive you my love, it's been 60 years. But why the $50 thousand?"
"When I collected a bushel, I sold it."
I read this joke in a Readers Digest in a doctors office 14 years ago. Never forgot it.
Husband send a text to his wife
Husband's text:
>Honey, I got hit by a car outside the office.
Paula brought me to the Hospital.
Doctors presently doing tests and taking X-rays.
Severe blow to my head but not likely to have any lasting effects. Wound required 19 stitches.
I have three broken ribs, a broken arm and compound fracture in the left leg. Amputation of my right foot is a possibility.
Love you.
Wife's response:
>Who's Paula?
A man breaks his foot and goes to the doctor...
The doctor put a cast on the foot and told the man to take it easy. The man asked the doctor, "Will I be able to play violin?"
Confused, the doctor replied, "Yes, you should be able to play the violin."
The man said, "Neat! I've never been able to play it before!"
What do you call a foot doctor, curled up in a ball on the floor?
A pedal physician in the fetal position.
My doctor recommended I get support for my aching left foot,
But I explained that I didn't want to add insole to injury.
I hurt my foot the other day. My heel can't support any weight. But I haven't got to see a doctor yet.
I'm just tiptoeing around the issue.
My daily regime
My doctor took one look at my gut and refused to believe that I work out. So I listed the exercises I do every day: jump to conclusions, climb the walls, drag my heels, push my luck, make mountains out of molehills, bend over backward, run around in circles, put my foot in my mouth, go over the edge, and beat around the bush.
My doctor told me I should do something about my athlete's foot.
But that's what makes me such a fun guy.
A man walks into doctor's office with a duck attached to his head.
"Oh my god!" - exclaims the doctors in surprise - "How did this happen?".
- "I'm not sure exactly, but it all started a few month ago with a small growth on my foot" - replies the duck.
A man is in the hospital and the doctor tells him he has good news and bad news
The man says "give me the bad news, Dr."
The Dr tells him they will need to amputate the left foot.
The guy asks "what's the good news?"
The doctor says "you get to start 2017 on the right foot"
A man walks into the doctors office with a penguin on his head
The doctor looks at him and says, "Alright what's the problem here?"
And the penguin goes, "Oy! Get this idiot off my foot!"
Late one night, Norm answered the doorbell to find a 6 foot tall cockroach standing on the step.
The bug grabbed Norm by the collar, punched him in the eye, threw him across the living room and then ran off.
The next day, Norm went to see his doctor to have his bruised eye examined.
Ah, yes, the doctor said when Norm explained what happened. There's a n**... bug going around.
A r**... mistook his own foot for a flounder while flounder gigging...
Later at the hospital, he was chatting with the doctor as the doctor was stitching him up. The doctor was also an avid fisherman too.
Doctor: I see you were using a double pronged gig.
r**...: No, I use a single prong gig.
Doctor: Then why am I stitching up two holes?
r**...: Well the first one is from the gig, the second is from where I tried to put it on the s**....
Did you hear about the doctor with a f**...?
He was arrested for having his way with the comatoes.
Doctor doctor
Doctor doctor when I touch my forehead,shoulder,leg and foot it really hurts!
(Doctor says) no wonder you have a broken finger!!
The doctor has some good news and bad news
A guy had a problem with his foot and the doctor said he has to cut it off.
After the surgery the patient sees the doctor worried
P: What's wrong, Doctor?
D: I have some good news and some bad news. Which one do you want to hear first?
P: The bad news
D: we cut the wrong foot off.
P: what?! How can there be good news?
D: well your other foot is getting better
(I saw this on an old British show called Mind Your Language)
My doctor told me I have to go to the foot surgereon.
But I'm scared of even going to the regular hand surgeon, what should I do?
Went in to doctor's office with a swollen foot. He said it's not the rich man's disease.
There's no gout about it.
A man loses his toe in an unfortunate accident and calls 911.
They rush him to the hospital, where he is brought to the operating room for surgical reattachment.
He wakes up some hours later in the recovery room and sees the doctor waiting at the foot of his bed, looking uncomfortable.
Doctor? How'd it go? he asked.
Well... I have good news and bad news. The bad news is that we confused your toe with a piece of candy. The good news is that the surgery was successful.
What are you saying, doctor?
You have a Tic-Tac toe.
A joke that only Jews will get.
A Jewish man is getting married to a nonreligious woman. His religion is important to him so she agrees to have a Jewish wedding. The ceremony goes well, and all that's left is for the groom to break the glass. He steps on the glass, and it breaks in such a way that it slices his foot right through the shoe. He's bleeding badly.
The bride screams "Oh no he's hurt! Is anyone here a doctor?"
Mr Andrew went to see a doctor about a pain during walking problem.
Since foot was not the doctor's specialty, the doctor recommended him to visit a podiatrist few blocks away.
At the specialist clinic, the podiatrist was optimistic. He declared confidently, "I'll have you walking in an hour!".
Later Mr Andrew return to the doctor's clinic on foot. The doctor was shocked . "How did he cure you in an hour?" the doctor asked.
"The secret lies in the consultation," said Mr Andrew.
"I had to sell my car to pay for it"
A man accidentally dropped his kitchen knife onto his foot and unfortunately lost his toe.
The Doctor said "I have good news and bad news"
Man.. "Whats the bad news Doc?
Doc.. "Well, you see, they had to replace your toe with a piece of candy."
Man.. "Candy? So what's the good news?"
Doc.. "You now have tic tac toe"
Doctor: I have some bad news and some good news.
Me: What's the bad news doc?
Doctor: I have to amputate your left foot.
Me: What's the good news?
Doctor: You are going to start the new year on the right foot.
A wealthy woman had lost her right hand and left foot in a car accident.
Her doctor told her that he would have her new prosthetics ready the next day. She sent her servant to go pick them up from the hospital. The servant was a couple hours early. The servant waited on her hand and foot.
Guy goes into the hospital with a bad case of gangrene on his foot ...
... doctor says we're going to need to amputate this foot immediately before it spreads .
He goes through surgery and as he wakes up from his slumber the doctor says well sir, I have some good news and bad news, what do you want first?
I'll take the bad news first
Okay, well unfortunately we amputated the wrong foot so we had to amputate both feet due to the mistake and gangrene .
And what the h**... is the good news?!
The patient beside you wants to buy your slippers .
A man walked into the doctor's surgery
He had half a bun on his head, a sausage behind his ear, several pickles in his shirt and an ice cream cone on his foot.
The doctor took one look and said
"Im afraid you're not eating properly."
Mr. Johnson went to his doctor's office to have a physical exam done. The nurse asked, "How tall are you?"
"I'm about six foot two," said Mr. Johnson. The nurse measured him and found that he was only five foot six.
"How much do you weigh?" asked the nurse.
"Around 150 pounds." The nurse weighed him and found that he weighed 200 pounds.
Then she took his blood pressure. "Your blood pressure is incredibly high," she said.
"What do you expect?" sputtered Mr. Johnson. "Before I came here I was tall and thin. Now I'm short and fat!"