Fools Jokes

Hilarious puns and funny pick up lines

Everyone in Hawaii is mad about the malfunction of the early warning system. Those fools.

Hawaii **IS** the early warning system.

A bad workman blames his fools...


**

A bad workman blames his fools.

*

What is Mr. T's favorite month?

April, fools

What's the name of Mr. T's girlfriend?

April, fools

My grandfather predicted that the Titanic would sink.

He tried to warn everyone that it was going to sink, but the fools wouldn't listen. Being the good man that he was, he kept on urging people to heed his warning, right up until he was escorted out of the movie theatre by security.

A good workman doesn't blame his fools

\*tools.

Stupid keyboard.

I just ran over my dog.

April fools! I don't know whose dog it was.

Girlfriend said "I think I'm pregnant, I'm two weeks late..

..April fools!"

A bad workman blames his fools...

**

Hey, Gandalf! What's your favourite kind of insect?

FLY, YOU FOOLS!

I'm so happy and I don't want to die

^^April ^^fools

Back in the days of the USSR, two men stood in a block-long line for cucumbers...

Suddenly one of them snaps, and yells "This is an outrage! Waiting for hours for a couple of lousy cucumbers! I'm going to the Kremlin to assassinate the fools responsible for this!" and stomps off. A couple hours later, he's back.
One of the other people in line asks "Did you kill the guy in the Kremlin?"
The first guy responds "You think *this* line is long?"

TIFU by delivering a punch line in the wrong place at the wrong time

April Fools!

What's Mr T's favourite month?

April, Fools.

My Dad being an asshole to an 8 year old

Best April Fools Day joke; i was like 7 or 8, my dad and I are talking trash all of March 31st about who is gonna prank who better. Morning of april 1st my dad wakes me up and rushes me into the shower, has me change my clothes, and eat breakfast. As I'm about to head out to the bus stop I noticed it was pretty dark, thats because it was 3 in the morning...

April Fools

It was April first when a young father went to the hospital to see his newly born son. Standing outside the glass partition, the nurse pointed to his baby son. The nurse smiled as she lifted the baby from its cot. She then strolled over to the table and bounced the baby's head on the timber. The father was horror-struck and his hands went up to the window. The nurse smiled at him and started to swing the baby by holding it by it's penis and scrotum. The father was pounding frantically at the glass partition by this time. The nurse let go of the baby and with a sickening thud the baby went careering into the wall. Blood and guts went everywhere. The father took a runing jump at the glass partition. The nurse picked up the baby and tore it's arms off as the father went hurtling through the glass. He was foaming at the mouth when he faced the nurse.

She said, "April fools! He was dead already!"

For April fools my girlfriend replaced my alphabits with Cheerios.

I have no words to say how angry I am.

April Fools!

girl: babe I'm pregnant you're the father

guy: can't fool me it's April's Fools Day!

girl: haha! got me! you're not the father

If Gandalf wanted to go on an overseas holiday, what would he do?

Fly, *you fools*.

Little Billy had been blind since birth...

...and one night his mom tells him "If you pray extra hard tonight God will allow you see in the morning."

So little Billy prayed his heart out before going to sleep that night. The next morning he opened his eyes and to his surprise he screamed out.
"Mommy I still can't see!"
"I know son, April fools."

April Fools Day............

The day every newspaper tries to fool readers by sneaking in at least one properly researched, factually correct story.

Good Point!

An American, Russian and a Pol are sitting in a bar having a few drinks. The Russian stands up and proclaims "We Russians are the best because we were first to send a satellite into orbit! The American stands up and say's That's nothing. We Americans were first to put a man on the Moon! The Pol stands up and says You are both fools! We Pol's will be the first to send a man to the Sun! The Russian and American laugh at the Pol and say, You can't send a man to the sun. They will be burned to a crisp. The Pol says, Ah! We thought of that. We will send them at night!

see the light

The pessimist sees no light in the tunnel.

The optimist see the light at the end of the tunnel.

The realist sees that the light is a train.

The train driver sees only three fools on the track.

"Honey," said a husband, "I Invited a friend home for dinner."

"What? Are you crazy?" The wife replied.
"The house is a mess, I haven't been shopping, and I don't feel like cooking a fancy meal."

" I know all that," he said.

"Then why did you invite a friend for dinner?" she asked.

he replied, "because the poor fools thinking about getting married."

Easter this year is April Fools Day

Just remember that so you don't fall for any crazy stories like people coming back from the dead.

I hate to sound like a conspiracy theorist here, but are we truly to believe that the Titanic sunk after being hit by an iceberg?! Do they think we're stupid fools!?

I've been throwing lettuce at the window for hours now and it hasn't even scratched, let alone put a hole in it.

Did you know the first Easter and ther first April Fools Day coincided as well?

The founder of both was a real trickster... He faked his own death!

(I feel like I should put a note here: this is not to mock religion... It's just a joke. If this offends you please get a sense of humor.)

A man asked a wise Guru: "What is the secret to eternal happiness?"

The wise Guru answered: "To not argue with fools."

The man says: "I disagree."

The wise Guru replied: "Yes, you are right."

Tunnel

Pesimist only sees the darkness in the tunnel.
Optimist sees a light at the end of the tunnel.
Realist sees that that light is in fact a train.
The train conductor sees 3 fools on the railroad track.

A kid was selling newspapers...

A kid was selling newspapers. He was yelling, "Boy cheats 100 fools!" to catch people's attention. A man walking by was interested and bought a newspaper. As he walked away with the newspaper, he heard the boy start yelling, "Boy cheats 101 fools!"

comeback is real!

A professor and a fool

A professor was walking along a very narrow hall when he came face to face with a rival.
The passage way was too narrow for two to pass.
The rival, pulling himself up to his full height, said with a sneer,
I never make way for fools!

Smiling, the Gracious Professor stepped aside and with a bow replied, I Always Do.

A bad builder blames his fools

*Tools
Fucking keyboard

Easter is on April 1st this year.

Where we remember the original April fools joke performed by Jesus himself.

I hate all of you

April fools I love you all

What do you call a female clown?

April Fools

Series of Romanian Alinuta jokes.

Sup ya'll! I've translated some dark Romanian jokes about a girl named Alinuta. Any other Romanians who know more please share!

-Brother: Mom, Alinuta hung herself in the basement!
Mom goes and looks to find nothing.
Mom: She's not there.
Brother: April fools! She's in the attic!

-While Alinuta's brother is watching tv, she quickly moves passed the screen.
Brother: Hey! Get out of the way!
Alinuta again moves passed the screen, blocking her brothers view for a second.
Bother: Stop getting in the way!
Alinuta moves across the room again, blocking his screen.
Infuriated with his sister blocking his TV, Alinuta's brother calls their mom to resolve the problem.
Brother: I want to watch TV but Alinuta keeps moving in front of the screen.
Mom: oh it's cause she hung herself.

-"Alinuta stop playing with the scissors! You're going to spill your fingers on the floor again!"

April 1st Operation

(Doctor walks out of operation room. A man quickly reached the doctor.)

"How's my wife? How's my baby?"

"Well your wife is okay, but... Your baby... umm..."

(Man starts crying)

"APRIL FOOLS! HAHAHA! Jokes on you!" (laugh)

(Man starts laughing with the doctor.)

"The fact is your wife died as well."

Luella and Rose

There were these two sisters Luella and Rose. They were going
to get a picture taken of themselves as they just got their checks.
They go to the studio and after the photographer fools with the
camera he tells Rose to sit quietly because he had to focus.
Well, Luella being hard of hearing says, "Huh?"
Rose says, "Be still girl he's gonna focus!"
Luella looks and says, "Both of us?"

I just lost my virginity!!!!

April fools *sob*

Teacher asks students ...

... if there are any fools in this class please stand up.

Nobody stands up .

After 10 seconds , little Johnny stands up .

Then teacher says , "aha so you are a fool ".

Johnny says , " ma'am I felt sorry for you standing all alone ... "

:)

Mommy mommy! Daddy hanged himself in the living room!

*mom rushes to the living room*

Kid: Haha! April fools! He did it in the attic!

Happy Easter

April Fools
Now go pay your rent.

This April fools, I decided to swipe right on only the ugly people on Tinder and then burn them.

Still no matches.

As an April fools joke, I told my SO that I was pregnant...

...sadly she didn't fall for it.

What did Jesus say when he rose from the dead on Easter Sunday?

April Fools! I'm not really dead!

I finally found a joke that isn't a repost!

April Fools!

"mom, dad, I have something important to tell you: I'm straight"

Parents: "You do realize we just assume you're straight until you tell us otherwise, yes?"

Child: "HA! Got you! April fools!"

A mother comes back home...

...and her son rushes to the door and tells her: "Mom, hurry up, dad has hanged himself in the bedroom!". The mother sprints to the bedroom but the room is all clear and there is no one there. The boy laughs and says "Haha April Fools! He hanged himself in the kitchen"

There was this really talented female painter

and one day she painted this magnificent painting inspired by medieval times of a ball. It was filled with lords and ladies dancing with each other, a table filled with food for the feast, fools entertaining, and men in armor standing guard. She was so proud of this picture she called her friend over to show it to her.
The friend saw it and said, "Wow this is really great! But I have just one question, why was this painted mostly in red?"
"Well I used my menstrual blood to paint most of it." The painter replied. Her friend just stared at her in horror. She continued to explain, "Its a period piece you see."

Oh my good and fellow Christians! It has been foretold our Lord and savior will once again rise from the dead and bless us all this Easter!

April Fools!

April fools in Latvia

Latvian ask friend if he want potato for lunch. Friend guess is April Fool joke. Say "Too easy, never potato in Latvia, only sadness." One man starve to death during lunch.

Girlfriend to boyfriend

GF - I'm sorry babe but i've cheated on you.

BF - I'm sorry aswell, I have also cheated on you.

GF - April fools day!

BF - Mine was on 24th March

What's the only difference between Valentine's Day and April fools?

I don't get my hopes up when April fools comes around

just got a new job and was to start today

Told them I won't be able to work
They said "Is it because its Sunday? You said you would on weekends." I said no that's not why.
They said "Is it because its Easter ? You said you would work holidays"
I said That's not it either. I won't be able to work because I am so tired and exhausted.
"Oh - Is this a joke because its Aprils fools day?"
I said "Its no joke - I just finished a 31 day march!"

What are the funniest fools jokes of all time?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking about Fools? Well, here are the best Fools puns to laugh out loud. Crazy and funny Fools pick up lines to share with friends.

Joko Jokes