The Best 75 Foods Jokes

Following is our collection of funniest Foods jokes. There are some foods kraft jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud. Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these foods junk food puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Funny Foods Jokes and Puns

Made this joke up while working at Whole Foods a couple years back...

**What do you call a Whole Foods employee that shops at another grocery store?**

>!A "Traitor" Joe !<

Guy goes to the doctor

A guy goes to the doctor. Asks, "Hey Doc, will I live to 100? I don't drink, don't smoke, don't eat fried foods, and don't run around with loose women."

Doctor replies: "So why would you want to live to 100?"

Lost vulture

A young vulture flew away from his home for a bit and got lost on his way back. His parents searched and searched, but they couldn't find him. About a week later, he finally finds his way home, and his parents are so happy that they have a huge feast. His father places a plate in front of him loaded with his favorite foods. He asks his father "What's all this?" His father replies "Carrion, my wayward son."

Foods joke, Lost vulture

Delicious goat.

Mom and Dad invited Aunt Edna over for dinner. Mom was cooking while Dad set the table, and Aunt Edna asked Timmy what they were having for dinner.

"Fish," said Timmy.

"Hmf," said Aunt Edna. "I don't approve of foods that have spent their previous lives immersed in salt. Are you quite sure?"

"Yep." Timmy shrugged. "Dad said to Mom, 'Today is just as good as any to have the old trout for dinner.'"

I'm opening a new grocery stores named Organic Food Mart...

Our slogan: "We sell only the best carbon-based foods."

I eat a wide variety of foods: lasagna, tacos, hamburgers...

and dim sum.

Kraft Foods, Inc. has moved their headquarters to Tel Aviv

They're changing their name to Cheeses of Nazareth.

Foods joke, Kraft Foods, Inc. has moved their headquarters to Tel Aviv

Why did the rapper go to Whole Foods?

He heard they had fresh beets.

Trying to be healthier, so I found a list of 10 foods I love that fight disease...

Too bad all of them were only good for fighting starvation.

Basic Foods

My girlfriend has been getting canker sores, so she went to the doctor. The doctor said," Have you been eating many acidic foods lately?" She said," Yes I've been eating a fair amount of tangerines everyday." The doctor replied," I recommend more basic foods in your diet. Try to have at least one Pumpkin Spice Latte a day."

Q: In latin, when pairing foods with the verb **edo** (I eat), what case should you use?

A: The om-nom-nominative.

You can explore foods veggies reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean foods knock knock food dad jokes. There are also foods puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

My nutritionist told me to only eat foods if I could pronounce their ingredients

I gained a lot of weight after taking organic chemistry.

What do people typically get at Whole Foods?

Ripped off.

Secret to Long Life

A woman walked up to a little old man rocking in a chair on his porch. "I couldn't help noticing how happy you look," she said. "What's your secret for a long happy life?"
"I smoke three packs of cigarettes a day," he said. "I also drink a case of whiskey a week, eat fatty foods, and never exercise."
"That's amazing," said the woman, "how old are you?"
"Twenty-six," he said.

I really like ethnic foods, but the one type of asian cuisine I haven't had is North Korean food.

Then again, neither have citizens of North Korea.

I really love spicy foods

...but the Ghost pepper is my a-chilis heel.

Foods joke, I really love spicy foods

HAGS disease

"I am afraid you have HAGS disease," the doctor explained, "That is Herpes, Aids, Gonorrhea, and Syphilis, so we are immediately putting you on a pizza and pancake diet."

"Those foods will cure me?" he is asked.

"No," says the doctor, "But those foods we can slide under the door to the room we are locking you up in!"

As a Jew, I love bagels...

They're one of the holeyest foods.

Old people shouldn't eat health foods...

They need all the preservatives they can get!

Overheard at a Whole Foods Billing counter

"Now I'm going to read the numbers in the barcode and you type them in your register...I don't want those carcinogenic lasers touch my food"

Junk foods are so versatile!

A bag of Lays can be used as fuel for a fire in an emergency, you can have finger sword fights with Bugles, and now, a Cheeto has won the United States Presidential Election!

A man goes to the dentist for a check-up

"Uh oh" the dentist says, "looks like your denture plate is eroding a bit. Have you been eating any new foods lately?"

The man thinks for a moment and says "you know, my wife has been using a lot of hollandaise sauce lately. She's been putting it on every dish."

"Ah, that explains it" the dentist replies. "We'll have to make you a new denture plate, but this one will need to be made of chrome."

"Chrome?" The man asks in surprise. "Why chrome?"

"Well, you know what they say", replies the dentist.

"There's no plate like chrome for the hollandaise"

What foods are the best caregivers?

Crawdads and edamame.

Will there be fried foods in heaven?

Of course! God has a pan for each of us

People tell me that I don't know how to pronounce certain foods...

but I can assure you, I quinoa all about it!

Recently, a group of scientists discovered...

a subclass of ant has a genetic mutation that makes them grow larger than average, DESPITE missing a jointed segment on their legs. This same mutation also causes them to have an aversion to dairy-based foods, even with their high based sugar content.

TL;DR lack-toes-in-taller-ants

My doctor told me to to incorporate more hole foods into my diet

so I ate a box of donuts.

If you need money for staple foods....

Then you're asking for bread money.

If you need it for pizza, then it's Pizza Dough!

I heard that certain foods can be addictive

So I quit cold turkey.

Every province in China has its own, unique foods.

Panda Chinese Kitchen comes from the Heatlamp province.

Despite threatening tweets from Donald Trump, Kraft Foods is moving their operations to Israel.

A company name change is also in order. They will henceforth be called Cheeses of Nazareth.

TIL that in China, Chinese foods is called "food"

Sometimes, they are pet too.

If I had a dollar for every year since the beginning of time...

I could buy Whole Foods

How come Jeff Bezos spending 13 billion makes the news?

I spent 13 billion dollars last week at Whole Foods as well and all I got was some vegan avocado toast.

Text from Amazon

Going to buy Whole Foods, want me to pick you up anything?

Amazon supposedly paid 30% over the market value for Whole Foods.

It was so unexpected of Whole Foods to offer them a discount.

I've discovered a herb that can transform even the blandest foods into gourmet delights.

It's called marijuana.

Where does a python programmer store multiple foods?


I only eat Whole Foods.

Whole pizzas, whole cakes, whole family meals.

I don't like eating weirdly named foods

I always Falafel afterwards

I got a friend request from Hormel Foods today

Turns out it was just Spam.

I just found out that corn

is one of the only foods that you can eat twice.

"Some foods give me sleepless nights," I told my wife.

"Like what?" she asked.

"Brussels Sprouts."

"But you don't eat Brussels Sprouts."

"No," I said, "but you do."

Gandhi's diagnosis

Now Gandhi hardly ate a thing, his frame was rather frail
But then he'd eat the strangest foods, his breath was often stale
And he walked around barefoot, so this was his diagnosis:

Super calloused fragile mystic hexxed by halitosis.

What do you call a bakery that only sells bagels and donuts?

Hole foods

Fatty foods

I went to the doctors recently and the doctor was sexy

He said: Don't eat anything fatty

I said: What, like bacon and burgers?

He said, No. fatty don't eat anything.

Why did the Whole Foods customer read the numbers on her barcode to the cashier?

She didn't want lasers touching her food

Why do bacon lettuce and tomatoes have the lowest IQ out of all the foods?

Because they're in-bred!

Do NOT accept friend requests from Hormel Foods...

It could be spam.

After months of my wife buying organic foods in order to live healthier, today I made the big decision to change

And filed for divorce

I used to have an obsession for sweet foods with a hole in the middle.

I donut care for them anymore though

What's the best pickup line at Whole Foods?

"I like a lady in the streets, and a freak in the organic, hemp-infused sheets."

What do Jewish Mathematicians eat?

cosher foods.

On the topic of pleasurable foods, my friend said she likes cucumbers for their "multiple uses." She said she doesnt like pickles. I said...

It's better with some dill dho

URGENT: Do not open any emails from Hormel Foods

It might be SPAM!

I hate spicy foods.

Their flavor is just jalapeno face.

Ever think about all the foods with pork bones in them?

It's thickening

I invented a diet. It's called the lowercase diet. Don't eat foods with capital letters.

Works best if you're German!

When I heard of an air fryer that doesnt use any oil I thought there was no way it would actually fry foods

But then I found out it was full of hot air.

Delete any emails that you get from Hormel Foods

They're most likely spam.

Lasagne is the GILF of foods...

...It's got culture and good taste, but down below its just a sloppy cheesy mess.

I used to eat alot of natural foods.

Until I found out that many people die of natural causes.

women come in the same basic taste sensations or flavors as foods-

sweet, salty, sour, hot, bitter, and nuts.

I recently got laser hair removal on my groin...

It was a combo hair removal and health foods facility. I left with Brazilian nuts.

When Kraft divorced from Bird's, eventually selling them off to Premier Foods - I wonder if there was a custardy battle?

Orange, apple, strawberry...

April foods!

If Whole Foods sells sliced apples,

Is it false advertising?

My little brother told me that onions and garlic are the only foods that make you cry

But why did he cry when i threw the coconut at his head?

A man moved to New York from India and he opened a lunch counter where he served traditional Indian foods and sandwiches to go. He decorated it in Indian style to remind him of his home city and hired his friends and neighbors from the old country to work there.

You might say he was setting up a little Delhi.

A historian went to a restaurant during Christmas

Once a historian went to a resturant during Christmas and ordered foods. While bringing the foods the spanish waiter lost balance and everything fell to floor.

So the historian said in his mind, " First the fall of Turkey, then breaking-up of China, over-throw of Greece, humiliation of Spain and finally loss of America !"

I tried starting a unisex cooking group focused on fried foods

But no one will join me in "The Battered Men & Women's Club"

A boy asked his dad, What's a condom meant for? The father replied...

Condiments are used to add flavor to certain foods, most commonly hot dogs and burgers.

Kraft foods is moving their entire operation to Israel.

They'll be renaming themselves Cheeses of Nazareth .

Healthy German

What did the health conscious german say, when he entered Whole Foods?

Gluten Morgen

PS: First time posting an original.

I am opening a specialty shop that only sells flavored lube

It's called Hole Foods

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the foods consume jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working foods food for thought piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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