Food For Thought Jokes

Yo momma's so poor, when I told her about the Last Supper, she thought the food stamps had run out.

Yo momma's so poor, when I told her about the Last Supper, she thought the food stamps had run out.

Did you hear about the guy they found dead with his head in his cornflakes?
The police thought it was a cereal killer.

Why did the rabbit run out of the fast-food restaurant?
He thought he heard someone order a quarter pounder on a toasted bunny.

A random communist leader hears about a man making jokes about him.

He organizes a feast and calls the man.
Leader: "This is how all meals will look in the future!"
Man: (looks for a few seconds at the leader then says): "I thought I was the one around with the jokes."

The other day I was in charge of finding a caterer for this big event I was hosting.

Through a lucky series of events, I was able to book Bobby Flay's brother for the night! I thought it would be great, but once he cooked it all, the main course was terrible and people were complaining about food poisoning the whole night.
Moral of the story: Don't judge a cook by his brother.

"How do fast food restaurants make so much money?"

"They flip burgers for profit!"
Just thought of this at a baseball game today, kinda quirky and simple!

My dad tonight at dinner. Thought I would share.

My sister was in a hurry to get to a hockey game and was anxious to eat supper.
Sister: We better get eatin' soon.
Dad: I hope not, we still have food to eat.
Sister: *Blank stare*
tl;dr: Eaten vs eating

My girlfriend and I walked passed a "swanky" new restaurant last night...

"Did you smell that food" she asked, "incredible." being the gentleman that I am I thought "what the heck, I'll treat her, so we walked passed it again....

Did you hear about the food critic who is having thoughts about his career choice due to ethical concerns?

The struggle is Veal.

What's a dyslexic zombie's favorite food?

Brians.
[This is probably a repost, but I thought of it myself so I'm posting it anyway]

Just came off a job filming an advert for Mexican food.

I thought the last shot was of some tortillas, but as we finished, the director shouted, 'That's a wrap.'

Terrible Food Pun

Someone offered me a pureed lamb "shake" . . .
 
My first thought was eww.
 
They also had some ram jam. Despite the name, still eww.

Bike is short for Bichael

So yesterday i was sitting on my front porch and i saw a black guy riding a bike, i thought it was mine so i checked my shed but it was still there chained up and asking for food

I'd love to meet the maniac that looked at a beehive

And thought, "I bet there's some nice food in there".

During the annual cavemen conference ...

Greg : so I kept rubbing this rock against another rock until it became very thin and now I can cut vegetables,meat using this . I call this "The Knife" .
Chief Gogo : wow , I thought no-one can beat Gorg's invention of using wheat flour and water to create a new food called "bread" but yours is a worthy contender
Greg " that's not it ,chief "
And then places a piece of bread on the stone and takes the knife in his hand
" What I'm about to do will blow your mind " .

A seventh grader asked his English teacher a question in class

"Why do we ignore some letters in pronunciation eg. the letter H .......in Hour, Honour. .....etc. She replied, "We are not ignoring them; they're considered silent."
During lunch break that day, the teacher gave the student her packed lunch and asked him to heat it in the Cafeteria. He ate all the food and returned her the empty container.
Shocked, she asked: "What happened? The boy replied: "Madam, I thought 'H' was silent.

My friend asked me what an oxymoron was.

I thought the best way to teach him was to use one in a sentence, so I said "The other day, I had Ethiopian food for dinner."

2 guys are sitting in a plane

The food comes and one of them gets up to go to the bathroom. When he comes back he finds his food was eaten so he asks his friend why he ate it. He responds with "honestly I thought you left"

Two Americans were trekking in a desert.

Dehydrated and hungry, they walked into a mosque.
The Imam asked for their names.
Mark thought: Maybe it's wiser to pretend to be a Muslim. So he replied: My name is Ahmed.
Sam said: My name is Sam.
The Imam called his servant over, who handed Sam some food and water.
He then turned to Mark and said: Happy Ramadan, brother Ahmed.

When I heard of an air fryer that doesnt use any oil I thought there was no way it would actually fry foods

But then I found out it was full of hot air.

i saw a black man on a bike yesterday

i thought it was mine so i went and checked my garage, turns out my one was still chained up begging for food

My boyfriend suggested that we should get Mexican food for dinner tonight

I thought it sounded like a good ques-idea

The other day while scuba diving for seafood it dawned on me that everytime I saw a crab or lobster with a scrap of food, it was frantically seaching for a place to hide so it could eat alone. Then I thought to myself,

that's shellfish.

My mother bought a new kind of dog food for our pet.

Mom: Did Fido enjoyed his food?
Me: I don't know.
Mom: I thought you fed him and he finished his food?
Me: He did. But he never said he enjoyed it.

I was in a long McDonald's drive-through this morning and the young lady behind me leaned on her horn because I was taking too long to place my order.

Take the high road, I thought to myself. So when I got to the first window I paid for her order along with my own.
The cashier must have told her what I'd done because as we moved up she leaned out her window and waved to me and mouthed "Thank you.", obviously embarrassed that I had repaid her rudeness with kindness.
When I got to the second window I showed them both receipts and took her food too.
Now she has to go back to the end of the line to start all over.
Don't honk your horn at old people.

Scotsman and a new restaurant

A Scotsman and his wife walked past a swanky new restaurant.
"Did you smell that food?" she asked. "Wonderful!"
Being the 'kind-hearted Scotsman', he thought, "What the h**..., I'll treat her."
... So they walked past it again.

One day, I asked my English Teacher, "Why do we ignore some letters in pronunciation eg. the letter H ...in Hour, Honour. ...etc. ...??????

My English Teacher said, " We are not ignoring them; they're considered silent "....... (I was even more confused .....?????)
During the lunch break, my Teacher gave me her packed lunch and asked me to heat it in the Cafeteria.
I ate all the food and returned her the empty container. ....!!!!!!!
My English Teacher : What happened? I told you to go and HEAT my food, you are returning me an empty container.
I replied, "sir, I thought 'H' was silent.

I saw a boy eating the grass between the cracks in the curb

I went up to him and said "don't eat the grass, it's bad for you"
He looked at me and said "I haven't had any food for the last 3 days. This is all I can find"
I told him to get up and to come over to my place to get him a better meal
He stopped and said "well, my sister, she hasn't eaten in 3 days either"
I thought for a second and went, "hmm I don't know, I don't really have a very big lawn"

Food for thought

Whenever you blow a dandelion, you actually give it a bj since you help it to get rid of its seeds

Inner Peace

If you can start the day without caffeine,
If you can always be cheerful, ignoring aches and pains,
If you can resist complaining and boring people with your troubles,
If you can eat the same food every day and be grateful for it,
If you can understand when your loved ones are too busy to give you any time,
If you can take criticism and blame without resentment,
If you can conquer tension without medical help,
If you can relax without alcohol,
If you can sleep without the aid of drugs,
Then You Are Probably The Family Dog!
And you thought I was going to get all spiritual ...