Followers Jokes

Following is our collection of plagiarist humor and groupie one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include Followers puns for adults, dirty judaism jokes or clean tweet gags for kids.

There is an abundance of facebook jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 43 funniest jokes on followers. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any communities witze you can hear about followers.

The Best jokes about Followers

Step 1: Be named Muhammed. Step 2: Get some followers.

Step 3: Prophet.

The Pope and Donald Trump are standing in front of a large crowd.

The Pope says to Trump, Do you know that with one little wave of my hand I can make every person in this crowd go wild with joy? This joy will not be a momentary display, like that of your followers, but go deep into their hearts and for the rest of their lives whenever they speak of this day, they will rejoice!

Trump replies, I seriously doubt that, with one wave of your hand? Show me!

So the Pope slapped him.

Why does Voldemort use Twitter but not Facebook?

He only has followers, not friends.

Why did Jesus deactivate his Instagram account?

Because he only had 12 followers.

North Korea's leader has been suspiciously absent, arousing concerns from his followers who all wonder...

...Is Kim Jong ill?


I wanted to make friends but I had no facebook

So I went out on the street and started shouting what I cooked, ate or drank.

Right now I've got 3 followers - two cops and a psychiatrist

A rabbi is on his deathbed...

...and a friend asks him if he has any last requests. The Rabbi asks his friend to find him a Catholic priest, so that he might convert.

Confused, his friend asks, "Rabbi, why? You have been a great teacher and leader of your followers, and you have led a good and honorable Jewish life. Why would you want to become a Catholic now, before you die?"
He says, "Eh, better one of them than one of us."

Moses, Jesus and Mohammed were selecting their followers...

Moses looks at all the women from whom to create his chosen people, picks out all of the smart ones and tells them to follow him. Jesus' turn comes, he looks at the remaining group, picks all of the most beautiful ones and tells them to follow him. Mohammed takes a look at the remaining group, sighs and says "cover yourself up"

Why does Voldemort use Twitter and not Facebookm

Because he has followers, not friends.

Courtesy of my 10 year old son.

Catholicism has 1.2 billion followers around the globe, second only to Islam with 1.8 billion

But that's okay because the Catholic church doesn't mind coming in a little behind.

How do you get 11 million followers?

Walk with a bottle of water in Africa.


How do you get 11 million followers

Run thorugh africa holding a bottle of water

Pope Trumps

The Pope and Trump are on stage in front of a huge crowd.

The Pope leaned towards Trump and said, "Do you know that with one little wave of my hand I can make every person in this crowd go wild with joy? This joy will not be a momentary display, like that of your followers, but go deep into their hearts and for the rest of their lives whenever they speak of this day, they will rejoice!."

Trump replied, "I seriously doubt that. With one little wave of your hand? Show me!"

So the Pope slapped him!

So Gandhi wandered the desert barefoot and had hard, worn feet...

He was very thin from fasting often, his followers considered him prophetic, and because of his fasting and strange diet had chronic bad breath.

In short, you could say he was a

Super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis

Black Lives Matter movement organizers lied about total number of followers.

It turns out the movement is only three fifths as big as they say it is.

Blind, Deaf, Dumb...

The Pope was dying and his followers were given to believe that his life would be saved if he slept with a woman.

That's impossible,' said the Pope. 'I am the Holy Father and cannot contravene God's law.'

They spent a long time trying to persuade him. 'It is in order to save your life, so that you can serve God further,' they argued. And at last the Pope agreed.

'All right,' he said, 'but the following conditions must be fulfilled. In the first place, the woman must be blind, so that she cannot see me.'

'We shall find a blind one,' they answered.

'In the second place, she must be deaf, so that she cannot hear my voice.'

'We shall find one who is deaf too,' they promised.

"Thirdly, she must be dumb, so that she cannot tell anyone what has taken place.

And fourthly, she must have big tits...'

3 Nuns die in a car crash...

...and as they have all dedicated their lives to God, their souls are immediately sent up to heaven, where they meet St. Peter at the Pearly Gates.

"Sisters, I know you are all devout followers of Christ, but unfortunately we have protocol to follow up in here in heaven, and I must first ask each of you a simple question before I can let you enter."

The sisters are somewhat surprised, a little nervous, but agree to answer St. Peter's questions.

"Sister Anne," he says, "who was the first man on earth?"

Sister Anne says "Oh that's an easy one, Adam!"

-GONG- The gates of heaven open up, and Sister Anne walks through.

"Sister Mary: who was the first woman on earth?"

Relieved, Sister Mary exclaims "Eve!"

-GONG- The gates open again, and Sister Mary enters, leaving only Sister Theresa behind.

"Sister Theresa...what was the first thing that Eve said to Adam?"

Sister Theresa pauses, the smile disappearing from her face. She realizes she can't think of the answer, despite her best efforts. Scratching her head in confusion and panic, she admits, "That's a really hard one."

-GONG-

I'm making a movie about a guy who thinks his girlfriend is cheating on him, so he secretly followers her around to keep an eye on her.

It's called "Bae Watch".

Turns out Jesus is not that popular in Twitter

Only 12 followers


Edward Snowden just joined Twitter. Almost immediately he got more followers than the NSA.

Luckily for the NSA, they follow a lot more people than Snowden.

What did the ISIS leader gift to all his followers?

The Samsung Note 7

A new priest is about to give his first sermon...

and he's really nervous about it, so he goes and asks the older priest if he can help.

"Well I'll tell you what," says the older priest, "I'll switch out the wine for a martini so you can calm your nerves before you start talking."

"Thanks Father!" says the new priest.

After the mass is over, the new priest walks over to the older priest and asks how he did.

"Well... you did a good job for the most part, except for a few things...
-Don't refer to Jesus and his followers as 'The late JC and the boys',
-Don't call the virgin Mary 'Mary the Cherry',
-The Holy Trinity is not 'Big Daddy, Junior, and The Spook',
-There's a taffy-pulling contest and St. Peter's, not a Peter-pulling contest at St. Taffy's,
-And the drive-through confessional is a good idea, but the sign 'toot and tell or go to hell' has to go."

Why do Muslim Leaders tell their followers that they'll get 72 virgins in Heaven?

Because 69 looks too obviously a joke.

The flat earth movement have a proud announcement to make:

We now have followers all around the globe.

A priest & a driver arrives at heaven's gate, guarded by St. Peter.

Upon arrival at heaven's gate, St. Peters asks which one of the two is the driver, and the driver replied "Me!".

"Alright, come on in to heaven."

The priest asks "How about me?"

"Well, the reason why I'm not letting you in is that, when you're preaching all your followers are asleep, whereas when the driver's driving, all the passengers are praying hard.''

*Told by our tour guide in Israel, don't mind the mediocre translation.*

To anyone reading this, you are Important, you are loved, and you belong in this world

If you have over 5000 followers

How do you get 1 billion followers instantly?

You run through Africa with a bottle of clean water.

Coronavirus has its own YouTube channel now.

Already 8,931,812 followers and counting.

The Lone Ranger and Tonto were on horseback across the prairies...

Every now and then Tonto would dismount his horse and put his ear to the group to check for while life or followers.
Each and every time the Lone Ranger was amazed by Tonto's talent. He never questioned his predictions. When he said cowboys were up ahead, there were. When he said wild life was near by, sure enough there was. Enough for pelts, food whatever...
Finally curiosity got the better of the Lone Ranger. When Tonto got off his horse but his ear to the ground and pronounced 'Buffalo come!' He had to ask how Tonto knew this...
Tonto simply replied 'Ear stuck to ground!'

Another three friends brag about sex.

Friend A starts "I won the lottery last month and now women keep having sex me, I've slept with at least one girl a night since!"

Friend B counters "Well I'm a model with over 2 million Instagram followers. I pick up several women a day all willing to have sex with me!"

Friend C, in a fit of jealous rage kills both friends and screams over their corpses "Well now I'm going to prison so I'll have sex everyday for the next 25 to life!"

Why did voldermort used Twitter instead of Facebook?

Because he only had followers. Not friends.

Jesus wouldn't have been good at Twitter

He would've only had twelve followers.

How do you get 127000 new followers?

Try with free speech in Britain.

Joel Osteen is converting more people each day to followers.

The people are flooding in.

What did Matthew McConaughey say about Steve Bannon's followers?

They're alt-right, alt-right, alt-right.

When Moses came down the mountain, he noticed his followers had bad breath.

So he gave them the Ten Commandmints

Darkhumour

How can u get 11 million followers?










U run trough Africa with a glass of water.

Mercilesss Followers

The worst thing abt government spying and following you on social media is that they never LIKE or RETWEET your post.....Y are they so Mercilesss............

If Jesus was a mathematician, what would you call his followers?

Deci-pals.

What is the similarity between Christianity and T2?

Both were very popular sequels, and whatever has followed has faced hostility from the followers

Why doesn't the fellowship of the japanese cow demon have any followers?

They're asking everyone to believe in bull oni.

Why is Trump so fond of his internet followers when he's having a bad week?

They're always russian to help help him.

My Twitter Followers are like my hair...

...Everyday I lose more than what I gain

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

Joko Jokes