Follow Jokes
147 follow jokes and hilarious follow puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about follow that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Achieve hilarious results with these follow up joke tactics. Find out the best methods to craft your material and make your audience laugh, whether you're following back, following through, following the leader, or just following your heart. Follow these easy steps to become a master joke-teller and guide audiences down the perfect trail of laughter.
Quick Jump To
- Short Follow Jokes
- Follow One Liners
- Follow Back Jokes
- Follow The Leader Jokes
- Follow Your Heart Jokes
- Follow Up Jokes
- Follow Me Jokes
- More Follow Jokes
Funniest Follow Short Jokes
Short follow jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The follow humour may include short subscribe jokes also.
- If any of you here are thinking of getting married, consider the following before you do. On the one hand, you get to wear a pretty cool ring.
On the other hand, you don't. - Queue sounds like q followed by 4 silent letters, but… They're just waiting their turn.
- What's the difference between an atheist and an evangelical Christian? The atheist is honest about not following the teachings of Christ.
- 79% of people don't know opposite words for the following: 1) Always
2) Coming
3) From
4) Take
5) Me
6) Down - My girlfriend and I went on our 9th date to see the new Batman film. Our dates can be summarized as followed: Dinner, dinner, dinner, dinner, dinner, dinner, dinner, dinner, BATMAN
- Brexit's Worst-Case Scenario: Brexit to be followed by Grexit. Departugal. Italeave. Fruckoff. Czechout. Oustria. Finish. Slovlong. Latervia. Byegium.. until EU reach the state of Germlonely.
- Queue is Just Q followed by 4 Silent letters Teacher: Queue is Just Q followed by 4 Silent letters
Me: They aren't Silent, They are waiting their turn - Neil Armstrong used to tell really bad jokes about walking on the Moon. When nobody laughed he would follow with, "Ah well. I guess you had to be there."
- I went to the doctor because I'm being constantly followed by nearly 20 crows. She says I have Corvid 19.
- BREAKING: North korean leader in a vegetative state following surgery. They've begun calling him Kim Jong Un-Responsive
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Follow One Liners
Which follow one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with follow? I can suggest the ones about attend and pursue.
- Praying mantises don't all follow the same religion. They're in sects.
- Why does France have so many river? Water follows the path of least resistance.
- I couldn't follow the storyline of Stephen king's It Too many Maine characters.
- 12 atoms of sodium walk into a bar. Followed by Batman.
- Step 1: Be named Muhammed. Step 2: Get some followers. Step 3: Prophet.
- How do you follow Will Smith in a snow storm? You follow the fresh prints.
- Sixteen sodium atoms walk into a bar… followed by Batman.
- Why does Voldemort use twitter but not Facebook? He only has followers, not friends.
- To who ever put the "L" in noel Is it that hard to follow simple instructions?
- Why doesn't pacman use Twitter? He doesn't like being followed.
- Paranoids "You can learn alot about paranoids, just by following them around."
- Did you know there was a cult for visually impaired? They follow their leader blindly
- I'll never forget my girlfriends last words. "You're that guy who's been following me."
- Why did Jesus deactivate his Instagram account? Because he only had 12 followers.
- What do you call a Corvette following a Camaro at high speeds? Chevy Chase.
Follow Back Jokes
Here is a list of funny follow back jokes and even better follow back puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- They said I should follow my dreams So I went back to sleep.
- I just found out I'm being followed! My girlfriend told me she's been seeing people behind my back.
- *follows Dreams* ~dream doesn't follow back~
~unfollows Dream~ - Whenever I reach 88 mph in my car, I always make a Back to the Future time traveling sound effect inside my head... ...and that's usually followed by a police siren sound effect outside my car.
- A man meets a woman at a bar and invites her back to his place... She says "I'm on my menstrual cycle".
He replies "Perfect! You can follow me on my mountain bike". - Everyone told me to follow the dreams So, I went back to bed
- My mom said follow your dreams, So I went back to bed.
- Following my wife's guidance, I accepted the biblical command to be moderate in all things. I struggled. Then I decided to add "moderation" to my list. Now everything seems back to normal.
- Are you being followed? Because I've been seeing people behind your back.
- Follow your heart. It's in the styrofoam container in the back of that pick up truck.
Step on it! You haven't much time!
Follow The Leader Jokes
Here is a list of funny follow the leader jokes and even better follow the leader puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- North Korea's leader has been suspiciously absent, arousing concerns from his followers who all wonder... ...Is Kim Jong ill?
- I've been training my dog to alert me when he smells people who follow a creepy pseudo-religious leader who makes them believe that their salvation lies in giving him money. It's sniffacult work.
- BREAKING NEWS: The leader of North Korea, Kim Jong-un, is brain-dead following an invasive medical procedure. Officials praise the regime for finding common grounds with the US.
- What did the ISIS leader gift to all his followers? The Samsung Note 7
- Why do Muslim Leaders tell their followers that they'll get 72 virgins in Heaven? Because 69 looks too obviously a joke.
- Why shouldn't you follow female leader? because she's "Miss Leading"
- Oh, is that like, you guys' big leader? The one you all follow and take orders from? An Anarchist told me I should read Schwarz.
Follow Your Heart Jokes
Here is a list of funny follow your heart jokes and even better follow your heart puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- My heart sank when i received a text from my gf " I can't take this anymore,let's break up " You can imagine the tears of joy I had when i received a follow up message
"Sorry ,wrong number" - They told me to follow what my heart desires So I became a vampire
- The good doctor Dr. Jones was having mixed feeling after having i**... with a patient. One voice kept saying "follow your heart" another kept saying "remember, you're a vet"
- After realizing i had become totally addicted to m**... I decided to follow my heart instead of my brain
now i beat 72 times a minute
Follow Up Jokes
Here is a list of funny follow up jokes and even better follow up puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Just had the following conversation in court Judge: State your name.
Me: Not Guilty
Judge: What?
Me: I had it legally changed.
Judge: You're Not Guilty?
Me: Thanks, I'm outta here - Sixteen sodium atoms walk into a bar, followed by Batman. NaNaNaNaNaNaNaNa NaNaNaNaNaNaNaNa BATMAN!
- I don't mind following rules at work, but when my boss told me to stop impersonating flamingos... I had to put my foot down.
- There are only two rules you need to follow to become extremely succesful in life. 1. Not revealing everything you know.
- Slightly peeved that the makers of the shampoo "Head and Shoulders"... …have not followed up with a bodywash called, "Knees and toes."
- They should have a follow-up to the G7 summit a week later. They could call it the the C Major summit. Maybe that would resolve everything.
- They say a Queue is just a Q, followed by four silent letters but really they are just waiting their turns.
- Big vote today in England. If Leave wins I predict : Brexit to be followed by Grexit. Departugal. Italeave. Fruckoff. Czechout. Oustria. Finish. Slovakout. Latervia. Byegium
- How many Deadheads (Grateful Dead fans) does it take to change a lightbulb? No one knows, they wait for it to burn out and follow it around for twenty years.
- Why does lightning strike in France so often? Because it follows the path of least resistance.
Follow Me Jokes
Here is a list of funny follow me jokes and even better follow me puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Just got my vaccine, but they stuck the needle in my leg. I spent the following day thinking my Pfizer killing me
- My girlfriend told me she wanted someone who treated her like a princess So I hired paparazzi to follow her and she died in a car accident.
- 10% of European babies are conceived on an IKEA bed. So, be sure to follow the instructions.
Put Peg A into Slot B, and then screw until the nuts tighten. - Following the recent anti-Islam film made, there will be a film made to mock Jesus Christ. It will be released in 1979 and will be called Life of Brian
- If electricity always follows the path of least resistance Why doesn't lightning only strike in France?
- You want further proof that Biden is already the better president? He's got 23 million more Twitter followers than Trump.
- The companies that dropped Johnny Depp must really regret their decisions They shouldn't have followed the Heard
- My girlfriend's gynaecologist followed her on Instagram yesterday. I really don't know what else he wants to see.
- What's the difference between a Jew and a pizza? A Jew is a person who follows Judaism, and pizza is a food...
I bet you expected a Holocaust joke. Jew thought wrong. - When is a hen following the letter W That's it
Quirky and Hilarious Follow Jokes to Let the Chuckles Begin.
What funny jokes about follow you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean assist jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make follow pranks.
What's the difference between a blonde and a washing machine?
You can throw your load in a washing machine and it won't follow you around for two weeks afterward
The pharmacist
Peter walks into a drugstore and asks the pharmacist for a pack of condoms. Paying for them, he bursts into laughter and walks out of the store.
The next day he comes in again, buys condoms, and walks out laughing.
Thinking this is somewhat strange, the pharmacist asks his assistant to follow the man if he comes back.
Sure enough, Peter comes in the next day and walks out laughing. This time assistant goes after him, returning 20 minutes later.
So did you follow him? asks pharmacist
Yup.
Where did he go?
Your house.
Lady barges into radio shack
She grabs at the nearest employee and exclaims:
"I need a pack of double A batteries RIGHT NOW!"
The employee, flustered, replies: "All right, stay calm and just ... come this way", as he gestures her to follow him with a wave of his fingers.
She yells "If I could do that, I wouldn't need the batteries!"
Moses, Jesus and Mohammed were selecting their followers...
Moses looks at all the women from whom to create his chosen people, picks out all of the smart ones and tells them to follow him. Jesus' turn comes, he looks at the remaining group, picks all of the most beautiful ones and tells them to follow him. Mohammed takes a look at the remaining group, sighs and says "cover yourself up"
Doctor, doctor, I think I'm addicted to Twitter...
Sorry, I don't follow you.
My dad's favourite joke - Harry the vampire bat
So one day Harry the vampire bat gets back to his cave, with his entire face absolutely covered with blood. All the other bats are incredulous, demanding where Harry found all the blood. Harry agrees to show them. So they all follow Harry out of the cave, over the river, and through some fields, until they get to a field with a single tree in the middle of it. All the bats are impatient, saying 'Harry is the blood here? Where is it, man? Harry replied 'You see that tree there? I didn't.'
I would have been a stripper...
...but I just couldn't pull it off.
Follow the format; go!
Whats the difference between your mom and a washing machine?
When I drop a load in the washing machine it doesn't follow me around for a week.
The McDonalds
When I was 8 I brought in my tomogatchi (**ignore spelling**) to a McDonald's. my family sat down to eat and I saw this girl with a tomogatchi too. She stares at me then goes into the bathroom. I wait a minute then follow her in. She was waiting for me. We linked our games and had tomogatchi babies together.
Still to this day, the most s**... thing I have ever done.
A man goes to his optometrist...
He complains, "Doc, I can't see things far away. What can you do to help?" The optometrist says "Follow me." and heads outside.
He points to the sun and asks the man, "Can you tell me what you see there?" The man replies, "That's the sun, of course!"
The optometrist then says, "How much further do you want to see?!"
Twitter Addiction
A man tells his doctor, Doc, help me. I'm addicted to Twitter! The doctor replies, Sorry, I don't follow you."
Two guys and their dogs are walking down the street...
...one's got a german shepherd and the other's got a chihuahua.
They get hungry so the german shepherd guy suggests they grab a bite to eat at the restaurant on the corner, but his friend says, "They won't let us into a restaurant with our dogs!"
"Just follow my lead," says the first guy.
He walks up and the maitre'd says, "What are you, nuts?! You can't come in here with a dog!"
"But it's a seeing eye dog," the guy with the german shepherd explains.
"Oh, excuse me, now I understand. Go right ahead," says the maitre'd.
The next guy walks up and the maitre'd stops him too. "You can't come in here with a dog!"
Following his friend's cue the guy says, "But it's a seeing eye dog!"
The maitre'd looks skeptical and says, "Sir - that's no seeing eye dog. It's just a chihuahua."
The guy jumps back in shock... "WHAT!? They gave me a chihuahua!!?"
Follow your dreams
Except for that one where you're n**... at work.
A man goes to his rabbi.
He says to the rabbi, "I think my wife is trying to poison me but I have no idea why". The rabbi, concerned about the distress the Jew was experiencing says "Don't worry, I will talk to your wife." A few days pass and the man returns to his rabbi still fearing for his life. The rabbi sits him down and says to him "My child, I spent several hours speaking to your wife, follow my advice, take the poison."
I just tried to follow Tim Howard on twitter...
I got blocked.
blond joke
A blonde went into an internet cafe to send a message to her mother overseas.
When the man told her it would cost $300, she exclaimed: "I don't have any money, but I'd do ANYTHING to get a message to my mother."
The man arched an eyebrow (as we would expect).
"Anything?" he asked.
"Yes, yes, anything" the blonde promised.
Well, then, "Just follow me" said the man as he walked towards the next room. The blonde did as she was told and followed the man. "Come in and close the door" the man said. She did.
He then said "Now get on your knees."
She did.
"Now take down my zipper."
She did.
"Now go ahead ... Take it out....." He said.
She reached in and grabbed it with both hands. Then paused.
The man closed his eyes and whispered .."Well ... Go ahead."
The blonde slowly brought her mouth closer to it and while holding it close to her lips, .... tentatively said .... "Hello. Mum, can you hear me?"
If I had to describe myself in one word...
It would be, "Unable to follow instructions."
A drunk guy walks out of a bar
There's a cop outside who asks him, "What's your name, son?"
The drunk guys answers, "I'm Jesus Christ!"
Cop says, "You are not Jesus Christ. What's your name?"
Drunk guy replies, "I'll prove it. Follow me." The cop follows him back into the bar.
As they enter, the bartender yells, "Jesus Christ! Are you back again?!"
Drunk guys turns to cop and says, "See?"
A teacher asks Little Johnny what he wants to be when he grows up.
"I want to be a detective and follow in my father's footsteps," says Johnny.
"That's very admirable of you," says the teacher. "I didn't even know your father was a detective."
"He's not," says Johnny. "He's a jewel thief."
Neil Armstrong
Neil Armstrong used to tell really bad jokes about walking on the Moon. Nobody would laugh, but then immediately after Neil would follow up with, "Ah well, I guess you had to be there."
People that climb mountains
just follow a natural inclination.
Two factory workers are talking.
Two factory workers are talking. The woman says, "I can make the boss give me the day off."
The man replies, "And how would you do that?"
The woman says, "Just wait and see." She then hangs upside-down from the ceiling.
The boss comes in and says, "What are you doing?"
The woman replies, "I'm a light bulb."
The boss then says, "You've been working so much that you've gone crazy. I think you need to take the day off."
The man starts to follow her and the boss says, "Where are you going?"
The man says, "I'm going home, too. I can't work in the dark."
What's the difference between a woman and a laundry machine?
When I dump a load in the washing machine it doesn't follow me around after
I'm beginning to worry about my obsession with technology.
I told my doctor, "I think I'm addicted to Twitter."
He replied, "I don't follow you."
A drunk walks up to two priests.
He says "I'm Jesus Christ." The priest shakes his head. "No son, you're not." The drunk goes up to the second priest. "I'm Jesus Christ."
The second priest gives the same answer.
The drunk glares at them for a second. "Look I can prove it. Follow me." He leads them to a bar and walks inside. The bartender takes one look at him and says "Jesus Christ, you're here again?!"
Twitter addiction
A man goes to his doctor and says:
-Doctor, I think i am addicted to Twitter.
-Eh,sorry...I don't follow you.
"Our battle plans look wonderful on the map" said the General...
"It's a pity the enemy doesn't follow them."
If I had to describe myself in three words...
It would be; Tall, dark and unable to follow basic instructions
I told my doctor I was addicted to Twitter
He said "I don't follow you"
We must follow our policy. . .
I was at the airport the other day to pick someone up but their flight was delayed so I wandered around a bit. I noticed a big scene at one of the airline check ins. there was this agitated vulture holding a couple of dead possums arguing loudly with a whole group of ticket agents. I kinda felt bad for the guy but the airline did have a one carrion policy.
What is the difference between women and washing machines?
Washing machines don't follow you around for weeks after you drop a load in them.
Why was 5 a good lover?
Because he waited 4 3 2 come 1st.
_____
Follow up:
Q: "Funny. But really, how good was the 6 4 5?"
A: "Just average, but the 6 was only a 5 4 3 2."
______
^^^\( ^^^I ^^^made ^^^this ^^^up ^^^give ^^^me ^^^a ^^^cookie. ^^^)
To have a successful marriage, every man has to follow these four steps...
1. Find a woman who will love you unconditionally.
2. Find a woman who will always cook for you.
3. Find a woman who will always want to have s**... with you.
4. And most importantly, ensure that none of these women ever meet.
For my wife's birthday, I got a guy to follow her all day making bee noises.
She really wanted a h**....
Me: Doctor, you've gotta help me! I'm addicted to Social Media.
Doctor: I don't follow you.
A guy walks into a pharmacy buys a pack of condoms and walks out laughing
He does this every day consecutive for a week. Finally the pharmacy owner asks his assistant to follow the man the next time he returns. Sure enough the man returns the next day and walks out laughing once again. The assistant follows him and returns about half an hour later. When the pharmacist asked where he had followed him the assistant simply replied "your house".
President of South Korea Impeached.
Hopefully the USA will follow suit, and have their president deoranged.
My friend told me I cant joke about r**....
So, your honor, I had to follow through with it.
Whom do the inches follow?
Their ruler.
An Englishman an Irishman and a Scotsman..
..are in the trenches surrounded by the enemy with no way of escaping The Englishman sees three sacks and says right boys follow my lead.
They each get in a sack and as the enemy approaches they poke the bag with their bayonetted.
"Meow meow" says the Englishman.
"Ah it's just some kittens, leave them be were not that cruel. "
They poke the Scotsman.
"Woof woof"
"Ah just puppies leave them be"
Then they poke the Irishman
"Potatoes!"
An Old Man is thrown out of a bar
A young man who was walking down the street says "Hey Old-Timer, what happened in there". The old man looks at him and says "Well son, I am Jesus Christ". "Jesus Christ?", the young man replied skeptically. "Yes my son, follow me", the old man said as he walked into the bar.
As he enters, the bartender turns around and says "Jesus Christ! not you again!"
A Muslim is about to commit s**... when a Catholic priest stops him
"What are you doing?!" Exclaims the priest
"There is nothing on this Earth for me." The Muslim says "I will commit s**... to go to paradise and get 72 virgins!"
The priest shakes his head
"Foolish Muslim, s**... is not the way!" He says
"Follow me, Ill take you to the local primary school."
A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are running from the cops...
They duck into an abandoned warehouse, each find a an empty sack, and climb into it.
Cops follow and poke the bag with the brunette. The brunette goes woof! The policeman says, Oh, it's just a bag of dogs, and walks on.
They poke the bag with the redhead. The redhead goes meow! The policeman says, Oh, it's just a bag of cats, and walks on.
They poke the bag with the blonde and the blonde goes Potato. Potato.
When interacting with police follow their instructions carefully
Me: [hears knock on door] "Who is it?"
Trooper: "State Police identify yourself."
Me: "Police identify yourself"
Trooper: "State Police"
Me: "Police"
I was out duck hunting with Olivia Wilde.
After a while, Olivia spotted a massive duck in the distance and insisted that I hunt it down.
I started to follow it, through bushes and brambles, woods and fields, over hills and through valleys, until finally, I caught up with it. The huge duck turned in my direction, honked and started running after me...
It was at that moment I realised, I wasn't pursuing a duck for Olivia, I was on a Wilde goose chase.
What's the difference between a 15-year old and a washing machine?
When i throw a load in the washing machine it doesn't follow me around for a week saying it loves me.
COWBOY TOMBSTONE JOKE
Headstone of Russell J. Larsen in the Logan City Cemetery, Logan, Utah! I wonder if he died knowing he won the 'Coolest Headstone' contest? His five rules for a happy life are below.
FIVE RULES FOR MEN TO FOLLOW FOR A HAPPY LIFE:
1. It's important to have a woman who helps at home, cooks from time to time, cleans up, and has a job.
2. It's important to have a woman who can make you laugh.
3. It's important to have a woman who you can trust, and doesn't lie to you.
4. It's important to have a woman who is good in bed, and likes to be with you.
5. It's very, very important that these four women do not know each other or you could end up dead like me
A private goes AWOL from the Army to follow his calling as a pastry chef, but gets caught and arrested.
He was eventually court-martialed and sentenced to five years in prison for being a desserter.
Schools are always telling you to "follow your dreams..."
But my teachers never let me sleep in class.
Hippo was a great motivational speaker. Hippo taught that you must never give up. Hippo didn't follow his own advice.
Hippo Quit
The girl I had a crush on asked me to make an account on tik tok and follow her.
My country banned Tik tok the very next day.
All these contagious people make me sick!
Man walks up to a priest. The man says I am Jesus Christ. The priest says No you are not my son. The man says " Follow me." The man walks into the bar and the bartender says
Jesus Christ your back!
Its 1848 and two hunters from Boston are on a buffalo hunting expedition. They've hired the famous Blackfoot tracker, Grey Owl to track and locate buffalo for them.
As they follow Grey Owl's trail, they catch sight of him just ahead.
Grey Owl has his ear to the ground, and as the two hunters get close he says, "Three wagons, each pulled by four oxen pass this spot 20 minutes ago!"
The hunters are blown away! This is amazing! One of them asks, "Can you tell all of that just from listening to the ground?!"
"No", says Grey Owl, "As I listen for buffalo, the b**... ran me over."
BREAKING NEWS: Missing Child Spotted With Pied Piper Of Hamelin
More to follow
You're lost in the middle of the woods at night, alone. The sky is cloudy, there are no trails, no map, no cell phone and no GPS. No sign of a city in any direction. How do you get back to civilization?
You tell an old joke out loud, wait a couple of minutes and follow any of the angry redditors shouting "repost!" back to civilization.
A blonde got lost in her car in a snow storm. She remembered what her dad had once told her: "If you ever get stuck in a snow storm, wait for a snow plow and follow it." Pretty soon a snow plow came by, and she started to follow it.
She followed the plow for about forty five minutes. Finally the driver of the truck got out and asked her what she was doing. She explained that her dad had told her if she ever got stuck in the snow, to follow a plow.
The driver nodded and said, "Well, I'm done with the Walmart parking lot, now you can follow me over to Target."
A redditor repeating 15, 15, 15 ... passes by a hedge fund manager.
The hedge fund manager starts to follow him curiously. The redditor keeps repeating 15. The hedge fund manager follows him out of the town, on an unpaved road, to the edge of a cliff where the redditor looks down repeating 15. The hedge fund manager comes next to him to look down into the cliff. The redditor pushes him in. 16, 16, 16....
I don't really follow the Royals but...
My sincere condolences to those who died in the car accident next month.
What do you call your mother's mother's mother's sister?
Your great antique.
Follow up Joke: what do call your father's father's father? Old as h**....
Both jokes courtesy of the 10 year old comedian in my house.
I still remember my fathers last words...."you selfish boy"
So i became a fishmonger, to follow his dying wish.
Two bats are going for their midnight feed
After an hour or so, one bat gets tired of looking and goes home with no blood.
The other bat comes home with blood dripping from its mouth. The first bat says enviously, "Where did you get all that blood from?"
The second bat replies, "Follow me. I'll show you."
After awhile the second bat leads them to a cave. He says, "You see that wall over there?"
The hungry bat excitedly says, "Yes!"
Other bat says, "I didn't."
What do you call a body of water that won't follow its own rules?
The Hypocri Sea
Lenin was on the deathbed, with Stalin sitting by his side...
Lenin says: "Joseph... I'm not sure you're the right man to lead the country after me. I don't know if the people will follow you."
Stalin responds: "Don't worry, Vladimir Ilyich. Half of the country will follow me, and the other half will follow you."
Lenin is on his deathbed
He got Stalin by his side. He talks to Stalin:
-Joseph, I am not sure if you are the right person to rule this country. I don't know if our people will follow you.
Stalin responds:
-Don't worry Vladimir; half of our people will follow me, and the other half will follow you!
In 1974, Volkswagen introduced the Golf to Europe as a small car with a trunk large enough to stuff your golf clubs…
American companies would follow the success of this model, with Ford soon releasing the e**... in 1980.
*still working on this one
Laughter
A man walks into a drugstore and asks the pharmacist for a pack of condoms. Paying for them, he bursts into laughter and walks out of the store. The next day, the guy comes in again, buys condoms, and again walks out laughing. Thinking this is somewhat strange, the pharmacist asks his assistant to follow the man if he comes back. Sure enough, the man comes in the next day and walks out laughing. This time the assistant goes after him, returning 20 minutes later. "So did you follow him?" asks the pharmacist. "Sure did," replies the assistant.
"Where did he go?" asks the curious pharmacist. "Your house."
An Englishman, a Welshman, and an Irishman take their wives to breakfast
Tea is served
Trying to be cute the English man says to his wife
Would you like some sugar, sugar?
The Welshman trying to follow suit says to his wife
Would you like some honey, honey?
The Irishman refusing to be outdone says to his wife:
Would you like some milk, you fat fecking cow?
One day, Jack's lightbulb wasn't working
He called the electrician immediately and hoped he could fix it. The electrician tried his best, but could not make it glow.
After a while, the electrician said, "There is one last thing we can try". Desperate, Jack agreed to follow his instructions. The electrician then invited 10 people into Jack's apartment, and instructed them all to put their hands on the lightbulb.
Suddenly, the lightbulb started working! Jack was stunned, and asked the electrician, "How did you do that?!"
The electrician smiled and said, "Many hands make light work."
BREAKING: Singapore announces plans to decriminalize gay s**....
Bangkok to follow.
LPT: Follow the given three steps in order to successfully accomplish a m**....
1. Set out a few high-mounted boxes with hole in the front of them.
2. Scatter about several boxes filled with cashews.
3. Be sure to do this in a place crows frequent.
An entomologist walks into a bar and orders a grasshopper.
An entomologist walks into a bar and orders a grasshopper. "We haven't seen you in a while. How is your research going?" the bartender asks. "Great. I've actually had quite a breakthrough. I've discovered that praying mantises don't all follow the same religion," the entolomolgist says. "They're in sects."
